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From: Suzanne Eder
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Hello all!
I hope this finds you gloriously well and looking forward to a summer worth writing home about. Once again I'm reaching out to share some food for thought to nourish you on this wondrous journey of living the life you came here to live. As always, please let me know if you'd prefer not to receive these messages, or if you'd prefer that I send them to a different email address. And feel free to forward this to anyone you believe might enjoy sharing the stories of a kindred spirit!
Before I launch into my musings, I want to update you on a few things that are percolating here at Solid Ground:
* The next Create Work You Love workshop (CWYL) will be starting soon! Although I may wait until the summer vacation months are over, I'd be happy to start a group if there are 8 - 10 people ready to jump in now. This 8-part series spread over four months is designed to help you uncover your deepest longings, and to provide an ongoing source of support and inspiration in creating your unique expression of those longings. It's really about creating a life that you love. Here are some things that past participants have had to say about the course:
* "It is really about so much more than work or what your job is, it's about your perception of life, of pushing through fears and uncovering fears that keep you from truly allowing the work/life you dream of from coming into form."
* "I've recommended this course to everyone I know. I've taken all kinds of personality tests and read the numerous books out there on finding one's calling. This is the first time in all of my 'searching' that I've been able to feel a sense of peace about the process. Suzanne has a true gift for group facilitation. Her gentle guidance and unconditional support kept the group inspired and on task. The homework assignments were not only fun, but revealing on so many levels. Even if you think you've seen some of the material before (for those self-help junkies like myself), you'll find that Suzanne is able to bring the information to a deeper and more integrated level of understanding. "
* "This course is all about inspiration! I was genuinely moved and inspired by Suzanne's wonderful writings. And there are no words to describe how motivating it is to share in the journeys of the other women in the group. I left each of our group sessions full of energy and hope. The most useful learning for me was a recognition of how far I had strayed from listening to my inner longing. I am now reconnecting with my passion, which I am confident will lead me to work that I love."
* I'm currently in the process of developing a Create Work You Love "Part 2" - taking it to the next level! The focus will be primarily on the power of intention to catalyze and support the creation of a transformed life. This will be offered to previous CWYL participants, but if you think you might be interested, don't hesitate to let me know; there may be a space in this new workshop just for you!
* I will be the guest speaker at a "Between Friends" dinner and get-together at the University & Whist Club on Tuesday, 9/27 at 5:30 p.m. The topic is "Creating Lives of Meaning, Passion & Purpose" and the food will be scrumptious. The cost is $35, which includes salad, entree, dessert, a glass of wine - and a stimulating discusssion! For reservations contact Cathy Smith at (302)658-5125 or email ClubEvents@universitywhist.com.
* I'm planning to host Tama Kieves - life coach, speaker, workshop leader and author of the best-selling book, This Time I Dance! Trusting the Journey of Creating the Work You Love - at an event here in Wilmington. Many of you know that Tama's book was instrumental in my choice (again!) to leave my full-time corporate job and create work that I love. She is the real deal - loving, wise, funny, profoundly insightful and deeply moving. She leads workshops in, of course, creating work you love, but she also offers courses in creative writing, unleashing your creative inspiration, and more. Check out her website at AwakeningArtistry.com - and write back to let me know if you'd be interested in attending a weekend event with Tama as our featured presenter! I'll flesh out the timing and other details as I gather responses from you on what you'd most love to hear.
Okay, and now for the story and thoughts that I hope will offer a smile of recognition or perhaps a helpful way of looking at the stress in your life. Enjoy!!
Getting It All Done
I was a senior at the Barbara Brennan School of Healing (BBSH), panting my way through the final year of this arduous education I had insistently and irrationally pursued. The school was like no other that I - or anyone else I knew before enrolling in it - had ever known. Which was precisely the point, of course: I had intended for that education to change my life.
I was also, in my senior year at BBSH, working 50+ hours per week at my very important corporate job and running not one, but two businesses on the side: my beloved fitness studio of 16 years and my struggling-for-its-identity healing center. Actually, in the spring of that year I was in the process of closing both businesses. Closing a business demands all of the energy, focus and commitment that opening one does - but it's less fun. A lot less. It's pretty draining, actually, what with all those petty grievances with your partner about who put in how much money and when, the physical demands of dismantling a space that you loved, and those incessant voices hissing to you about failure and humiliation and the abject burial of your dreams. Other than that, though, it's a lot like opening a business. Oh, and did I mention that I was also responsible for the timely filing of tax returns for both of these enterprises?
And the senior year at BBSH was, naturally, the most demanding. It sought to integrate and dramatically deepen all that we had studied, learned and experienced during the previous three years. To say it bluntly, there was a lot of work to do. In addition to the mountains of homework we had to climb between each of the five intensive class weeks (and now I remember: in order to even meet the minimum attendance requirements of the school, I had to use every single day of vacation that I had so desperately earned during the year...) Where was I? Oh, yes; the work. We seniors had to complete a case study with a committed client, and we had to write a paper. A long, thoughtfully researched paper. Not my favorite thing. There was so much to do.
I felt, shall we say, overwhelmed. "I'm not really sensing your passion for this subject. Have you considered...." I don't remember what my teacher suggested I consider after reading the first draft of my research paper. All I know is she might as well have told me to design the next generation of cruise missiles while wearing frumpy, ill-fitting clothes: it was utterly impossible and not even the tiniest bit pleasing aesthetically. No, I hadn't considered that, and I wasn't ever going to consider that. It would mean that I had more to do. And the more I thought about it, the angrier I became. Who did she think she was, telling me that my paper lacked a certain zest?! Oh. She thought she was the teacher.
