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Religious Jokes

How is God just like a regular man?
If you’re not on your knees, he’s not interested.

Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 15 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 15 more children.
A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away.
At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together."
Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?"
The priest replied, "I mean her legs."

Religion is like a penis: it's good to have one and it's good to be proud of it, but the problem starts when you begin flaunting it in public.

Q: Why did all the hippies go to church on the first day of Lent?
A: They heard it was "Hash Wednesday."

Who invented the first soft drink?
Answer: Adam. He made Eve's cherry pop.

What is the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?
Acne usually comes on a boy's face after he turns 12.

"Shit Happens" in Various Religions

TAOISM: Shit happens.
CONFUCIANISM: Confucious says, "Shit happens."
BUDDHISM: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
HINDUISM: This shit has happened before.
PROTESTANTISM: If shit happens, it happens to someone else.
CATHOLICISM: If shit happens, you deserved it.
JUDAISM: Why does shit always happen to US?
ISLAM: If shit happens, kill the person(s) responsible.
EXISTENTIALISM: Shit doesn't happen; shit is.
JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES: No shit happens until Armaggedon.
ISLAM: When shit happens, kill Salman Rushdie.
REFORM JUDAISM: Got any Kaopectate?
CHRISTIAN SCIENCE: When shit doesn't happen, don't call a doctor--pray.

Did you hear--they're coming out with a new Catholic edition of Playboy?

It has the same centerfold as the regular edition, but you have to pull it out at just the right moment.

A nun was sitting at a window in her convent one day... when she was handed a letter from home. Upon opening it a $10 bill dropped out. She was most pleased at receiving the gift from her home folks, but as she read the letter her attention was distracted by the actions of a shabbily dressed stranger who was leaning against a post in front of the convent.

She couldn't get him off her mind and, thinking that he might be in financial difficulties, she took the $10 bill and wrapped it in a piece of paper, on which she had written, "Don't despair, Sister Eulalia," and threw it out of the window to him. He picked it up, read it, looked at her with a puzzled expression, tipped his hat and went off down the street.

The next day she was in her cell saying her beads when she was told that some man was at her door who insisted on seeing her. She went down and found the shabbily dressed stranger waiting for her. Without saying a word he handed her a roll of bills. When she asked what they were for he replied, "That's the sixty bucks you have coming. Don't Despair paid 5-1."

Why Men Stand To Pee

Seems God was just about done creating the Universe, but had two extra things left in his bag of creations. So, He decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told the couple that one of the things he had to giveaway was the ability to stand up while urinating. "It's a very handy thing, "God told the couple, "I was wondering if either one of you wanted the ability."
Adam jumped up and blurted out, "Oh, give that to me. I'd love it. Please, oh please, let me have that ability. It would be great. When I'm out working in the garden, I could just stand there and let it fly. It would be so cool, I could write my name in the sand. Oh, please God, let it be me who you give that gift to."
On and on he went like an excited little boy who...well ... had to pee. Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he should have it. She added it was the sort of thing that would make him happy and she wouldn't mind if Adam was the one given this ability.
And so, Adam was given the ability to control the direction of his urine while in a vertical position. He was so happy, he celebrated by wetting down the bark on the tree nearest him and laughing with delight all the while. And it was good.
"Fine," God said, looking back into his bag of leftover gifts, "What's left in here?"
"Oh yes," He said, "Multiple Orgasms..."

A big, burly man visited the pastor's home and asked to see the minister's
wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses.
"Madam," he said in a broken voice,
"I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to $400."
"How terrible!" exclaimed the preacher's wife. "May I ask who you are?"
They sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes. "I'm the landlord," he sobbed.

Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines."
"What did you do?" the other nuns asked. "Well, of course I threw them in the trash," She said matter-of-factly.
The second nun said, "Well, I can top that. I was in Father's room putting
away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms."
"Oh my!" gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked.
"I poked holes in all of them," she replied.
The third nun said, "Oh shit."

