Losing A Life

It's amazing what a man can get used to. The view from his beach-house could snatch your breath away; but not his, not this day. His gaze fell frozen, unfocused, unimpressed.

In an numb and detached sort of way , he considered the sharp contrast between the rich beauty of the seascape, and utter barrenness of his soul. Oh, a kind of comfort was his, that was the problem... good education, good decisions, good career, good home, good location...but the "emptiness" remained. Many years, and considerable effort, had been invested in a benign attempt to fill this emptiness - this feeling of need - this unfulfilled longing. The riches of a successful life proved to be unworthy of satisfaction; and incapable of peace.

A childhood story kept coming to him, a story of adventure and real treasure. Was it gold? silver? diamonds? He couldn't remember exactly what this "treasure" was ... the details long lost in the concrete thinking of a mature mind, and yet, he knew that it was a promise of a real treasure. Deep down, he knew that he must have it. Many years had passed since the twelve year old boy had first sensed the excitement of the story relayed to him at the mouth of the cave not 500 yards from where he was now standing. The view was the same, and with the exception of a coat or two of paint, the house was the same, but much else had changed... he had changed.

This moment had been coming for years... he had simply run out of things to throw in front of it. In quiet desperation he had attempted to ward off this imminent crisis by holding on to his perceived needs: career, friends, family. One by one, he held them up to reason..."reason enough to stay put" he told himself, and yet, one by one they failed to hold him... the need to leave was growing more real every day. And so it happened, in the midst of an anguished heart a realization was born, a great truth... he had to lay his unfulfilled, and empty life down. He had to leave it all far behind him and search for what was real, the real treasure.

Against fierce opposition from friends and family, he took the first shaky steps towards the mountains. Immediately upon setting out, he knew that he somehow already possessed some measure of what he had set out to find. Not only this, but it was by the "setting out" that he came into this possession. It was a deep knowledge though... not one easily expressed in words. The search, strange as it seemed, had ended already... the adventure, however, had just begun.

The mountains seemed to grow larger in his approach, and the evidence of his predecessors became more and more obvious. The paths while barely visible, could be followed, and it was clear that some had already come this way. Deserted campsites littered with supplies which had become too heavy to carry, lined the way. He even met several who, for various reasons, had decided to return... but firmly refused their invitation to join them. Some had given up before even reaching the mountains, others had become overwhelmed when confronted with the enormity. Some said the entrance looked like birth, some said it looked like death; after examining the opening for himself, he stepped inside.

As the darkness was forced into partial retreat by the limited light he was carrying, he saw a message of sorts carved in the stone - "Emerge...Emergency Calls...Emerge And See You" He considered his birth, he considered his death, he considered the scratching on the outside wall of the cave entrance back home.. what did it say?

The trail of abandoned supplies had continued, but it was a less than before. The passages narrowed, and the footing had become dangerous. This had developed into a stripped to the bone expedition, where carrying anything more than was absolutely necessary would either slow an explorer down, or end his trip in tragedy. Photo albums and other, the most personal of artifacts, items the travelers had clung onto as long as possible now provided the substance of this debris.

His digging had already yielded a considerable weight of precious metal and gems. While his measure of personal wealth had increased considerably, so too had his sense of caution. He had to continue, and he had to do it safely. Several times he had carelessly caused a fall of rocks which had seriously slowed his progress. Similar slides had left sad monuments to speak of the tragic failure of the careless diggers who had lost their very lives. It was here that he almost turned back.

The walk to the mountains had tired him...not discouraged him; the enormity had given birth to intrigue not fear; but this was different. Most had failed before they even started...wimps he thought. He could handle that...he could understand their falling short, but not these ones. These had passed the test of decision; these had experienced the crisis and had traveled the distance; these had entered in and begun the hard work of excavation. These had come infinitely further than the others, for them to fail...he staggered under the weight of such realization...he staggered and fell back... back to the realization that nothing before could possibly compare with what lie ahead. His life was hard and it was dangerous, but it was life... it was real. His past seemed strangely irrelevant; if anything mattered...it lay ahead.

His digging had been going more quickly for some time and he noticed that he was descending toward a stream of underground water. The passage grew larger and progress became rapid - unimpeded. He crouched and tasted the salt water and excitedly followed it, the passage growing larger still. Light became visible, more light than he could remember ever seeing.

Emerging from the cave, his glance fell upon a familiar and yet different seascape. The view was the same, the house was the same...but he had changed.

His attention immediately turned to the scratching on the wall...rubbing away the years of dust and dirt he read -

" Then he said to them all: 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?' " {Luke 9:23-25}

Smiling, He took the precious metals and gems into his hands and heaved them into the sea.

Rev. Marshall Lawson