This week has been a doozy in Washington. On Tuesday we were told to expect a light dusting of snow - "one to three inches, beginning late in the afternoon." It started in the morning rush hour and dumped 10 inches in our back yard before it was done. Oops! Then there was Sunday: I think they changed their minds 100 times, ranging from "an eight inch blast" to "it will miss Washington altogether." Of course, we know what happened. Snow. Sleet. Freezing rain. Rain. Hail. The ten plagues. You get the picture.

So, Wednesday night I got together with my old friend "Willard" (not his real name), at my favorite watering hole, to get the real "scoop." Willard used to be a TV weather pesonality in a mid-Western city. Now, he works for the Department of Agriculture.

"What's the deal with this "Doppler radar?"

"It's a myth. It doesn't really exist. What you are really looking at is a computer animation. If it's precipitating, they color it green; otherwise black."

"No kidding. What about those fancy 3-D cloud things?"

"A $29.95 off the shelf weather game. Doesn't mean anything."

"But those temperature maps are real, aren't they?"

"Nope. They just use the numbers from the local newspaper and add 10 degrees during the day."

"But those numbers are from the National Weather Service, aren't they?"

"There is no National Weather Service. Just a bunch of computer nerds in a Pizza Hut in Des Moines who are making extra money "predicting the weather."

"No way!"

"Way. Think about it. Have you ever seen the buiding where the National Weather Service is housed?"

"Well, no."

"I rest my case."

"So, the TV weather personality is just making all that up?"

"You got it. It's amazing what we can do these days with a few computers and a bunch of clever software apps."

"So, there's no reason to actually watch the weather forecast, is there? It's just a....sham?"

"Well, not exactly."

"Not exactly? What do you mean? You just told me the National Weather Service doesn't exist and that my local TV weather personality is just playing with a bunch of computer games. What gives?"

"Well, the Weather Channel is real. Those are the guys who are really controlling the weather. It's all a Hollywood creation. Did you ever see the movie The Truman Show?"

You mean the one about that guy whose life was captured 24 hours a day on TV but it was all a creation and everyone he interacted with was really an actor?"

"Yup. That one. Think about it."

"Oh, no! You don't mean..."

"Yup. The weather is "staged" every day by the cast on the Weather Channel. It's all for the ratings and the mighty advertising dollar."

"I don't believe it!"

"Trust me. Did you ever notice they are always right? Never miss a forecast. All those live cutaways. Ever notice the backgrounds are always the same?"

"You mean....?"

"That's right. It's all filmed on a Hollywood sound stage."

"You know, come to think of it, those guys always wear the same clothes. And once I thought I saw a big fan off to the right when they were reporting on that hurricane last summer."

"Exactly."

"Oh my gosh, so it's all a fraud?"

"Well, there is real weather, but they only tell you about the stuff that gets the best ratings. That's why your local weather forecast is almost always wrong; they only "stage" a few events each hour - whatever promises to be interesting to the viewers. The rest is total fiction, based solely on historical weather records."

"Holy hail stone, Willard, this is big! You mean the local weather forecasts that we have been relying on for years are no more accurate than flipping a coin?"

"Bingo!"

"I am shocked and dismayed. And all these years...."

"Now you know why the dinosaurs disappeared from the face of the earth."

"You mean that it wasn't a giant meteor that slammed into the ocean and plunged the Earth into total darkness for six months?"

"Nope."

"You mean....? Tell me it isn't so!!"

"I'm afraid it is."

"Holy ice pellet! You mean it was a bad weather forecast?"

"Yup. And now let me tell you what you really have to worry about at midnight on December 31..."