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~CHILDREN'S UNDERSTANDINGS~
~Children's Bible~
(The following statements about the Bible were written by children and have not been retouched or corrected, i.e., original spelling has been left in.)
~The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.~
~A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony.~
~Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.~
~Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.~
~Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.~
~Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.~
~Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.~
~The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.~
~The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.~
~Moses died before he ever reached North America.~
~Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.~
~The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.~
~David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.~
~Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.~
~The epistles were the wives of the apostles.~
~GOD KNOWS~
~When you are tired and discouraged from fruitless efforts... God knows how hard you have tried.~
~When you've cried so long and your heart is in anguish... God has counted your tears.~
~If you feel that your life is on hold and time has passed you by... God is waiting with you.~
~When you're lonely and your friends are too busy even for a phone call... God is by your side.~
~When you think you've tried everything and don't know where to turn... God has a solution.~
~When nothing makes sense and you are confused or frustrated... God has the answer.~
~If suddenly your outlook is brighter and you find traces of hope... God has whispered to you.~
~When things are going well and you have much to be thankful for... God has blessed you.~
~When something joyful happens and you are filled with awe... God has smiled upon you.~
~When you have a purpose to fulfill and a dream to follow... God has opened your eyes and called you by name.~
~Remember that wherever you are or whatever you are facing... GOD KNOWS!!~
~Author Unknown~
~IF YOU PLANTED~
~"If you planted hope today
In any hopeless heart.~
~If someone's burden was lighter
Because you did your part,~
~
~If you caused a laugh
That chased some tears away.~
~If tonight your name is named
When someone kneels to pray.~
~Then your day has been well spent."~
~Author Unknown~
~EMERGENCY PHONE NUMBERS~
When in sorrow, ...........................call John 14.
When men fail you, .......................call Psalm 27.
If you want to be fruitful, ...............call John 15.
When you have sinned, ....................call Psalm 51.
When you worry, ...................call Matthew 6:19-34.
When you are in danger, ..................call Psalm 91.
When God seems far away, ................call Psalm 139.
When your faith needs stirring, ........call Hebrews 11.
When you are lonely and fearful, .........call Psalm 23.
When you grow bitter and critical,..call I Corinthians 13.
For Paul's secret to happiness,........call Col.3:12-17.
For understanding of Christianity, ..call II Cor. 5:15-19.
When you feel down and out, ............call Romans 8:31.
When you want peace and rest, .....call Matthew 11:25-30.
When the world seems bigger than God,......call Psalm 90.
When you want Christian assurance, ...call Romans 8:1-30.
When you leave home for labor or travel,..call Psalm 121.
When your prayers grow narrow or selfish,..call Psalm 67.
For a great invention/opportunity, .......call Isaiah 55.
When you want courage for a task, .........call Joshua 1.
For how to get along with fellow men, ....call Romans 12.
When you think of investments and returns,..call Mark 10.
If you are depressed, .....................call Psalm 27.
If your pocketbook is empty, ...............call Psalm37.
If you are losing confidence in people, ...call I Cor.13.
If people seem unkind, .....................call John 15.
If discouraged about your work, ...........call Psalm126.
If you find the world growing small & yourself great, call Ps 19.
Alternate numbers:
For dealing with fear, ................. call Psalm 34:7.
For security, ......................... call Psalm 121:3.
For assurance, .......................... call Mark 8:35.
For reassurance, ..................... call Psalm 145:18.
Emergency numbers may be dialed direct. No operator assistance is necessary. All lines to Heaven are open 24 hours a day! Feed your faith, an doubt will starve to death!
~HUMOR TIME~
~Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything: tutors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything they could think of.
Finally in a last ditch effort, they took Tommy down & enrolled him in the local Catholic school.~
~After the first day, little Tommy came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room & started studying.
Books & papers were spread out all over the room and little Tommy was hard at work. His mother was amazed.~
~She called him down to dinner and to her shock, the minute he was done he marched back to his room without a word and in no time he was back hitting the books as hard as before.
