"My World" by SapphireGuardian

My friends tell me there is another world out there
It's full of young children laughing and playing
Church bells ring the time every hour
The sun shines brightly and the flowers are more vibrant than a child's painting
I find this hard to believe, for many reasons
My world is a darkness, black and always night
People walk around and bump into things
Mostly, they yell and scream at each other
Our children huddle in dark corners with spiders
My friends always ask how I can survive in a nighttime world like this
My answer never varies, but they still ask
My answer is this: There are stars, aren't there?

Critiques:

-I suggest you try to write this as a narrative rather than a poem. Your writing style seems to flow in sentences, which are better suited to prose than poetry. Some of the images are very good. I like the "flowers are more vibrant than a child's painting" and "children huddle in dark corners with spiders." The ending is a surprise, and a good one.

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