Title: How Many Times?
Author: Sharron Ibbitson
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Slight reference to Colony/End Game and Beyond the Sea
Summary: One of the partners gets seriously injured and the other ponders on how many more times it can occur.
Disclaimer: The characters of Mulder and Scully do not belong to me, they are property of Chris Carter and Fox, I have just borrowed them in order to write this story, so please don't sue me as I'm only a lowly student and you won't get much anyway!

How Many Times?

As I walked down the sterile white corridor, all I could hear was my heels clicking on the hard smooth floor and my heartbeat ringing in my ears. How many times had I been here? How many times has my heart stopped with worry? And how many times have I thought that my World was about to stop? I go upto the nurses station and flash my ID, not prepared to take any shit where my partner was concerned. I ask the nurse the relevant information, understanding that the situation was certainly not good, even more so when I am advised to take a seat. I seem to be waiting for ages before the doctor finally arrives.
"Miss Scully?" He asks cautiously, and I don't like the tone of his voice, I merely nod not trusting myself to speak. "Your partner has just come out of surgery, he is critical but stable"
"What happened?" was all I could say. A million thoughts were rushing through my mind, if Mulder died I'd die with him I was sure of it. We balanced each other, we have since the day we met.
"Your partner took a bullet in the chest. It missed his heart by an inch, he had lost a great amount of blood and his right lung was punctured"
"What are his chances?" I asked the million dollar question, not really wanting an answer.
"If he makes it through the night then very good" the doctor replied. "You can see him now if you want" he said gently, I nodded and he led me to Mulder's room.

As I walked into the room I prepared myself for the condition I would see you in this time. I walked through the door and counted the number of machines attached to you this time, well not quite as many as in Alaska, but more than after Boggs. I sit down in the hospital chair that in the last five years I seem to have had as my second bed. I picked up Mulder's limp hand and only then let the tears flow.

Deep down inside I know I love him and he loves me too, I don't know why we won't tell each other, but then we won't even accept our own feelings let alone each others. My World would be empty without Mulder in it, and I know I'd never survive without him, and I don't know if he feels the same way, but my heart would never be whole if he were to leave me, that's how deep my love goes. I know nothing could ever happen between us. His search is all there is room for in his heart, not that I mind because it makes him who he is, but sometimes I wish he would just open up his heart and say everything he feels rather than forever keeping up those damn walls and locking me out. That brings me to another subject. Why the hell do you keep insisting on ditching me? How many times have I heard you say it's to protect me? How many times have I then been called down to the hospital to pick you up or sign consent forms? How many times have I had to explain the latest mess to Skinner, while chasing after you to bring you home safely? Mulder it can't go on! My musings are cut short when you groan and your beautiful hazel eyes flicker open to gaze at me.

"Scully?" was all you managed and even that brought a wince of pain to your face.
"Shh don't try and talk" was all I said trying to sound calm, although even I could hear the tremor in my voice.
"Sorry" was all you could say before drifting back in oblivion. Sorry? Are you apologising for yet again running off and ditching me?
Are you saying sorry for yet again nearly getting yourself killed?
Or are you sorry for interrupting my thoughts? How many times have you apologised without fully explaining yourself. I settle back in my chair and prepare myself for a long night ahead.

The next morning your voice woke me up, I gasped when I realised where we were again.
"Hey" you said with a slight grin
"Hi, how do you feel?" I reply
"Like I was shot" you say with the trademark Mulder grin. I smile, glad that you're feeling well enough to joke.
"Mulder, why didn't you tell me?" I ask, not willing to put this conversation off.
"I wanted to protect you" you simply said. How many times had I heard that?
"Then why not let me protect you?" I say gently, remembering that he was in a fragile state.
"Because I couldn't bear it if I let you down" you whispered.
"Mulder, I feel like I've let you down everytime you end up in hospital" I say trying to get my point across "Don't you understand that I feel the same way about you as you do about me?" I say adding a silent prayer that we did feel the same "Everytime I see you like this a little piece of me dies" I add and I can't help the solitary tear that slides down my cheeks, his hand reaches up and he gently wiped it away with his thumb.
"I love you" He said, and I looked up and met his eyes. His Deep intoxicating eyes were filled up with tears and he took a shaky breath before continuing "And I'm Sorry". This time I knew what he was apologising for and I forgave him.
"I Love you too" I whispered as I gently kissed his pale, cool cheek. This had never happened before, but how many more times would it?

This was a very quickly written piece, but any feedback is greatly appreciated to:
sharron.ibbitson@mcmail.com or s_ibbitson@yahoo.com