The term ‘control freak’ is rarely used in a flattering way. Typically, it refers to someone who has to control everything, to ‘micro-manage’, to monitor everything down to the most minute detail. Controlling people typically drive family, friends, co-workers, and employees crazy! The controller is typically oblivious to the havoc he or she is wreaking . “I’m just making sure everything is done right!” they would protest.
However, as the late Father Blair Raum was fond of saying: “Every vice is a misguided virtue!” The controlling person, (God bless ‘em) does indeed get things done. And, on occasion, such control could save a life.
Let me tell a true story, While giving a talk at a local parish, (which will remain anonymous to help protect her identity) a lady told me an amazing story. She’s happily married, wonderful husband and child, but she was having an awful time at work. At a point in her depression, she decided to kill herself! As she contemplated the darkness of suicide, she thought to herself: “I’m a control freak. If I kill myself, my husband and son won’t do a good job with my funeral! They would just mess it up!” So she didn’t kill herself. So, if someone calls you that name, you might reply: “Yes, I am a control freak. But it might save my life!”
In life, we always have choices. We can give in to the darkness, and hurt ourselves or others, or we can give in to the light and be good to ourselves and others. Dr. Ann Kaiser Stearns, in her landmark book, “The Triumphant Survivors” documents how some people are crushed by adversity, and other people triumph over adversity. There are people like MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Drivers) people who have lost children to drunk drivers who dedicate their lives to seeing that other children won’t die, and other people won’t drive drunk. There are people in every kind of 12-step program who turn their addictions into compassion, who help others free themselves from the power of addictions. And there are what I call the quiet, and unknown, heroes of every day life, people who have been abused and victimized who do not become perpetrators themselves, but become more caring of others.
For thirty years, I have done a weekly, nationally syndicated radio show. I call it the longest running Catholic radio program for no salary! When people ask me why I work so hard for so long for no money, I always tell the same story. In my first year on the air, I received a letter all the way from California. In the 70’s my show was on about 300 stations. The letter was simply addressed: Father Joe, WPOC, Baltimore. There was nothing else on the envelope. And it made it across 3000 miles.
Inside the letter was this note: “I don’t know who you are. But last Sunday I had decided to kill myself. I picked out the bridge abutment that I was going to drive my car into. By habit, I turned on the radio. It was about 5:00 A.M. Your show was on the air. I had never heard it before. Your theme was: “Things that make us feel crazy”. I listened to your show. I decided that I couldn’t kill myself. Thank you for saving my life.”
That letter, and some others like it, have been my ‘pay’. We all have choices as to how we will face life and how we will trust God. This writing, found in the pocket of a dead Confederate soldier, says so much: “I asked for health that I might do greater things. I was given infirmity that I might do better things. I asked for riches that I might be happy. I was given poverty that I might be wise. I asked for power that I might have the praise of men. I was given weakness that I might feel the need for God. I got nothing I asked for, but everything I hoped for. Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered. I am among all men most richly blessed.”
As a wise person put it: “Troubles are often the means God uses to fashion people into something better than they are.”
So, who was Muhammad, and what do we know about Islam? Allow me to quote from a short essay by Dan Millman and Doug Childers in their book, “Divine Interventions”.
He was born in Mecca in A.D. 570. His father died before his birth, and his devastated mother, unable to nurse him, named him Muhammad, and gave him to a nursemaid, a shepherdess in a band of Bedouins. His early life was spent in this hard, open air existence.
At age six, he returned to his mother, but she died that year. He ended up living with an uncle, a caravan merchant.
At age 25, Muhammad took a position in a trading company owned by a woman 15 years his senior. They fell in love and married. But Muhammad was less interested in money, and would withdraw and spend long periods in the caves, praying and fasting. He pondered how the 360 stone gods in the temple at Mecca could save souls.
One night in the holy month of Ramadan in his 4oth year, while fasting and praying in his cave, Muhammad heard a voice calling him with great urgency. Looking up in the darkness, he saw an angel standing before him, emanating a dazzling light. The angel said: “Muhammad, thou are the messenger of Allah, and I am his angel, Gabriel.”
His wife Khadija accepted the revelation, but Muhammad was tortured by it. He could not imagine such an ordinary man as himself being spoken to by an angel.
He returned to the cave on Mount Hira, seeking the angel Gabriel. In despair, haunted by terrible doubts and assailed by fears of madness, Muhammad climbed onto a precipice and prepared to leap to his death. At that very moment the angel appeared before him and repeated: “I am Gabriel, and thou art Muhammad the Messenger of Allah.” Hours later, one of Khadija’s servants found him lost in ecstasy, and led him home.