This went on for sometime, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference. Finally, little Tommy brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table and went up to his room and hit the books.~
~With great trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her surprise, little Tommy got an A in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said, "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?" Little Tommy looked at her and shook his head no. Well, then," she replied, "was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT was it?"~
~Little Tommy looked at her and said, "Well, on the first day of school, when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around."~
~ERIK AND THE OLD MAN~
~We were the only family with children in the restaurant. I sat Erik in a high chair and noticed everyone was quietly eating and talking. Suddenly, Erik squealed with glee and said, "Hi there." He pounded his fat baby hands on the high-chair tray. His eyes were wide with excitement and his mouth was bared in a toothless grin. He wriggled and giggled with merriment.~
~I looked around and saw the source of his merriment. It was a man with a tattered rag of a coat; dirty, greasy and worn. His pants were baggy with a zipper at half-mast and his toes poked out of would-be shoes. His shirt was dirty and his hair was uncombed and unwashed. His whiskers were too short to be called a beard and his nose was so varicose it looked like a road map.~
~We were too far from him to smell, but I was sure he smelled. His hands waved and flapped on loose wrists.
"Hi there, baby; hi there, big boy. I see ya, buster," the man said to Erik. My husband and I exchanged looks, "What do we do?" Erik continued to laugh and answer, "Hi, hi there." Everyone in the restaurant noticed and looked at us and then at the man. The old geezer was creating a nuisance with my beautiful baby. Our meal came and the man began shouting from across the room, "Do ya know patty cake? Do you know peek-a-boo?~
~Hey, look, he knows peek-a-boo." Nobody thought the old man was cute. He was obviously drunk. My husband and I were embarrassed. We ate in silence; all except for Erik, who was running through his repertoire for the admiring skid-row bum, who in turn, reciprocated with his cute comments.~
~We finally got through the meal and headed for the door. My husband went to pay the check and told me to meet him in the parking lot. The old man sat poised between me and the door. "Lord, just let me out of here before he speaks to me or Erik," I prayed. As I drew closer to the man, I turned my back trying to side-step him and avoid any air he might be breathing. As I did, Erik leaned over my arm, reaching with both arms in a baby's "pick-me-up" position. Before I could stop him, Erik had propelled himself from my arms to the man's.~
~Suddenly a very old smelly man and a very young baby consummated their love relationship. Erik in an act of total trust, love, and submission laid his tiny head upon the man's ragged shoulder. The man's eyes closed, and I saw tears hover beneath his lashes. His aged hands full of grime, pain, and hard labor-gently, so gently, cradled my baby's bottom and stroked his back. No two beings have ever loved so deeply for so short a time.~
~I stood awestruck. The old man rocked and cradled Erik in his arms for a moment, and then his eyes opened and set squarely on mine. He said in a firm commanding voice, "You take care of this baby." Somehow I managed, "I will," from a throat that contained a stone. He pried Erik from his chest-unwillingly, longingly, as though he were in pain. I received my baby, and the man said, "God bless you, ma'am, you've given me my Christmas gift."~
~I said nothing more than a muttered thanks. With Erik in my arms, I ran for the car. My husband was wondering why I was crying and holding Erik so tightly, and why I was saying, "My God, my God, forgive me." I had just witnessed Christ's love shown through the innocence of a tiny child who saw no sin, who made no judgment; a child who saw a soul, and a mother who saw a suit of clothes. I was a Christian who was blind, holding a child who was not.~
~I felt it was God asking- "Are you willing to share your son for moment?" -- when He shared His for all eternity. The ragged old man, unwittingly, had reminded me, "To enter the Kingdom of God, we must become as little children."~
~Author Unknown~
~ICE CREAM FOR THE SOUL~
~Last week I took my children to a restaurant. My six-year-old son asked if he could say grace. As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good. God is great. Thank you for the food, and I would even thank you more if Mom gets us ice cream for dessert. And Liberty and justice for all! Amen!"~
~Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby I heard a woman remark, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking God for ice-cream! Why, I never!" Hearing this, my son burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do it wrong? Is God mad at me?" As I held him and assured him that he had done a
terrific job and God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentle man approached the table. He winked at my son and said, "I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer."~
~"Really?" my son asked "Cross my heart." Then in theatrical whisper he added (indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes."~
~Naturally, I bought my kid's ice cream at the end of the meal. My son stared at his for a moment and then did something I will remember the rest of my life. He picked up his sundae and without a word walked over and placed it in front of the woman. With a big smile he told her, "Here, this is for you. Ice cream is good for the soul sometimes and my soul is good already."~
