Date sent: Mon, 5 Jan 1998

From: nlemie@PO-Box.McGill.CA

Subject: NEW: Duplicity (MSR) by The Dragon Lady

Disclaimer: Fox Mulder, Dana Scully and (for this most recent episode)
Linda Bowman (like we couldn't figure where that name came from) belong to
Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen productions, and Twentieth Century Fox
Corporation. No legal infringement intended, and the author receives no
monetary gain from this story. (I wish) The characters are used without
permission, but are treated with loving care. (i.e. they're finally doing
what they *should* be doing)
Rating:PG-13 for a few swear words (mostly the female dog one)
Category: VAR
Keywords: MSR, angst,
Spoilers: Kitsunegari, Pusher, and a teeny one from Detour.
Summary: What happened after Mulder came back to his senses in that warehouse?

Author's note: I hope my editors forgive me for this... I'm sending the
story out without passing it by them first. Can't help myself, it's 10:13
pm (I kid you not) and I've just re-watched the 'you know what' scene from
Kitsunegari. Now I have to know exactly what happened at the end of that
scene, and I want the rest of the world to hear about it. I'll risk the
bad quality of the grammar/style to pump this out fast enough. Forgive me,
oh great editors, but I had to get this one out of my head before it drove
me insane. I'm sure you'll understand. :)

Oh, Vince and Tim (I knew you wouldn't let us down): Good story, I loved
the tribute to the previous Russian Roulette scene, but couldn't you at
least have given us a hug or something other than just an arm squeeze? I
mean come on... after Redux II??? Unless you *wanted* us to fill in the
missing scenes... in which case it worked. :)

Duplicity

by The Dragon Lady (nlemie@po-box.mcgill.ca)

BANG!!!

The shot resonated in his ears. He saw her fall. Scully, that's
the only word that was chanting through his mind as he ran to her side,
touched the side of her face. Felt for a pulse. Scully. Scully. Scully.
Oh my god, she's dead.

That woman, that Linda Bowman, she'd reversed the roles. This time
it hadn't been him under the influence, holding a gun to his head to shoot
himself. It was Scully, and this time the chamber hadn't been empty.

Oh god, she's dead.

Now she was in front of him... taunting him. Trying to convince
him that she was Scully, that this was a trick.

She's dead. She's behind me on the floor. She's dead. Scully.

He wasn't listening. Blood pounded in his ears as the rage
escalated. He could barely see as tears threatened to well up. He'd get
her. He'd kill the bitch. She wasn't going to live another minute.

"Your mother is Teena. Your sister is Samantha."

The words came through but his brain was in no shape to comprehend.
Who did she think she was playing with? What did she want? He didn't
care. The bitch was going to die, and she was going to die now.

Scully. Oh god, Scully. I'm sorry.

The next shot surprised him, made him react instinctively and pull
his gun up. What was going on? He'd seen the pool of blood. Scully
wasn't about to get up. Why had Bowman shot next to him? Why miss?

He turned around, suddenly dazed as his mind felt like it was being
freed, as if it'd been caught in a net and the threads were quickly
unraveling.

Right before his eyes, the image blurred, reformed, and the prone,
blood-stained form of his partner turned into the blonde-haired woman who'd
just shot right next to him. Bowman.

"What?"

He turned around and there she was, standing a few paces away with
her extended arms still holding the gun. Scully.

She's alive.

He was beyond words. They just couldn't find their way out. He
simply watched as he saw her approach, give his arm a light squeeze, check
for a pulse, and then pull out her cell phone to dial in for backup.

He blinked his eyes and stared, then turned slightly and almost
toppled over, unable to keep his balance -- but he managed to stay upright
and moved towards the other side of the room. He felt himself take in huge
gulps of air, like a drowning man suddenly pulled ashore. Slowly, as the
seconds ticked away, sensations began returning to his body. He blinked
again, then realized his mouth was hanging open and closed it. He felt the
biting pain in his palms and noticed he'd been balling his hands into
fists. He let the fingers relax their grip. Finally, he focused on his
breathing, trying to slow it down and hoping that his heart rate would
follow.

Then he heard her voice. She was giving the medics a quick
appraisal of the situation over the phone so that they could bring in the
proper equipment.

Scully.

