Chaos Theory

Tue, 10 Jun 1997
From: KMiller362@aol.com

Title - Chaos Theory (1/1)
Author - Kevin Miller
Rating - PG
Classification - SA
Spoilers - Gethsemene
Keywords -
Summary - Mulder/Scully UST. After Scully’s lack of
faith, Mulder has faked his death and has other plans
for the future. He is turned around, however, by an
amazing occurrence in the Nevada desert

- I of course want to give credit where credit is due:
Chris, 10:13, and all else concerned, they're your
babies. I hope you can forgive a poor shmoe for
trying to fill your shoes.
Anyway, I tried to write my version of what happened
after Gethsemene, which I thought was an excellent
episode to end the season, despite what it's
detractors might say. Mulder and Scully were getting
too close for my taste (For God's sake, he KISSED
her (Albeit on the forehead)), and I think it's good
that Chris separated them for a while. Remember, the
second it turns into "Moonlighting", the show's
ruined. I still would never be able to imagine
Mulder ditching her though, so here you go. I hope
you blow off *my* idealism and see for yourself what
you think about this tale I have spun, Gentle
X-Phile. I am very interested in what you think and
I beg for feedback: KMiller362@aol.com

Chaos Theory

It was a beautiful day. The sun shone in its
morning sky on the crest of the hill overlooking
the cemetery. Even though she tried to remain
strong at the hearing, Scully cried at the funeral.
The tears that seep from your eyes when you
desperately try to hold them in. She tried to
convince herself she had done the right thing, the
proper thing. She had seen the look in his eyes
when he walked out of that warehouse. But she had
no idea it would become this. Reach this end. Four
years taken by a piece of lead no bigger than the
tip of her little finger. If she had known...but
she didn't. The ceremony came to a close.
She watched the casket get lowered into the ground.
The priest finished his last rites. People started
to walk away. Skinner came up to her and gave her a
passing nod of condolence, which she returned. He
turned and soon was gone too. Before she could even
think, her mother was at her side. Scully told her
she would be fine, and that she would drive home
later. Finally, she was by herself. Alone with what
was left of Fox Mulder.
When she eventually looked up, towards a tree that
overlooked the cemetery, she realized that someone
else was there still there with her. Smoking a
cigarette. When he saw he was noticed, he walked
behind the hill, away from her too.
She wanted to run after him, shoot him, make him pay
for this huge charade that cost Mulder his life. And
she could not. <Damn you, Mulder. You cut out when
I needed you the most. We could have gotten
him-together. Where are you now, when I need you the
most?> Turning from the grave, she walked away in
silence. Scully was, for the first time in her life,
truly alone.
*************
A lone car on a desert road at night was the answer
Scully could not know. In the haze of driving,
Mulder could only think of two words that could ease
the pain of what he did. Samantha...and Scully. He
had been planning this for some time, since he had
seen Scully losing faith in him, in the X-Files, and
their work. He had turned to the Kurt Crawfords.
They were able to scrap enough DNA together to get a
working model. The end result was a post-mortem
Kurt with the features of Mulder. And a massive
self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. He didn't
ask how they did it. After he told them the story,
HIS master plan, they agreed. He assumed and hoped
they came through.
As he wept that night in front of the television,
over his final, total loss of Scully's faith, they
called. When will you be ready to do this? He told
them the time was right now. He left the gun on the
sofa, packed up a few non-noticable items and
discreetly left. He walked, unseen, to a car that
had been waiting for this day.
Now he was on his own, to find the *real truth* < A
dead man can do anything he wants, but this is right
and wrong. My paradox of existence.> A dichotomy of
his work to find his sister and a woman he had
slowly built a relationship with had formed,
splitting his mind down the middle. <You had to
choose. You made your choice. You are a bastard for
doing this. This is the right thing to do. Now she
will die alone. Cancerman has won. You can find
Samantha on your own. Vindicate your truth. Find a
