the soul speaks mommy..can't you hear it?

these are what make me what i am. they are songs, poems, and stories. this is my area of personal expression of myself and others. enjoy.

Kill No. 1 -Carrie- I awaken. Sliding out of bed, I slip a robe on. Who could be at the door at this ungodly hour? Jeez. They'll break down my door if I don't appease them. Opening the door, I see two people, a man and a woman. The woman has short, almost snow-white hair and pale icy eyes. Her dark makeup shows how pale she really is. The man has long dark hair pulled back in a low, loose ponytail, and the same pale, icy eyes. They are both dressed in black. Jeez, do they still think it's Halloween? He is wearing a suit that looks as if it could have been in a museum. Top hat, gloves, over coat, waist coat, and even a cane. Bizarre! The woman was wearing a skimpy, tight short dress that Ii could wear for a belt. My god. I would kill myself if I with those boots. "Yes? What is it?" I mumbled somewhat coherently. "Please. We are lost," the man spoke with a slight English accent "We are in a bit of a hurry, and our car has run into a bit of trouble." "Oh dear," I thought. "Would you like some coffee?" -Liam- "A HOUSE!" Martina screamed in my ear. "My god. Can you be any louder?" I complained. "Sorry Liam. It's just that, the sun will be up soon. It's late." She pouted. I hate when she does that. I pull over, and then slash my own tire. Oh the things I'll do when Ii'm desperate. A tire can be replaced. But I am not so disposable. As we head towards the house, Martina struggles to keep up with me. Ugh. I can't believe she actually wears those monstrosities she calls clothing. "Maybe if you wore proper clothing, you'd be able to run faster." She looked at me with arrant disgust. "Proper clothing? Like your antiques?" she scorns. Oh well. I can't blame her. She is young. I must be three times her age by now. Marita suddenly got a burst of energy and slammed into the door. I'm surprised she didn't break the cursed thing down. "Martina! Control yourself." A young woman in her nightclothes answered the door. She's just what we've been looking for. "Ahem. Yes. Please, we are lost and in a bit of a hurry, and it seems our car has run into a bit of trouble." "Oh dear," she stuttered, "Would you like some coffee?" -Martina- Jesus Christ.! It's almost dawn, we are in the middle of no where, and we haven't eaten. We... are... dead... But Liam looks so calm. I don't know how he could be. And he looks so cute with his long ponytail.... mmm....no. Snap out of it Martina.! Oh my God. "A HOUSE!" I scream. "My god. Can you be any louder?" Liam exclaimed as he flinched from my volume. "Sorry Liam. It's just that, the sun will be up soon. It's late." Liam pulls over, disappears to the other side of the car, appears again, and heads towards the house. We start to run. These boots are harder to run in then they look. "Maybe if you wore proper clothing, you'd be able to run faster." Ack.! I love my clothes. "Proper clothing? Like your antiques?" Watch me run now, old man. I reach the house and pound on the door like there's no tomorrow. Come on...answer the door. A woman answers the door. Hmm...perhaps.. Liam interrupted my thought. "Please, we are lost and in a bit of a hurry, and it seems our car has run into a bit of trouble." "Oh dear," she spoke, "Would you like some coffee?" -Carrie- "Oh. I hate to intrude, but it's quite cold out, and we sat in our car a while so we are in need of some warming up. If it is no problem." The strange man said. "Oh, no problem at all." The woman spoke, "By the way. I'm Martina, and he's Liam." "I'm Carrie." I spoke quickly. I hope they don't sense my fear. As I walked slowly to the kitchen, I could almost feel their gaze burning into my soul. I think I may have heard them whisper...something. Now is the time I wish I didn't have such a large house. Do they even make any sound? I can't even hear their steps as the fallow close behind me. Oh my god. Where are they? They couldn't have just disappeared. -Liam- Ok old man. Sound calm. "Oh. I hate to intrude, but it's quite cold out, and we sat in our car a while so we are in need of some warming up. If it is no problem." She spoke hesitantly. I think we've frightened her. "Oh, no problem at all." Martina interrupted her. Sometimes I just want to drive a stake through her heart. "By the way. I'm Martina, and he's