The young man asked the wise man: “What is the leading cause of death?” The wise man replied: “Birth!”
All of us are born, knowing that we are going to die, and none of us believe it! We all know that ‘others’ die, but deep down we somehow think it won’t happen to us.
Ours is a culture that has made industries out of denying death. We have cosmetics and surgery to make us look younger. Fashions that help us to feel younger. We have diets and exercise programs that hopefully help us to live longer. We have entertainment of every sort to distract us from thoughts of mortality.
Yet, despite how we look, feel, or are distracted, we will still die. Yes, it does indeed make sense to live a healthy lifestyle with a sensible diet and exercise. Yet, there are no guarantees there either. We know of healthy young people who tragically die while exercising, and other people who are overweight, drink too much, and smoke too much who live into a ripe old age. Our genes probably have more to say about our health and longevity than all of our good intentions.
I often recall the words of the saintly Doctor, Thaddeus Sewinski, M.D. Back in the 80’s I asked him what he thought about alcohol and he responded: “Well, Father, one day we doctors discovered that there were more old drunks than there were old doctors!” Obviously he meant that humorously. There’s nothing amusing about many of the health complications that come from our addictions to drink and drugs. But he was making a point about the uncertainty of our medical wisdom, and, today we know that drinking in moderation – one or two glasses of wine a day – may actually extend life.
Having said all of this, we come back to the simple reality that one day we won’t be here. One of the reasons that the Church designates November as the month to pray for the ‘poor souls’, to pray for those who have gone before us in death, is to remind us of our own mortality.
Someone put it very succinctly: Our job is not to focus on living longer but to focus on living better. Allow me to share a story.
There was an unscrupulous contractor who worked for a construction company. He built houses, and consistently cut corners and used lesser quality materials to make extra money for himself. He once bragged to friends that he was so good at covering up his flaws that even he couldn’t find them. As he was approaching retirement, his company asked him to build a fabulous, luxury home. Realizing that this would be his last opportunity to make a lot of money ‘on the side’, he outdid himself in cheating on the materials. Even he worried that he had gone too far, and put too many flaws in the house. But he persisted in doing shabby work anyway.
At his retirement party, after the speeches and dinner, the president of the company announced that he had a big surprise for John. He gave him the house that he had just built!
What kind of house are we building? What kind of person have I made of myself? I have this hunch, this theory, that when we die God makes an exact clone of us, an exact duplicate of us. We then have to live with this duplicate forever!
If we have been grumpy, grouchy, mean, self-righteous, condemning of others, selfish, and on and on – that’s our roommate for all eternity. If we have been kind, gentle, forgiving, serving of others, generous, prayerful – that will be our roommate for all eternity.
We won’t live forever on this planet, but we will live forever. And as we pray for those who have gone before us, that God will forgive them, and set them free from anything that separates them from Him, we might also pray for a transformation of our own lives.
Do we earn God's love or do we respond to God's love? Do we merit heaven or is heaven God's gift? Let me tell a story.
When Sister Joan Chittister, OSB, was a little 10-year old girl, she ran through the glass front of a candy store. She realized that her parents could not afford to pay for the damage. She sat all day in the living room, waiting for her father to come home and punish her.
Finally, her father walked in and said: "Are you hurt?" "o," she replied. "Good," he replied. "What did you learn from this?" That was all he said. She realized that she didn't "merit" that love.
Sister Joan then writes to us: "I have an idea that someplace along the line even you have managed to escape the just deserts of our actions. In fact, if we think about it, we's all be somewhere else right now if God were a god of arithmetic. None of us have perfect scores. All of us have been saved from ourselves and through no merit of our own."
If we have to merit heaven, we're never going to get it. Because we can't. We aren't made to be perfect; we're made to be us. We're made to grow slowly. We're made to begin again and again. We're made to demonstrate God's justice and exercise God's mercy, both of which are clearly different from our own.