way to put an end to the Consortium. Scully, with
tubes in her body, waiting to expire. Her cancer is
YOUR fault.> But Mulder had his own cancer now, and
it had metastized throughout his blood stream and
into his brain. His cancer was his quest for the
unreachable truth. Mulder drove on. The night waned
thin as he drove into Nevada.
*********************
He was going to meet the Gunmen in California.
Alone. They were the only ones he could truly trust
now. They would help him. Scully wasn't dead yet,
and maybe he *could* still save her. But he knew
she would die. Nothing saved those other women. He
cursed himself again for leaving.
*********************
As he finally decided to keep going, his lights
caught a person walking by the side of the road.
With their thumb out. Mulder realized he had spotted
the person so quickly because they were wearing a
completely white outfit. <How odd, what the hell is
this person going out here at this time of night?>
He looked at the clock on his car and saw it read
65:72. <That CANT be right> He found he was slowing
down suddenly. He pushed on the gas, but the pedal
went limp beneath his foot. And then the car stalled
completely. <Dammit. Another fine mess you've gotten
yourself into, Mulder> He reached for his cloned
cell phone, then realized it wouldn't work. The
battery light stared at him accusingly. <And now
you're royally screwed...> He rested his head on the
steering wheel to think for a second. And that's
when there was a knock on his window.
He looked and saw a man in white. The hitcher.
Mulder didn't quite think straight and just said
"Can I help you?" through the glass. The man made
a motion for him to roll down his window. Against
his better judgment, he did.
"You look like the one who could use some help, my
good fellow", The Man in White said with a thick
Irish accent. He was middle-aged and clean-shaven
with a head of red hair that was turning steel gray
with age.
" I guess I could.." Mulder stared at him, and then
smiled in a way that must have made him look
idiotic, not believing he was talking to this guy
out in the middle of nowhere, wondering why the
hell he had driven out here in the first place.
"Why don't you pop open the bonnet and let me have
a look-see?" <Bonnet?...I haven't heard that since
I was at Oxford..> "Uhhhh...OK.." he complied,
still staring at the man in white. The man gave
him a very wide, kind grin and went to the front
of the car. Mulder popped the hood. The man
disappeared as he opened the hood in front of him.
Mulder wanted to get out and make sure this guy
wasn't doing anything...well..Mulder didn't know
just what the hell this guy was doing... didn't
see him with luggage of any kind..no tools..no
anything...just as he went for the door handle,
the car roared to life. <whoah..one hell of a
mechanic whoever he is...> The man closed the hood
while Mulder stared out his windshield in
amazement. <He's still smiling> Mulder observed
quickly. He also saw he had on a white trench
coat and white dress shirt...and a white tie?
<Weird taste in clothes..and Scully thinks my
taste in ties alone is bad...she'd have a field
day looking at this guy. Looks like an...> The man
knocked on his passenger side door, disrupting his
thought, and said "Looks like she's all fixed
up...I'll see you around friend." And then he
winked at Mulder and started to walk away.. Mulder
was suddenly very curious.
"Hey," he said getting out quickly, "Can I
reimburse you somehow for this , sir?" The Man in
White turned. "Oh no, I couldn't accept any
money...You should keep the ten you have in your
pocket....you might need it." He shook his head,
laughing good-naturedly and started to walk
again. Mulder jammed his hands into his
pockets...and found only a ten.
"Hold up," he said running up to the man, who
now, up close, looked a little like Deep Throat.
A little. "how did you know that? And how did
you do that with my car?"
The Man chuckled again, and turned to Mulder
"So many questions.....you do ask a lot of
questions, don't you?"
Mulder smiled now. "I'm not usually used to
getting answers though..not in my line of
work."
"Tell you what," The Man said pointing a
fatherly finger at Mulder. "give me a lift and
I'll explain all."
"I wouldn't usually...but I guess since you don't
know how much you just saved me...I would be
happy to."
"Ahhhh...very good." The man said, and smiled,
once again, very happy for some reason.
***********************

