Date: Tue, 20 Jan 1998

**********************************************

Title: Hopelessly Addicted
Finished: 291297
Author: Linda Fayne
Rating: PG-13
Classification: SRA
Spoilers: None
Keywords: Scully/Other, Mulder/Scully Romance.
Summary: It's Christmas Eve, and less than a day until Scully is getting
married. Mulder tries to deal with his feelings. Is it too late to make
her change her mind?

Disclaimer: They're not mine. They'll never be. They all belong to CC,
Fox Broadcasting and Ten-Thirteen Productions. You happy??

Dedication:
* To Scuttlebutt, Kat, Novy, Domenica, Kelli, Jadar, Sherry, Helen,
Marisa, F, Lisa, Danielle, Gertie, Helen (I hope I didn't forget anyone
here) for your wonderful support for the SM2TU series (You included too,
Margi ;))!! (Pst... I haven't ditched that series - I'm just taking a
smaller vacation ;))
* To No-Longer-Anti-Shipper Jenny (The name should give you a hint why
<g>)
* To Margi again, for just being the person you are!!

*~x~*~x~*~x~*~x~*~x~*~x~*~x~*~x~*~x~*
"When you look for independence
And get what you want,
How come you look back,
Thinking 'what have I done?'"

-Joe Tempest, "A Place To Call Home"
*~x~*~x~*~x~*~x~*~x~*~x~*~x~*~x~*~x~*

"Hopelessly Addicted"

Chapter I / III

24th December, Christmas Eve
18:14

It wasn't exactly dark, but it wasn't light outside either. The sun
had already sunk behind the horison, but the sky wasn't black; it was
somehow carrying a gray colour, with just a touch of pink in it. Like it
held a promise of snow. This was confirmed by the air; it was dry and
cold, and the temperature had sunk drastically the last few hours. The
water-drops in the naked trees had frozen to ice, and left the trees
with a beautiful blanket of frost, that glittered magically in the
street lights. The grass in the park was stiff and motionless despite
the wind, and it was like the whole landscape was preparing and bracing
itself for the oncoming winter. It was a beautiful sight.

It was Wednesday night, but since it was Christmas Eve, a lot of
people were outside to enjoy themselves. Though this part of Washington
was quiet and empty, except for some giggling youths who passed the park
on their way to the city, and a lone man sitting on a bench in the park,
with his head in his hands. His trench-coat was swept around him but not
buttoned, allowing the chilly wind to get inside and caress his cold
body.
Not that it mattered to him.
Not that he noticed it.
Not that he noticed anything at all around him.

All he could think of was Her, and that's why he was here in the
first place. He couldn't go home; everything at home reminded him of
her. His fish, who were alive thanks to her feeding them every now and
then. The hole in the wall from the bullet that had almost killed her.
The couch were he'd so often fallen asleep thinking of her, and her
only. His whole apartment was so full of memories of her, that he could
almost smell her. No, he couldn't go home again.

He let out something between a groan and a miserable chuckle. If he
wanted to forget about her, why was he wearing his coat, his suit, his
tie, his gun? But then again, it wasn't true. The last thing he wanted
was to forget about her, even if that would soothe the pain just a
little bit. Would it? Would not knowing her, not having met her, make it
any easier? He shrugged. It didn't matter anyway, did it? Even if he
wanted to, he couldn't turn back time. She'd been the only light in his
search for the truth, and in his life, for years now, and the knowledge
that he wasn't the same for her, at least not anymore, hurt him like
hell. His gaze locked on his tie, and he had to close his eyes for a
second. The tie was, like everything else he wore, just a conceited,
childish try to hold on, to cling to her. He couldn't let go of her, he
couldn't loose her again, and that made him feel even worse. Because he
*was* going to loose her, and there was nothing he could do to prevent
it.

