Last update: August 8 2005 All poems by Jennifer Wille aka Zelda, srhiannonz(AT)hotmail.com "Arose from the Dead" The lyrics, in order, are from: Nightwish - Angels Fall First Save Ferris - Angry Situation The Bangles - The Bell Jar Beborn Beton - See you in Heaven The Secret Garden - I heard someone Crying Nightwish - Dead Boy's Poem Umm..ME! - Sethian Garbage - Can't cry these tears anymore A Perfect Circle - Judith Machinae Supremacy - Arcade Nemesea - Angel in the Dark "Arose from the Dead" A touch away from lonely lamps down the zebra'd street I travel; lost in darkness, and the light I wander for ocean-shore. Trailing my path, a blossom; vibrant, velvet : bleeding burgundy It bloomed once upon a time before happily after's atrophy. As the witching hour fades, the blossom is silent cacophony a universe's dying wink begging to be plucked. Sing me a song, of your beauty, of your kingdom A petal for your smiling I'll follow forever But will never believe A petal for your trying Did you know the price you pay is your own life? A petal for the ancient years You were special, understood The first to smile betrayal A petal for your fears She's never alone, but she's, oh so lonely A petal for your porc'lin face The pool of drunken pleading Your cold, unblinking friends A petal for your grace You're the one, you're twice as much insane A petal for your fallen head Didn't I see you crying? Didn't you write the dying? A petal for the damned. I heard someone crying, who though, could it be A petal for betrayal Never getting what you need Their favorite scapegoat A petal for your fall If only your heart had a home A petal for the midmorn hours Wanting me for hearing you Won't try to save yourself A petal to be whores Howling into dark night, there's only this A petal for your selfless hug Like me, you're all and none Never meant to exist here A petal for your love I just don't care anymore A petal for the birthday Suckling hatred's juice Teaching mindfuck on the rocks A petal for apathy Never stray, never break, never choke on a lie A petal for the fall of fate Your psycologic wargrounds Life, the candy-eyed slav'ry A petal for my hate But now, I fear, that the magic was killed by corruption A bud for the connections I'll break it from the stem And forget, forget, forget A bud broke to forget Her eyes are closing slowly A thorn for me to tattoo red A thorn for me to keep A thorn for me to know and love A thorn to be unwanted EGO POEM "Yin and Yang" I am lightning I am light I'm ocean calm and raging storm shadows underneath the stair I'm angel dreams and devil screams starhine just before the dawn I am frightened I am fright I'm sweetest care and icey stare I am all you've tried to hide I'm joy bells rung and venom tongue I am all you've said was lies I am darkness I am light I am all and none. "LOSS" POEM "Where are they now?" Once I had a ring, blue-stoned that made me Linka, from T-V But I lost it Once I had a disk, plastic to be sold as a "Radient" spell But I lost it Once I had a heart, full-bloomed healing, loving, enticing now gone Once I had a brain, all-wondering thinking, knowing, exploring now gone Sometimes I wonder, where are they now? The Linka ring The "Radient" disk The healing heart The knowing brain Because sometimes, I just don't care. "Sentinei" Silly flatbrain, where's your L? You could have a capital I! Is it another part of Sentispeak? Where can't is can, oh yai! I shared a half-baked fry with you Back six or seven years Crystal in hand, you then became Nity ‘the cattleprod’ Razis. Cwazay flatbrain, where's your fries? Those our broiler cooked right up? Why must you always make them die? Leaving that huge Marvel-style muck? We wrote each day and talked each night with thoughts like tossed spaghetti and people found us, don’t know how like C, who needs his teddy. Whacko flatbrain, who were they all? Crazy Deishi, angsty E, and Zak the techno king Coda wandered, Tala pondered while Eme the Queen took wing. We were free-form at its best with plots from magic to myst’ry: superheroes, crystal-beings, aliens and bugs we made Universes of history. Sleepless flatbrain, you started it all in fanfiction and mutual excitement. You’d read, review and write me back until into the Airforce you then went. But with that start, I worked as Crystalia was reborn from the ashes we’d together left. Still, for you I mourn. Flatbrain muse, you inspired me by sharing in what I invented to cook, my fries needed ‘we.’ But now I write despite that our baby has ended. "Between Lust and Hate" First lyrics: Asrai - Restless Second lyrics: Stevie Nicks - Fall from Grace "Lying in bed we tell the truth" from "The History of the World in 10 and 1/2 Chapters" (one book I've read for class which I HIGHLY HIGHLY recomend). Still too connected The warmth unprotected I'm in too deep Every touch feels different Every word I can't believe "Between lust and hate" Lying in bed, we tell the truth but secrets are mute desecration that cause rip-curl of mind and fire. Falling too deep, gone into you, from a kind of dark desperation a needing, its feeding on me. Begging the light for a dark is a cruel kind of exploitation, knowing when hope is futile. Fearing to loose, to never find I'm giving in to isolation Is it better to need and never get, to abuse a sensation, or to just forget? Wake up with a stranger It's not something that you plan One night in a world of pain And you finally understand Not all the king's horses, not all the king's men Could put it back together And now alone in my room As it all begins again Yes, I'm always so intense. "Nothing" Lyrics in order: The Used - um that song fiance likes Machinae Supremacy - Flagcarrier So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me I.. I need something else Would someone please just give me Hit me, knock me out And let me go back to sleep "Nothing" There must be something more More than the stupid, the wars More than cruelty and lies There must be something more Another world to reach A lost wyvern to touch But there is nothing in this world No justice beneath the sewers No firelizard clutch No flight between the stars No spells of fire and ice I know. I accept. There must be something more More than the callous, the blind More than the lost and dead There must be something more A connective rivulet An underlying spirit But there is nothing in this world No empathic understanding No binding of the unjust No elemental balance No karma, no threefold rule I know. I....accept. There must be something more More than the dryness, the grit More than the fire and pit There must be something more Another soul to touch A light somewhere to reach But there is nothing in this world No connection, no click, no twinge No partner in crime, no Seth No understanding, no caring, no truth No safety, no magic No love There is nothing in this world but Wrongness There is nothing in this world worth