"I wish I Had a Friend" by Maryanne

i wish i had a friend
to talk to, about my troubles.
i get made fun of
because of my appearance.
One day, i snapped.
"Stop it! All of you!", i yelled.
"i just wanted a friend." and i ran, sobbing.
At home, the doorbell rang.
i answered it.
All i saw, for houses down, were sorry cards.
I began to cry, but held some of the tears back.
Now, I had friends,
A lot.

Critiques:

-I hope the inconsistency in the capitalization of the "I"s is due to the change in the way the narrator feels.
-The word "now" shouldn't be used when in the past tense.
-I think this piece might work better in prose. It sounds like an event that actually happened in your life, but the poem is too general to do it justice. You might try writing the story from the beginning - specific incidences when you felt alone and the details of the event that changed the way you felt about yourself and others.

Send an open critique
Send a private critique