It was time for Father Fredrickson's weekly Saturday Night bath but the head sister, Sister Smithson, was too busy to carry out this ritual. So, on this occaision, the duty was given to the young Sister Jane. Before going in she was advised not to take notice of the Father's nakedness and to get the job done as quickly as possibe. The following morning, Sister Smithson asked Sister Jane how the ordeal had gone to which Sister Jane replied,
"I'm Saved. While I was scrubbing his chest, Father Fredrickson guided my hands down below the water level and told me that i'd found the Key to heaven and that whoever had the lock into which the key would fit would be saved from hell"
Sister Smithson, in a very suspicious manner replied, "Did he now - and what else did he do?"
"He then discovered that I had the lock and he put the key in", continued Sister Jane.
"Is that so!" retorted Sister Smithson.
"It hurt at first but he said that the road to salvation was often a painful one but that it would get better. And it did - when I was finally saved my whole body was tingling all over and ..."
"ENOUGH!", shouted Sister Smithson. "Father Fredrickson is a lying little toerag because he told me that the key was Gabriel's Horn and I've been blowing it for 40 years!"

Jeff and Mike were in an accident, and killed instantly. Upon Jeff's arrival to the Pearly Gates, he is met by St. Peter.
"Where is my friend Mike?" Jeff asked.
St. Peter replies, "Well, Mike was not as fortunate as you. He went in the other direction instead of getting into Heaven."
Jeff was bothered by this and asked, "Well, could I see Mike one more time  just to be sure he is OK?"
So, Jeff and St. Peter walked over to the edge of Heaven and looked down. There was Mike, on a sandy beach, with a gorgeous sexy blonde in a bikini, and a keg of beer.
"I don't mean to complain, but Mike seems to have it pretty  nice down there in Hell," says Jeff.
"It's not as it appears to be," says St. Peter. "You see, the keg has a hole in it............. and the blonde doesn't."

A pastor explained to his congregation that the church was in need of some extra money, so he asked them to consider being more than generous. He offered that whoever gave the most would be able to pick three hymns.  After the offering plates were passed about the church, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had graciously offered a $1,000 bill. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who 
placed the money in the plate. A very quiet, elderly, saintly lady in the back of the church shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front, so she slowly she made her way towards him. The pastor told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much, and in thanks he asked her to pick out three hymns. 
Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation. 
She pointed to the three most handsome men in the church and said, "I'll take him and him and him."

A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the collection plates each Sunday. Someone suggested to him that perhaps he might be able to hypnotize the congregation into giving more. "And just how would I go about doing that?" he asked. "It is very simple. First you turn up the air conditioner so that the auditorium is warmer than usual. Then you preach in a monotone. Meanwhile, you dangle a watch on a chain and swing it in a slow arc above the lectern and suggest they put 20 dollars in the collection plate."

So the very next Sunday, the reverend did as suggested, and lo and behold the plates were full of 20 dollar bills. Now, the preacher did not want to take advantage of this technique each and every Sunday. So therefore, he waited for a couple of weeks and then tried his mass hypnosis again. Just as the last of the congregation was becoming mesmerized, the chain on the watch broke and the watch hit the lectern with a loud thud and springs and parts flew everywhere.

"Crap!" exclaimed the pastor. It took them a week to clean up the church.

A priest was send to a very small church in the backwoods of Alaska. After a couple of years, the Bishop decided to pay the priest a visit to see how he was doing. The priest said that it was a really lonely job and
that he couldn't have made it without his Rosary and two martinis each day.
With that, the priest asked the Bishop, "Would you like to have a martini with me?"
The Bishop replied, "Yes, that would be nice."
The priest turned around and hollered towards the kitchen, "Rosary, would you fix us two martinis please!"

A woman visiting Salt Lake City in the latter half of the 18th century sees someone that she thinks may be Brigham Young, the leader of the Mormon church.

Woman: "Are you Brigham Young?"
Brigham Young: "I am."
Woman: "Are you the Brigham Young that is the head of the Mormon church?"
Brigham Young: "I am."
Woman: "Are you the Brigham Young that led the Mormons to Utah?"
Brigham Young: "I am."
Woman: "Are you the Brigham Young that denounces all Christian religions as false except Mormonism?"
Brigham Young: "I am."

About this time, the woman is beginning to lose her temper.

Woman: "Are you the Brigham Young who preaches polygamy?"
Brigham Young: "I am."

Now she's really getting mad.

Woman: "Are you the Brigham Young who has 26 wives?"
Brigham Young: "I am."
Then furiously, she says,"You ought to be Hung!"
Brigham Young: "I am."