Allow me to offer a series of quotes from Sister Joan. If you tend to be scrupulous, fearful of God, wondering about your salvation, read these quotes over and over slowly and thoughtfully. I've added a few words to two quotes.
- "If we waste time worrying about what heavenly score we got today, we may be missing the whole point of life. Elie Wiesel put it, ‘What God gave Adam was not forgiveness of sin. What God gave Adam was the ability to begin again.'"
- "Jesus said, ‘The kingdom of God is within you.' So what is there to merit? It's not winning it that counts, but embracing it. Now."
- "the idea of merit turns God into a vending machine. If we put in some good deeds (or say the right words) we think, we'll get heaven out. But it doesn't take much to figure out the fallacy of that one."
- "the real question may not be about merit at all. It may be about heaven. If heaven is a place, then there may well be an admission fee. But if heaven is life with God, they we have it now. If we want it."
- "Merit is our idea. We don't know if it's really in the mind of God or not. After all, scripture itself could be used to argue against it. God chooses the sinner David and the rebel Peter and the prostitute Rahab and the pagan Cyrus for special tasks and special favors. That doesn't sound like our idea of merit at all."
- "Moral failure is the way we learn the difference between God and lesser things. As the mystic, Julian of Norwich taught, ‘God does not punish sin. Sin punishes sin..' (Cecil B. DeMille wrote, "We can't break the Ten Commandments. We can only break ourselves against the Commandments.")
- "It's what we learn from sin, not the points we lose by sinning, that counts in the end. Then we have the chance to become something right, rather than simply do something right."
- "‘Each of us bears our own hell,' wrote Virgil. If by giving into greed we learn at the end that greed leaves us unsatisfied; if we give into lust, and learn that lust is no substitute for love; if the acid of anger has ever eaten away our soul; if gluttony has ever taken us over the edge into drugs and self-destruction — if in other words, it is our sins which in the end turn us away from sin — then we will know that no ritualistic routing will ever merit us God. It is a matter of becoming what we say we are that leads us into the heaven of the self."
You probably don't want to hear about my colonoscopy. I didn't want to learn about it either!
The past month has been a series of medical adventures: an MRI which revealed a tear in my rotator cuff; a wicked virus that flattened me; and a series of follow-up tests to see if anything was compromising my immune system. All of which brings me back to the colonoscopy.
To put it delicately, an endoscopy is when a tube is put down your throat to examine your stomach. A colonoscopy is when a tube is put up the 'other end' to examine your intestines. I asked Dr. Huber if he went 'down' before he went 'up'. He replied: "Yes, it tastes better that way."
One of the nurses that was preparing me for the procedures asked: "I see you're getting both the endoscopy and the colonoscopy. Why?" I replied: "It was double-coupon day". I don't know why she didn't ask any more questions.
Allow me to sum up the colonoscopy this way: The preparation is wretched. The procedure is not so bad. Put simply, getting ready for it is worse than going through it.
I write about this because I put it off for years. Many people, especially men, put it off too long, and die unnecessarily of colon cancer. Without sounding like a commercial, if you're over fifty, schedule a colonoscopy. What we don't know can kill us. And if you get good news, as I did, you feel a whole lot better.
Most of us are embarrassed by our biology! While the media flaunts the bodies of the "very sexy or the very strong", most of us didn't get those bodies, or, if we got one, it didn't stay that way very long.
It's been said that, the more 'important' you are, or the more prestigious your role, the more clothes you wear! Most of us wear basic clothes at home. When we go to Church or to work, we dress a bit more formally. If we have special roles, such as judge or priest, we put 'vestments' on over our clothes. If we have even more important roles, such as Bishop, Pope, or King, we put robes on top of robes, and crowns and miters on our heads. I guess the moral is: if you want to feel important, wear a lot of clothes! If you look at paintings from antiquity, the king is always royally robed, while the slave gets only a loincloth, or nothing at all!
