Now that I'm 'older' (but refuse to grow up), here's 
what I've discovered:

ONE - I started out with nothing, and I still have 
most of it.

TWO - My wild oats have turned into prunes and All 
Bran.

THREE - I finally got my head together; now my body is 
falling apart.

FOUR - Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...

FIVE - All reports are in; life is now officially 
unfair.

SIX - If all is not lost, where is it?

SEVEN - It is easier to get older than it is to get 
wiser.

EIGHT - Some days you're the dog; some days you're the 
hydrant.

NINE - I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use 
a few...

TEN - Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

ELEVEN - Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

TWELVE - It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't 
been anywhere.

THIRTEEN - Only time the world beats a path to your 
door is when you're in the bathroom.

FOURTEEN - If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would 
have put them on my knees.

FIFTEEN - When I'm finally holding all the cards, why 
does everyone decide to play chess?

SIXTEEN - It's not hard to meet expenses...they're 
everywhere.

SEVENTEEN - The only difference between a rut and a 
grave is the depth.

EIGHTEEN - These days, I spend a lot of time thinking 
about the hereafter...I go somewhere to get something 
and then wonder what I'm here after.

NINETEEN - UNABLE TO REMEMBER IF I HAVE EMAILED THIS 
TO YOU BEFORE OR NOT; BUT IF I DID JUST FORGET 
THAT I DID, BECAUSE I DID