He groaned and shifted on the bench.
"God", he mumbled, not caring that he didn't really believe in God;
Scully did, and that was reason enough for him. "God", he said again,
"Why?" Why why why why why why why… How had they come to this? he
wondered. Why didn't he notice anything until it was too late? He should
have seen it coming long ago, shouldn't he? Sure, he had known that
Scully had dated this 'blokie' for nearly half a year now, and in his
goddamn fear of his own feelings for her, he had even encouraged her to
it! Scully hadn't had many dates during the years they'd been working
together, very much because of all the crazy investigations he'd dragged
them both into. So when this Neil Johnson, a nice and amiable-seeming
captain from the Marine had started to ask her out, and she'd hesitated,
Mulder had encouraged her to go. But he had never expected it to become
this serious…

Sure, he'd known about it for nearly three weeks now, but somehow, he
hadn't really *realised* it until this evening. He remembered that day
in the office, when Scully had told him that she and Neil were getting
married. Mulder had been on his way to sit down in his chair, and he'd
been so shocked that he'd missed it, and landed on the floor instead.
After helping him up again, Scully had carefully asked him if he was
okay with it, but Mulder hadn't been able to form a coherent word.
Instead he'd merely nodded, and given her his congratulations.
After that day, he'd been more consumed by his work than ever; doing
everything to push away that gnawing feeling that grew in his stomach.
Sometimes, he'd even convinced himself that he'd just dreamt it all. But
the nights… He didn't think he could stand them anymore. He didn't sleep
at all; he just lay awake, dwelling over and over again in all the time
they'd spent together, in all the memories they shared. It was amazing
how close two people could grow in a couple of years. His thoughts
always came to linger on those certain, precious memories of brief
touches or special gazes, that they'd shared. Sometimes, he'd thought
that they'd meant something. Sometimes, he'd even thought that she
looked at him in the same way as he looked at her. That she indeed loved
him like he loved her. Obviously, he couldn't have been more wrong...

Mulder leaned back so that he was resting with his back on the bench. It
was cold and icy, but who cared? He didn't even care if he died right
there and then, and not for the first time that evening, he let his
fingers caress his gun at his side. Why didn't he just shoot himself;
get himself out of the misery? He'd do it before tomorrow anyway,
because there was *no way* he'd be able to go to the church to see the
wedding. Not even if Scully begged him. He'd do anything for her but
that. He let the gun glide back down into the holster. During the years
at the Bureau, there'd been several times when he hadn't wanted anything
more than just die, but for some reason, he hadn't been able to just
shoot himself. The reason was Scully. He couldn't let her down like
that, could he? No. She still cared, didn't she?

He felt his fingers, almost by their own command, clutching his
cell-phone. He hesitantly started to dial her number, the corner of his
mouth tilted upwards in a lop-sided half-smile as he wondered how many
times he'd pushed those buttons, just to hear her voice at the other
end.

She replied on the third signal, and he smiled as he heard her familiar
voice.
"Scully."

He could almost sense her warm breath escaping her lips in soft puffs,
as he pictured her face before him. He opened his mouth to speak, but
something made tears spring to his eyes, and he felt like he was being
choked.

"Mulder?" she wondered. "Mulder, are you okay?"

Funny, Mulder thought, how they just *knew* that the other was calling,
without having to say a word. That's the way it always had been; some
invisible, unexplainable chemistry that had knotted a bond between them,
that kept them together. Obviously, it was still there, Mulder mused.
But how much longer would it be?
He cleared his throat before answering.
"Sure, Scully, I'm fine."

There was a comfortable silence between them for a couple of seconds,
both of them obviously content with the knowledge that the other was
just on the other side of the line.

"So…", Mulder said eventually, "what are you doing?"

"Nothing in particular", Scully answered. "Mom is here, she's doing
the last adjustments on the wedding dress."

Mulder nodded, the thought of her dress that would soon be in Neil's
arms not making it any easier for him.

"Is it Fox?" he heard Mrs. Scully asking in the background. "Send him
my love!"

Scully chuckled, her sweet laughter something that Mulder was positive
he would always remember.
"Heard that?" she asked.

"Yeah", Mulder said. "Send mine back." He was silent for another
moment, but this time the silence was more awkward than comfortable.

"Is something bothering you, Mulder?" Scully asked, her voice soft,
but concerned.