Medical procedures strip us down to basics. Our bare bottoms can remind us of our common humanity. I think that's good. I think that's what Jesus was trying to tell us. That we are all in this together, and if we just would love each other, life would be like heaven.
Jesus didn't have a lot of patience with people dressed in fine clothes. When he asked the crowds: "What did you go out into the desert to see? Someone dressed in fine garments? Those dressed in fine garments are in the houses of kings. What did you go out into the desert to see? A prophet?" A man wearing animal skins was closer to the heart of Jesus than those wearing splendid garments.
The only time Jesus got close to people in power - to King Herod and to the governor, Pontius Pilate, they were robed in power, and he was naked. They judged. He was judged.
His whole life seemed to prepare Jesus for that moment. His whole life was spent with those with few clothes - the leper, the poor, the lame, the blind, the lowly. He clothed them all in his love.
At the Endoscopy Center in Towson, where I had my procedure, I was impressed with how the staff made each patient feel like a person, not a procedure. I was touched by the kindness and respect they showed each person.
At the end of time, each of us will rise from our graves, and every stitch of clothing we ever wore will have rotted away. We will rise in our nakedness. And God won't be impressed with the clothes we wore, or the titles we had. He will only ask us: "Did you notice those physically in need around you? Did you notice the emotionally naked around you - the fearful, the vulnerable, the lowly, those who felt unimportant? Were they better off because they met you?"
If we can answer positively to responding to the needs of those wearing the least clothing, then we will be welcomed "into the joy of your Lord", and we will be clothed forever in the white garments of God's love!
Next to the question, “Father Joe, what happens when we die?”, the next most, often-asked question is, “What happens to my pet? Will I see my dog or cat again?” I usually respond that, since love is eternal, what we love becomes eternal as well. If heaven is the fullness of life, how could such an important experience not be a part of eternity?
On a practical level, to help us understand about the death of pets, I usually retell the parable of the Rainbow Bridge. Since September 11, I have received a second parable about the Bridge. Allow me to share both of them:
“There is a bridge connecting Heaven and Earth. It is called the Rainbow Bridge because of its many colors. Just this side of the Rainbow Bridge there is a land of meadows, hills, and valleys with lush green grass.
When a beloved pet dies, the pet goes to this place. There is always food and water and warm spring weather. The old and frail animals are young again. Those who are maimed are made whole again. They play all day with each other.
There is only one thing missing. They are not with their special person/s who loved them on earth. So, each day they run and play until the day comes when one suddenly stops playing and looks up! The nose twitches. The ears are up. The eyes are staring! And this one suddenly runs from the group!
You have been seen, and when you and your special friend meet, you take him and/or her in your arms and embrace. Your face is kissed again and again and again, and you look once more into the eyes of your trusting pet.
Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together, never again to be separated.”
That’s the original parable. Recently, a second parable appeared, entitled: “Welcome At Rainbow Bridge”.
“On the morning of September 11, 2001, there was an unprecedented amount of activity at the Rainbow Bridge. Decisions had to be made. They had to be made quickly. And, they were. An issue, not often addressed here, is the fact that many residents really have no loved one for whom to wait. Think of the pups and kittens who had lived and died hideous deaths. No one on earth loved or protected them. What about the many who spent unhappy lives tied in backyards, or scrounging in dumpsters? Think of the many who were abused? Who are they to wait for? We don’t talk about that much up here. We share our loved ones as they arrive, happy to do so. But we all know that there is nothing like having your very own person who thinks you are the most special pet in the Heavens.
That Tuesday morning a request rang out for pets not waiting for specific person to volunteer for a special assignment. An eager, curious crowd surged excitedly forward. They were told that all at once over 4,000 loving people had left earth long before they were ready. All the pets, as pets will, felt the humans’ pain deep in their hearts. “May I have one to comfort?”, asked a rabbit. One fluffy kitty asked: “Are there any children? I would be very comforting because I’m soft and squishy, and I love to be hugged?” A group of Dalmatians came forward to meet the firemen and their friends. The larger, working breeds offered to greet the Police Officers and to make them feel at home. Little dogs and cats offered to do their best to cuddle and kiss. Pets who had never had a kind word or a pat on the head, stepped forward and said: “I will love any human who needs love!” Then all the pets rushed to the Rainbow Bridge, and stood waiting, overflowing with love to share!”
