by
Jonathan Wise
Reformed Heritage Academy, 2002
My grandmother defines the word embarrassment to the fullest extent. No matter where she goes or what she does some form of embarassing situation can occur. For example, it seems as if every time she leaves a restroom she cannot help dragging along for the ride a long white trail of toilet tissue attached to her shoe. Another time my grandmother humiliated me was when a gusty wind decided to grab her curly brown wig off of her head. The teased brunette locks of synthetic hair rolled down the sidewalk like a tumbleweed in an old John Wayne movie with Grandma in hot pursuit. Besides traipsing round with Charmin Triple-Roll clinging to her orthopedic sneakers and crazily attempting to chase a wig that's run amok, she has also been very successful at embarrassing me verbally. She uses words like queer and gay without any sense of their modern meaning, and it can be quite shocking to hear her blurt out a vulgar or risque word like humping. I am sure that there are people who think they know someone who is a champion at embarrassing others, but I am pretty well certain that my grandmother takes first prize in the Most Embarrassing Behavior contest.