A fellow was visiting the Vatican and became separated from his tour group. After wandering for awhile, he needed to relieve himself. He finally found a bathroom and wandered in. You can imagine his surprise to discover the Pope sitting on the toilet masturbating. Figuring that this would be an attraction few tourists ever saw, he snapped a couple of pictures. The Pope managed to recover his composure and offered the fellow $10,000 for the camera. The fellow decide to take him up on the offer and an exchange was arranged.

The camera was a pretty nice unit, so, after disposing of the film, the Pope decided he would use it on his world travels. One day while visiting a foreign country, one of the faithful noticed the Pope's camera and remarked that it was quite a unit. He then asked:
"How much did you pay for it?"
"Ten thousand dollars."
"Wow, the guy who sold you that must have seen you coming!"

After Moses and God were finished with their talk up on Mt. Sinai, Moses finished with this one last question.

"OK let me get this straight, the Arabs get all that oil, we have to cut the ends of our dicks off, right?"
"That's right."
"And WE'RE the 'chosen people'?"

There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing adultery.  One Sunday, from the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"

Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen."

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age.  About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.

The priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks in town.  When people come to the confessional, they keep talking about having 'fallen.'"

The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word.

Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about! Your wife fell three times this week."

A minister was asked by a politician, "Name something the government can do to help the church", the minister replied, "Quit making one dollar bills."

An English sage goes to God, and says "Lord we need to learn the meaning of patience, the meaning of eternity, how to sit for hours and not feel guilty."
And God says "Certainly my son, here you are, the rules for cricket".

The preacher noticed someone had placed a $20 bill in the offering plate every Sunday. He says to his congregation "As a gesture of thanks, for the person who gives the $20 bill every Sunday, I'd like to give you the choice of your 3 favorite hymns this morning."

This little old lady stands up in the back and points to several men in the congregation saying "Thanks! I'll take him and him and him."

A man died and went to hell. As he passed sulforous pits and shrieking sinners, he saw his former attorney snuggling with a beautiful woman. "That's not fair!" he cried, "I have to roast for all eternity and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman!" The devil barked, "Shut up! Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"

At the end of a wonderful service the Pastor stood outside to say goodbye to his congregation. As he approached Mrs McKenzie he remarked; "I am sorry Mrs McKenzie but I noticed that little Jimmy was crying throughout the service. Is he alright?".

"Sure" said Mrs McKenzie, "He's just teething". "I see" said the Pastor, "and what about your husband? I noticed he was also crying throughout the service". "He's fine" said Mrs McKenzie, "He's just tithing."

During the time the church was being persecuted in Rome, a christian was thrown to the lions. As he waited to be eaten, he knelt down and prayed. Looking up, he was suprised to see the lion also kneeling in prayer. Seeing the look of bewilderment on the christian's face, the lion said to him "I don't know what you're doing, but I'm saying grace"

Top 10 Things You'll Never Hear in Church

1. Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew.

2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.

3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.

4. I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.

5. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.

6. Forget the denominational minimum salary, let's pay our pastor so he can live like we do.

7. I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before!

8. Since we're all here, let's start the service early.

9. Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.

10. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!

The priest noticed that Michael took a ten-dollar note and two one-dollar notes from the collection plate, instead of putting something in. The next week he noticed the same thing. So he waited outside and accosted him. Michael, why did you take out a ten dollar note and two singles instead of putting money in?

Michael replied, Father, I'm embarrassed, but I needed a blow job. The priest looked suprised. Listen, don't do that any more. I'll be watching you from now on. The priest was still perplexed. Finally he decided to call Mother Agatha. Mother, I have a question for you. What is a blow job?

Mother Agatha replied, Oh, about twelve dollars.

The new nun goes to her first confession. She tells the priest that she has a terrible secret. The priest then tells her that her secret is safe in the sanctity of the confessional.

She says, "Father, I never wear panties under my habit."

The priest chuckles and says, "That's not so serious, Sister Bernadette. Say five Hail Marys, five Our Fathers, and do five cartwheels on your way to the altar."

An IRS agent goes into a synagogue looking for the rabbi.
"Rabbi", he says when he sees him, "do you know a Mr. Morris Katz?"
"Yes, I do," says the rabbi.
"Is he a member of your congregation?" asks the agent.
"Yes, he is,"says the rabbi.
"Did he make the $100,000 donation to the synagogue that he claims on his tax return?" asks the IRS agent.
"I can assure you he will!" says the rabbi.

