I caught my wife in a familiar pose the other night; huddled up in bed, reading a magazine. Every once in a while, she'd peek at me over the top of the magazine. What could she be reading?

Later, when she went to sleep, I looked at the article she was reading. Several looked interesting, but the one I believe she was reading was titled, LOVE 911: HE TALKS, BUT NEVER LISTENS!

Now, I'm like you; I hate to be nagged about not talking enough or forgetting to let her in on information in a timely manner. I like my quiet time (the time I don't have to say anything to anyone!) But in this article, guy are being blasted for talking too much once we start talking. At first, it seemed like the same old story; nothing we do is ever right. On the second read, I noticed the real issue: when we talk, we dominate the conversation -- we don't listen! Truth hurts! And it should help!

Here's the help! I called a psychologist friend of mine to see if the article was right, and what we could do to help. He told me that men AND women don't always listen while their partner is speaking. Often, while one is talking, the other is thinking of how to break in to restate thir point or to make a new one. "What could men do to change this?" I asked. He agreed with the magazine article. Here is what we must do, MEN, to be better listeners and husbands:

1. Symmetry -- Make sure you each get the same amount of time to speak. try using a Chess timer. That way, she gets time, too.

2. Specifics -- Stay with the same topic, and give concrete examples. Never allow other gripes to come into the conversation. When the topic's resolved, don't ever bring it up again.

3. Short Chunks -- Make only one point each time you speak. This helps both of you to keep focused. And, don't rephrase, elaborate, or go off in a zillion tangents. Now you both get to speak--AND LISTEN!

(*God gave us two ears and one mouth; use them in exact proportion.)

reprinted by request, from JUST FOR MEN, 02-04-96