having been a world There is Wrongness No magic to be touched Just Hope to be crushed Love to be betrayed This isn't how it should be This isn't right This isn't Right Not life But I know. I... feel nothing as I felt nothing and will feel nothing Never could have know there was a place like this where the world burns and still I can exist "Experiential Education" Because I want to educate them fully in the ways of life, not just the ways of class, I aim to teach like a scientist—through both theory and practice, success and failure, innovative ideas and classical standards. Happily as light, my students will journey over their mind’s terrains as they hunt the exotic, the elusive discoveries, engraving tracks of knowledge from light-rise to dark-set, precise as an active surgeon. Strange studies will grow tall by fresh writings in various stages of creation, and hypotheses followed by understandings rising like ink on a map to pretend worlds we will never visit. But my students will visit all these worlds to the self-chosen rhythm of musicians and artists, singing Popular, Romance, Horror, Modern, Classic into the class like an eclectic experiment. Old worlds to new worlds, Plato to Nietzsche, in the mere teenage years of their lives, they are becoming the wise folk: they see across the world like wondering initiates. They speak whatever ideas come first to them, exploring themselves through everything, calling in a universal joy as they learn through experience and explore to learn, learn to explore… "Night Wanderer" She's a little more there than here A little less you, a little bit strange this woman of night-wonder She-shadow, sea-shadow. She is a touch, a breeze on the ocean skin This creature curious My shadow There like the dark, she loves every silver bud sparkling in her garden-maze This woman, black lady This is her world oh but the mirrorball looms blushing rusted color And she's lost to us Lady within those clouds Just about three past midnight she breaks down hid in clouds and the rain falls down as it does She is night-wonder she fears night why does she fear She-shadow, sea-shadow "Rebirth" Like phoenix rise on silver wings from ashes of a star, reborn lady of the lake... brighter, I've returned. ...wings torn down, drown in ash.... The fiery streaks secure my flight My soul is nova made My lake is steely frozen ice... Stronger, I've returned. ...suffocated, defeated... With flitting thoughts and higher views and knowledge from my fall Reaching through the purple depths keener, I've returned. I refuse. Refuse to accept my failure. With mythic glow, sparkling eyes from lightning trip to Hell Reborn lady bleeding sea, now, I have returned. "Mourning Glory" Remember this... this, is perfect ...HELL Sometimes, the fallen times, I need something real to hold tight to Anchor me through midnight's breaker waves crashing astral shards, those remains of shattered moments slashing down on me like cutting It seems that I've stopped breathing Pull me back from the Endless whirling the expanse of cosmic black I'm loosing grip on gravity like fading fast I need to fill my veins with your blood Resurrect me from this drowning grey to technicolor lifesupport and starving dreams on a damned world but a world undead but not dead "Left" I search to find Your eyes are only the back of your head as you walk away Ignoring the keys that I extend like giving in to the bars. "To Sleep" Falling into the Forbidden Forest where stalk the deadliest creatures, Knived intruders to destroy my body Blue hands grasping for my soul But sleeping, I was wrapped round by your heart so safe, they disapeared You left me your sword, a scar about my neck Now healed and gone like you. I'm more than ghosts now but you are the memory I fear to seek my bed. "Break the Glass" I never thought I'd want to forget your sweet warm arms of strength I never ever want to forget someone I called a friend But as I lie and try to sleep Wasps are in my mind And as I lie and try to sleep Cold blood keeps me awake .mind.body.spirit. How many times I died How many times you're sorry How many times I cried How many times you never .mind.body.spirit. I don't love him I don't want him But I need him I need him when I lie down I need this world to sleep I need him when I lie down So I'll never need to think I don't want you anymore Long stopped needing you at all But itsumo never wrote to die: I'll have to break the glass. "Go" Dancing in a shower of gasoline what does a spark really mean They're here to crucify you Every one you called a friend How much hurt does it take ya to die How much dying till ya get to the grave Throw up your work Throw up your hands Throw up your soul Bouncing to nowhere on a trampoline Death is only lived through the eyes of the faithless life is only lost through the souls of the fallen "They called her Life-in-Death, Death-in-Life" Tore it away, the sweet, meandering masochism sublimated the pain took away the flame Stitched up the shreds of gnarled, hopeful veins stopped up the spray, the quenching vitae Locked to a heatless desert dry as the cracked clay in sandless eternity dead acerbity. My scream is silence. "Alive" The bruises prove it's real when you wish it were a dream The mirror proves it's real, shards still on the floor. Blue biting through the makeup. Brown stains beneath your clothes. Close your eyes and it's not real. Close your eyes, it's more than real. You wander through streets at night, wondering what makes a soul, then burned your phonebook blank so what are you doing alive? They were only a dream. "Internal Alone" I wish I had a world that lived behind my eyes, I wish I had that glow to keep myself alive. I wish I had imagination to make myself a friend, we'd talk when it's so dark our love would never end. I wish I had this world (so much better than outside) so unique and beautiful, the perfect place to hide. One day I tried to make it, to tear life from the ground, so I reached within myself and wrapped my hand around. It never quite came up, the twisted half-born thing. It's only part alive, just like a broken ring. It's kind of like a ghost, someone's discarded thought, too little of that, too much of this, but it's what myself had wrought. Tried to make the best of this not-quite-monster-deal, but it didn't look at me, it lay like uncooked veal. I guessed it could be lost, so I gave it lots of love, still it's neither here nor there, like half a pair of glove. Something must be wrong; my world is stark and buried, my creature not all there, these things should be more varied. I turned to whence they came and dug right through the wall. There, where my soul should be there's nothing there at all. "Doesn't Matter" Stopped dreaming of you, stopped dreaming anything. Instead, I wake with that scene scorching my lips He said, she said, we said and done was done But it's different every time, with never a good end Maybe