Mulder sighed. What could he answer? 'Yes, as a matter of fact something
is - the only person I've ever really loved is getting married tomorrow,
and I can't do anything about it!' God, how he wanted to tell her that.
How he wanted to break down all those barriers he'd built up, and just
allow himself to cry in her arms. But yet - ironically as it was - he
still couldn't. Words had never come easily to him.
"No - it's nothing. I guess I just wanted to talk to you for a while.
I've missed you these last days, you know", he said softly.

Apparently, his half-confession had touched her in *some* way.
"I've missed you too, Mulder", she confessed. "These last days have
been really tough with all the things there are to do before the
wedding." She paused for a moment, and Mulder thought he could almost
hear her brilliant brain thinking. "Listen Mulder", she then continued,
"would you like to do something this evening? Just the two of us?"

Mulder felt his heart starting to pound in his chest. That was more than
he'd ever dared to hope for as he'd phoned her up. But yet, he didn't
want her to do it just because she sensed that something was wrong and
wanted to cheer him up.
"But you're getting married tomorrow!" he said. "Do you really have
the time for that?"

"I always have time for you, Mulder", she replied softly.

Mulder closed his eyes. Now he couldn't prevent his tears anymore. This
was his Scully, his caring, faithful, understanding partner. His best
friend, the only one he trusted. No matter what happened, she'd always
be there for him. Clutching the receiver harder, he nodded, and his
reply was almost a whisper.
"Okay, Scully. I'll pick you up in half an hour." It was all he could
do not to let her hear him cry. Slowly, his thumb hit the
'disconnect'-button, and an instant later, he was alone in the darkness
again.

Rising up from the bench, he took a second to stretch out his stiff
muscles, before he slowly walked towards his apartment again to change
before he met her.
<Scully>, he thought, <I'll see you soon, Scully>. And then he let
his tears fall.

End, chapter I / III
*~x~*~x~*~x~*~x~*~x~*~x~*~x~*~x~*~x~*

"Hopelessly Addicted"

Chapter II / III

Twenty-eight minutes later, Mulder stood outside Scully's apartment.
He felt like a nervous teenager on his first date, and folding his hands
behind him, he tried to stop them from shaking. For Gods sake, he'd been
here more times than he could count, this time wasn't any different, he
tried to tell himself. But it was. This was the last time he'd be alone
with Scully before she was married.

Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door.

"Use your key, Mulder", he heard Scully's soft voice from the inside.

Mulder swallowed. 'Use your key'. Was this the last time he could do
that? When she was married, she wouldn't want him to drop by in the
middle of the night with some case file he couldn't solve on his own,
would she? No, she'd be busy doing… other things, in which he didn't
want to speculate any further. So yes, this was probably the last time
he could use his key to her apartment without her minding. No more
I-just-couldn't-sleep-so-I thought-I'd-drop-by-with-a-pizza nights, no
more sleepovers on her couch after having worked the whole evening, no
more phone-calls about anything just to hear her voice. Nothing would
ever be the same again.

He slowly put his key in her lock, and opened the door. He hesitantly
stepped into the small hall, just like he'd done millions of times
before. He looked around himself, trying to absorb pictures of every
millimetre of her apartment, just in case...

Scully stuck out her head from her bedroom.
"I'll be ready in a minute, Mulder", she said. "Make yourself at
home."

Smiling miserably, Mulder took place in her couch.
"Where's your mother?" he asked.

Scully reappeared in the doorway, dressed in a pair of black jeans and a
white cardigan.
"Oh, she left about ten minutes ago", she replied.

Mulder smiled at her.

"What?" Scully asked.

"Nothing", Mulder replied. He wanted to tell her how gorgeous she
looked in those clothes - how gorgeous she *always* looked, for Gods
sake, how she managed to lighten up his dark mood only by being there,
how much he'd missed her. But somehow, words weren't enough. He could
never explain to her how much he loved her with only words. "Ready to
go?" he asked instead.

"Yep", Scully said, buttoning her coat. She waited until he'd got out
in the corridor, and locked the door behind them.

"So, where are we going?" Mulder asked.