They got in the car.
"Where to?" Mulder asked.
"Ahh..the way you were coming from actually." said The
Man. "Wait...you were walking that way though..."
Mulder commented as he started the car. "So I
was...but now I'm going that way." <Your not meeting
the Gunmen for days. Where else do you have to go?>
"That way it is, my good man." He looked at the clock
as he turned the car around. It was now 65:85. 
"So what's your name, sir?" Mulder inquired. "I go by
the name of Saemus." He said with the pride of a man
of stature. "I'm Mulder",he said without realizing it
<jackass, you could blow everything> as he extended
his hand. Saemus took it. "Interesting name.."Saemus
said. "It beats the alternative, " Mulder said as he
grinned. "And what would that be?" "Well, Fox, I
guess..or Spooky" <Yeah sure, tell him the whole plan,
Fox. He could be wired right to Cancerman's ear for
all you know. And then you'd be in a whole heap of
shit> Saemus laughed out loud. It echoed in the car.
"And what did you do to earn that one? "A lot of
things..mostly from work...."Mulder quickly changed
the subject, not really wishing to discuss the
etymology of his nickname, or his past. <It really is
your past now, you know that, don't you?> "So how did
you get the car to start? And how did you know how
much money I had on me?" "Well, Fox, when you've been
around as long as I have, you learn a lot of things."
Saemus replied. <Some answer>, thought Mulder. "I'd
like to ask you something else then, Saemus..you know
if there's a gas station around here? I'm really
pretty hungry..." "Nothing around for miles, except
you and I and this car. I have a few things if you're
a bit famished.." He reached into one of the deep
pockets of his coat, and quite to Mulder's surprise,
pulled out a large bag of sunflower seeds. "A favorite
of mine." He said as he offered the bag to Mulder.
"Mine too.." Mulder said as he gave Saemus a strange
look. He wasn't about to decline the offer. <Can't
hurt..He's eating them...definitely not poisoned with
anything.> Saemus looked at Mulder with a bit of hurt
in the brow of his forehead. "What's the matter, Mr.
Fox? Don't you trust me?" And then he smiled. <When
this guy smiles his whole face....his eyes as
well...light up...just like..> "Well?" Saemus asked,
still smiling. "Uhh..oh...I'm sorry..I'm not used to
it. Trusting people. Another perk of the job." Mulder
said with a look of disdain, and reached his hand into
the bag and pulled out a handful of seeds. "Certainly
doesn't sound like a very nice job, Mr. Fox. A lot of
questions never answered and a silly nickname to
boot." Saemus mentioned as he looked out the window.
"Maybe you should change professions."
Mulder was a little taken aback by the mention of
his nickname being called silly. But then, he'd
always considered it silly, too.
"Nah. I'm kind of wrapped up by what I do." Mulder
said, speaking the absolute truth. "And why is that?"
Saemus said. "I love what I do <did>, to be honest."
<Who IS this guy? I feel like I know him somehow....>
"Married to the job, so you Americans say.." Saemus
laughed again. "I notice there isn't a ring on your
finger, though." "Nope." Mulder said. No, there
certainly wasn't. "Anyone special?" Then Mulder
turned, smiling again. <I've been smiling a lot for
some damn reason lately..why is he so curious?> Then
Mulder caught himself. <He's only trying to make
conversation. Scully was right. You are too paranoid.
Mellow out.> "Well....no..no.. not really." Mulder
replied to his last question. "Don't sound too sure of
yourself, Fox." Saemus cajoled. "You are a very
curious man, Saemus." "I like to
consider myself conversational, Mr. Fox" "You
certainly are, Saemus. Do *you* have a last name since
we're playing Q and A? "Q and what?" Saemus grinned in
another response. "Never mind." Mulder said. <Grinning
right back again aren't you, Mulder? This guy's as
good as changing the subject as I am. Something else
though.> "How long is this road we're on? Is there
anywhere in particular I can drop you off?" "It will
take you all the way back to Washington." "What?!?"
Mulder looked at him in a shocked manner. "Well I
assume that's we're you're from. Washington. You said
you had a job that didn't get a lot of questions
answered and I guess I assumed you were a politician."
Another brief, light chuckle escaped him. "Plus your
license plates were a revealing clue." Mulder slumped
a little in relief. <Whew. That was close again. This
guy has me on edge, but I'm not really scared of him,
though. He seems harmless enough. My better instinct
tells me this is just a harmless old man, but there's
still that something else about him. He had to change
the plates soon with the new "California" ones
anyway.> "I was a Federal Agent actually. I worked for
the Effa-Bee-Eye. You know what that is, of course."
<Why did you just tell him that?!? It doesn't
matter..he's an old, weird, but very curious man on
the road. He doesn't know and probably doesn't care.
Why not tell him? It made him feel better, after what
he had just left behind. And after not talking to a
soul for days...> "Well, certainly I do, " <He's
grinning again> Who hasn't heard of the illustrious
F.B.I. these days?" "Hmmh. I guess so." Mulder said,
beaming back. "I
wasn't in any of your secret files, was I Mr. Fox?"
<secret files?>
"Not unless you're a bad man, Saemus."
"I should certainly hope I'm not. And I'm not exactly
a monster or some kind of strange creature from...
Mars, am I?" Saemus looked directly at Mulder when he
said this, with a leer in his eye. <TELL me that was a
coincidence. I'm trying to. I AM getting a little
nervous now. I wish I'd brought the damn gun, just in
case.> "Where did you say you needed to be dropped off
again?" Mulder asked a little strongly, looking right
back at him. "Right up the road here would be just
fine, sir." Saemus replied.
They drove up the road a little further in silence.
Mulder wasn't in the mood to answer any more of
Saemus's increasingly suspicious questions, and
Saemus wasn't asking them. Mulder stopped the car
over to the side of the dark, lonely Nevada road and
put it into park. "Here OK? Listen, if you really
need to be somewhere, I'd be more than happy to take
you." Mulder said, a little insincerely. And he
regretted it the second after. Saemus opened the
door, and looked at him. "No thank you. Here is
quite fine." He stepped out and went over to the
side of the road. Mulder felt a pang of guilt.
<He's just a lonely old man> He got out and leaned
on the car. "Saemus, you're still miles from
anywhere, c'mon, I'll give you a lift!" Mulder
shouted.
Saemus turned back and spoke in a loud voice.
"Quite all right agent Mulder!"
<agent Mulder? Why would he call me that?>
"Are you sure?!?"
Saemus walked a little closer toward the median of the
road. "Just say hello to Dana for me." And he turned
to go.