He whipped around and simply stared at the back of her head,
concentrating on the way the locks played against her shirt collar,
noticing the shine as the lamplight filtered in from the outside. Felt the
reassurance as he saw her solid form. She was really there.

She's alive.

He stood there, just staring at her, unblinking, until she hung up
the phone, slid it back into her jacket pocket, and started walking towards
her partner. It was then that something in him broke. Without thinking,
without even realizing it, he sprinted towards her.

"Mul-"

She never had a chance to finish. In half a second he'd pulled her
to him and wrapped his arms around her torso in a crushing grip, squeezing
the air right out of her lungs as her ribcage collapsed under the force.

"Mulder." She managed to whisper as she used up the last of her air.

She waited for him to let her go, and had to push at his chest to
make him stand back slightly when he didn't respond. Gratefully, she took
a sharp, painful breath as her mind began calculating how many bruises
she'd have in the morning as a result of that armlock.

"Mulder."

She looked up at him, confused and concerned. She gasped when she
met his eyes. They were wild, unfocused, almost unseeing. His pupils were
dilated, his face almost ashen and covered with a thin sheen of sweat. She
could hear his breath coming in short, quick bursts. He was in shock.

"Mulder, listen to me."

He didn't react. It was like he didn't hear her. He only stared
at her, his gaze becoming more intense by the second. He tilted his head
slightly to one side as if wanting to study her from a different angle.
But he wasn't listening to what she was saying.

"You're in shock. We have to get you to a hospital to be treated."

He was listening, and he heard her gasp as he suddenly grabbed her
lapels and pulled her to him with all the force he could muster. He felt
the pressure as her body collided against his and snaked a hand around her
waist to hold her there as his other hand grabbed her nape, fingers
entwining with the hair. He tugged slightly, pulling her head back another
fraction as his mouth descended on hers, crushing it under the pressure of
a kiss.

He felt her tense, almost beginning to struggle as the surprise
overtook her. But then she stopped, as if a thought had suddenly struck
her. Finally, she began to relax and opened her mouth, allowing him access
but not quite participating. Only allowing him act without actually
responding.

Mulder pulled away, his need for air echoing her own, and she once
again met his eyes. They were still wide open and the pupils were dilated,
but this time the shock had been replaced by something else. She didn't
dare try to read it.

Letting go of her nape, he pulled his hand back along the side of
her head, tracing his fingers along her cheek -- obviously still trying to
search for something. She just wasn't sure what.

She let him touch her, let him stare at her as she tried to figure
out what was going on. What had brought this on? What had triggered this
reaction from her partner? Most importantly, what was she going to do
about it?

"Mulder?"

My, but her vocabulary had contracted exponentially in the last
minute. It seemed to comprise mostly of one word: her partner's name. Her
partner, who was still looking at her strangely.

"What is it, Mulder?"

That last sentence finally pulled him out of his daze and he shook
his head, trying to clear it. He looked down at her, *really* seeing her
for the first time in minutes. She had a concerned look on her face, and
her wide eyes were staring at her, the blue contrasting with the light
flush that was on her cheeks. He realized that he was touching her and
pulled away reluctantly, seeing the last strands of copper fall back to her
ear as he lost contact. Her hair was slightly tousled.

"Scully?"

"It's me, Mulder."

"I... I... What just happened?"

"You're in shock, Mulder. We need to have you checked out. The
paramedics are on the way."

"You're not answering, Scully!"

"It was Linda Bowman. She tried to pass herself as me, tried to
trick your mind into thinking..."

Her voice faltered. She couldn't say the words.

"I saw you. You pointed your gun at me. You.. You... turned it on
yourself. I saw you fall. I..." He stopped, breaking away as he suddenly
bent over double and a sob escaped.

"Mulder, listen to me. *Listen* to me. It was all in your head.
It didn't happen. I'm here. I'm fine. It's okay. Everything's okay."
She tentatively reached out to hold his arm, hoping to give it another
reassuring squeeze, but held back as he straightened.

"No, it's *not* okay! I saw you fall. I saw you die." He stopped
again as he felt hot tears rising in his eyes.

"I'm not dead, Mulder. I'm here. I'm fine. I'm not going
anywhere. Not anytime soon. You have to believe that!" She softened her
tone. "You have to believe me. It's over. We're both alright."