Scully smiled at him.
"You haven't eaten anything, have you?" she asked.

Funny how well she knew him, Mulder mused. Or maybe that wasn't so
strange after all; during the years, they'd come to stand closer to each
other than anyone else could. He doubted even Neil knew her as good as
he did.
"You working extra as a mind-reader, Scully?" he asked.

She smiled at him.
"You'll see, Mulder", she smugly replied, sticking her arm under his.

Revelling in having her close, Mulder smiled back at her as they started
walking towards the front door.

* * *

"You've got something against cheap take-out food, Scully?" Mulder
asked, as they half two hours later were seated at a table on one of the
fanciest restaurants of Washington D.C.

"Not at all", Scully replied. "I just thought that it could be nice
with some change, don't you?"

"Yeah", Mulder said grimly, taking a bite of his fillét of beef.
"Things changes. A lot of things will change soon."

Scully hesitated. They had spent most of the time since they arrived
at the restaurant chatting about 'the usual', but now seeing where this
conversation was headed, she couldn't help but feeling a little...
insecure, somehow. Sure, he was right, the nearest future was carrying a
lot of changes. But was she ready for all of them?
Hesitantly, she reached out to rest her hand on his, on the table.
"Not everything changes, Mulder", she said softly.

Mulder hesitantly turned his hand so that their palms touched. He slowly
entwined his fingers with Scully's.
"Look, Scully..." he said, not sure how to go on. She nodded
encouraging to him, making him continue. "I know that you have a lot to
think about now, with the wedding and all that goes with it... but have
you thought about what will happen afterwards?

"With what?" Scully queried softly.

Suddenly unable to meet her eyes, Mulder stared at their entwined
fingers.
"With the job, the x-files... with... us?"

Scully smiled at him.
"Mulder, do you honestly believe that I would leave you alone with
the x-files, with no-one to watch your back?" she said, trying to
lighten up the dark atmosphere that seemed to suddenly surround them.
She was rewarded by a reluctant half-smile. "Seriously, Mulder, it's not
like we're moving away or something. I don't want to leave Washington,
and Neil has his job here too. Maybe we'll get a house one day, but to a
beginning, we'll live in my apartment. As to us", she said,
understanding what he meant, "nothing will change. We'll still be
partners and work together on the x-files, and you'll still be my best
friend." She smiled at him. "That's something that will never change,
Mulder."

She was wrong. She was so *damn* wrong. Even if things wouldn't change
between them on the surface, nothing would be the same on the inside,
Mulder thought. Never, ever again would he be able to feel that nice
little possessive pride that she was *his* partner, and his alone,
whenever she got credit for her work. Neither would he be allowed to
feel that protective 'she's-mine-so-get-away' feeling if someone was
mean to her, or flirted with her. He would no longer be able to loose
himself in his conceited fantasies that maybe, maybe, she loved him as
someone dearer than a friend, and maybe, maybe, one day, they'd be more
than just partners. But what hurt him deepest of all, was that he would
no longer be the only one she trusted.
Yet, he managed to smile back at her.
"I'm glad", he said, even if his voice betrayed him that he wasn't
all that convinced. But if Scully noticed that, she didn't show it, and
he was grateful for that.

"So...", he said, changing subject. "How do you feel before 'D-Day'?"

Scully smiled at him.
"Nervous... Excited. A little scared..."

"Everything will be just great", Mulder assured her.

"Yeah, but it's a big step", Scully said. "I mean; when you get
married to someone, it's for the rest of your life. It just feels so...
*serious*."

"I'm sure things will work out fine for you two", Mulder said. "And
remember that I'll always be there for you, whatever happens."
He didn't know where he found his strength to say all this, or where
he found the words, when he didn't want anything but taking her with him
and never return her to Neil. But somehow, no matter how much he wanted
to have her for himself, he found himself putting *her* good fortune
before his own. And no matter how badly he wanted it, her good fortune
obviously wasn't him.

"Thank-you, Mulder", Scully said, squeezing his fingers.

Mulder couldn't resist the urge to tease her.
"And if it doesn't help, I know a pretty good matrimonial adviser",
he said, smiling.

