Subject: I Had the Strength of Your Beliefs
Date sent: Thu, 3 Jul 1997
"I Had the Strength of Your Beliefs" by Whitewolf.
Disclaimer: I don't own Mulder, Scully, Skinner, or any other
characters
portaining to the X-files, and I never did, and I never will, and
they
belong to CC, 10-13, and FOX, I won't make any money, and I swear
to give
them back.
Rating: PG for some mild language and violence, maybe PG-13.
Classification: S,R,A
Summary: MSR, Mulder is critically wounded, and Scully knows how
much has
been left unsaid.
Spoilers: Up to Memento Mori. Just lightly, though.
Okay everyone! This is my first fanfic, and I don't know how
it is going
to go over, but who knows, right? Well, I just want to thank
everyone that
read it before hand. You are all great. I love e-mail, so
comments and
constructive criticism are welcome at whitewolf@theonramp.net
Flames can
be sent to, but I must warn you, all they do is make my living
room more
cozy on a cold night. Also, sorry about the spelling folks! I'm
not an
English major for that reason!
I Had the Strength of Your Beliefs
By Whitewolf.
-----------------------------------------------------
"Mulder, no!" Scully yelled as the gun went off.
They had been working on a case with the Violent Crimes Section,
Mulder
being the profiler on the case, and Scully being the pathologist.
Of
course, in dealing with the VCS, they were dealing with
psychopaths. It
was a package deal.
The man that Mulder had profiled was the amin suspect in about
ten
different killings, all where the subjects died, but not from
visible
causes, and no drugs where found in the system. Scully, being a
top
forensic pathologist, had discovered that the victims had indeed
been given
a drug, although you couldn't just find it with testing the
blood. The
drug was found in the brain only, and caused such a hormonal
over-balance,
that the person had inevitably died.
Mulder and Scully, along with a team of ten others, had found out
where
the killer lived, and gone in after him. He knew that he was
cornered in
his own home, and Mulder and Scully, being paired with each other
as
always, had been the first to find him.
The man was not stupid, and he pulled his gun on Mulder. Knowing
that he
was going to be shot anyway, he pulled the trigger, and the
bullet entered
Mulder through his stomach.
Scully's professionalism took over, and she brought her own gun
up and
fired at the killer, only, instead of wounding him, she left a
gaping hole
in his head. The killer slumped to the ground, dead.
Scully dropped her gun.
"Officer down!" she yelled, thinking that she had said
those words far too
many times.
Mulder, though unconscious, was visibly shaking as he started to
go into
shock.
<Jesus> she thought, and covered him with her own jacket.
<Hold on
Mulder, at least until the EMTs get here> Her own prayers were
anwered,
and Mulder held on, but Scully had to stay behind to answer
questions, and
as his ambulance pulled away, she couldn't stop the single tear
from
rolling down her cheek.
----------------------------
Scully ran down the halls of the hospital, looking for someone,
anyone,
who could tell her something. It was barely and hour after Mulder
had been
shot.
The nurse looked up at Scully as she neared.
"Do you know about Agent Fox Mulder's condition?"
Scully asked.
"I'm sorry, I really can't say anything..."
"Damn it! I'm his partner, Dana Scully, with the
F.B.I." she said,
pulling her badge. "If I want some information, I better
damn well have
access to it!"
"All we know right now is that Agent Mulder was shot by a
cop killer. The
bullet hit a lot of places, and right now, we're just finding out
the
extent of the damage, the doctors haven't even started operating
yet."
Scully nodded her head, and went back to the waiting room,
preparing for
the worst.
----------------------------
"Agent Scully?" asked the man in scrubs as he entered
the waiting room, a
full eight hours later.
"Yes?"
He shook her hand, and she had a surprisingly firm grip.
"I'm Doctor
Avater. I assume that you're here because of Agent Mulder?"
She nodded
her head. "Okay, here it goes. The bullet that entered Agent
Mulder hit
his intestines, in two places, one of his kidneys, and the worst
of the
damage was a gaping hole in the stomach. Now, we have,
surprisingly,
managed to repair the damage, but he lost a significant amount of
blood,
and lost a lot of vital tissue..."
"I know the statistics, Doctor, just tell me if he's going
to live."
"To tell you the honest to God truth, and I'm only saying
this because
first, I think that you are strong enough to handle it, and
second, I know
that you wouldn't settle for anything else, I... I would be very
surprised
if he makes it," Doctor Avater said.
She closed her eyes and nodded. "Can I... go s-see
him?"
Avater knew that she shouldn't, but he also knew how hard she was
working
to keep up this front, and that if she didn't see him, she would
break down
in this middle of this lobby. "Yes, but, you know the
saying, not to
long."
She smiled feebly, knowing that he was giving her the benefit of
the
doubt. "Thank you."
"ICU, down the hall."
"I know."
She left to go to his room.
"Excuse me," a man tapped the doctor on the shoulder
from behind.
"Yes?"
"I assume that you're the doctor working with Agent
Mulder?"
"Yes, I am, who are you?"
"Assistant Director Skinner with the F.B.I." the man
said, showing his
credintials.
"How can I help you Mr. Skinner?"
"Well, I just wanted to ask if I can see him, as well. I
think that I
need a word with both of my agents," the balding man
muttered. "Both of
them."
