Bad Case of Freezer Burn
By Mady Bay - mbay@binghamton.edu
July 23, 1998
Rated PG
Category - Tongue in Cheek, unfortunately not Scully's in Mulder's
Disclaimer - Yes, CC, 1013 and Fox own them. No, I don't. No, I'm not making any money off this. Yes, they are (BIG TIME). No, don't bother to sue me. No, I'm broke.
Summary - The Mulder and Scully flavored popsicles thaw out, much to the dismay of one icy Antarctic doctor.

Bad Case of Freezer Burn

"I'm telling you," he warned. "You'll regret it. BIG TIME."

And with that, Assistant Director Walter Skinner, FBI, walked out of the room.

Dr. Nicole O'Neill slammed the clipboard onto the table.

"You know, I took this post in Antarctica so I'd be getting away from assholes like him," she told Tony Jackson, the nurse on duty.

He just laughed and shook his head.

"Haven't you figured it out yet, Nicole?" he asked. "I've been in the Army for nine years. It doesn't matter if you're in the States, Europe, Australia, Saudi Arabia or here in Antarctica. Someone who thinks he's got clout is ALWAYS going to come and fuck with you."

"What the hell are FBI agents doing down here anyway?" she asked.

"I don't know and I don't care," Tony replied.

Nicole sighed and picked up the clipboard again and walked over to her patient.

"Fox? What the hell kind of name is that?" she muttered.

She checked his IV, made sure the warmer was working properly. She checked his forehead, where she had replaced a couple of stitches that had come loose.

"And tell me why and how someone with so recent a craniotomy incision can be down here anyway?" she asked herself.

She made some notes on the chart and gave it to Tony, now at a desk in the hallway.

"I'm headed down to see our other star patient," she said sarcastically.

A few doors down and Nicole found Scully's room. Scully had been worse off than Mulder. Her core temperature was a few degrees lower and somehow she had sustained some minor internal injuries. Nicole shook her head as she remembered finding scratches and abrasions in Scully's throat, as if someone had done a bad job intubating her. A few times. Scully was resting comfortably now. Her body temperature was almost normal, thanks to the heated IV's, just as Mulder had gotten. She saw movement and watched with envy as Scully snuggled down under the warm blankets. She left the room.

"I'm going to bed," she told Tony. "Call me if you need me," she called as she walked to her own room.

Scully was feeling warm. Nice and warm. Nice and warm and soft. She pulled the blankets up to her chin.

"Mmmmm," she moaned.

She and Mulder were getting closer. Inch by inch. Hands caressing each other's faces. His soft full lips ready to graze hers.

"Mulder!" she screamed, sitting bolt upright in the bed.

She looked around, breathing heavily. She recognized herself as being in some sort of medical facility. She was not comforted.

"Mulder?!" she called, ripping the IV out of her arm and climbing unsteadily out of the bed, heading for the door.

A tall blonde man who could have been named Hans met her at the door.

Mulder awoke with a start.

"Scully?" he called, looking around the room. He sat up and grabbed his head as a wave of pain and dizziness caught him. He ripped the IV out of his arm and staggered across the room.

"Scully?" he called again.

Tony met him at the door.

"Come on Agent Mulder. Back to bed," Tony said, trying to turn Mulder around.

"Where's Scully?" Mulder asked, resisting Tony's attempts to turn him around.

"Your partner is just fine, now let's get back to bed," Tony tried again.

Mulder ducked under Tony's arm and headed out into the hallway, calling Scully's name. Staggering, he bumped into the wall and knocked over two carts along the way. Tony caught up to him and grabbed him from behind. Mulder turned in his arms and punched him, sending Tony sprawling to the floor after first hitting the desk and spilling its contents everywhere. Mulder continued down the hall, opening doors, checking for Scully.

"Scully!" he yelled.

Then Mulder heard her. She was arguing and calling his name. Then a tall blonde guy landed in front of the door he was about to check next.

"Mulder!" Scully shouted, running to him from the bed.

She ran to him and hugged him tight, the force of her embrace sending them both downward. They landed on top of "Hans."

By now a crowd had gathered. Tony and "Hans" had managed to get up off the floor. Both were rubbing their jaws.

"What the hell is going on here?!" Nicole shouted, annoyed that she'd been woken up. "And what are these two doing out of their rooms?" she asked, equally annoyed that they were out of bed.

"They both just got up and wouldn't go back," Tony started.

"They hit us," "Hans" added.

"Get them both back to bed and restart their IV's," Nicole ordered, trying to fix her sleep induced "bad hair day do."

"No way!" Mulder yelled. "I traveled half way around the world to save her from a bee borne mutated extraterrestrial virus only to find that they had turned her into an alien embryo's frozen dinner. I'm not going to leave her," he reasoned.

Nicole just stood and stared.

"What he said," Scully added, though still unsure about what the hell he was talking about either.

Nicole looked around the hallway. It looked like World War III had taken place there. Carts were overturned, two black and blue nurses stood holding their jaws, and two hypothermic patients were on the floor.... Then she looked up and saw Walter Skinner with a shit-eating grin on his face.

"I told you to put them in the same room," he started. "But noooo, you wouldn't listen," he said. "Agents," he greeted, nodding to Mulder and Scully before turning to return to his room down the hall.

Nicole looked at Mulder and Scully. Looked at the hallway. Looked at the retreating form of AD Walter Skinner, FBI.

"Sure. Fine. Whatever," she said to herself, rubbing at her temples trying to ease her brand new pounding headache. "Tony, Frank. Move Agent Mulder's bed in here," she ordered.

She turned on her heel and left. Tony thought her heard her mutter something about transferring to Hawaii.

Mulder sat on the edge of Scully's bed.

"So, how do you feel?" he asked, holding her hand.

"Like I got a bad case of freezer burn," she replied with a wry smile.

"Hey, that's my line," he chided.

"So, where are we?" she asked.

"Antarctica," he replied.

"Antarctica?" she gasped, eyes wide.

"Yeah, want a sno-cone?" he asked, eyebrows waggling.

"Mulder. I need a sno-cone like you need another hole in your head," she answered.

Mulder looked down and laughed. Scully took Mulder's chin and lifted it.

"What?" she asked.

He pulled back the hair at his temple and showed her the wounds.

"Been there, done that," he replied flatly.

"Oh God, Mulder, what did you do?" she asked, shocked.

"Don't worry, I didn't go to Rhode Island again," he said defensively. "This time it wasn't even my fault. Really. I got shot and had to get a craniotomy to fix the subdural hematoma," he said matter-of-factly.

She just stared at him.

"Don't worry, the worst part of it was waking up in Oz with the Lone Gunmen," he responded.

"Mulder?" Scully asked. "Maybe we should transfer to Hawaii."

"DON'T YOU DARE!!!" Nicole shouted from the hall.

FIN

Okay, so all of you got to do the good serious ones first. I decided that some levity was needed. Besides, I've been too busy writing heavy Johnny and Roy fanfic lately and needed to take a break. Hope you had fun, let me know. Mady