"Sometimes you are just *too* good to me", Scully said, her lips
tilted upwards in a smile, that Mulder thought would melt him any
second. She then threw a glance at her watch, and her eyes widened as
she realised that the time had just been *running* away.
"I hate to say this, Mulder, but I think we'd better start to think
about leaving, if I'll get *some* sleep at all before tomorrow."

Mulder glanced at his watch too, then nodded.
"Of course. You can't have dark circles around your eyes on your
wedding day, can you?" he joked, and was rewarded by another
heart-breaking smile. He rose. "Come on, I'll drive you home."

* * *

They were standing outside Scully's apartment, surrounded by the pale
glow from the lamps in the corridor.

It was almost midnight, and Mulder had to admit that the evening had
turned out much better than he'd first imagined. It had been wonderful
being with Scully, but the knowledge that he now had to leave her, and
the next time he'd see her was the next morning at the church, when she
was marrying Neil, hang like a heavy yoke on his shoulders.

Putting the key in the lock, Scully turned to him.
"I've had a wonderful evening, Mulder", she said, smiling at him.

"Me too", Mulder said. "So... I guess I'll see you tomorrow then", he
reluctantly said.

"Yeah...", Scully nodded, but Mulder could see her lower lip tremble.
"What, Scully?" he said, instantly alert. He carefully placed his
hand on her upper arm, and lightly stroked it. "What is it, Scully?"

She looked at her feet another second before meeting his gaze again.
"Am I doing the right thing, Mulder?"

Mulder closed his eyes, swaying lightly on his feet. Who had turned up
the thermostat? It was so easy, saying that she wasn't; that she
shouldn't marry Neil. It was so easy to stop everything, when he
suddenly had got the power and she was so vulnerable. It was so easy
saying... saying that she would marry *him* instead. But in the end, no
matter how much he wanted it to be, the decision wasn't his. Not if he
wanted what was best for Scully.
He slowly opened his eyes. She was still looking at him. He took a
deep breath.
"Do you love him, Scully?"

Their faces were so close, their noses almost touching. Their gazes were
locked; warm hazel staring into deep blue. Mulder could feel their
breaths mingle, and the air surrounding them seemed to crackle with
electricity.
As through a haze, Mulder could see their faces, their lips,
approaching each other with delicate slowness. Closer, closer... He
could already feel the softness of her lips, and just as they were to
touch each other...

...Scully hastily pulled back, and the magic spell was broken.

"My God, what am I doing?" she mumbled, unable to meet his gaze.

"I'm sorry, Scully, I--" Mulder said, but she interrupted him.

"No, Mulder, don't be", she said, meeting his eyes again. "Let's just
forget about it, okay?"

"Okay", Mulder said, nodding, though he was sure his heart would have
been broken into a million pieces, if it hadn't been already.
"I'd better go", he said.

Scully nodded.
"Yeah... See you tomorrow, Mulder."

Reaching out to cradle her jaw in his hand, Mulder met her gaze another
time.
"Sleep well", he said, before he turned around and walked down the
corridor.

Just before Scully had closed her door, he turned around.
"Hey, Scully?" he called out.

She stepped back out in the corridor, and despite the distance between
them, Mulder thought that he could discern the well-known raise of her
eyebrow.

"Trust your heart", he said, before turning around again and
disappearing out of the front door.

End, Chapter II / III
*~x~*~x~*~x~*~x~*~x~*~x~*~x~*~x~*~x~*

"Hopelessly Addicted"

Chapter III / III

Frustrated, Mulder paced up and down in his apartment. He hadn't
slept anything during the night, and spending hours alone in his bed had
only made him restless. He had come to a decision, though.

He looked at his watch. He didn't need to leave in another twenty
minutes to be well in time at the church, but all the waiting just made
him even more nervous. His fingers closed around the small box in his
pocket, as he opened it and let his fingers caress its contents for
maybe the hundredth time since he'd found it. It had laid hidden deep
inside a drawer all since he'd moved into his apartment, and he hadn't
even remembered it until this night.