Doctor Avater couldn't refuse, seeing that this man was so
obviously
desperate to talk to both of them, maybe to appologize for
something. He
once again nodded his head, repeating his earlier words.
----------------------------
Skinner walked quietly into the Intensive care unit that Mulder
was in.
He saw Scully, sitting by her partner's side, her hand intwined
in his.
"Scully," he said quietly.
"Sir?" she asked without even looking up at him.
"I need you... and Mulder... to know that I did all that I
could for him,
and you." Scully raised her head. "I... I know that I
didn't help you a
lot of the times that I could... but... I wanted both of you to
know that I
didn't like being held on a leash..."
"Sir, you don't' have to make it sound like this is the end,
because it
isn't. Even if Mulder... leaves..." she was chosing her
words carefully,
and barely holding on to her composure, "I'll still be
here."
"Agent Scully, you have to face the fact of your cancer, and
that you
can't babysit the
X-files."
"Look sir," she said, her voice slightly hostile in
tone. "I've come to
terms with my cancer, and it won't get me until the truth is
found, and if
you reassign me, do you think that it well deteur me? I need to
find the
truth, for me.. and for Mulder."
"I just came in here to tell you that I won't take you off,
even if
Mulder..." he gestured with his hand, "leaves."
Her eyes softened, because she knew that he would stick to his
word, even
if it killed him. Walter Skinner didn't make promises easily, and
those he
did, he would die to keep.
"Dana," he said, a bit uncomfortably. "I know that
Mulder and you didn't
get to say all that needed to be said... but... if it makes you
feel any
better, he knows what you think, he always has. Just as you've
know him."
Skinner wasn't very good with words, and he didn't know if what
he had just
said got his point across, but he hoped it had.
Scully, whose eyes had drifted back to rest on Mulder, who looked
God-awful, turned back up to him, and let one tear find its way
down her
cheek.
Skinner nodded his head, and walked out, knowing that she needed
to be
alone with Fox.
----------------------------
"Okay Mulder, I know you can hear me, because when I was in
a coma, I
heard you, so I'm going to say all that I have to. I know that
you carry
around a lot of guilt," she clasped his hand tighter.
"You have to know
that I believe and know that Samantha's dissappearance wasn't you
fault,
and neither was my abduction. It was Them, and you know who I'm
taking
about. they assigned me to work with you, and after a while, I
enjoyed it.
When I said that I wouldn't put myself on the line for anyone buy
you, I
meant it, and when you said that you only trusted me, I knew and
believed
that you were telling the truth. I just never got to say the
things I
needed to say..." her voice started to break, and one by
one, the walls
that she had built around herself finally came down. "I
couldn't have
survived without you. I... I always believed in your crazy
theories, that
always seemed to prove true... even if I grounded myself and
tried to
ground you in science. Fox, I couldn't have gotten back my will
power
after the cancer if it wasn't for you. You have to believe me
when I say
that I hate your father for what he did to Samantha and your
mother, and
especially, you. And I hate and will always hate that
black-lunged son of
a bitch that did this to you and me, and you have to believe
that. And you
have to believe that I'll never stop the search for the truth.
And, for
some ungodly readson, and I know that I'm going to sound like
Melissa here,
but I know that you are in a really dark place because of that
guilt, and I
can't let that hold you back. I never blamed you for anything...
not
Melissa, not my abduction... not those three missing months of my
life...not Donny Pfaster... not Robert Modell, and God knows you
were the
hero there..." she smiled a little, "not QueeQuag...
not Phobe, or Det.
White, or any of them... and you have to believe me when I say
that I DO
NOT BLAME YOU FOR MY CANCER," she said those words slowly
and firmly, as if
trying to hammer it into Mulder's head.
She toyed with his hand and took in how really bad he looked. His
normally flush face was lucid and pale, and his normally touseled
hair was
flat and pressed against his head. His lips where pale, and his
hands were
cold and clammy, and if it wasn't for the beeping on his heart
monitor,
Dana would swear he was dead. She swallowed, and as her inner
strength
built up, the remaining wall between her and Mulder broke down.
"And...
Fox William Mulder, somewhere along the trek, and along the path,
I noticed
that the reason that I was often at a loss for words was because
what I
wanted to say was elusive and possesive, and damn it all,
frightening. And
God help me if you don't believe this one...," she spaced
out her last
three words, saying them slowly, and in an even tone, that
threatened to
break, "I love you."
Mulder's eyes rolled open, and he looked at her. Dana smiled,
"Fox..."
He shook his head, a motion saying that he needed to speak.
"Dana," he
said, his voice raspy and barely audible, "I want you to
know..." he
gulped, swallowing hard. "I have and always had the strength
of your
beliefs."
A single tear rolled down his cheek as he smiled, and the last
soudn that
Fox heard was the long beep as his EKG signalled that his heart
had
stopped.
Special Agent Fox William Mulder was declared dead on February
23, 1998,
Special Agent Doctor Dana Katherine Scully's birthday.
End.
Okay, that was it. What did you think? Again, submit comments
to
whitewolf@theonramp.net
"When it's love you give (I'll be a man of good faith)
Then it's love you live (I'll make a stand. I won't break)
I'll be the rock you can build on.
Be there when you're old, to have and to hold."- All For
Love by Sting/Rod
Stewart/ and Bryan Adams
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