that's why it's back again, each replay is never good enough. I'm bolder each time, harder and cold I smile each time, like I really did but each time it cracks a little more Each time I think a little more A little more empty, a little more less Because each time, I care a little more. In a dream you said, it was me or life, and I didn't understand, still don't why one outrules the other why there can't be a balance. But you never really said that you didn't say much of anything at all. So as I woke, speaking the scene I said, I let myself fall, knowing that if we came to this road, you'd smile me on my way. But here you are cursing. Nothing's worth a friends ruin, I said. Yes, I said I wish I never fell. And I feel nothing, like I felt nothing and will feel nothing. But in the dimming afternoon, you came to me again. Remebrance of nights I wandered wakeful and coming back to your bed, you, asleep pulled me back close every night, every time, every chill, every wander. And in that moment you, asleep, tugged, I said, that when I die, may it be in a moment this perfect or let me die now. Does it matter? "3 minutes" how long 24 hours and the candle's burnt out 24 more and it's cold 24 hours leaves the wax as a rock 24 more, 24 more, 24 more, 24 more how long does it take to realize the chill how long 12 hours and the daylight is dead 12 more to bake to a crisp 12 hours to hide from the sun 12 more, 12 more, 12 more, 12 more how long does it take to finish a day how long 6 hours from pluck to decay 6 more to be brittle, so dry 6 hours and green fades to brown 6 more, 6 more, 6 more, 6 more how long does it take to shrivel and rot how long 3 hours of beating blue-black 3 more of wimpering fur 3 hours of teeth, claws, a gun 3 more, 3 more, 3 more, 3 more how long does it take to stop the cries how long 1 hour of burned frozen screen 1 more of rampant whirr-buzz 1 hour of white words on blue 1 more, 1 more, 1 more, 1 more how long does it take to nuke the system how long has your heart been a cracked desert lip how long since your soul bled out how long blue lifeblood oasis been drained how long sinew stretched till you snap how long 3 minutes, 3 minutes, 3 minutes until I become the rain "This is your Peace" She said the walls screamed of pain, dripped with blood both old and new. And they did. You did. So you coated them in blackest paint Taped up posters of all your escapes. And claimed it gone. You covered and hid away the gore but the reek of hurt remains. Insidious venom. Content, you let fall your blade to take up a poisoned shield suicide. Self enforced Alone. You're mummified in pretense and lies, a hollow mask that fools only yourself. We loved we cry. Now hurling yourself upon jagged rocks to heal the bruises with angry scars. Polluting the oasis. Do you know who you kill? You haven't made your peace yet Don't you try to die on me. Do you know who you kill? Ice rejections against all you love. You're suffocated by directionless hate. Do you know who you kill? Do you know why? Desperation to flee trips you down into reverse and pitch black dark. Kick it. Kick the pride and gain open eyes. You won't, you'll never, never know. Self enforced Alone. We will die at and in your empty hands. It's too late to cry, we'll never be good enough. And you'll always be blind, lost A deathwish boy until your wish is granted. "100682" originally started out COMPLETELY DIFFERENT like everything o.O total copout poem too, all the repetition I barely WROTE any of it :P but I like it. It amuses me. It's also along similar lines to the above poem. () is spoken by a mechanical voice either androgynous and utterly without emotion or female and fakely cheerful. 'out in nowhere' should meld right after and into the 'enter your numbers.' I wanted to make it a song, but it didn't want to :P still, there's a lot of vocal work that can be done with it. "100682" Welcome to the system where we Care about You. Please enter your unique personal number now. (Does it feel good to pretend that you're part of a whole) Please enter your number. (Does it feel right) Please enter your number. (when you wake in the night) Please enter your number. (Claiming you're a clone) Please enter your number. (does it make you secure) Please enter your number. (If you are one of many) Please enter your number. (you don't exist) Please enter your number. Out in nowhere at midnight are you scared? When you know that you're either Alone or dead. Please enter your fucking number asshole. (If you wish to self terminate by electric shock press |1|) Please enter your fucking number asshole. (For termination by overdose press |2|) Please enter your fucking number asshole. (To visit our drowning pool please press |3|) Please enter your fucking number asshole. (For termination by hanging please press |4|) Please enter your fucking number asshole. (For death by self-inflicted gunshot press |5|) Please enter your fucking number asshole. Your time is valuble to us. Please hold while we determine the most efficient way to exploit you. (----- --- -- -- - - - - ) *The dotted lines are supposed to gradually disapear but LJ is spacing-blind -_-; *'press x' lines from "Dr. Online" by Zeromancer. *It really needs to be a song backed by that one line in the ending episodes of Lain "beep, beep, beep, bnnnnn....beep, beep, beep, bnnnnn.... beep, beep, beep, bnnnn" The VA doing that is pure brilliance. "The Love you Wish For" There's your baby your perfect woman the lady on the magazine There's your dream your wife to be with the cleanest Dial smile She's a star a richie model with a car to match her hair Her name is Perfect Her name, Impossible She's just a bitch like me She's a bitch...just like me Methadrine dreams and sex machine skies tv screened tints and shades Her only wish is your command and she kisses like a god McSmiling lies the thinnest thighs would you like eyes with that? Her name is Perfect Her name, Impossible She's just a bitch like me She's a bitch...just like me She's only yours a Barbie girl a core with not a tear Tupperware laughter with no soul never what we can be She's one breast an ear, a toe then airbush, cut and paste to life Her name is Perfect Her name, Impossible She's just a bitch like me She's a bitch...just like me Makeup, starving, blades and drugs the lady on the magazine she's all you ever want but she's all we can never be "Untitled" They filled my crystal chalice with offal, blood and gore so abandoned it shall be and I'll wander the Twisted Kingdom forever, ever more. "Untitled" We don't got no suited assholes We don't got no ner'do'well hoes Though they try and apply and they try to apply WE DON'T GOT NO no no, no no! "Home" A dripping chill runs down her skin leaks gore, and puss, and death in tracks of putrid vomit ash silently shrieking denial (All she ever wanted) Across her ragged, broken breast criss-crossed black and knotted twine grasp