Over time, his honesty and virtue, the words of scripture revealed through him, and the mysterious working of fate brought about the conversions of several of Mecca’s greatest warriors.
From beginning to end, Muhammad acknowledged himself as an ordinary man, full of faults and limitations - a man chosen by God, for reasons he did not understand, to deliver a new revelation of Islam, which means “submission to God.” Islam required faith in God, charity, purity, and a life free of idols, lived with the courage of a warrior in battle, with prayer as a cleansing immersion in His spirit.
The citizens of Mecca were roused to fury by Muhammad’s attack on their cherished idols - and by his declaration that there was but one God, named Allah, and that he, Muhammad, was His prophet. Forced to flee across the desert to the city of Medina, he began his mission anew, once again a lonely prophet with a handful of followers in a city of unbelievers.
Over time, the angel Gabriel revealed scripture to Muhammad, which he recited aloud and which Khadija and others wrote down. This scripture became know as the Holy Koran (Quran). The Koran was Muhammad’s defining miracle - the writing of this masterpiece of poetic religious scripture by a simple semiliterate man might in itself earned him fame as a prophet.
Persecuted as a heretic for nearly two decades, Muhammad became a fearless general in his old age. In the final battle, while outnumbered three to one but filled with the power of Allah, Muhammad and his followers descended upon the Meccan army, and destroyed it.
Within one century, Islam’s armies conquered the Arabian continent, city by city, turning its legions to the worship of Allah, the God of Abraham. Today, Islam numbers one billion, two hundred million members. It is an amazing story, isn’t it? Can the one God we all worship heal the divisions among us? Can we dedicate our own prayer and fasting during this season of Lent to hastening that healing?
“Fill your mind with the meaningless stimuli of a world preoccupied with meaningless things, and it will not be easy to feel peace in your heart.”
The quote, from Marianne Williamson, sums up both the reality of the culture we live in, and our personal need for Lent.
We do, indeed, live in a world of meaningless stimuli. As I flip the dial of the television, I’m amazed at the mind numbing array of videos, shopping channels, sit-coms, sports, talking heads, etc. So much stuff on the air, and so little that is meaningful, so much information, and so little that leads to wisdom. Our senses are constantly bombarded, and our spirits shrivel.
Can Lent be a time to save ourselves from ourselves, or at least from our culture? I think so. If the hallmarks of Lent are prayer, fasting, and almsgiving, can we be more conscious of what we fast from, be attentive to, and give ourselves to?
First, can we try fasting from some of the stimulation? For example, in the recent past I used to put on the radio in the morning while I was shaving or getting dressed. But I found myself bombarded with dozen of relentless and noisy commercials. By the time I got the news, or the weather, or the sports update, or the next chuckle, I had to run a gauntlet of messages, all trying to sell something. So, for Lent, I’ve listened less. If I miss the beginning of the newscast, or sportscast, I miss it. Subjecting myself to all the ‘noise’ is no longer worth it.
I also choose to give up certain programming on television as well. Every minute not spent watching television feels like an investment in my spirit. I find that I can get more news and information from reading a newspaper for half an hour, than I get from hours turning the radio or TV dial. Occasionally, there’s even a ‘wisdom piece’, a thoughtful essay or editorial that actually engages my mind.
Aside from finding ways to ‘fast from’ stimulation this Lent, I also try to cultivate more silence. If silence is the language of God, then I can’t hear if I’m not silent. I find myself cultivating ‘centering prayer’, sitting still while repeating a mantra or word over and over( such as Abba, Jesus, love, joy); or sitting still just monitoring my breath rising and falling - breathing in peace and joy, breathing out worry and tension. Sitting still, monitoring our breath, brings us back in touch with ourselves. We are not just responding to meaningless stimuli from outside us, but we discover the voice of God speaking within us. The kingdom of God really is within us which is why the kingdom of the world wants to distract us with all the stuff outside us.
Lent then is an opportunity to choose to fast from some of the meaningless stimulation of our society, and to turn to the prayer of the heart, the prayer of just being still in God’s presence. “Be still and know that I am God” has always been one of my favorite scripture verses.
Finally, we need to focus on what we give our money to. There are tons of worthwhile causes. My favorite ‘big charity’ is Catholic Relief Services. They still feed and assist some of the poorest of the poor in over 90 countries. However, I also find myself assisting single parents with tuition payments to Catholic Schools. These don’t show up as deductions on my taxes, but they do show up in peace of mind.
