Mike's Rude Jokes--Jokes about Blondes, Brunettes & Redheads.

A blonde goes into a computer store and asks the clerk, “Where do you keep the curtains for computers?”
The clerk answers with a puzzled face, “Curtains for computers? You don’t need curtains for computers.”
The blonde’s eyes widen and she shakes her head as she answers, “Hello!?? My computer has Windows!!”

A blonde decided to paint a room.
When her husband got home, he asked, "Why are you wearing an Alaskan and a winter coat?"
She replied, "The can said for best results apply 2 coats."

A blonde man marries his girlfriend who is also blonde. It's their first honeymoon night and the man doesn't quite know what to do.
He calls his dad, who says, "Son, you take the hardest thing you got and you put it where she goes to the bathroom."
The newlywed thanks his father, hangs up the phone, and places his bowling ball in the toilet.

Q: Why did the blonde go outside with her purse open?
A: Because she heard there would be a change in the weather.

Q: How do you keep a blonde busy for 2 days?
A: Give her a piece of paper that has "Please turn over" written on both sides.

A blonde gets lost and calls for directions. The operator asks which cross streets she's at.
The blonde replies, "I'm on the corner of Walk and Do Not Walk."

A couple is trying to have a baby. Finally, the blonde tells her husband, "Honey, I have great news! We're pregnant, and we're having twins!"
The husband is overjoyed and says to his wife, "Honey that's wonderful, but how do you know so soon that we're having twins?"
She nods her head and says, "Well, I bought the twin pack pregnancy test and they both came out positive!"

Q: Why do Blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.

Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.

Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!

Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!

Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.

Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
A: Butter is difficult to spread.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
A: Not everybody has been in a limo.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.

Q: What's the difference between a blond having her period and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
A: You can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week.

Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common ?
A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.

Q: What do blonds and spagetthii have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.

Q: Why did the deaf blond sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.

Q: How do you drown a blond?
A: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.

Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: Don't tell her to swallow.

Q: Why did the blonde chick drown in the pool ?
A: Someone left a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

Q: Why do blonds have square boobs?
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."

Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.

Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.

Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.

Q: What do you call a blond with a bag of sugar on her head ?
A: Sweet Fuck All...

Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A: Frosted Flakes.

Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide-and-seek champ.

Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: A Space Invader.

Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.

Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.

Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.

Q: Why do blondes drive VW's
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!

Q: How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night!

Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.

Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.

A blonde walked into a hairdresser's with a pair of headphones on and asked the hairdresser for a haircut - but "don't touch the headphones o.k.?"
"Fine" said the hairdresser - a little taken aback - but happy for the work. Three weeks later, the same blonde returned and asked for another haircut but with the same condition,
"Whatever you do ... don't touch the headphones"
"No problem" said the hairdresser who went on to give her another good cut, considering the restraint. Three weeks later, the same thing happened.

Well, just as the hairdresser was finished, she couldn't resist and she just lifted one side of the headphones up. The blonde promptly fell stone dead on the floor of the shop.
"Oh my God - I think I've killed her" screamed the hairdresser. She picked up the headphones and put them on herself. She heard the strangest thing... "breathe in...breathe out... breathe in...breathe out."

Shortly after the 911 emergency number became available, an elderly and quite ill blonde appeared in a Rochester hospital emergency room, having driven herself to the hospital and barely managing to stagger in from the parking lot. The horrified nurse said,
"Why didn't you call the 911 number and get an ambulance?"
The lady replied,"My phone doesn't have an eleven!"

A blonde, a brunette, a redhead, a vicar, a priest, a rabbi, two giraffes and a duck, a farmer, a lawyer, an accountant, an IRS agent, a Mexican, an Indian, a Chinese, an Irishman, an Englishman, a Scotsman and a redneck walk into a bar. The barman says: "Hang on a minute. What is this, some kind of joke?

How do you know if a blond has been using a computer?
There is a condom on the joystick and two dollars in the disk drive.