There once was a young woman who went to confession. Upon entering the confessional she said, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned."
The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."
The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times."
The priest thought long & hard and then said,
"Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice."
The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"
The Priest said "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face."

After years of his wife's pleading, this good ole boy finally goes with her to her little local Church on Sunday morning. He was so moved by the Preacher's sermon that on the way out he stopped to shake his hand.
He said, "Reverend, that was the best damn sermon I ever did hear!"
The Preacher replied, "Oh!! Why, thank you sir, but please...I'd appreciate it if you didn't use profanity in the Lord's house."
The man said, "I'm sorry Reverend, but I can't help myself, it was a damn good sermon!"
The Reverend said, "Sir, PLEASE, I cannot have you behaving this way at Church!"
The man said, "Okay Reverend, but I just wanted you to know that I thought it was so damn good, I put $500.00 in the collection plate!"

And the Reverend said, "NO SHIT?"

A rich American tourist was holidaying in Rome, and was intent on seeing the Pope. There he stood, in a big long line with a rather expensive suit on, hoping the Pope would notice how smart he was & perhaps talk a few words with him.

As the Pope made his way slowly down the line, he walked right past the American, hardly even noticing him. The Pope then stopped next to a shabbily dressed homeless man, leaned over and whispered something in the man's ear, and made his way on again. This really angered the American. After speaking with the drunkard, the American agreed to pay $1000 dollars to exchange clothing, in the hope that the Pope would speak to him the next day.

The next morning the American stood in the line, waiting to see the Pope and hopefully exchange a few words. The Pope was making his way slowly up to the American. When he finally reached him, he leaned over to the American and spoke softly into his ear...

"I thought I told you yesterday to get the fuck out of here."

Several years ago, the Catholic Church required women to wear a head covering in order to enter the sanctuary. One Sunday a lady arrived without her head covering. The priest informs her that she cannot enter without it.

A few moments later, the lady re-appears wearing her blouse tied to her head. The shocked priest says, "Madam, I cannot allow you to enter this holy place without your wearing a blouse."

"But Father, I have a divine right," she informs.
"Yes, I see. And your left one isn't bad either, but you still must wear a blouse to enter *this* church!" he insists.

A Rabbi and a Priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither cleric is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the Rabbi sees the Priest's collar and says, "So you're a Priest, that's interesting. I'm a Rabbi...Wow! Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be sign from God that we should meet & be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."

The Priest replied," I agree with you completely; this must be a sign from God!

The Rabbi continued, "And look at this. Here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Mogen David wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine & celebrate our good fortune." Then he hands the bottle to the Priest.

The Priest shakes his head in agreement, opens it and takes a few big swigs from the bottle, then handing it back to the Rabbi. The Rabbi takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the Priest.

The Priest asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The Rabbi replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place into his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off and froze.

When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a long vacation after his next big score, then clicked the flashlight back on & began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so that he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Totally rattled, he shone his flashlight around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

"Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.
"Yes," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who do you think you are anyway?"
"Moses," replied the parrot.
"Moses," the burglar laughed.
"What kind of people would give the name Moses to a parrot?"

The parrot quickly answered, "The same kind of people that would give the name Jesus to a Rottweiler."

Three men died and went to heaven. Upon their arrival, St. Peter asked the first if he had been faithful to his wife. The man admitted to two affairs during his marriage. St. Peter told him that he could receive only a compact car to drive in heaven.

Then St. Peter asked the second man if he had been faithful to his wife and the man admitted to one affair. St. Peter told him he would be given a midsize car to drive.

The third man was asked about his faithfulness, and he told St. Peter he had been true to his wife until the day he died. St. Peter praised him and gave him a luxury car.

A week later the three men were driving around, and they all stopped at a red light. The men in the compact and midsize cars turned to see the man in the luxury car crying. They asked him what could possibly be the matter--after all, he was driving a luxury car.

"I just passed my wife," he told them, "and she was on a skateboard."

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening church service when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the burglar red-handed, and yelled,
"Stop! Acts 2:38 (meaning, repent and be baptized...)!"
The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. The woman then calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the burglar, he asked, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you."
"Scripture?" replied the burglar, "I thought she said she had an axe and two 38's!"