I also still buy lots of small, inexpensive gifts to give to family, friends, and staff. I find that small gifts go a long way in lifting other people’s spirits and brightening their day. We need to notice the poor in spirit. People don’t expect a gift with no strings attached. People are pleasantly surprised to be thought about.
Perhaps in the past, we have spent too much time making ourselves miserable for Lent! Perhaps a better investment is to find ways to bring laughter, joy, and happiness to other people. Remember, Lent leads to Easter, and Easter reminds us that there is light after the darkness, there is life after death, there is laughter after tears.
REALLY RAW HONEY! What am I talking about? No, I’m not talking about the girl friend from hell that you son brought home - a really raw honey! No, I’m not talking about the title of some movie that you probably shouldn’t be watching. So what am I talking about? I’m talking about a very natural form of honey that’s called Really Raw Honey!
Before I go any further, let me hasten to add that this is not a commercial. I haven’t been asked to write this, nor am I being paid to write this. I’m doing this simply as a ‘public service’. Remember, back in the 80’s when I wrote a column about Berger Cookies? Since writing that column, literally billions of Berger Cookies have been sold. (Note: I didn’t say because of my column.) My reward for writing that column was a couple of boxes of cookies which I distributed at the Catholic Center.
So, no, I’m no Michael Jordan. For putting his name on Nike shoes, he gets more money than all the thousands of workers in Malaysia who make the shoes! By contrast, I work cheap!
Why am I writing this? Because this Baltimore Based Company (down on Boston St., Hon), offers a product unlike any other. No, it’s not pretty. When you open a jar, you see honey in a solid form, topped with pollen, propolis, and honeycomb. I love this solid form. It doesn’t drip all over my morning paper, or all over me.
It also seems to have legitimate health benefits. While commercially processed honey loses about a third to a half of its nutrients, raw honey keeps its live enzymes. There are studies, as well as anecdotal evidence, that indicates that raw honey helps with sore throats, stomach problems, burns, skin rashes, allergies, asthma, and other ailments. As their own brochure states: “Raw honey is antiseptic, antibiotic, antifungal, and and antibacterial - it never spoils.”
While I can’t claim miracle status for raw honey, I do seem to feel better when I use it. The nicest part of getting through a week of the flu was consuming gallons of honey in tea and on toast. If you want to find out more for yourself, just call 1-800-REAL-RAW(1-800-732-5729), or visit on line.
Why am I talking about honey now? Because I think it serves as a perfect symbol of Lent. Lent is our time in the desert with the Lord. Remember, the Gospels speak of John the Baptist in the desert, feeding on “locusts and wild honey”. I can’t provide the locusts, but I do know where to get the raw honey.
Second, the bee is a great symbol of perseverance in goodness. Allow me to quote one fact about bees: “In her six week lifespan, one honey bee produces 1/12 teaspoon of honey - yes, that one twelfth of a teaspoon! To make a pound of honey, a colony must visit 2 million flowers, travelling over 55,000 miles.”
Can we see the bee as a symbol of the individual Christian, and the colony as a symbol of the Christian community? Individually, our contributions may seem quite small. Our best efforts, our greatest outreach, our largest individual efforts seem to touch a relatively tiny fraction of the earth’s six billion people. Yet, the combined efforts of the Church work miracles. We build thousands of schools, hospitals, churches and parish centers. Together, through Catholic Charities and Catholic Relief Services we touch the poorest of the poor at home and in most countries throughout the world.
Lent is a time, not just to concentrate on our individual acts of prayer, fasting, and almsgiving, but to focus on the combined efforts of the church. Lent is community time. We focus not only on the Catechumens preparing to enter the Church at the Easter Vigil, but also on those who use this season to return to the practice of their faith.
The sins and failings of members of the church are well advertised in the media. So Lent is always an appropriate time to call ourselves to deeper repentance and renewal. But the ‘real’ story of the church is the collective, ‘anonymous’, contributions of so many good people who work to build God’s kingdom on earth. So, a jar of honey is not just a symbol of the collective work of millions of bees, but a symbol of the collective goodness of so many people doing something beautiful for God with their lives.
Adversity makes us better
Catholic Review, February 3, 2004
What do we know about Islam?
Catholic Review, February 13, 2002
Lent, a time for saving ourselves
Catholic Review, February 20, 2002
Raw Honey - a perfect symbol of Lent
Catholic Review, February 27, 2002
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