together bitter debris she stiched up her chest to save her (All the world to give) Your corpse dead lump of heart decays her world it sags in though trapped and pale it was meant there to be forgotten (It's all you ever wanted) Live and let live Die and let die Angels must be angels or burn. (But not from her) Everything is nothing, rotting in my arms. (burn) "Buried" I don't feel you anymore The lyrics stopped singing inside I can't hear you breathing and it scares me You're down there in the bile drowned a thousand times and going under once again it scares me Why have I gone and come so far Why was I always holding back but I am always so intense Maybe I dreamed you from the start Maybe real is far worse I was so scared Now I'm just wasted (Were you) just scared You're so wasted Didn't I see you crying and the writing on your arms Didn't I hear you singing the number for suicide Didn't you see me sighing and writing pleas and truth Didn't you hear me singing 'I know, and still loved you' We were so scared to loose that we never had So scared to loose its all we did Now we're just wasted Lost or buried Wasted. Updated 2/14/04 "Matted hair, Shattered Claws" He lies in a pit of must, trapped. Not blameless. Not innocent. She slashes the dungeon bars, trapped. Not blameless. Not innocent. They know there is an outside but not the way out. They bring a lethal injection every day. She takes it a little at a time. They bring him molding gruel again. He will not eat. Will not accept. They know others are but are alone. He turns away from help which the echoes do not offer. Falling into her mind, she's defeaned by the Black the Silence. The light they would open their eyes to may be mirage but he would see she's in Their cell. "This Earth" Shaking bitter red before it dare spill Why? A sprinkle of salt in a simmering vat of pain -- a human being, a race of suffering. I want to tear, kill, ruin. Rip their black froze heart from out their chest shattering crush No room for rending in rage. Untitled (as usual :P ) Day upon day a leaf scatters by Cold heat in the air desolation. There, before withered yellow leans a silver gate. With a sway, a creak, it's hinge moans. "Life's Slavery" Existance is a black hole without gravity. We're already trapped within. In the whirlpooled mind search the options. There is no choice to escape, no choice to choose. Whether the current is strong or weak. You cannot chose to fight it. If the undertoe wants you you'll be pulled under, drown. Don't try to jump you're bound to oblivian. Don't try to jump. There's no way to fall. THe puppet strings are played. Willful action is impossible. Think, if you will before your mind is corrupted toop by the black hole. the lack which controls. No action. No escape. No choice. "Strength" I thought it was a waste of time I'm a cynic, I saw an illusion for itself-- that star made out to be a god. I thought the fluttering was melodrama the flowers, a bribe, the "bond," chemical. and strongest of all, this 'love conquers all, a farce. Maybe it's all an illusion, all just drama, only chemical. So, I still don't want flowers (though your soul would be nice) So, I may like those chemicals (what's the point of nonhedonistic life?) But, strangest of all, this 'love conquers all' (not me, but what's in my way)... Maybe it's just an illusion But what matters is if it's believed This, not some fairytale fling, if it's not love, it should be, my reason to conquer all. "Moment's Grasp" Tempting candle seduces with it's sway to devour me with it's acid burn, ......................with it's passion. Rabid biting, claw chunks to the ground to let loose the spray of cloud, of magma ..................the sublimation, of me. Boiled oil flaring into the heavens in desperate impatience to touch, ......................................to find. Exploring, bursting with existance in connection, such hope, to caress, ........................................to melt. "A Smile Frozen in Time" Step closer... Cast away unseeing eyes and look with your spirit to the frozen garden, a piece of life paralyzed. Open your mind... Wafting in windless air, a solitary tone floats on invisible wings from the fairy's golden lair. To the bower... A verdant shadow glows through the treasure map's path, leading to a wonderland in the breath of a rose. To dream... Tread through a ripple without disturbing its flow of silvery silk, a dream of a smile, so tranquil. "Sex" Fae, rainbow pheromones waft swelling enchantment within and without the haunted cotton layers somewhere in shadows slanted by glints of 3am A universal reverance extends this stolen moment to a pouch eternity adorned with elemental harmony, embossed in vaulting spidersilk a shimmering border encompassing the emotive chiaroscuro Lost magma breezes in quest of direction are liquid drumbeats for the rise and fall of ever-drowning tides in hail of a starburst across storm, a lightning instant melting to velvet. Only one of these is published, if you want to know which umm..just use edit > find > "publish" and it should bounce right to it. Newest poems are at the top more or less. "Then I knew" -- Slice your freedom hair and be brand factory new cut your mind off at the neck -- You've lost the night-lit sky in your eyes came crashing down to earth like a fallen angel follower forgot how you loved to sing I've seen that empty look before Slapped me with it's razor shield You're gone. Updated 10/9/03 "Discarnate" Pretend you're me, close your eyes it's as good as the true thing-- the fishbowl screen vision as real as a sitcom mom. We're living out of body in a virtual soul misaligned with earth's core ideals; paltry physical plane. Dramaqueen, you're shitting out Mirrorself, it's still light out Clones on a stage can't touch the audience, can't be touched You public nothing, thinking you're alone when you cellarhide. Ain't nothing wrong with me I'm just not all here, a disembodied animation without a corpse. Only voice through the gauze calling me high like they know. Separation like a miscarraige I don't know, don't care. I'll slide it babe, slick and slow So I love you And hate you fuck me We all get damned a little sometimes Gimme the knife Into damned half-lucid limbo Gimme the knife Damnit, maybe it's just me Gimme the knife Gimme the knife I'll stab me back to life "Remembered" Sweet candy dream leaning back demure, that brash cherrytree and her soul-snaring smile. She had a heart of flame, wildfire would burn me down. I never realized, she whirled the heat around her, making and faking Kamikaze volcano, beneath twining, melting she coiled...dying ash. I still think of you...beloved. "Sailing Always" Here I am in my little tub well, more a floaty wood It's round and big and I sanded it all so nice. I did say it was little but sometimes it seems a bit big when it's dark and the waves crash. There are fish that often hop aboard and I wish they'd balance my ship but they jump back so soon. Jellys appear too but not any better and too much worse. They sting before they slid away. But it's okay for really there is not enough room here in this wooden skiff for more than just me. "Storming Philly" A light of viscious elegance, a slash of starry light in the velvet quilt Swirl of gown, spark of leather, a pale flash of moonlight beneath. A dance, more depths of velvet space. A dance of music, of pounding blood. Beneath alcoves of dusk, we whisper half our secrets, being our magick dreams. Did you know? I ask there, lost in the grey. Would yes shatter me and our eternities or is the question idle, and me alive to welcome the second sacred embrace... Would we even reach that star so far drowned in mirage and fantasy I don't think I could believe it all more than dolls, their strings in play. But yet entrenched, in soul or surfuce Still would there be those 7-11 nightmares at 3am.