DAY FIVE

It is dinner time, our heroes are searching the kitchen for food. Wolverine is eating a sandwich, Jubilee is eating a slice of leftover pizza, Richards is eating an apple. Thor, Spidey and Hulk enter the kitchen.

Spidey and Hulk go right for the freezer, Spidey opens it. “Ooooh! Frozen Taco!” they both say in unison. They look at each other.

“Hey, that’s my frozen taco.” Spidey says.

“No, it Hulk’s frozen taco.” Hulk replies. They both reach for the taco.

“Look, I gave you the last of the chocolate milk.” Spidey says.

“Yes. After Hulk choke spidey-friend.” Hulk replies.

“Only you would recall such petty details.” Spidey mumbles.

“Look at Hulk’s hand. It so big. Hulk could squeeze Spidey-friend’s face until Spidey-friend give Hulk taco.” Hulk says.

Spidey freezes for a moment. “You are such a bastard.”

“Yeah, Hulk knows. Hulk one badass mofo.” hulk says, he heats up the taco.

Thor gets something to eat, as does Cap. Doom enters the kitchen, he runs to the freezer. “What?! Who ate Doom’s Taco?!” he shouts.

Spidey struggles not to laugh. “That was your taco?” he asks.

“Yes. Doom was saving that.” Doom replies.

“Well, you know, it hasn’t been eaten yet....” Spidey says.

“Really? Well, give Doom his taco!” Doom demands.

“You really want it?” Spidey asks.

“Yes! And not only that, I will badly injure whoever was involved in the theft of my taco!” Doom says.

Spidey gives out a small chuckle. “Okay. Hey, Hulk?” he asks.

“Yeah, Spidey-friend?” Hulk asks.

“Doom here says it’s his taco, that he’s gonna hurt you and take your taco away from you.” Spidey says.

Hulk slowly turns around. “Doom hurt Hulk?” he asks.

“Oh.....Shit. No, I would never hurt you, Hulk....” Doom says.

“So, this Hulk’s taco?” Hulk asks.

“Well, no. Technically, that’s Doom’s taco.” Doom says. Hulk walks over to him and picks him up by the cape. “What is this?! Put me down!” Doom shouts.

Spidey and Wolverine are sitting at the table watching as a loud slap rings in the air, followed by a pathetic whimper. “Did he....?” Wolverine asks.

“Yeah, I think so....Hulk just bitch-slapped Doom! Yeah!!” Spidey replies.

Doom stands there for a minute, then runs into his room crying. Spidey cracks up laughing. “Doom was crying like a little girl!” he says, than laughs hysterically.

DAY SIX

It is mid-afternoon, Doom comes out of his room. Spidey, Cap and Wolverine are sitting in the living room. As Doom enters, they all start singing. “Hulk made Doom his bitch, Hulk made Doom his bitch.” they all sang.

Doom looks at them, infuriated. “Stop that! Insolent fools!” he shouts. They continue singing.

Hulk walks into the room, he joins in on the song. “Hulk made Doom Hulk’s bitch, Hulk made Doom Hulk’s bitch.” he sings. Doom growls and returns to his room.

Hours pass, Doom returns from his room, a large gun in his hand. Everyone is in the living room.

“Whoa! Everybody run, it’s Charlton Heston!” Spidey shouts before cracking up laughing. Everyone joins in on the laughter.

Everyone, that is, with the exception of Doom. “That’s it. Everyone have a good laugh, imbeciles. But be warned; the next person to laugh at Doom, will get blasted into non-existence!” he shouts.

“Victor, how did you make that? You didn’t have to means to construct such a weapon.” Richards asks.

“Very simple. Why do you think I called the big room? I Spent the first three days transforming it into my personal lab. And I spent the last three days constructing this weapon. With the sole intention of threatening you all with it.” Doom replies.

“So, wait. If you shoot someone with that, they’ll cease to exist?” Spidey ase to exist?” Spidey asks.

“In essence, yes.” Doom replies.

“Let me see, spend the next three weeks trapped in this house with seven extremely annoying people or face an eternity of non-existence....?” Spidey says, he weighs the options. He thinks for a moment, before speaking.

