Assheads and Tin Foil Hats


O.K.. What is a tin foil hat? What is an asshat? Who are the assheads? What in the hell am I talking about?

Well, ....who knows any more?

Keeping track of the latest vernacular is a tough chore these days, but I'm struggling for a clue.

Oddly enough, or not, the transformation of this writer from a hip, radical young buck, tending towards sundry and unfocused rebelliousness largely for its own sake, to a cynically aging curmudgeon who might prefer a nice quiet hermitage with his middle aged cat, has occurred over the past twenty-five years almost unnoticed. In retrospect, twenty-five years is an alarmingly frightening, short period of time,

They say time is fleeting. You bet your ass it is!

Hmmph. A quarter of a century passed in a virtual flash. Poof, ....gone! Up in smoke, Baby! ....See ya! ....Bye-bye!

Boom! ....Just like that. Ask anyone over forty for a painfully detailed description.

So, what is a tin foil hat anyway?

[to see terms like "tin foil hat" and other jewels such as "pork chop shoes" used in stylistic context, see the delightfully juvenile and refreshing website,]

Well, I don't know exactly what a tin foil hat is, but I'll tell you what it should be. A tin foil hat should be a metaphor for an intellectual shield to guard the woefully malleable minds of the common people from the steady diet of pure crap spoon fed them at the hands of the "smart" people. Everyone should have at least one tin foil hat kicking around at all times.

And who are the assheads?

Well, if you ask me, the assheads are those very "smart" people, those modern purveyors of the ancient line of bull shit proclaiming that the wisdom of the few (the assheads') should rightly guide the very lives and existences of the unwise and directionless many (us).

You poor fools! Did you think that you were the best and most qualified authorities to govern your own pursuits and lives? Shame on you all! Somewhere out there in the halls of our collectivist government is an all-seeing, all-knowing asshead that knows just what is best for you.

Do you dare disagree? Think circumspectly, friend, before you choose to push the issue.


Admittedly, many of the unwise common folks out there retain a small semblance of independence, escaping the direct scrutiny of the assheads du jour by leading modest and anonymous, low-profile lifestyles underneath the establishment radar screens. Do not, however, be lulled to sleep regarding the consequences of loudly contesting the excesses of the bloated state.

If you ultimately choose to cross that line bringing you into the sights of the ham-fisted government machinery, the assheads will come.

Yes. Make no mistake about it. The assheads will definitely come, best to dispatch you to the hereafter with their lethal ordnance, or at worst, to incarcerate and torture your pitifully inconsequential mind and body, just another entry in the Gulag's vast registry.

And asshats?

They'll be wearing them when they come, Brother. They'll be wearing them.


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