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~ Potter's Editorial ~
9-29-99












....Okay, ....here's some funny stuff I started culling from my email last week when I started this bit–––before I got P.O.'ed at all kinds of nice stuff Big Brother's trying to pull on us now–––alright, ....read the funny stuff, and we'll get back to a little righteous indignation again next time....


    You know you're middle aged when:

  • You're older than your dentist.

  • It takes you two tries to get up from the couch.

  • A telephone rings on the TV and you think it's yours.

  • 90% of your dreams are reruns.

  • You no longer say no to the lobster bib.

  • The only "Stones" you're interested in these days are Kidney and Gall.

  • Your computer has more memory than you do.

  • You bring lawn chairs to outdoor concerts.

  • People warn you about shovelling snow.

  • You schedule your sexual activities.

  • You go from being a do-it-yourself'er to a hire-someone-else'er.

  • You don't have bad hair days; you have bad hair years.

  • Finally, you can use words like "titillate," "shuttlecock" and "Uranus" without laughing



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    Sounds like Arkansas

    Many many years ago
    when I was twenty three,
    I got married to a widow
    who was pretty as could be.

    This widow had a grown-up daughter
    Who had hair of red.
    My father fell in love with her,
    And soon the two were wed.

    This made my dad my son-in-law
    And changed my very life.
    My daughter was my mother,
    For she was my father's wife.

    To complicate the matters worse,
    Although it brought me joy,
    I soon became the father
    Of a bouncing baby boy.

    My little baby then became
    A brother-in-law to dad.
    And so became my uncle,
    Though it made me very sad.

    For if he was my uncle,
    Then that also made him brother
    To the widow's grown-up daughter
    Who, of course, was my step-mother.

    Father's wife then had a son,
    Who kept them on the run.
    And he became my grandson,
    For he was my daughter's son.

    My wife is now my mother's mother
    And it makes me blue.
    Because, although she is my wife,
    She's my grandmother too.

    If my wife is my grandmother,
    Then I am her grandchild.
    And every time I think of it,
    It simply drives me wild.

    For now I have become
    The strangest case you ever saw.
    As the husband of my grandmother,
    I am my own grandpa!


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    An Irishman went to London for a visit to the zoo. While there, he saw a man with an elephant act. The man claimed the elephant could look at person and tell that person's age.

    The Irishman was very skeptical and said so, in no uncertain terms. The man had the   elephant look at a small boy and the elephant stamped its foot 9 times. "Is that right?" he asked the boy. "Oh yes." the boy said.

      The Irishman was very loud, in his not believing that this was true. The man asked the elephant to tell the ages of several people, and each time the elephant stamped his foot and the people said he was correct.

     The Irishman got even louder and more abusive toward the man. Finally the man could take it no longer and wagered the Irishman that the elephant could look at him and tell him his age. The Irishman took him up on the wager.

    The elephant looked real close at the Irishman, turned around, raised his tail and cut wind like   you wouldn't believe, turned back around and stomped his foot twice.  

     Where upon the Irishman stumbled back and with a sound of disbelief in his voice cried...................

       "BeGabbers, He's Right...Farty-two!"


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      DATA SHEET

    • Element: Woman
    • Symbol: Wo
    • Discoverer: Adam
    • Atomic Mass: Accepted as 118 pounds, but known to vary from 85 to 550 pounds.

      PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

    1. Surface usually covered with painted film.
    2. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
    3. Melts if given special treatment.
    4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
    5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
    6. Yields to pressure applied to correct points.

      CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

    1. Has a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones.
    2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
    3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no reason.
    4. Insoluble in liquid, but activity is greatly increased by saturation in alcohol.
    5. Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man.

      COMMON USES:

    1. Highly ornamental; especially in sports cars.
    2. Can be a great aid to physical relaxation.

      TEST:

    1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state.
    2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.
    3. Always asks a question when asked a question, never answers.
    4. Always asks a question when you are leaving a room.

      HAZARDS:

    1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
    2. Illegal (and costly) to possess more than one.
    3. Prepare to forfeit 50% of assets upon a trade in or upgrade.
    4. CAUTION.....Extremely dangerous one week out of every month.






      ********************************************

      BUMPER STICKER'S SEEN AROUND THE WORLD

      Constipated People Don't Give A Shit!

      If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.

      My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.

      Thank You For Pot Smoking.

      To All You Virgins Thanks For Nothing.

      Horn Broken... Watch For Finger.

      It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.

      If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.

      I Have The Body Of A God... Buddha

      Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

      If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?

      The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name

      Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway

      Illiterate? Write For Help

      Honk If Anything Falls Off

      You! Out Of The Gene Pool!

      Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?

      It's Been Lovely But I Have To Scream Now

      If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong...

      Fight Crime: Shoot Back!

      Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.

      If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba   The Hut?

      Ax Me About Ebonics

      Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel

      Boldly Going Nowhere

      Caution - Driver Legally Blonde!

      Don't Be Sexist - Broads Hate That

      Heart Attacks... God's Revenge For Eating His  Animal Friends

      If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.

      Warning! Driver Only Carries $20.00 In Ammunition





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      Well, there you have it. Hope you got a chuckle. I'm gonna leave you with a little cartoon...see ya next time!


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