* No more clean than he. *Quoted from Jack off Jill - Nutopia "Island" Grabbing, clawing, viscious papers, pencils, plastic The pressure The Pressure Grabs, tears, tears, TRAPS. Stop.....to dream.....to live a moment in a pocket dimension isolated apart, safe behind barricade ocean, an island, haven. Play hunts through cattails and Life chases, pouncing in grasses. Relief watching from a shady leaf palm. Comfort in a tidepool caress. Home in sweet canes of bamboo. Dreams sparking from the rising moon. Bonds rainbowing down from the night connecting to us, on our island, our haven. "Dare not Climb" The branch of brown seems so strong and true but beneath it's bark, marrow is carved away to hollow. It states it's strength still but how to know without a fall. "Your Apathy" I've changed. Does it worry you to learn? How far, how much, oh but nothing that was ever solid. I've moved. Does it hurt you to learn? So many can take a part of your place. I've run. Does it distress you to learn? Where and whyfore as the days pass by alone. I've known. Does it scare you to learn? That I understand you dare not move to know anything. "Romance" Come to me sweetness, let me touch your face. Turn to me darling and I'll kiss your heart. Give yourself to me and I'll embrace your soul. Learn my truths and be caressed by mine. Let me take you and you may have me. We'll twine together and be one for a moment. Just a moment. "Hope" A brutal taskmaster beating, pounding, hammering the rhythm drum of desperation. He strings you into thin sinew from deck to mast and back, dripping hints of relief just out of reach. But you'll never be as strong as he demands. You snap, fall 8/8/02 "Whirlwind" Don't touch me with that careful math. Keep surgical cleanliness away. The slice and done, waterfall of pleasure-pain is too quick. If I'm going to hurt, let me feel it. scratch, rip, tear me to shreds and let the blood struggle free. The stinging slip of a papercut is too thin and ordered. The slide of a knife too sharply measured. If I'm going to hurt, make me see it. Be harsh, be destructive. Hurl chaos rocks across my skin-- make it be a whirlwind. "Doubles" She tilts her head forward, inviting or foreboding? You take a step closer, sure or nervously? She may touch you with the ease of a cat and you wonder who does that make the mouse? You may see her but you'll never win her. You may touch her but you'll never take her. You may have her but you'll never be her. You may flee her but you'll never leave her. "She" She is me with her hair uncombed. She is me not when she asks "WTF?" She is me with her still-haunted eyes. She is me not when she brushes off your pain. She is me with her scars. She is me not when she dances. She is me with her wandering. She is me not when she crushes you. "Witch-cat" Last night I dreamed a cat with diamond green eyes that sparkled her magic not heeding their lies. Her coat was blacker than the night behind sleep and her fur as soft as death's kiss to the deep. Her purr was plush velvet as she drew round us a shield so craftily charmed to it even Asar would yield. "Water Elemental" Flowing with the grace of nymphs Changing with the loves of Zeus Charged with power of the cosmos but abandoned to the limits of a mortal body. 8/7/02 "Human Desert" Scorched to crispy thin, waving in the wind like an ancient toy box never opened. Lonely and lost granule over scratched as the sun sucks away moisture into flakes, cracks. Sand script coated, dry and papered. Frozen in the heat lest each empty vein be broken. Save me, quench me, Drown me in you. /Summer/02 "J" Shuttered eyes pools of filth swamped in haze of darkened days why aren't these yours? Neglect, bruises, scorn have left their marks elsewhere, left eyes washed with courage, warm and sincere. while the pus and the acid twist deep and hidden elsewhere but somewhere. "L" Blue crystals hissing out searing, suicide steam. Clawed over scars, razored to crusting infection as all salves boil away azure into clamy dead grey. "M" Deep, dark sea swirling sky and grass trailing a whirlpool in the eternal downward spiral. Never an ending shall you reach, never find the glow which guides through the labyrinth of the universe. 0/sometime/02 "Burnt out" Gilded nails rake troughs- Shocked and red, they're perfect to hold the scalding acid that pours to sourly fill. Blistering, unhealed, raw. Squeezed to a machined perfection through life-defying constriction of a conflagration. Charred and finished reach for the light at the end but it blinks erratically and the ashes fall. Well, now you know how it feels to be screwed by the system. "Drain" Within that bloody, beating heart lies a country which holds no life. Counter-point to crimson, it throbs dull darkness. Swirling lifeblood around it's borders. Flecks of desperation. Whirling pool. Closer......closer.... plummet Untitled (as usual :P ) Day upon day a leaf scatters by Cold heat in the air desolation. There, before withered yellow leans a silver gate. With a sway, a creak, it's hinge moans. "Forgive me" I want to hold you, to ease the pain behind your smile. I want you to hold me, to protect me from myself. I know you have imperfections but you moved to make up for mine. I know you're not always there but when you are it's eternity. Of course...you said...of course, a promise from your lips is the ultimate and I wanted so much to trust. I want to turn my back on the world for you. I want you to kiss reality away from my heart. I wish I was there to make you smile. I wish you would be my key. But no...I say...but no... I don't know how to love you how to let you be. I'm sorry I used your name in vain. I'm sorry I cried for you. I'm sorry that I want more. So please, forgive me that I've never told you. that I couldn't just be a friend. that I fell for you like all the rest. I'm sorry for wanting to kill my trust in you, kill my obsession because I'm sorry for loving you when you'd never join my fate. Updated 