I was downing a cold one last night at my favorite haunt in DC when the bartender hit the wrong button on the remote and inadvertently changed the channel from the O's game to CNN. I had to duck as a few beer bottles flew across the room.

"Hey, it's 6 to 5 in the 9th!! Turn the friggin' game back on!!!"

But suddenly, the mood in the room changed as the familiar film clip and story line of our illustrious femme fatale appeared.

"What the hell is 'transactional immunity?'" said the guy in the turtle neck.

"It means she can't be prosecuted for anything she admits to, no matter what," said the guy in the grey pinstripe.

"You a lawyer or something?"

"Yup," said grey pinstripe. "I work for the government."

"Hell, I want that! You mean I could admit to a murder, bank robbery and animal abuse and nothing would happen to me?"

"You got it."

"What about that time in 4th grade when I looked up Sue's dress?"

"No problem."

"Yeah, but how about that time I dropped a bag of dog poop on my neighbor's step and lit it after he yelled at me for walking on his grass?"

"You're off, scott free."

"OK, but what about that time they charged me $11.11 instead of $1111.00 at Hardware Heaven and I walked out of the store laughing?"

"Tough toenails for the hardware guys. They're screwed."

"But surely, they would get me for that time I sneaked into another showing of Titanic by hiding out in the bathroom until the theater cleared?"

"Nope. The theater is sunk if they try to prosecute you."

By now a small crowd had gathered around grey pinstripe and me. A girl in a salmon-colored suit started the ball rolling again: "What if there really is a blue dress with a stain on it?"

"The government will dry clean it for free. The laundry police will not cite her for illegal use of detergent."

"Well, that's not fair," said salmon-suit." I was at the White House once with a group of Girl Scouts and no one gave me 'transactional immunity' for the time I left Clyde's without paying the bar tab."

"Did you have sex with anyone?"

"No, of course not!!!"

"Well...."

"I shook the President's hand once," said a woman in a white turtle neck. "Why can't I get 'transactional immunity' for the time I sneaked under the turnstyle at Metro Center?"

"Did you give him a tie?"

"No, but he gave me a White House pen. What about that?"

"Doesn't qualify."

"I was at one of the Inaugural Balls last January," said a girl in a black tank top. "He was there. Why can't I get 'transactional immunity' for the time I stole a rump roast from Safeway?"

"Did you eat it?"

"No, we were never alone."

"The rump roast!"

"No, I brought it to my sister's for Thansgiving."

"Then she could be charged with illegally heating the meat."

"Well, what about the time I sat on that politician's lap at the rally when I was a teenager," said a lady in a mauve skirt? "I mean, there was contact. Surely I can get 'transactional immunity' for the time I stole that bottle of wine from that wedding reception at the Sheraton."

"Did you pop the cork?"

"No way, I only met him once after that."

"The wine...!!"

"No, I brought it to a housewarming."

"Well, you could be charged with unlawful knowledge of a under-age beverage."

"Wait," said another patron in a pink and white chemise. "I had an on-going 12-year affair with 'a high government official.' Why can't I get 'transactional immunity' for those times I had more than one hors d'oeuvre at happy hour at Runway's?"

"Did you do it often?"

"Three times a week at that hotel near the Key Bridge."

"No, I mean the hors d'oeuvres."

"Oh. No. Two or three times. But I was offered a job and I took it."

"Really? I think you might have something there. I will contact a friend who knows the independent counsel."