He carefully held up the ring in the light. It was of gold; a tiny
flower with a diamond in it's centre. Simple, but very beautiful. His
grandmother had given it to him when he'd been ten years old; it had
been her own wedding ring, and she'd told him to give it to the girl he
someday truly loved. He had laughed then, but for some reason, he'd kept
it. Now, he was glad he had.

During the night, his mind had replayed what had happened outside
Scully's apartment over and over again, and he'd come to the decision
that he just couldn't give up without a fight. He never did otherwise,
did he? So why would he just *give* her to Neil, without fighting for
her? It was bull-shit, everything about that it was the right thing to
do, that it was *her* decision. Sure, in the end it was, but would it
make any difference if she knew that he loved her? He couldn't simply
exclude that, not after what had happened. Or *almost* happened. He
*had* to tell her how he felt. 'The truth, the whole truth, and nothing
but the truth', he thought, recalling the quote he'd had to say several
times when he'd testified something in a case in the court. If she after
that still preferred Neil... well, then there's nothing more he could
do. Even if it broke his heart, he'd at least given it a try.

Resolutely, he got his coat from the hook and hurried to his car. But
his hands shook on the steering-wheel the whole way to the church.

* * *

She was standing outside the church, in front of the big white steps
that led to the door. He could discern her from a long distance, her
lovely, fiery red hair brutally disturbing the soft colours of her long
white silken dress and the snow on the ground. It was a welcoming
shining spot in the middle of an ocean of blurry pastels.

Yes, it had snowed during the night. Drifts of white, soft snow lined
the way up to the church, and had it been a normal day, Mulder'd
probably admired its beauty, and his fingers'd ached for making a
perfect snow-ball and jokingly throw it on someone. The snow was another
thing that amazed Mulder. Or rather; the season. He'd always believed
that Scully was the type that preferred a big wedding in the late
spring, or in the beginning of the summer, when the flowers were most
beautiful. He didn't know why, but he just could picture her like that.
Not in the winter.
<Another thing that proves that I obviously don't know her all that
well>, he mused sadly, as he parked his car.

He quickly walked the short distance that separated them. She saw him
coming, and waved happily to him. Mulder couldn't help but smiling back.
He quickly reached her, and pulled her into a strong hug.
"Hi", he said. "You look beautiful!"

Indeed she did. He took a step back to take in her appearance.
Her red hair was curled, most of it held up by a tiny white diadem,
except for some loose curls at her neck and forehead, that softly framed
her sweet face. Her dress was the most beautiful wedding-dress Mulder'd
ever seen, and he doubted any super model could carry it as perfect as
Scully did. She was holding a big bouquet of dark red roses and white
lilies, and Mulder could feel the fresh scent of the flowers linger
around them in the air.

"I'm so glad you're here", Scully smiled at him. "I couldn't do this
without you."

Mulder forced himself to smile another time, though he felt the big
stone in his chest growing more heavy for each second.

"Hello Fox!" a voice beside him said, waking him up from his moment
of self-pitying. He lifted his head, and saw Mrs. Scully standing beside
him.

"Hi, Mrs. Scully!" he said, and felt her embrace him. He managed
another smile.

"Oh", Scully said to Mulder, gesturing towards the man beside her, "I
almost forgot! This is Neil, who you've already met..."

"Nice to meet you again, Mulder", Neil said, shaking Mulder's hand.

"Yeah..." Mulder said, though he didn't smile.

"... And this is Neil's father and mother, Mr. And Mrs. Johnson",
Scully continued.

"Oh, call me Ellen", Mrs. Johnson said, also extending her hand to
Mulder.

Mulder shook it.
"Hello, Ellen! Hello, Mr. Johnson."

"I'm so glad to finally meet you!" Ellen said. "Dana has told us so
much about you!"

<She has?> Mulder wondered, glancing at Scully, but she didn't notice
it.

"You are coming with us to the party afterwards, aren't you?" Mrs.
Scully asked him.

