Top Ten Lists
The Enterprise Stops at Taco Bell
1. (Troi) I sense... indigestion.
2. (Picard) Don't order the fajitas, Number One, they'll go through you at warp nine.
3. (Wesley, guest starring) Look, mister, the sign says you get a free "Little Orphan Annie" cup with any taco salad purchase, and I'm not leaving here till I get one!
4. (Worf) Klingons do NOT eat burritos!
5. (Geordi) I bet if I allowed anti-matter to collide with these chimichangas we could boost warp power by 27 percent!
6. (Dr. Crusher, pointing tricorder at a taco) Inconclusive meat readings, Captain.
7. (Picard) You're on, Number One. Whoever can squirt the most jalapeno sauce up his nose gets treated to dessert.
8. (Riker) What do you mean you don't serve tokelau here? What kind of Mexican restaurant is this?
9. (Data) I have an idea (whispers to Geordi) "Yes that just might work""Picard to Data, Data report"Yes Captain we have devised a way so that the replicators in Troi's room will serve taco tasting chocolate""Very good carry on, Picard out"
10. (Picard) When we get back on the ship and you have the conn, Number One, you'd better not queef on my chair!
Top 10 Worries of Capt. Jean-Luc Picard
1. Has to figure out at least a token punishment for Worf for killing a crew member who hid a tribble in Worf's bed as a practical joke
2. The impulse engines have been making a funny noise lately
3. Crew refers to him as "Captain Chrome-Dome Retard" behind his back
4. That the voices in his head telling him to throw Counselor Troi out an airlock will become too insistent to ignore
5. Ensign Ro has introduced a strain of Bejoran V.D. into the Enterprise population that cordrazine won't even put a dent in
6. Wesley might come to visit
7. Luwxanna Troi might come to visit
8. If he doesn't get the pizzas to Starbase 141 within thirty minutes, they're free
9. The way Data keeps reading "2001: A Space Odyssey" over and over again
10. Riker will keep turning down promotion after promotion and he'll NEVER be rid of the big dork!
Top 10 24th century answering machine messages
10. "Hi, I'm not in the system right now....."
9. "Hello. This is Lieutenant Commander Data, and I am not less perfect than Lore.
Please leave a message on my positronic answering machine."
8. "This is Odo...I'm in my bucket right now, but if you'll
leave a message..."
7. "You have engaged my machine. Please make it so I can hear your message when I return"
6. "Qa'pla! Leave the message of a warrior!! "
5. "Hi, this is the Borg...we're not taking any calls right now, but if you'll leave the name and coordinates of your planet, we'll conquer and assimilate you as soon as possible."
4. "You have reached Admiral Saavik. I'm in the middle of a Pon Far. Leave a message and I shall call you back when I'm sane."
3. "This is the residence of Ambassador Spock. I am presently on Romulus, where I expect to spend the rest of my life."
2. "Zizqat. Pecnjne asdncw venderkret. Mooshj"
1. "Hailing frequencies open!!"