*********************************

That set Mulder straight off for him. Running
toward Saemus, he turned him around at full force
with the pull of his arm. Saemus looked
surprised and amused at the same time. Mulder
boomed at him, obviously enraged.
"How do you know Scully? Who the hell sent you here to
meet me? Was it him, the Cancerman? Huh?!? "Why Agent
Mulder <Agent Mulder, AGAIN> I don't have the
slightest idea what your talking about...I was not
sent here to meet you..I came of my own accord..I
merely said to say hello to Dana."
Mulder looked at this man dressed all absurdly in
white. He could not believe this, what was
happening. In his fashion, he thought Saemus, or
whoever this man was, was baiting him, instigating
his anger.
"Then how do you know Scully? If anything, *anything*
has happened to her, I swear to God you will be
sorry!" "But however are you going to find out, Agent
Mulder?" Saemus threw his head back and laughed, but
it was not menacing in the least. Mulder wheeled
around, very foolishly too, he thought later. His car
was gone.
"What's going on?!?" he asked, enraged more than
ever, and now confused more than ever by this sudden
turn of events.
"Let us take a walk, Agent Mulder..." Saemus said
as he stared dreamily off to the darkened side of
the road.
Suddenly Mulder felt a shift beneath him. Nothing
major, just like a little earthquake going off
underneath his feet. He looked down expecting to
see pavement where there was now only grass. Very
fine green grass.
"....I have a few things to show you.."