"I'm not alright! I saw you die. You were lying there on the
floor, in a pool of your own blood. And then you were holding your gun and
Bowman was on the floor and then... and then I..."

He stopped as he realized what he was about to say. What had he
just done?

"It's okay, Mulder. You're in shock."

"Scully, I just... we..."

"Yeah." She replied softly, finally able to reach out and touch
his arm, giving it a light squeeze then just holding it lightly.

"It's okay, Mulder. Everything's fine."

"But... but..."

"*Really*, Mulder. It's fine." She interrupted, using a tone that
prevented any further arguments.

"You reacted on the moment. You're in shock. It's not that
unusual for people to do things they wouldn't normally do in this
condition."

She looked at him as he barked out a short laugh.

"That's where you're wrong, Scully."

She looked at him with a challenge in her eyes, willing him to
explain what he'd just said.

"You're right, I'm in shock and I reacted impulsively... but it's
not something I wouldn't normally do. Or at least hadn't wanted to do."

He saw her face change momentarily as an expression he couldn't
recognize flitted across it.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying..." He paused, as if gathering his thoughts. "I'm
saying that I saw you collapse right in front of my eyes, bleeding on the
floor. I ran to you but you were dead. And at that moment I died too.
All those years, all we've been through - all I've put you through - passed
before my eyes and I realized that I'd lost what was the most important
thing to me... You."

He saw her chin twitch as she struggled with something she wanted
to say. She opened her mouth and took a breath to speak, then held back.
After a moment, she did respond.

"Mulder, you're in shock. We really should go outside. The
paramedics will be here any minute.

"You're not *listening* to me, Scully. Didn't you hear what I just
said? Don't you have something to say?"

"This isn't the time, Mulder. The suspect is just on the other
side of this room. The paramedics and police backup are on their way. We
can't do this here. Not now. Later."

"Later? How much later? Will it take another five years? Will it
take another vision of you lying in a pool of your own blood to get us to
talk? I can't do this, Scully. I can't act like nothing's happening
anymore. I can't just go back to work as usual, leaving all this unsaid."

"Mulder, please." She looked away, unwilling to sustain his
intense gaze.

"No, Scully. I won't let this go. I need to know. I need more
than suggestive comments about sleeping bags and furtive glances when you
think I'm not looking. Life is too short." His voice cracked and he
stopped, taking a deep breath.

"Scully... I thought I'd lost you. Again. I just got you back. I
can't handle this anymore. How many times will this have to happen? How
many more times do you think I can take seeing you dying before I'm
completely lost, hating myself for having never had the courage to talk
about this?"

"Mulder..." Her voice was menacing and pleading at the same time.
*Please don't do this.*

"I have to know, Scully. Please. I have to know."

The last of his control slip as he bent his head forward and let
the sobs overtake him. A broken man.

She saw his struggle, heard his words, and felt herself losing
ground as she witnessed his giving up, finally letting the tears come out.
She stood there for a second, unsure how to react, then reached out for
him, pulling him to her as he continued to let the pain through.

"I'm sorry, Mulder. I didn't mean to do this to you. I should
have realized this was too much for you... too soon."

"I need you, Scully." His voice was muffled by the sobs, but she
still heard him.

"I know, Mulder."

He raised his limp arms to once again wrap them around her, this
time keeping his touch very light -- as if she might break.

"I need to know, Scully."

She knew what he wanted. He needed to hear it. It wasn't a secret
per se. She'd already told him in dozens of ways - with her
protectiveness, her glances, her subtly phrased hints - but she'd never
actually thought she'd have to say it out loud.

"I need you too, Mulder." She smiled as she felt his arms tighten
around her.

It wasn't quite true. In all honesty, need wasn't strong enough to
describe what she felt for this man. She was also sure that she meant more
to him than he'd said too, but they were both content with having admitted
at least that much. There were many things to be sorted out, to be thought
out and discussed before they went any further.

But for now it was enough that they'd said this. And as she
stroked his head with a soothing touch, she heard the sirens growing
louder. Yeah, there'd be time enough later. Soon.

The end... Feedback largely appreciated (and greatly grovelled for).
Let's see if we can't break my mailbox quota, okay? <g>