CODE WORD	MEANS
40-ish	52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Affectionate	Needy and looking for mother-figure
Artist	Delicate ego badly in need of
massage
Athletic	Sits on the couch and watches ESPN
Average looking	Unusual hair growth on ears nose and back
Distinguished-looking	Fat, gray and bald
Educated	Will always treat you like an idiot
Employed	On management track at Radio Shack
Financially Secure	In return for which I will expect you to obey my every whim for the duration of mortal life.
Free Spirit	Sleeps with your sister
Friendship first	As long as friendship involves nudity
Fun	Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking	Arrogant bastard
Honest	Pathological Liar
Huggable	Overweight more body hair than Gentle Ben
ISO Slim attractive	Would be better off with a Labrador retriever female
Light drinker	Headed for AA
Like to cuddle	Insecure overly, dependent
Like romantic walks	I read Cosmo and think this is what you want to hear on the beach
Mature	Until you get to know him
Open-minded	Wants to sleep with your sister but she's not interested
Physically fit	I spend a lot of time in front of mirrors admiring myself
Poet	Once wrote on a bathroom stall while constipated
Professional	Owns a white button down
Reliable	Shows up on time--give or take 3 hours
Self-employed	Same as for women and eat nachos all weekend
Sensitive	Needy
Smart	Thinks Cheers is "the wittiest show ever on TV"
Spiritual	Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter
Stable	Occasional stalker, but never arrested
Thoughtful	Says "Please" when demanding a beer
Virile	Can read 3 Penthouse Forums without passing out
Young at heart	Pedophile