*****************************

Mulder was in shock. Absolute paralyzing shock. His
feet were moving, following this enigmatic man in
white. They followed him over the soft grass, along
a huge plain. His brain, however, was still left
behind where his car used to be- probably trying to
digest this new mind candy. The sun was starting to
come up over the horizon. It showed rolling green
hills of grass over a wide expanse-"Not in Kansas
anymore" came to his slowly returning mind. It
looked foreign, definitely not anywhere in this
country anymore, but who was he to tell? Even after
the most bizarre occurrences he had already seen in
his life, you still were never prepared. Looking back at Saemus he saw the
man-thing's clothes were altering before his eyes.
The trench coat transformed itself into a flowing
robe -still stark white. He turned to Mulder. "I am
sorry for what must appear to be very disturbing to
you, Agent Mulder. I haven't been completely honest
with you. I wanted to know more about you in the
car back there. You may have found yourself saying
a few things you did not want to. I am afraid that
was my influence- as was the car stalling, and the
clock and your phone not working." Saemus's face had
turned grim. "I didn't know much about you when I
was sent here. I have come to help, and I needed to
learn why..." His voice was now old and ageless,
<but still with that Irish accent>, Mulder mused.
He knew now Saemus was not sent to him by The
Smoking Man or Skinner or the CIA or Existential
Bloopers and Practical Jokes. He didn't have that
fear anymore. He felt a rush surge within him for
the first time in months..hell..years. He felt
alive right at this moment. 
"Will you explain now?" Mulder questioned. He was
overwhelmed with emotion. "I will soon. Please
follow me. I felt it best to take you to this place.
It is...peaceful." Saemus replied. The sun made it's
way up the sky. Mulder walked behind Saemus
silently. He felt neither first nor hunger nor
fatigued. Near when the sun was at its highest,
they both came to a a hill, very tall, with a
flattened top. It was so tall, Mulder could barely
see the top. It rose from the plain sharply, and was
alone in its majesty. Stairs rose steep up the face
of it. Mulder knew the time would come soon when
they would stop. He followed Saemus up.
They both arrived at what Mulder assumed was
noon. A fire pit was at the center of the flat
peak. Saemus went to the far side of it and
snapped his fingers. A flame shot up from the
pit, appearing without combustion or catalyst
<Neat trick> Mulder smiled. Saemus urged him to
sit on his side of the fire. He did so.
*******************

They sat looking at each other through the flame, on
top of a lonely hill in the middle of a green expanse
of plain. The sky was cloudless, Mulder finally and
surprisingly observed. The sun beat down and was
comfortable, neither too hot or cold. The flame
emitted no heat he noticed as well. Mulder knew the
time for palaver had arrived.