How can one tell when a blonde is a good cook?
When the blonde serves the poptart in one piece.

How can you tell if the blonde biker is an aristocrat?
No spelling errors on her tattoo's.

Hear about the blonde who tried playing water polo?
She drowned her horse.

How many blondes does it take to make popcorn?
One to hold the pot and the other 2 to shake the stove.

This blond decided to dye her hair brown, then to celebrate her new image, she took a motor trip across country. Way out in the sticks she came across a farmer leaning against a fence post, watching his large flock of sheep.
"I need a pet," she decided, stopping the car. She walked over to the farmer and asked,
"If I can guess how many sheep you have in your flock will you give me one? I'd like a pet."
The farmer agreed. The gal looked over the flock for a few seconds, then declared, "You have 253 sheep here."
"That absolutely correct," the amazed farmer stated. "I'll keep my end of the bargain. You pick one of the sheep for your pet."
She did and as she was getting back into her car, the farmer approached her. "I've got a proposition for you, Miss. If I can guess the true color of your hair, will you give me back my dog?"

How does a blonde turn on the lights after sex?
She opens the car door!

How do blonde braincells die?
Alone.

What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant.

How do you brainwash a blonde?
Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
Artificial intelligence.

Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
Because they can't even keep two calves together!

What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
Nothing. They've never met.

Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

What do you get when you turn a blonde upside down?
A brunette with bad breath!

Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
1: She'd just dyed her hair.
2: She just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Why do blondes wear their hair up?
To catch everything that goes over their heads.

Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
You can park in the handicap zone.

What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievement?
An IN-body experience!

Why is a blonde like a turtle?
They both get screwed when they're on their back.

What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpme Dumpme.

How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.

The Doctor told the Blonde she was going to have twins...She laughed and smiled. No way! she says.
The doctor being careful in choosing his words says, "Miss, The Ultrasound doesn't lie."
Whatever! she says. As she leaves the office she smiles to herself.
She knew she only did it once.

Q1 How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
There's writing on the white-out.

What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.

What did the blonde think of the new computer?
She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.

Why don't blondes eat Jello?
They can't figure out how to get 2 cups of water into those little packages.

What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?
All you can eat, under a buck.

Why don't blondes eat pickles?
Because they can't get their head in the jar.

Why don't blondes eat bananas?
1: They can't find the zipper.
2: They cant find the pull tab.

Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
They have to have some place to rest their ankles.

What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
Her ankles.

Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
Because red means stop.

How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
By the lipstick on your cucumbers.

Why don't blondes use vibrators?
They chip their teeth.

How did the blonde die ice fishing?
She was run over by the zamboni machine.

What's a brunette's mating call?
Has that blonde gone yet?

What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
A visitor.

Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
Because she got an F in sex.

A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says,
"Awww, look at the dead birdie." The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"

Why do blondes work seven days a week?
So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.

What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
You need a quarter to use the phone.

To a blonde, what is long and hard?
Grade 4.

What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?
Third Grade.

A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks, "Where did you get that?"
The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver. "Ma'am, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road?"

The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"

Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer
replied, "Ma'am... that's your Pine Tree(tm) Air Freshener!"

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something.
I am 6' tall, 200 lbs and I am blonde. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2, weighs 225 and he's blonde. The fella next to him is 6'5" and 250 and blonde.
Now, you still wanna tell that joke?" The first guy says,
"Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "shut up ... you're next!"

A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde."
The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

How many blonds did it take to change the lightbulb?
5, one to hold the lightbulb, 4 to turn the room around.

How is a blond like a : Hairdryer? Turn her on and she starts to blow.
Vaccum Cleaner? Turn her on and she starts to suck.
Light Switch? Even a six year old can turn her on.

Doctor (using a stethoscope): "Big breaths."
Blond: Yeth. And I'm not even thickteen yet

Why is a blond like a screen door?
Because the more you bang her, the looser she gets.

Why is a blond like a railroad track?
Because she gets laid all over the country.

Why don't blonds make good cattle herders?
Because they can't even keep their calves together.

Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.

Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.

Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They both get fucked up when they're on their back.

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it 'cos she couldn't get channel 9....

Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.

Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.

Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.

She was so blonde that....
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She tried to put M& M's in alphabetical order.
She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
She thought Meow Mix was a record for cats. She tripped over a cordless phone.
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
She told me to meet her at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk".
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
At the bottom of application where it says "sign here", she put "Capricorn".
She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
She studied for a blood test - and failed.
She sold the car for gas money.
Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics".
When she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home & got 16 friends.
When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
She thinks Taco Bell is a phone company.
When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first x-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating. She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain. Blonde: "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape, but static."
Store Clerk: "Sorry about, that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?"
Blonde: "It's called 'Head Cleaner'."

On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested she move to economy since she didn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replied,
"I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving."
Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak to her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section.
Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving. The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain said,
"I' m married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this."
He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to herself,
"Why didn't anyone just say so?"
Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked the captain what he said to her. The captain replied:
"I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York."

Two young blonde women are sitting at a bar in such an obviously celebratory mood that the bartender drifts over intending to offer them a drink on the house. When he gets close he hears one say to the other "Here's to 17 days!"

Smiling, the bartender says, "Congratulations! What's so special about 17 days?"

Eyes twinkling, one of the women explains, "Well, we've been spending our evenings working on a jigsaw puzzle! And it said 3-5 years on the box, but we finished it in only 17 days!"

Two blondes were driving through Louisiana when they came to a sign that told them they were almost to Natchitoches. They argued all the way there about how to pronounce the name of the town. Finally they stopped for lunch. After getting their food, one of the blondes said to the cashier, "Can you settle an argument for us? Very slowly, tell us where we are." The cashier leaned over the counter and said "Buuurrrrrr-Gerrrrrr Kiiiinnnnnggg".

In Las Vegas, a blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly, and of course the machine keeps popping out the soda cans.

Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go.

The blonde spins around and shouts in her face: "Can't you see I'm winning?"

Sally, a blonde, goes on her first camping trip. Her husband, who was a Scout Leader, was sick so she volunteered to take over for him one weekend. She got everyone together and assigned different duties to each scout.

Gabby was responsible for the food supplies, Mike would be the cook this trip, Johnnie was responsible for their maps and making up a time schedule, Tim was to decide on their events, and to fit them into Johnnie's schedule and Sally would test all their equipment before setting out.

They arrived at Big Moose Mountain and everyone was excited. They arrived right on schedule and were getting ready for their first event - hiking up the mountain. But first, they wanted to get something to eat. So Sally asked Mike if he would prepare the meal and, of course, Mike said he would.

About 10 minutes later he came back and told Sally, "I can't make the supper. I can't light a fire with the matches you brought."

Sally replied, "I can't understand that. Those matches should be perfectly fine. I tested them all just before we left."

A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."

The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?" The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck.
He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."
"Alright. How long do you need them?" The customer paused for a minute and said, "Uh... I'd better go check."
After awhile, the blonde returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house.

One day, a man comes home from work and finds his blonde wife leaning over the kitchen sink and crying. He said, 'Honey, what's wrong?'
She said between sniffles, 'I...I dropped the ice cubes on the floor, and then I rinsed them off in hot water, and now I can't find them.'

One morning this blonde calls her friend and says "Please come over and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to start it."
Her friend asks "What is it a puzzle of?"
The blonde says "From the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
The blonde's friend figures that he's pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him to where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box. He then turns to her and says:
"First, no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger."
"Second, I'd advise you to relax, have a cup of coffee, and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.
"I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
"Darn, he recognized me," she thought.
She went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman.
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
Frustrated, she exclaimed "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

To prepare for his big date with a blonde hottie, the young man went up to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself. Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude. Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof, and managed to get a sunburn on his "tool of the trade."
This young man was determined not to miss this date, so he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze. The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a homecooked dinner, after which they went into the livingroom to watch a movie. During the movie, however, the young man's sunburn started acting up again. He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen, and poured himself a tall, cool, glass of milk. He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced an immediate relief of his pain.
The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his penis immersed in the glass of milk. Upon seeing this, the blonde exclaimed,
"So that's how you guys load those things!"