Liam." The dirty wench just told her our names. She is named Carrie. Such a plain name for such a plain woman... We followed her to the kitchen, I suspect. Martina leaned over to me and whispered "I want her." Then she went to stalking her prey. No consideration at all...Such a selfish child... She stalks? I stalk! Selfish, selfish child... -Martina- "Oh. I hate to intrude, but it's quite cold out, and we sat in our car a while so we are in need of some warming up. If it is no problem." Ha! Liam trying to sound calm and friendly. He knows his beast needs to feed. But, I guess since he is older, he may have it trained better. Oh well. "By the way. I'm Martina, and he's Liam." I had to break the silence. The way she walks. I can see her blood pumping. We've scared her. The thrill of this is just...mmm... "I want her." I told Liam and went to stalking. I can hear her breathe. She noticed we are gone. Mmm...a frightened kill is the best they say. -Carrie- Good God. Her whispers and giggles echo greatly through this house. Claws. I felt claws on the back of my neck. Run. Run. Run. Into the kitchen... Hide. Somewhere... I Scream... Liam just appeared in front of me. "Now now. No use to scream. Come give Liam a hug. Martina is just being mean. And selfish." He scolds I couldn't keep myself away. His arms are so warm. His eyes...so hypnotic. He kisses me softly. Tilts my head. Such a gentle master he is. Floating. I'm floating. I thought I'd be scared. I feel wonderful. "NO! THAT'S NOT FAIR LIAM!" Martina's voice filled my house and it shook with amazing force. I drop to the floor and black out. -Liam- Ah. The poor woman is scared out of her mind. Don't run. It just makes it more fun for Martina. Where is that little brat anyway? Cornered prey. AAH! Such a loud woman. "Now now." I say, sounding to be as calm as can be. Loving almost. "No use to scream. Come give Liam a hug. Martina is just being mean. And selfish." She is drawn to me. Such a plain girl. Such an easy target.She smells of fresh warm blood. Kissing her softly. I bring her totally under. I look into her eyes. and notice that she's gone. I tilt her head to get it just perfect and I take her up. I can sense that she's loving it. "NO! THAT'S NOT FAIR LIAM!" Martina used her strong voice. She made me drop Carrie. "YOU LITTLE WITCH! YOU MADE ME LOSE HER!" -Martina- Oh iI just love this part. Little woman is scared. I feel like letting her sweat for a moment. It's really getting late. It's been forever since my last feed. So weak... I stop to rest. For a moment that's all... Her scream wakes me. Energizes me. Where is she? Where's Liam? This is just great. He's got her. That little punk! I told him I wanted her. Sometimes he makes me so angry. But he's so cute at the same time...but you are hungry Martina! Go! "NO! THAT'S NOT FAIR LIAM!" Sure. He drops her. "YOU LITTLE WITCH! YOU MADE ME LOSE HER!" Like it was my fault. He shouldn't have even tried to take her. She's mine. MINE! -Liam- "She is not yours, little one. You must learn that we share the kill. I don't care if you wanted first blood. You still will feed." I absolutely hate teaching young ones. "Please Liam. It makes me strong. I have never killed in my life." That little girl just gets to me sometimes. "Fine. Kill. Kill. Kill." She gives me a kiss on the cheek and gorges on Carrie. I can see the blood trickle down her chin, coating her lips like sacred fruit juices. Sometimes she looks so beautiful. She rises, kisses me deep and slowly, smearing her left overs across my face, and raises Carries limp body up to me so I can feed. I love hearing the tear of the flesh between my teeth. Mmm. The warmth fills my mouth. I look at Martina. "Isn't it wonderful?" I ask. And I kiss her. -Martina- He says she's not mine and that we should share or something. What is he talking about? "Please Liam. It makes me strong. I have only killed once in my life." I know when I pout it gets to him. "Fine," he says coldly. "Kill. Kill. Kill." I kiss him on the cheek and then dive to Carrie's side. Her warmth fills my mouth, runs over my chin, and I lick my mess and approach Liam. I plant a deep kiss on his lips trading the poor woman's blood. I offer Carrie's body to him, and he feeds. He does so with such delicacy. Such a beautiful boy… So wonderful… He looks up at me. "Isn't it wonderful?" He looks at me with those eyes. Those beautiful eyes. And we kiss.