No. There was no way Mulder could stand seeing his partner getting
married to that man beside her, and then *celebrate* it, when all he
wanted to do was to die. No way.
"I don't think so..." he said. "I have some things to do at home; my
laundry, feed my fish…"

This brought a chuckle from Scully, and he caught her gaze and held it
for a moment. Her eyes were calm, steady, but - something was different
in them, wasn't it? There was something in them that he couldn't place,
but he felt an overwhelming urge to find out what that 'something' was.
This was it, he realised. He had to ask her *now*, or never.

"Mulder, we're going into the church now, are you coming with us?" he
heard Neil's voice ask him.

Startled, Mulder snapped out of the spell that had held their gazes
locked.

"Yeah, I... I just have to talk to Scully. In private", he added, as
Neil moved closer to be a part in the conversation too.

Scully gave him a questioning gaze, as he took her by her elbow and led
her a couple of steps away.

"Look, Scully - *Dana*", he corrected himself, smiling at her. "I may
be making a fool out of myself - it wouldn't be the first time I did
that", he said. That brought a chuckle from Scully, and he raised a
teasing eyebrow at her.

"Nothing, go on", she said, taking on a neutral face again.

"Anyway", Mulder said, "will you at least listen to what I have to
tell you?"

"Of course I will", Scully said.

Mulder looked at her, and their eyes locked again. Now she was having
that vulnerable expression again, just like outside her apartment the
previous night.

"I haven't been honest with you, Dana", Mulder said. "We've searched
for the truth for years, but I haven't told you the *real* truth. I
guess I was too much a coward..." he shrugged. "Anyway", he continued,
his hand finding the small box in the pocket of his trench-coat, "I want
to tell you this before it's too late."

Scully nodded to him to go on.

Mulder took a deep breath and took her hand.
"I love you, Dana", he said. "I love you more than anything in the
world."

It was as if time had suddenly stopped. As Mulder dared to look at her
again, she was staring at him, her blue eyes wide.

He opened the box and extended it to her, his other hand finding hers.
"Dana Katherine Scully, will you marry me?" he asked.

There was a moment of absolute silence, as they regarded one another.
Mulder couldn't believe that he'd just made that confession, and neither
could Scully; they just stared at each other.

No-one else around them seemed to move either, until Neil suddenly burst
forward. In less than a second, he flew right upon Mulder, so hastily
that neither he nor Scully had a chance to react.
"YOU *BASTARD*!" he yelled, and that was also the last thing Mulder
heard before he felt Neil's hard fist across his nose.

Then everything went black.

* * *

The first thing Mulder became aware of in his surroundings was that it
was cold. The temperature was cold, the walls were painted in a cold,
pale blue colour, and the lights were illuminating the room in a white
cold light.

But his hand was warm; someone was holding his hand, he realised. He
tried to tilt his head to look, but was held back by an overwhelming
pain in his face. He groaned. The light weight on his hand shifted.

"Mulder?" The voice was gentle, and very familiar.

<Scully>, he thought. Then it all came over him; the wedding, the
conversation, the proposal... He groaned again, not because of the pain.

Slowly, he turned his head to look at her. She was wearing her grey
v-necked sweater, but her hair still looked like it had outside the
church. She wasn't wearing make-up anymore, but he could see that she'd
been crying. A wave of guilt and shame washed over him, and he wondered
how he could ever had denied her her happiness.

"Hey, you should be on your honeymoon now", he joked gently.

That brought a smile to her face, which warmed him deep inside. He tried
to smile back, but the skin around his nose refused to co-operate, and a
new wave of pain flowed over his face. He brought a hand up to touch his
nose, and felt a large bandage on it.

"It was a tough blow, so it'll probably take a week before the
swelling goes down", Scully said. "Though you're lucky; it isn't
broken."

"Are you telling me I can't have a plastic surgery this time either?"
Mulder asked, trying to sound disappointed.

Scully reluctantly smiled again.
"You know..." she said, "actually I like your nose."

Mulder smiled back, not caring about the pain. He was happy just to have
her with him. They were both silent for a moment, before Mulder spoke
again.
"I'm so sorry, Scully", he said, reaching out to touch the trace of a
dried tear on her cheek. "I'm so sorry for ruining your wedding day."