Have you had any dreams about death since the terrorist attacks of September 11? Different people report different types of dreams. One man told me the following dream that he experienced.
He dreamed that he was sleeping! That’s a pretty realistic dream, isn’t it? Then, suddenly, there was a flash of bright light. He knew that a nuclear explosion had been set off. Knowing that he had only seconds to live, he called out: “I love you Katie! I love you Bessie! I love you Lord!” Then he woke up.
When he awakened and thought about the dream, he said that he was pleased with his reaction. In the final seconds of his life, he had called out his love for his wife, his daughter, and his God!
I was humbled hearing his story. I’m not so sure my own reaction would have been as noble. “Oh no!” or worse, may have come out of my mouth!
Freud called dreams the “royal road to the unconscious”. Through our dreams we get in touch with another part of ourselves, perhaps the most honest part of ourselves. For example, we may put on a bold and confident front in our conscious life, in our public life, but if our dreams are consistently anxious and fearful, then there is real fear and worry inside us.
Besides being a road to the unconscious mind, dreams can also be a way to God. Often in the Scriptures, God chooses to communicate with people through dreams. I have suggested that St. Joseph might be the Patron Saint of insomnia. In the few passages that mention him, it seems that about half of them are about getting messages in dreams, from which he awakes and makes important decisions.
My point in all of this is that we humans are complicated creatures. We obviously have a conscious mind, hopefully the one that is reading this article. (Unless it put you to sleep, then you’re in your unconscious mind.)
Beside these levels of awareness within us, there is a larger question that has been posed, and that is: “Where is the mind?” Is it in the brain, or is the mind in all of us, and even outside us? For example, as I’m writing this column, and you are reading it, literally thousands of chemical reactions are going on within our bodies. Who’s telling all these parts to do all these things? If I have an infection, millions of white blood cells are rushing to fight off the foreign invaders. Who sent them?
To further complicate things, ask yourself: “Am I thinking my next thought?” In other words, none of us really decides what we will think next. In the time it took me to write the last sentence, dozens of thoughts went through my mind – the Ravens next game, how nice the day is, the itch on my back, and on and on. I didn’t decide to think any of them. Where did they come from? Yes, we can choose to restimulate certain thoughts. If a thought made me feel good, I might try to think it again. If a thought made me mad, and I want to feel mad, I might want to spend more time on it. But, while I may choose to go back to a certain thought, where did the first thought come from?
Part of the answer to our complexity is that we are made up of the physical, the emotional, and the spiritual. The Sacraments touch all three levels. On a physical level, my physical body receives a physical piece of bread. On a spiritual level, if my faith leads me to experience that bread as God, then I’m touched on a spiritual level. If I receive my God with openness and love, then I experience an emotional response.
Most of us weren’t injured physically in the terrorist attacks of 9/11. But all of us were damaged emotionally and spiritually. Emotionally, we have all had to deal with the process of grief – the feelings of anger, depression, sadness, denial, and, grudgingly, acceptance. Spiritually, we may have been thrown into confusion: “Where is God?” “How could God allow this to happen?”
On a conscious level, we need to invite God into our emotions and spirits. Christmas is coming, as all the stores are reminding us. Like Mary, we must invite God into us and to be born in us, so that all of our complex being can be ruled by love, not by fear?
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Living Better, Not Longer
Catholic Review, November 4, 2004.
Is Heaven earned or God's gift?
Catholic Review, November 14, 2002
Deeper Rhythms that transcend our differences
Catholic Review, November 15, 2001
Our Pets are waiting
Catholic Review, November 22, 2001
He dreamed that he was sleeping
Catholic Review, November 29, 2001