~Author Unknown~
~IF I WERE IN MARY'S PLACE~
~When I put myself in Mary's Place
And look at my son's little face,
I really feel the pain,
As she saw her son slain.~
~Can you imagine your son being whipped,
And then his clothes from him they stripped, And they replaced them with a robe of red, And thrust a crown of thorns upon his head.~
~Can you see your son carrying that cross up the hill, And knowing he was to die because it was God's will, Do you hear them yelling, CRUCIFY! CRUCIFY! We want to see the King of the Jews die.~
~Can you hear the pounding as the hammer and nail meet, Look at them they're pounding them in his hands and feet, Just think how great God's love must be, To see his son suffer and not set him free.~
~And then they thrust the cross into the ground, As his mother and some friends gathered round, But what could a mother do or say, All she could do was kneel and pray.~
~Do you know what his last words were to be, Before he died and his spirit was set free, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do", Even on the cross He had forgiveness for me and you.~
~Then after our Savior had died, They pierced Him in his side,
Can you imagine their fear and surprise, When on Sunday they heard, "He's Alive!"~
~He died on that wooden cross, So all would not be lost,
He died to set us free, And give salvation to you and me.~
~So when you picture this scene, Stop and think what it all means, To put yourself in Mary's place, And look at your son's tortured face.~
~This poem was written by Mae Hillard~
~JESUS LOVES ME~
~Right before the jetway door closed, I scrambled aboard the plane going from LA to Chicago, lugging my laptop and overstuffed briefcase. It was the first leg of an important business trip a few weeks before Christmas, and I was running late. I had a ton of work to catch up on, half wishing, half praying I muttered ,"Please God, do me a favor; let there be an empty seat next to mine, I don't need any distractions."~
~I was on the aisle in a two seat row. Across sat a businesswoman with her nose buried in a newspaper. No problem. But in the seat beside mine, next to the window, was a young boy wearing a big red tag around his neck: Minor Traveling Unattended. The kid sat perfectly still, hands in his lap, eyes straight ahead. He'd probably been told never to talk to strangers. Good, I thought.~
Then the flight attendant came by, "Michael, I have to sit down because we're about to take off," she said to the little boy. "This nice man will answer any of your questions, okay?" Did I have a choice? I offered my hand, and Michael shook it twice, straight up and down. "Hi, I'm Jerry," I said. "You must be about seven years old."
"I'll bet you don't have any kids," he responded. "Why do you think that? Sure I do." I took out my wallet to show him pictures. "Because I'm six." "I was way off, huh?"
The captains' voice came over the speakers: " Flight attendants, prepare for takeoff." Michael pulled his seat belt tighter and gripped the armrests as the jet engines roared. I leaned over "Right about now, I usually say a prayer. I asked God to keep the plane safe and to send angels to protect us."
"Amen," he said, then added, "but I'm not afraid of dying.. I'm not afraid because my mama's already in heaven." "I'm sorry." I said. "Why are you sorry?" he asked, peering out the window as the plane lifted off.
"I'm sorry you don't have your mama here." My briefcase jostled at my feet, reminding me of all the work I needed to do. "Look at those boats down there"! Michael said as the plane banked over the Pacific. "Where are they going?"
"Just going sailing, having a good time. And there's probably a fishing boat full of guys like you and me. "Doing what?" he asked. "Just fishing, maybe for bass or tuna. Does your dad ever take you fishing?" "I don't have a dad." Michael sadly responded. Only six years old and he didn't have a dad, and his Mom had died, and here he was flying halfway across the country all by himself. The least I could do was make sure he had a good flight. With my foot I pushed my briefcase under my seat. "Do they have a bathroom here?" he asked, squirming a little. "Sure," I said, "let me take you there." I showed him how to work the "Occupied" sign, and what buttons to push on the sink, then he closed the door. When he emerged, he wore a wet shirt and a huge smile "That sink shoots water everywhere!" The attendants smiled.
Michael got the VIP treatment from the crew during snack time. I took out my laptop and tried to work on a talk I had to give, but my mind kept going to Michael. I couldn't stop looking at the crumpled grocery bag on the floor by his seat. He'd told me that everything he owned was in that bag. Poor kid.
While Michael was getting a tour of the cockpit the flight attendant told me his grandmother would pick him up in Chicago. In the seat pocket a large manila envelope held all the paperwork regarding his custody. He came back explaining, "I got wings! I got cards! I got more peanuts. I saw the pilot and he said I could come back anytime!" For a while he stared at the manila envelope. "What are you thinking?" I asked Michael. He didn't answer. He buried his face in his hands and started sobbing. It had been years since I'd heard a little one cry like that. My kids were grown -- still I don't think they'd ever cried so hard. I rubbed his back and wondered where the flight attendant was. "What's the matter buddy?" I asked. All I got were muffled words "I don't know my grandma. Mama didn't want her to come visit and see her sick. What if Grandma doesn't want me? Where will I go?"