A blonde was looking for a way to make some extra money, so she decided to go door to door and see if she could do some chores for cash. She knocked on the door of the first house and asked the man if he had any odd jobs she could do for him today?

He thought for a minute and said "yes you could paint my porch for me, and I will pay you $50.00,that seemed fair to the blonde so she agreed to do it, The man showed her where she could find the paint and brushes and went back in the house, about a half hour later , the blonde was back at the door and said she was done.
The man replied "wow that was fast, are you sure your done already?"
To which the blonde says "yes, but by the way that is not a porch it is a Ferrari!"

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are stuck on an island that is 20 miles from the mainland. The brunette decides she is going to swim to the mainland. She swims five miles, gets tired and drowns. The redhead decides to do the same, makes it 15 miles, then gets tired and drowns. The blonde thinks that she will try. She swims 19 miles, gets tired and decides to swim back!

One day a woman decided to have all the rooms in her house painted, so she called a painter to come over and give her an estimate on how much it would cost. The painter arrived, and the woman brought him into the dining room.
"What color would you like this room painted?" he asked.
"Green," the woman replied. The painter nodded and wrote something down on his notepad. Then he went over to the nearest open window and yelled out, "Green side up!" The woman thought this was odd but continued on to the kitchen.
"What color would you like this room painted?" he asked.
"Yellow," the woman replied. Again, the man nodded, wrote something down on his notepad, and went over to the nearest open window.
"Green side up!" he yelled.
The woman was puzzled, but figured that he was a professional, so she shouldn't question him. The whole tour continued like this; the woman becoming more & more suspicious each room they went through that the painter leaned out the open window and yelled, "Green side up!"
Finally they were finished and the woman couldn't stand it any longer. She asked the painter,
"Why did you yell 'Green side up' out the window every time I told you what color I wanted the rooms painted? I don't want every room painted green!" The painter laughed. "I know. I wrote down the colors you wanted your rooms to be painted. But I had to keep yelling 'Green side up' out the windows because I have a crew of blondes across the street laying sod."

Two blondes decided to rob a bank together. The first blonde, Jody plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second blonde, Buffie, in great detail. The robbery begins. Jody drives up to the front of the bank, stops the car and says to Buffie, "Are you absolutely sure you understand the plan? You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Understand?" "Perfectly," said Buffie.

Buffie goes into the bank while Jody waits in the getaway car. One minute passes...Two minutes pass...Seven minutes pass...and Jody is really stressing out. Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here comes Buffie. She's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car. About the time, she gets the safe into the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out.

The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles, while he is firing his weapon. As the gals are getting away, Jody says, "You are such a blonde! I thought you understood the plan!"
Buffie said, "I did...I did exactly what you said!" "No, you idiot," said Jody.
"You got it all mixed up. I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!"

Three Blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for four hours they finally saw a sign that said "Disneyland" "Left", so they turned around and went home.

What do SMART Blondes and UFO's have in common?
You always hear about them but never see them.

What did the Blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?
Oh look, Daddy...Doughnut seeds.

Why did the Blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
Because it said concentrate.

Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.

How can you tell if a Blonde has been using your computer?
There is white-out all over the monitor.

A Blonde and a brunette were walking outside when the brunette said,
"Oh look at the dead bird." The Blonde looked skyward and said,
"Where, where?"

How do you drown a Blonde?
Put a scratch & sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.

Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.

What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
"Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"

A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said "I can't take this, you're my friend". The blonde said "No! A bet's a bet".

So the redhead said "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money".
The blonde replied "well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"

What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A mosquito quits sucking when you smack it.

A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in fifth grade. Who has the biggest tits?
The blonde, she is 18.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.