Scully remained silent another moment before she answered.
"No, Mulder, don't be", she said in a low voice. "Thank-you for
telling me, I'm glad you did."

"Scully-" Mulder said, but she interrupted him.

"Mulder, I've given what happened yesterday a lot of thought", she
continued. "'Did I really love him?' I still wasn't sure when I woke up
this morning, but I kept telling myself that I was. That I did. But like
you said... I haven't been completely honest either." She paused, and he
nodded to her to go on.

She brought up her hand to let him see her fingers. Her ring finger was
adorned by his grandmother's ring; the ring Mulder had given her the
same morning. She smiled at him, and he smiled back.
"This is the truth, Mulder", she said. "I'm glad you made me open my
eyes."

Mulder couldn't believe what she'd just said. He was relieved,
overwhelmed... but still, he felt a sting of guilt when he looked at
her.
"I could've chosen a better moment to tell you though", he said in a
low voice.

Scully chuckled slightly.
"Maybe... But you should've seen their faces!"

Mulder lightly played with her fingers.
"So tell me what happened", he said.

"Well...", Scully said, "When you'd been knocked down, I yelled that
someone had to call an ambulance, and then I declared that the wedding
was cancelled. When the ambulance arrived, I followed you to the
hospital, and... that's all, basically. Neil came here soon afterwards,
but I told him that I didn't love him. It was hard; he's been very nice
and I hated to hurt him like that, but it was the only right thing to
do. Later my mother arrived with some other clothes."

"I'll never be able to see your mother again", Mulder said.

"I'm sure you will", Scully said. "She's always loved you like a
member of the family."

Mulder offered her another smile.
"So..." he said, "what do we do now?"

"Why don't you get some sleep, and we'll talk later?" Scully
suggested.

"How about you?" Mulder asked. "You look exhausted."

"Thank-you", Scully said mockingly.

"Hey, I know what to do about it", Mulder said, patting on the bed
beside him. "There's plenty of room here."

Scully smiled at him.
"You sure?" she asked hesitantly.

"Positively", Mulder said.

Scully climbed up onto the mattress, and Mulder gently pulled her into
his embrace. She rested her head against his shoulder, and allowed
herself to close her eyes and relax.
"Mulder?" she murmured.

"Hm?"

"I never got the occasion to answer that question."

"What question?" Mulder asked, his hand caressing her upper arm.

"The one you asked me outside the church", Scully answered.

"Oh, *that* question", Mulder smiled. "So what is your answer?"

"Yes."

Mulder bent forward to press a light kiss on her forehead.
"I like the answer", he said.

Scully snuggled closer to him and he buried his face in her hair,
revelling in its sweet flowery scent. He silently mused over the day's
events. How was it possible, that the day he'd dreaded more than
'Judgement Day' itself had turned out so... utterly *wonderful*? He
loved Scully more than life itself; she was all he'd ever wanted and
needed, but she'd always belonged to the impossible, to what he couldn't
get. Until now. Maybe there was a God after all, he mused. Or maybe not;
it didn't matter to him as long as he and Scully were safe together.
Like now.
He smiled. He couldn't quite believe that Scully loved him the same way
he loved her. But yet, in this he wanted to believe more than anything.
And this was true.
Holding her even closer, he closed his eyes.

"And Mulder", he heard her murmur just before he fell asleep.

"Hm?"

"There's another thing too."

"What, Scully?"

"I love you too, Mulder."

***THE END***

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"Opened my eyes today
And I knew there's something different.
Saw you in a brand new way
Like the clouds had somehow lifted.
And if yesterday I heard
Myself saying these words
I would swear it was a lie.

I don't know why
But suddenly I'm falling.
Was I so blind?
I was loving you all the time,
Now I'm hopelessly addicted.
Helplessly attracted."

-The Corrs, "Hopelessly Addicted".

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This was all for now!!
PLEASE, I appreciate *any* feedback, so send it to:
<lfayne@hotmail.com> or <linda.fayne@usa.net>

The LOVE is out there
Linda Fayne :)

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