In The Trenches

We raced through what appeared to be all-consuming darkness and impenetrable fog. It seemed more like flying than driving as the headlights of "Big Red's" chevy blazer took a timid and ineffective peek into a night which refused to be exposed. We called him "Big Red" partly because of his physical stature (standing at six feet five inches and weighing 300 lbs made him hard to miss); and partly because of the tendency his face had to flush "beet red" whenever he was heavily intoxicated and/or drugged. He was definitely living up to his name on this evening.

We had begun this Kamikaze mission a couple of days prior, drinking heavily and smoking a lot of hashish. The combined effect of sleep depravation and substance abuse was considerable, making both time and space too abstract to be taken seriously. As we careened down the barely visible, unfinished section of road which had been graded only hours before, we didn't know where it led... but it didn't matter,we were driving...we were driving fast.

Our ears were assaulted by the explosive sound of dozens of chiming clocks...the Pink Floyd song "Time" blasted out "Another day older and closer to death." We joined together in delirious song, the air heavy with the musky "burnt rope" smell of yet another hash joint..."man, I'm messed up" Red garbled, taking a second to turn away from his high speed navigation, "Yeah, ain't it great ?" I replied.

My life hadn't always been like this. There had been a day when I would have been described as a "good kid", but by this particular evening, that description was certainly no longer a valid one. One by one my "dreams" had died...one bad decision after another, I had begun to die with them. No, I didn't consciously plan to end up like this, and yet everything in my life had led to this moment; this one surrealistic, drug-induced, psychotic, snapshot in time...

"Another day older and closer to death...." I reached over, turning down the stereo, "Pull over man, I've gotta get rid of some of this beer I've been drinkin." Red didn't even look my way, he merely shouted a string of obscenities in my direction and turned the music back up.

Somehow, over a period of years, my friends had been replaced by thugs, drug dealers, and criminals of varying stature and reputation. Red was at this particular time my best/worst friend. We'd been through a lot together, and although we seldom saw eye to eye, we were definitely inclined to stand back to back, and had done so several times. I guess we had a kind of battlefield trench-like relationship. What fell short of respect (and much did), found its way into the category of either tolerance or indifference.

I reached over once again, muting the music and lashing out with a particularly viscous and creative tirade of insults and expletives, grabbing the keys and threatening to "shut down" both the truck and the driver if he didn't stop immediately. Swearing under his breath, he pulled to the side. Taking the keys for insurance,I paused several feet in front of the truck to find relief. In the distance, I heard the faint but undeniable sound of waves striking the shore. My decision to explore ended abruptly and in fearful sobriety. Only three truck lengths in front of where we had stopped yielded boulders several times larger than our vehicle. If by some incredible fluke we had broken through this formidable barrier, we would have met with an eighty foot plunge into the Bay of Fundy. We paused for several moments to marvel over what we considered to be our tremendous "good fortune"; but there was to be no soul searching or deep introspection that night.

We couldn't see the element of spiritual warfare (Eph 6:12), or the Lord's hand in saving our lives that night.

We couldn't see the near tragic irony in the song that was still screaming out " Another day older and closer to death."

We couldn't see that God is not slow in keeping His promise...but patient...not wanting anyone to perish (2Pet 3:9).

We couldn't see, because Satan has blinded the minds of unbelievers. (2Cor 4:4)

It would take another fifteen years for me, but just as the loving hand of God pierced the fog and darkness to save us from certain death that night, He would also pierce the darkness of my mind and shed light and truth within my heart, obliterating the stronghold of Satan's delusion, and bringing me into His eternal life.

Looking back, I rejoice in God's mercy and deliverance... looking ahead, I rejoice in His patience.

I'm saved...Big Red's still in the trenches.

Rev. Marshall Lawson