"Michael, do you remember the Christmas story? Mary and Joseph and the baby Jesus? Remember how they came to Bethlehem just before Jesus was born? It was late and cold, and they didn't have anywhere to stay, no family, no hotels, not even hospitals where babies could be born. Well, God was watching out for them. He found them a place to stay; a stable with animals."
"Wait, wait," Michael tugged on my sleeve. I know Jesus. I remember now. Then he closed his eyes, lifted his head and began to sing. His voice rang out with a strength that rocked his tiny frame. "Jeeesus looooves me--thiiiiiis I knowwwwwww. For the Biiiiiible tells meeeeee sooooo....."
Passengers turned or stood up to see the little boy who made the large sound. Michael didn't notice his audience. With his eyes shut tight and voice lifted high, he was in a good place. "You've got a great voice," I told him when he was done. "I've never heard anyone sing like that." "Mama said God gave me good pipes just like my grandma's," he said. "My grandma loves to sing, she sings in her church choir." "Well, I'll bet you can sing there too. The two of you will be running that choir." The seat belt sign came on as we approached O'Hare. The flight attendant came by and said we just have a few minutes now, but she told Michael it's important that he put on his seat belt. People started stirring in their seats, like the kids before the final school bell. By the time the seat belt sign went off, passengers were rushing down the aisle. Michael and I stayed seated. "Are you gonna go with me?" he asked. "I wouldn't miss it for the world buddy!" I assured him. Clutching his bag and the manila envelope in one hand, he grabbed my hand with the other. The two of us followed the flight attendant down the jetway. All the noises of the airport seemed to fill the corridor. Michael stopped, flipping his hand from mine, he dropped to his knees. His mouth quivered. His eyes brimmed with tears "What's wrong Michael? I'll carry you if you want."
He opened his mouth and moved his lips, but it was as if his words were stuck in his throat. When I knelt next to him, he grabbed my neck. I felt his warm, wet face as he whispered in my ear "I want my mama!!!" I tried to stand, but Michael squeezed my neck even harder. Then I heard a rattle of footsteps on the corridor's metal floor. "Is that you baby?" I couldn't see the woman behind me, but I heard the warmth in her voice "Oh baby," she cried. "Come here. Grandma loves you so much. I need a hug baby. Let go of that nice man," she knelt beside Michael and me. Michael's grandma stroked his arm. I smelled a hint of orange blossoms. "You've got folks waiting for you out there Michael. Do you know that you've got aunts, and uncles and cousins?" She patted his skinny shoulders and started humming. Then she lifted her head and sang. I wondered if the flight attendant told her what to sing, or maybe she just knew what was right. Her strong, clear voice filled the passageway, "Jesus loves me -- this I know..."
Michael's gasps quieted. Still holding him, I rose, nodded hello to his grandma and watched her pick up the grocery bag. Right before we got to the doorway to the terminal, Michael loosened his grip around my neck and reached for his grandma.
As soon as she walked across the threshold with him, cheers erupted. From the size of the crowed, I figured family, friends, pastors, elders, deacons, choir members and most of the neighbors had come to meet Michael. A tall man tugged on Michael's ear and pulled off the red sign around his neck. It no longer applied.
As I made my way to the gate for my connecting flight, I barely noticed the weight of my overstuffed briefcase and laptop. I started to wonder who would be in the seat next to mine this time...... And I smiled.~
~Author Unknown>
~WHY A MANGER~
~A Jewish lady was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort on Cape Cod. One that did not admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, "Sorry, no room. The hotel is full."~
~The Jewish lady said, "But your sign says that you have vacancies." The desk clerk stammered and then said curtly, "You know that we do not admit Jews. Now if you will try the other side of town..."~
~The woman stiffened noticeably and said, "I'll have you know I converted to your religion." The desk clerk said, "Oh, yeah, let me give you a little test. How was Jesus born?" Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born to a virgin named Mary in a little town called Bethlehem." "Very good," replied the hotel clerk. "Tell me more." Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born in a manger." "That's right," said the hotel clerk. "And why was he born in a manger?" Mrs. Rosenberg said loudly, "Because a jerk like you wouldn't give a Jewish lady a room for the night!"~
~Author Unknown~
~CHRIST THE LORD HAS RISEN TODAY~
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