“Shoot me.” he says.

“What?” Doom asks.

“Shoot me! Come on, I’m ready. Shoot me!”

“Wait, you want to be shot?” Doom asks.

“Of course! Look around you. I Hate this place, I mean, don’t you?” Spidey replies.

“Well, of course. But I’m the villain. I’m supposed to protest everything.” Doom says.

“Right. Well, in this case, you’re right.” Spidey says.

“I’m right?” Doom asks.

“Yes. This is genuinely hell.” Spidey replies. “So, I say again, Shoot me!” he adds.

Doom ponders it for a second. “Very well.” He says, he shoots Spidey.

“Oh! Sweet, Sweet silence!” Spidey says as he slowly disappears.

Hulk bursts into tears. “Spidey-friend gone!!!” he shouts as he continues his manic crying.

“Oh, shut up.” Doom says, he shoots Hulk too. Who then disappears.

“By Odin’s beard!” Thor shouts as he is shot and disappears.

“Doom! Stop thi--” Cap starts but is interrupted by Doom’s gun. He disappears. As do Jubilee and Wolverine.

Richards runs over to Doom, he grabs the gun and tries to take it away. “Doom, you have to stop this!” He shouts.

“Bite me, Richards.” Doom replies. The two get into a huge struggle over the gun. Suddenly, it explodes. The energy hits both men, and they both disappear.

A Huge area with lots of trunks and musical instruments. A Flash of light, and our heroes are there.

“What the hell?!” Spidey asks.

“But, this was supposed to be non-existence....” Doom says to himself.

“Exactly.” A voice says. It is the voice of the Beyonder. He appears in front of the heroes.

“The Beyonder?!” they all say in unison.

“Yes. It is I, the Beyonder.” Beyonder replies. “You’re all probably very confused and wondering why you exist at the moment, instead of what Doom had promised.” he adds. The heroes all nod.

“Well, truth be told, Doom’s plan worked. There was a brief moment in time when you all ceased to exist.” Beyonder says.

“Then, what brought us back?” Doom asks.

“I Did.” Beyonder replies.

“But, why?” Doom asks.

“Because, you all left without even telling me. Let alone asking my permission. For all you know, I would’ve allowed you to leave. Let you go without a struggle.” Beyonder says.

“You would’ve?!” Spidey asks.

“No.” Beyonder replies.

“Oh.....” Spidey says.

“But you didn’t know that. And as punishment, I have brought you here. To this alternate reality where superheroes do not exist.” Beyonder says.

“Wait, no superheroes? Which means no super villains, right?” Spidey asks.

“Yes. That is correct.” Beyonder replies.

“Whoo-hoo!! I’m retired, baby! No more crime-fightin’ for me!” Spidey shouts.

“Where are we?” Cap asks.

“The Astro-dome in Houston.” Beyonder replies.

“Ah.” Cap says, as a confused look appears on his face.

“Hulk have question.” Hulk says.

“Yes, hulk?” Beyonder replies.

“Why Hulk in hot pink tube top?” Hulk asks. All the heroes look at him to see him dressed in hot pink, metallic clothing. They all laugh, until they notice they’re dressed the same way.

“Hey, what the hell is this?!” Spidey shouts.

“Ah, that. Yes. Well, seeing as there are no superheroes in this reality, I had to assign you all a different job.” Beyonder says.

Suddenly, Britney Spears bursts into the room. “Come on, guys! This’ll be the best show ever!” she says.

“Britney!!” Hulk shouts. Britney giggles and leaves the room.

“Hey.......wait a minute......” Spidey says. He thinks for a moment.

“Oh shit. We’re Britney Spears’s back-up dancers!” Cap shouts in horror.

“Yep. For all eternity. Or until I don’t find it funny anymore. But don’t bet on that happening anytime soon.” Beyonder replies with a chuckle.

“GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!” Spidey screams as he falls to the floor.

Everyone groans in terror. All except the Hulk. Who is singing. “Oops....Hulk did it again!”