A Kennedy Family Album

      This little collection of double-dactyls and limericks may be a bit topical for readers today, so I will put a brief headnote before each one of the following satirical shots at the Kennedys.
      1962

      As everybody knows nowadays, JFK had a little fling with Marilyn Monroe.
      Higgledy-piggledy
      President Kennedy
      Invited Miss Monroe
      To luncheon one day.

      Jackie was shopping, so
      Extemporaneously
      M. and the President --
      Well, you know what they say.

      1969

      During a wild party, Senator Edward Kennedy drunkenly drove his car off a bridge, and a young secretary named May Jo Kopechne was drowned. Kennedy was charged with leaving the scene of an accident.
      A senator soused to the gills
      Crossed a bridge on his way to seek thrills.
      He pulled this cute trick
      At Chappaquiddick.
      Drunk driving's not one of his skills.

      1972

      After the assassinations of his two brothers, Teddy Kennedy got the itch to run for president himself. Unfortunately for him, no one had forgotten about the tragedy at Chappaquiddick. He didn't even get the Democratic nomination.
      Higgledy-piggledy
      Edward Moore Kennedy
      Runs for the top job,
      Though no one knows why.

      And then he's convicted
      Unceremoniously
      For "leaving the scene."
      Farewell to the White House. Bye bye!

      1990

      John Kennedy, Junior, a.k.a. John- John attended Harvard Law School and then attempted to pass the New York State Bar Exams. It was very interesting to see the headlines in the papers each of the three times he failed the bar exam.
      A charming attorney named John-John,
      As handsome as ever was Don Juan,
      Whined, "Holy God damn!
      That state bar exam
      Was a job if ever I done one."

      1991

      Senator Teddy K. allowed a bunch of his younger male relatives to use one of the Kennedy mansions in Florida as a party house. One night a young woman was raped, and William Kennedy Smith was indicted and had to stand trial. That trial was one of the big attractions in the early days of the Court T.V. network.
      Higgledy-piggledy
      Senator Kennedy
      Hosted a gala for
      His younger male kin

      Where bourbon and vodka
      Chappaquiddickily
      Incited a saga
      Of sex, lies, and sin.

      1991

      Joan, the wife of Teddy Kennedy, may have been driven to drink by her husband. In any event, she and the Senator were finally divorced, and Joan began to have her own drinking problems, that is, the dreaded "DUI."
      Higgledy-piggledy
      Joan, the ex-Kennedy,
      Went for a drive up
      The highway's left lane.

      Hauled into court, she
      Dipsomaniacally
      Blamed her odd driving
      On Teddy. . .again!

      -- W. F. O'Rourke, 1991