never pain inside i cannot hide fire from hell my mind is bleeding never thought it would be mine hit from behind fallin down hard they are standing laughing at me forgotten souls are runnin free never thought it would be me scorned for life cry in my sleep corrected too much for me to take told me why not to escape never thought you could do that tied me down i cannot hide

cold your arms are not around me i can't feel you near freezing slowly but i have no fear this numbness seeping to my bones i close my eyes to see trapped in these walls of ice i cannot seem to break free cold so deep i can't feel anymore i try so hard to move falling slowly to the ground i have nothing to prove freezing slowly burning cold hold me closer i need you....

Me my mind is fire but my heart has become ice my soul is free but my body is caged my blood is acid yet my bone is like cold stone i cannot escape the feeling of being trapped unloved fooled unwanted punished forgotten i am solid i am strong i cannot be shaken i am powerful i am lost

I don't i don't wanna feel this much longer i don't want to see you gone i don't wish to be alone again i don't know why i feel this way i don't want it to still be day but i still know i still feel i still want i still am i don't care bout myself anymore i don't feel pain i don't see my own shadow i don't curse this blindness anymore i don't want to be pure

heart he is not mine anymore i am weak once again she came and stol his soul from me i am cold once again she folded her darkness over him replacing mine my claws have been removed from his heart but they long to be there once more my hands are covered in his blood i smear it across my cheek, like i could actually feel him again what have i done why did he go now i can't even watch him from the distance he looks just like he was sleeping but with her next to him, not me they wanted each others hearts, now they have them...

stupid curled up in a corner my knotted hair circling my tear stained face trying to remember all of my faults what actually happened then i examined my newest cut still fresh with blood. needs to be deeper... needs to remind me of the shit that i did why must it always end in pain it is never true enough it is never pure enough why can't i just drown in the rain it is hot in my room the sweat runs down my cheek mixing with my tears i wipe my face the salt burns my cuts damn the dull knife damn the dull pin damn it all.

dream of a depressed druggy i did not ask for this. and yet you place it in front of me and yet i chase after it like a carrot in front of a horse i sit in the corner curled up with a blanket "the smoke blows away my pain. my pain floats away" i watch the colors. tasting the colors feeling the colors they consume me. your touch is cold. i shudder as your fingers trace my chin "don't touch me. you hurt" your nails are like razor blades. i start to shake you wrap your arms around me like you could protect me from my addictions i scream. i scream. i scream. i stand straight as an arrow. your smoke wraps around me like a blessed robe i look into your eyes. and i fall.

my beast my beast is a beast of burden... carrying my soul on it's back... it's own blood drips from it's teeth.. taking it's own life... trying to reach the soul that was once someone elses... to create the one of it's own.. to take the being that was once mine.. and steal my creation... the black void resting on it's back temporarily... is just waiting for another to absorb the retchedness... that was once white and pure.... as my beasts teeth get closer, it thinks to run.. but knows that it's fate lies between the teeth... of my beast....

haiku stars in the night sky flickering, hold the darkness as the sun rises

The greatest pain in life is not to die, but to be ignored. To lose the person you love so much to another who doesn't care at all. To have someone you care about so much throw a party... and not tell you about it. When your favorite person on earth neglects to invite you to his graduation. To have people think that you don't care. The greatest pain in life is not to die, but to be forgotten. To be left in the dust after another's great achievement To never get a call from a friend, just saying hi. When you show someone your innermost thoughts and they laugh in your face. For friends are always too busy to console you, when you need someone to lift your spirits. When it seems like the only person who cares about you, is yourself.

SACRIFICE Can you feel the darkness? The snow cold like my heart There is no tenderness Death is drawing from me Fire to burn the lovers Truth to sear their souls Maybe, let my heart go Don't let the fear show It's the end of victory Elegy for the vanquished The pain is pulling me Down into agony I strive against the evil And find that light is dying Goodness seeps away Like so much blood on the field Death follows everyday Darkness freezes on the soul And we let the evil kill We let it steal our hope We lie before it beaten Let me live my whole life through My soul I give to you Love has been taken from me Don't take her soul Let her death be free from you Stay away from the darkness Ruin another life, kill again Bur let my love go free Don't tie her down like me A light in my present hole A hope in the pits of hell All that I live for And all that I see Is taken away from me Left me alone Destroying my small hope I give you my soul To protect her from the cold And it does matter to me What happens to her will I hope that she remembers I hope that I forget The sacrifice made to you...

WORLD'S END I feel like I've been killed again I am better off as dead A world that's falling to the fools Though very rarely said I hope that darkness comes again Before the fire burns A sin that's felt is not a sin It is the priest who spurns I remember when my soul Was given up for love In the wars we're dying now A single bloody dove Why do we just waste our time Falling hour of faith We let the shadows claim our lives Becoming but a wraith

LIFE CYCLE Sympathies given memories only remaining Sweet music issuing from loved ones' souls If only time were more just giving instead of taking Tears shed for the old death a step to heaven The quintessential meaning found in the light Given to the righteous who die, mercifully? Perhaps yet always unexpectedly those who hurt most The ones left alive not the dead Who are at peace with nature and God Beholding glory that is unseen by mortal eyes Yet resplendent in a single flower That opens with prayer to embrace the sun A fragile tribute to the cycle of life

ONCE AGAIN Once again as the memories drown, All my thoughts, my hopes and my dreams. I can feel, and feeling is believing. I can care, and compassion is deceiving. All my life, I've waited for the answers. Once again my jealous soul's no stronger. One more day of loss, yet understanding. In the end nothing will really matter...