1/20/01 “Ode to K” The most profound letter is K. ‘can even turn night into day. That’s K. Do you want to play? There’s K. Need something to say? Say K. Rhymes does K, sings does K, flies does K, and spins does K. Actually, K doesn’t often play, And K veritably hates the day. Rhymes does K, boggles does K, hums does K, and bugs does K. Want a letter to bay (or chant)? Not K! You’re writing today (an ode)? Not K! The quietest letter is K. But, K says what K wants to say. K’s K. “Ode to the Stage” Exhilaration unfolds upon sight, irrefutably stunning stage lights. A cascade of liquid gold bright, drips down to hide the dark night. Beneath the royal sovereign, blessed by its’ heavy tresses, lies the wonderful wood expansion graced with ancient tape messes. Curling, faded tape marks, luxuriously cross timber cracks. They whisper marvelous remarks, smiling approval of the last Acts. Black velvet waterfalls from rafters, stop their waving, it’s faster and faster. Don’t let ‘em see, clue the audience after. They wave, behind gold, much blacker and blacker. Bedecking the night are slivers of silver, brighter than jeweled centers of stars, Sparkling duck tape gives one a shiver, Conveniently hiding all midnight’s mars. This ode of love sings out like a dove, to this perfect stage within [or without] Randolph’s cage, - however - not to the House* which -eats- sound. *The area of the auditorium occupied by the audience. “White Wave ~ Jennifer” White-caps float atop the water Waves leisurely swim toward shore Soft misty spray hovers above Dreams drifting lightly for you Waves trip and then they stumble Reveries scattered, confused Contradictory words spinning around Mist popping dreams of you Mist fizzes, dizzying at sea The swishing shower of spray, A shifting sea green drives along Confusion falling toward you. Sudden rip-curl Under toe, current Crash upon the watcher, Crash upon the sea. Waves splash their way on shore They reach up to grab the sand The grasping whitecaps are gone One dream is left for you. Too late, it’s gone coiling home. Back with the watcher it’s gone. Confusion returns to confusion. The watcher turns from you. “Niagara Love” Harsh words, foul play. Unexpected it came. Splash! The mist of sea did rise. Splash! And she was soaked. Splash! The look of taunting eyes. Splash! It was the end. Crash! Upon the rocky shore. Crash! Was yelled to she. Crash! Went her waving smile. Crash! And she was lost. Lash! The clouds began to cry. Lash! Down came the storm. Lash! Her heart was rent apart. Lash! And there she turned. Harsh words, foul play. Unexpected it came. Times lost, new life, She alone will make. Another C.Writing project, this one is a parady of “Twinkle, twinkle, little star” (so I was at a loss about things to parady :P) “A Day in McSentald’s” Sparkle, sparkle bright idea. Will it be a panacea? Popping right into my mind, like a french fry in deep fry.1 Sparkle, Sparkle, bright idea. Will it be a panacea? Fixing up that old plotline, don’t you let it cool this time. Sparkle, Sparkle, bright idea. Will it be a panacea? 1 “Sentispeak” for a sudden new idea, normally one that starts or cinches a plot. Another parady (of “Yankee Doodle”), Senti already has permission to hit me if I ever write anything about pokemon again. -_-; “Pokétrip” A pokémon went to Seafoam2, swimming through the water, stuck a Pidgey3 on his head, and said it was a feather. Pikachu please zap it down. Pika, pika, chuuuuu. Mind your trainer and his friends And Ash will still choose you! 2 Seafoam Island. 3 A “flying” “Pokémon.” "Return" There's no devil in her sweet eyes in awe of innocence She might be a fallen angel Still, she hasn't died just yet. Redemption, she'd love it simple It's there but she doesn't feel like trying. Too easy to fall into the depths Resisting temptation is half the battle soon she can be free. No this is NOT what you're initially thinking it's about. It's far closer to home. "Lives Lost" A little school of life we were all so full of play shying away, forgetting the dangers that lay in wait Too late now, to watch the step We're already gone and fallen How many have we lost? How many not the same? Friends or not, not one of us deserved to die that day. I lost myself on the sun the very same gate to Hades that she passed through thrown from agony to agony I would trade my place to hers. We all wanted to much to give in to this thing called life whether or not it's worse in h*ll. How many have we lost? How many not the same? Caught in dreams of blood of hurt, of loss, escape. The scars always remain locked to tight healing skin along our bloodshot wrists. 6/18/00 “Between” For once I am understanding why he holds tight to the pit From the edge between safety and loss Each is extreme The grass isn’t just green it’s perfect. The bog is not just depression it’s eternal death. The gap between grows wider as it nears. Risk everything and jump across, maybe we’ll make it this time. ****** The below poem has been PUBLISHED in the "TeenInk: Poetry Journal" Winter 2001 issue (Vol 6 No. 2). ****** "Of Real Saints and Angels" Sister Chrissie, Sister Jane Those nameless others I’ll honor the same. For you, I’m sorry that I don’t believe in Heaven or God. I can’t live your faith, but I feel your strength. I know your shinning heart of true gold. You reached out to me, on a dire day, bringing forth light to the dismal abyss. You really believe in all those myths. Dear ones, your acts are more important to us, than any bleeding wounds of invisible spectres. You’ve helped me see the sun beyond vast space. But, all you’ve done for me, could have started and ended with just that one smile directed at me. "Stress Reliever" Getting short of breath Keep breathing So much to do, time is always scarce Just keep breathing World's closing tight around Keep breathing Don't let it take you down Keep breathing Keep on believing When the days are long, work is tough You've just got to breathe There's a little more than to see Please, keep breathing Take time, work isn't life All you've got to do is breathe "Too much.." I walk a fine line, between you and me What's done, is done already. Sweet dear, don't tempt me I like my lovely clouds Dizzying, your words. I swear, I won't give in. I can't see you too much. But, just once again... No, no. Not again, darling. You haven't met my darkness, Won't let you meet my soul. "Your" angel's acid, see... Don't want to hurt you. Can't know you too much. Don't know me too much. I'm a bad luck charm, no vodoo doll of play. Sorry, dear, don't try to get close. Stop trying so hard, I defend. I see those traps, is that all they are? I'm not falling. I'm not! I can't feel too much. Don't make me see you that way. I won't hurt you like that, I'm caring too much. I'm warning you, please. Emotions can be edged, my only weapons, defense I'll weild them to protect you from me. "Same Shoulder" Two of us together, We're lighting up the path Both from the same cloud If I'm that silver lining, you're glowing so too. Smiles devoted, none for us just for everyone else. Shoulders for them to always lean on. Secretly, there's more Behind our masks for others, to heal their own pain. We'll take in their hurt, make it our own. Hurt twice as much and smile through it for them. You're seeing I'm you, you're even more me. Shining brighter than stars for all to see. Collapsing inside, for no one to know. But, there are two of us now. Two that know. Two to share, You don't have to be alone for me. I don't have to be alone for you. We're the same two people, inside. "I'm...happy?" 