But she simply didn't understand. So I heaved a heavy sigh and explained in excruciating detail all the many important commitments in my life. Why, the school should be tickled pink that I had managed to submit a first draft at all - and on time, no less! After reciting my woeful list of to-do's through pursed lips and a mantle of resignation, I rested my case. I waited expectantly for her to smile and pat my hand sympathetically and say, "My, you have so much on your plate! This paper is a marvel of ingenuity, given all that you've got going on. Take the time you need and just submit what you can, when you can." Instead she said, and I quote, "So if you've got so much to do, just do it." She didn't even blink - and she certainly didn't smile or pat my hand.
I froze. She so didn't get it. How could I possibly respond to such an inane and unfeeling comment? What was I doing at this school, anyway?! I mumbled something innocuous (I hope) and hurried away, seeking solace with a classmate who convinced me that these teachers didn't have a clue what it was like, living in the "real" world. (It turns out that my teacher was an accomplished architect working a demanding 60-hour work week at her firm, using all of her precious vacation time to give her heart and soul to earnest students of the healing school. Okay, so maybe she did understand a little bit about the real world.)
In the interest of making a long story short, I'll cut to the finish. I wrote a passable research paper, completed all of my assignments and graduated from the school. I closed my businesses and moved on. I succeeded in crossing everything off my to-do list. But I didn't really grasp what my teacher had intended for me to hear until long after my diploma was hanging proudly in its frame. She had trusted that, at some level, I would recognize a truth and begin living from that truth; she didn't realize that I was a remedial learner and needed a bit more elaboration to understand her point. And her point was this: it was my thinking that was driving me crazy, not the circumstances. Yes, I did have a lot to do, and much of it was unpleasant. And yet, it was my continual wringing of hands and gnashing of teeth that created the visceral, anxiety-ridden experience of stress: "I have so much to do! I'll never get it all done!!! I HATE this!!!" That mental haranguing created a level of internal friction that was bound to stimulate a charged, emotional response; and the more emotionally anxious I became, the more I had to complain about. I look back now and marvel at all the energy I consumed, sputtering and muttering fitfully about what I had to do. Why, freeing up that energy would have provided all the fuel I needed to simply get it done.
It really is true: our thoughts, beliefs and perceptions create our reality. And what that usually comes down to, day in and day out, is how we talk to ourselves and others. What is it we habitually say? Do you ever hear yourself saying - or thinking - something along the lines of "I'm so tired of..." or "It's such a struggle to...." (this is a very popular one with the weight loss crowd!) or "I have a million things to do!!" Our bodies respond to our thoughts as if they are true; if you think everything is a struggle, then you will most certainly feel that it is. What if you invited a different kind of thought into your awareness?
Let me stop here and declare unequivocally that I am not suggesting you deny reality or make up fairy tales about your life. What I am suggesting is that you intentionally and mindfully discard the distracting prattle that exaggerates and distorts your reality, so that you can more clearly see and act on the truth. Consider the simple example of, "I have a million things to do!!" Now, I haven't actually seen your to-do list, but I feel extremely confident in saying that you don't, in fact, have a million things to do. But every time you affirm that you do, you initiate a cycle of panic and despair that results in a sort of paralysis - or possibly a reactive mustering of your mighty willpower to simply muscle through and get it all done. So your experience is one of frustrating ineffectiveness or pure exhaustion. What if you stopped repeating with alarm, "I have a million things to do!" What if you simply acknowledged the things on your list without judgment or exaggeration, and in this quiet state of heightened awareness - uninterrupted by the panic borne of believing you have to do the impossible - you calmly assessed what you truly wanted and needed to do? What if you made mindful, nourishing choices instead of reactive, depleting ones? Just imagine the reality you could create.
In the spring of my senior year, I didn't see the link between the chaos of my thinking and the chaos of my life. What I really needed - and what my teacher was hoping I would do - was to stage a gentle but firm intervention with my thoughts. They were swirling around me and I was spinning to keep up, faster and faster until I wobbled and lost my center. Had I stood my ground rather than chasing those thoughts, I could have watched them run their ragged course and then collapse, tired and powerless. I could have quietly reclaimed the energy those thoughts had consumed, empowering myself to act with earnest commitment on the choices I had made. And in the stillness, I could have seen the truth about my life that was shrouded behind those frantic thoughts: I needed to grieve the loss of my businesses, to sink into the seemingly endless despair of unrealized dreams and, miraculously, discover its hidden treasures of true self acceptance, insight and compassion. And I needed to celebrate my graduation!
"That's nice, I'm happy for you," I hear you saying with just the tiniest bit of impatience. "But what about those other examples you glossed over? Sure, I can see how my thoughts might be clouding my reality, but that losing weight thing is real - it is a struggle!"
Losing weight is a subject for another time. But know this, the way you think and talk about losing weight has a direct impact on your experience of it. It can be an exhausting struggle, or it can be an empowering challenge. Or it can be whatever else you create. Regardless of whether you want to lose weight or reduce stress or boldly and passionately claim the life you were meant to live, this I can assure you: the practice of allowing the chaotic silt of your worries and doubts and runaway thinking to settle, so that the trusted guidance of your inner knowing can be seen in the clear water, is a profoundly powerful one. If only I'd figured that out in my senior year.
Copyright © 2005
Suzanne Eder is a transformational life coach living in Wilmington, Delaware. She is available to speak and lead workshops on the topics of Creating Work You Love, Creating Lives of Meaning & Purpose, Reinventing Stress and The Power to Create Positive Change. She is also available for private coaching sessions in person or by phone.