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.
The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so
deeply? A child? A parent?" The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied,
"My wife's first husband."

In the winter of 1926, Thelma Goldstein from Chicago treated herself to her first real vacation in Florida. Being unfamiliar with the area, she wandered into a restricted hotel in North Miami.
"Excuse me," she said to the manager. "My name is Mrs. Goldstein & I'd like a small room for two weeks."
"I'm awfully sorry," he replied, "but all of our rooms are occupied."
Just as he said that, a man came down and checked out.
"What luck," said Mrs. Goldstein. "Now there's a room."
"Not so fast, Madam. I'm sorry, but this hotel is restricted. No Jews allowed."
"Jewish? Who's Jewish? I happen to be Catholic."
"I find that hard to believe. Let me ask you, who was the Son of God?"
"Jesus, Son of Mary."
"Where was he born?"
"In a stable."
"And why was he born in a stable?"
"Because a schmuck like you wouldn't let a Jew rent a room in his hotel!"

My wife was teaching her nursery school class about Moses receiving the Ten Commandments. She told them it was a long time ago and paper had not even been invented. So she asked the class how Moses was able to remember all that God told him on Mount Sinai. A four year old replied, "He saved it on a disk."

Jimmy Swaggart telephoned Jim Bakker:
Swaggart: "I have a theological question; can a prostitute be saved?"
Bakker: "Yes."
Swaggart: "Would you save me one for Saturday night?"

Q: Did you hear heaven is going broke?
A: Yeah, Liberace is up there blowing all the prophets!
Liberace was a great pianist but he sucked on the organ.

Jesus walks into a Holiday Inn, tosses three nails on the counter and asks, "can you put me up for the night?"

A Jew, a Catholic and an Episcopalian were standing at the gates of Hell. Satan came out, and looked them over.

"Why are you here?" he asked the Jew. "I ate pork," the Jew admitted. "Okay, come on in," replied Satan. Then he turned to the Catholic.

"What are you doing here?" Satan asked the Catholic. "I ate meat on Friday long before His Holiness said it was okay," the Catholic answered. "Well, then, come in," Satan said.

Then he looked at the Episcopalian. "Why on earth are you down here?" Satan asked. The Episcopalian hung his head in shame as he answered:

"I used the wrong fork."

They have come up with a new religion: the "Alpha-Unitarianists."

They believe that one should practice all religions - in alphabetical order. Of course, the first religion on their list is "Alpha-Unitarianism," and to practice that, they have to practice all religions - in alphabetical order...

Jesus recently walked into a bar somewhere in the Western World. He approached three sad-faced gentlemen at a table, and greeted the first one:
"What's troubling you, brother?" he said.
"My eyes. I keep getting stronger & stronger glasses, and I still can't see."
Jesus touched the man, who ran outside to tell the world about his now 20-20 vision.
The next gentleman couldn't hear Jesus' questions, so The Lord just touched his ears, restoring his hearing to perfection. This man, too, ran out the door, probably on his way to the audiologist to get a hearing-aid refund.

The third man leapt from his chair and backed up against the wall, even before Jesus could greet him.

"Don't you come near me, man! Don't touch me!" he screamed. "I'm on disability!"

The Pope dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter greets him and says, "Glad to see you; we've got your place all ready." Peter then takes the Pope down the street and shows him his new home: a small but comfortable cottage of 5 rooms. Peter advises the Pope to settle in, and then wander around meeting the other residents.

The Pope meets many old friends and makes several new ones over the next few days. One of these is a former lawyer who invites the Pope over for lunch. On arriving, the Pope is astounded to see a 45 room mansion, with built-in sauna and weight-room, a beautiful library, and spacious, airy rooms.

After lunch, the Pope spies St. Peter on the street and says, "Not to complain, but I'm curious as to why I have a small cottage while the lawyer I just met has a stupendous mansion."

St. Peter replied, "Well, you see, we have many Popes up here, but only one lawyer."

From Sara Flikkema:

Twelve monks were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up nude, in a garden while a nude model danced before them. Each monk had a small bell attached to his privates, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of purity.

The model danced before the first monk candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response, until she got to the final monk. As she danced, his bell rang so loudly it fell off and clattered to the ground. Embarrassed, he bent down to pick up the bell, and all the other bells went off.

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