"By The Pool" by Chi

I said you look like my angel
(but you laugh like a devil)
and then you started to cry
you almost looked like a saint

You said "Look up at the sky
doesn't this feel so natural
no one can see us here"
I thought I would faint

Me touching you touching me touching you
put us together and we'll finish in sync
the water, moonlight, stars and the kitchen light
I'm starting to sound almost quaint!

When it was over
my head on your chest
my shins on the ground
and my knees to my breast
silent now, we're coming down
I didn't care
if they all went away
we'd stay right there

Critiques:

-I like the physicality of this poem - that is you use positioning to create a mood and tone. I don't like the line "I'm starting to sound almost quaint," though because it's sounds like you're apostrophizing and it was distracting to me.