5/6-7/00 Today I laugh, cavern echo from those dreamlake eyes. I'd truely forgotten, through their strife, Eternal, his silence, her breaking, my worry. I'd forgotten how this was. How to be happy, but you know it. You know how. Helpin' me remember. I'm really laughing, it's been so long. How do you do it? So easily. I'm smiling, with simply your presense. Thank you, my dear, Thank you, special one. Don't know how, but you're lifting me floating on the wind, just don't let me fall. “No Angel” 5/3/00 Trying so hard, but there can’t be angels on earth today. Why does she even try? They were never together, he never left her ever. She was doing what she could Living out her own virtue It’s just another man True in the end. She’d never ever know He’s out of trend. Life’s not all that bad, tell her. Yet it scares her. She’s so frightened, that line, traveled between Heaven and H*ll It’s just earth, look around you. She sees evil in disguise Doesn’t trust her own eyes. Doesn’t trust her own self. But, she knows she’s no angel, she can’t lose herself. “Angel Baby Left” 5/3/00 Bitter again, dear friend? Yeah, he said she was an angel. Drew out those feathers, glowing halo It was all him. She’s not believing in herself. But, it shocked her, poor girl. Niave to charm, taken in, yet He didn’t get her believing. Yeah, shocked her; male obsession suddenly real, up close, center stage. But, not aimed at her, no no. Now she really knows, no need of the pure one, innocent, always true. It’s the girl pleasure, not soul. She wanted to be companions. She wanted to be soulmates. Sweet bird, lost, wondering if she should change. Is it worth that price? She can’t ever decide. Be strong, little robin, be your belief. untitled, not mine, it's my mix of a bunch of songs The world’s shining brighter off mother’s TV screen though the days are long, work is tough. Still, there’re things bright as Heaven, do you believe brighter, dear? The wounds are healing, but those scars remain, memories of pain, even if we knew what to say, if there was something to say. Words are but words. Though the pheonix flies, straight and high back to Avalon, I’m on my way, trading memories for fortune and fame as we’re caught between Heaven and H*ll, just a step away from the edge of the fall, who were we just a year ago? Friends are twice the 7 wonders, some know about the madess, moonlight sadness; insanity stops, we are alone. Life’s a stage, dream on. untitled Through the ethereal mists of time.... I wander Never seen nor known, as truly.... Drifting All thou canst live on--dreams.... Floating...falling... Strike down, my lightining.... Change Forever be thither glowing.... Radiate Sever the chains..I do, I will, I am... You're free. “Kids of Today” 5/1-2/00 Hades babies born of societal fire and mommy bella donna. Cursed by light devoid; blood flowing school lesson. There was happiness on earth--when there were innocents; when innocence was a virtue. The one disease contagious touches us all. Existance demanding only the hardest survive: evolution backfires, demonic. ~ The self becomes life ~ Hurt becomes law ~ Death; the absolute reality ~ Infants and seniors stripped of simple joy: pure life. What happened to friendship? To love conquors all? Fear conquors the youth.. Overcomes us all... Life reflects the d*mned toddlers; d*mned elders. No one is smiling. Anymore. What happened to that easiest of rebellions? One smile to bring back hope... Hell is for children. "Untitled" "I will that your pain was brief and never come again. Follow me unto the light; suffer true darkness no more; wake the dream. Reality is what you believe." A couple of one-line poems, they each are pretty straight forward I think. "Journey with me to the rainbows end..tis the path which is the real wonder." "Greet the morning when the sun rises." "Eyes can never lie--but they can bluff." "Starving in the all too real world of famine..." "White wave eveporating trapped in a resovior while the world is dry is no one thirsty or are they trapped themselves?" "Dying of thirst, which is water? Is the world as dry as I?" "Love" Lake? Too calm. Ocean? Too deep. River? Just as treacherous.. Who's safe? "The Gate to Nowhere" "A place Not dark Nor light Neither A place Not here Nor there Neither All that exists is nothing Existance is impossible You cannot leave You cannot enter It has no bearing anywhere Yet exists everywhere The nowhere hidden inside." "Right Here Waiting" "Waiting, just waiting Oh, anticipaiting Parting, that dear sweet sorrow That dear hidden blade Wake the dream Oh please! Soon, sooner Each second brightins the dream Into the unreachable Unconqourable. Impossible. Don’t leave me dreaming dear sweet sorrow don’t leave me dreaming dear hidden blade" "The Journey into Space" To the moon again. Spacing, zoning My own voyage alone. Acid rain theories. They fall on bitter ears. I shy away from those clouds. My craft is misunderstood. Though, yes, it is locked away from all the world. No company but hurt In the very flight to leave it, Replace it with solitude. The void of space, Not more pain. Last call. Time to board. I won’t stay with them. They can’t come with me." This is based on the "Savage Garden" song "To the Moon and Back" "Never and You Loose" Never see the truth till it hits you Never see the light till you're blind Never see the love till it’s gone "The Real World" "A magical new world... Let me in! Through the looking glass Danger..there’s danger.. Back through the glass! But what’s left back there? This is what’s real. This is the world. Smoke filled skies... Tears and lies... Scattered cries... I can’t live here. But the mirror is shattered. There’s nothing here for me. Away, please away! Hide from this danger.. This dangerous world.. Another mirror, please! Away to my safe world of dreams. But I see, there are less illusions in my world than yours!" Another along the lines of what I precieve in "To the Moon and Back" as well as "Santa Monica" also by SG. "Lindsay" "Our young lives..scattated like leaves Floating on the winds of change Once you were me and I was you But then I was gone You all alone I returned to find you Your tattered remains You left our world I expanded it I’d welcome you back You’re too far