********************

"Your world is so hateful, so far removed from what I
know and perceive." Saemus spouted. He seemed
agitated. "Your petty rivalries and differences make
you fight against each other, trying to destroy one
another at every step of the way. It is truly
confusing." He fell silent, allowing Mulder to speak.
"Where is this, who are you, and why have you brought
me here? I would like to know so I can begin to
understand what I feel."
Saemus began."You are no longer in your realm, but
one I have created for you, so that you may not
know physical or mental anguish as you have for so
long. Your walk here was to purify your worn and
tattered soul. I have taken the blackness and given
it light. That is where you are. I, I am a spirit
that inhabits this realm. I was sent by something
you cannot perceive in three dimensions. I am the
direction your mind cannot travel. That is who I
am. You were brought here because of what you have
done. An understanding of the continuum must be
reached. You are altering what should exist with
what will exist. You are not allowed to fabricate
the future. That is why you are here." And then:
"Do you believe in Fate, Agent Mulder?"
"Yes." Mulder answered.
"Good. Then you can start to comprehend what I have
told you."
But Mulder knew what had happened. Saemus had spoken
it to him in a clarity that he understood perfectly.
Again Saemus began a new silioquoy: "You are seeking
a central truth in your life. Like a web, what you
seek will eventually have an effect on every strand.
What is considered negligible always arranges what
happens infinitesimally. I have truths for you,
Agent Mulder. These are given to you by the very
will of your misdeed."
"I do not understand this." Mulder said, feeling
too much was being weighed on his knowledge now.
"You will." Saemus paused. "I can be thought of
most constructively as Time, Agent Mulder. I am
the essence of congealed time -what you see in the
form of a man-what you first observed by the road
both eons ago and millennia ahead. I knew very
little of why I was to be there. Only knowing you
have changed me. I must reveal what I have become,
to you. Observe."
In the flame appeared an image. Cancerman stood
at Scully's bed. She was connected to many tubes
and apparatus. Mulder assumed she was at the
hospital. Dying. She was unconscious or sleeping.
The Cancerman now motioned his hand. The Bounty
Hunter appeared. He laid his hands on her
forehead and arm.
"NO!!!! Don't you touch her!!" Mulder swiped at the
image, only to go right through it.
"SIT DOWN, Agent Mulder!" Saemus commanded. He did
as told. "OBSERVE." Looking into the flame again,
Mulder saw Cancerman and the alien Bounty Hunter
back away. Scully's face came more into focus. Her
eyes opened. And then only flame again. "Now your
second truth, observe." Saemus spoke. Now he saw
himself standing outside a warehouse. He was running
inside. As he entered, flames shot around him. Fire
was everywhere. He was running toward a figure. It
was a woman. <Samantha> When he reached her, he
picked her up and began to run again, back from
where he came. And then, like before, the image
faded into the flame of the pit.
"Witness your last truth, Agent Mulder." Saemus
said in a grave tone.
For its final time, another image formed. A man
in a chair, very old. He turned in the chair, for
Mulder to see who it was. He had a smoking butt
sticking out of the corner of his mouth. And a gun
in his hand, directed at his head. A simple
squeeze of the trigger and the image exploded into
flame again. There was silence for a long time as
Mulder thought about what he had just witnessed.
Unreal events of a future not written. But he was
going to change that. He had to go back now, right
now, before he destroyed any chance of making
things right. He had been given his truth. His
medicine. His cancer had been purged. Scully's
would be too, in time, by it's own course.
Looking at the sky, the sun was going down and the
sky was darkening. He looked across the flame again
at Saemus Time. "Do you understand now? he asked
solemnly. Mulder nodded very sincerely: "Yes". And
then Saemus's face lit up with that magical smile
that Mulder realized was the same one he had seen on
Scully's face, at rare times when she laughed or was
happy. And it was beautiful in it's own way, even
when Saemus wore it. As he faded into the now
blackened background, Mulder made that revelation, a
minor one of this day of endless days. <Scully's
past and future came to help me. I don't think she
would quite understand if I told her that though..>

*************

"UUUUUngh!" Mulder cried out as he shot up in the
driver seat of his car, on a new morning in the middle
of the American desert, one day after his own funeral.
He had just been at the hill, and now he was here.
Like a snap.
Looking at his car, he found it to be intact and OK
as far as he could tell. And he felt damn good
himself for some reason. He immediately picked up
the cell phone. It worked fine now. He called
Frohike, The phone picked up. "This is Tango Alpha
Charlie..<Frohike>..what is your call sign?".."Alpha
Omega. Listen. It's off. Abort. Meet me back in
Washington- you know where. I'll brief you there.."
Mulder said rapidly and then hung up. The clock
read 7:41. He turned the key that was already in
the ignition and the car was running fine. As he
reached to turn the radio on, he looked down near
the base of the passenger seat. It was a bag of
sunflower seeds. <I'm not exactly sure what to thank
for that> He popped the clutch and set off down the
road. Very fast. To Washington. And those two same
words going off in his head. He had hardly any time
to catch up.

The End