gone Have we changed so much? I’d die in your world. But you can’t reach mine." "The Shadow of Us still Haunts Me" "Did we understand each other? Or did we want to be understood? Did you love me? Or did I need to be loved? Was it really all illusions? A fantasy we played in, hoping it to be true. Now it’s gone, a fleeting dream We crossed the line Are we now too careful? Where is the line? Are we even friends? The friends you said we’d always be? You’re flip about what we thought we were. Did you never love me? Did I just want to be loved? Did we believe our own lies? If I never loved you, why then does it hurt so much when you indulge your fickle self with all but me? I should be angry. I should be vengeful. I should hate you. Yet I endure your inconsiderate torture. Why do I still love you? I do still love you." "Variation of The Shadow of Us Still Haunts Me" "But.. We understood each other! Or did we want to be understood? But.. You loved me! Or did I need to be loved? Was it really all illusion? A fantasy we played out, hoping it to be true. Now all is gone, a fleeting dream. I'm so lost without you but where is the line? Are we now too careful? You crossed the line. Are we even friends? The friends you said we'd always be? You also said we'd be forever together. This forever was all too short. You never loved me? I only wanted to be loved? Did we just believe our own lies? But.. If I never loved you..why then, does it hurt so much when you indulge your fickle self with all but me?" "On the Stage of Love" "‘I’m a dancer A dancer dances’ but I’ll dance for you no longer, Your rhythm is not mine. Too long you made me dance I’m broken can’t you see? You broke my chains as well. If I ever dance again My rhythm will always lead." The quote at the begining is from "The Music, and the Mirror" from "A Chorus Line" though it's "God, I'm a dancer, a dancer dances." "Don’t be Surprised" "So her beauty is more appealing than my love. Don’t be surprised, you’ve lost a lover. You said we’d be friends, I’m not your mat to trample on. What kind of friend are you? You treat me like shit, Until now you were the only one who didn’t. Don’t be surprised when you don’t just loose an x-lover, You loose a friend." "The Turtle" "The turtle has a shell A shell protects hides weakness Once the turtle came out from the shield, but After a hurt Will the turtle come out again?" "Parody" ElfQuest/Fantasy boarded up and dry knowin what once was here just makes me wanna cry used to be our favorite chat room now just remains the memories even hosts can not consume the attic we love where some grew up too fast all that remains today are echoes from the past used to be a booming lake now all that’s left is either boarded up or only fake singing MMs, MMs, M&Ms where we used to have fun only chatties are home said MMs, MMs, M&Ms you can knock all you want just P*demons are home packed up, moved AOLway still running from the facts leaving behind the lovely dreams and heartfelt casts used to be a busy room only P* can pass through but we are not allowed was a FOD2 down by the corner right next to the attic lot and down that road there that’s where all the fun was caught and we would fight a lovin fight play and swim all fey now are so few left who who know the truth of such a day This is a parody of "Nobody Home" the original version of which is below. The song is a bit mournful and even left as it is it fits the situation. EQ was a chat room, the one I learned to RP in and met some of my best friends who I still have and hold dearly, but, then people started to disapear and soon Prodigy decided to self destruct and there was no more EQ. Though..even before that...the room was deleted. "Nobody home" written by Glen Ballard & Seidah Garret, sung by Amy Grant "Main street USA boarded up and dry knowing what once was here just makes me wanna cry used to be the favorite place now what remians are memories even time cannot erase Old man Johnson’s store where we grew up too fast All that remains today are echoes from the past Used to be a booming town Now all that’s left is either boarded up or broken down singing oh ah oh ah oh ah oh where we used to belond there ain’t nobody home said oh ah oh ah oh ah oh you can knock all you want but ain’t nobody home packed up moved away running from the past leaving behind the dusty dreams and broken glass used to be a busy town now everybody passes through but they don’t stick around was a newsstand on the corner right next to the barber shop and down the street there that’s where all the kids would stop and they would terase the neighbors bulldog laugh and run away no where’s now one left who knows the truth in what you say" "I Love, I Hate" I love life I love peace I love happiness I love everything but I hate all of the reasons The reasons that hurt life, peace, happiness The reasons that make people hurt each other The reasons that make people hurt themselves The reasons that make people hurt their home I hate all those reasons I love everything else I love happiness I love peace I love life "A letter to the world A message in a dream To who or whence it comes No one doth ever know This letter speaks of life A quest for morality What is pure and what is not None shall know but thee." This is a poem that I wrote for English class because we had to write one emulating the style of Emily Dickinson. "Combined, USA" "Look, thee, to the North! What doth thou see thither? Sharp arrogance! Look, thee, East! Thou seeth, Empty Loneliness! Look, thee, South then! What now? Cageing Dicrimination! Look, thee, West by and by, Thou doth see such there, Stark Developement! What now be hither? Center now an it please thee A bead from North, South, East an West Together come to point All are merged Four are one One is four Faults are mixed away with virtue Specifics hither matter not All are all, all are one." "Eponine" "Dissapointment Her name Nights are nightmares She fights alone fights for innocence fights for life Dies for her cause But she's still alive Life her eternal death She was ethical Are you?" Inspired by Stevie Nick's "Jane" "Right when we're close So close to purity Our shadows take Advantage They pull us to earth Evil or humility?" The above is inspired by Amy Grant's song "Shadows." "Take the time Open the window Hear the rain Revel in the mist I am the mist Lonely in the rain I'm there when you fall Destined for all Who's there when I fall? I'm destined to fall" Inspired by two of Stevie Nick's songs. "Changing Laws" "The graceful bright swift and the true beings of the light fly through the blue yes they hunt, eat all so do but ever by law of life forever by law of life but food, not fun as others would winged tears of color drop from sky by hand of others trophies, they want prizes, they want money, they want their master is greed not law of life never law of life forever gone are dragons so too law of life?"