With this recent tragedy in Littleton, Colorado, we have all begun to wonder why teenagers are so filled with anger and hatred. What makes them like that? How can they grow up with such little regard for themselves and others? How can life be so cheap to them? Why? How?
I have some answers. And some solutions. But most people who read this will not like what they read. Holding up a mirror to ourselves brings about great pain. And denial. Surely, we are not to blame. Must be society. Or TV. Or Video games. Or peer pressure. Or drugs. Or movies. Or media. Something, but not us parents. Right?
WRONG
First of all, I want to say I'm not a psychologist, psychaitrist, child development professional, human research analyst or any of those titles. Better than that...I'm a mother. So I am all of those things. I'm not in an Ivory Tower, I'm changing diapers, scrubbing floors, washing clothes, cooking dinner, chauffering kids, dishing out cough syrup, and making sure the homework is done. And so I am an expert on kids.
Want to hear some of my solutions to how to keep your kids from becoming gun toting, strange looking, defiant, unfeeling, social misfits? If not....delete this page now. No skin off my nose if you read it or not. Live and learn. Your call.
It does start with the babies. Everything starts there. Love, bonding, trust, comfort, security. And contrary to popular opinion, you need both mother and father to get a good balance. So, why then are we as a society handing our babies and young children over to the care of strangers? Because both parents need to work? In most cases that really is not true. What it usually means is that those adults feel the need to live above their means. They simply want more, not need more. So people farm their children out to daycare. And buy them "things". That won't cut it, folks. Why not stay home with your children and live a little lower on the totem pole? Your kids will have security and bonding. After all when they are older and you wonder why they never talk to you about issues in their life, it might be because they don't know you well enough. Maybe you weren't there when they were developing a sense of trust. Were you there nurturing them? Or was that somebody else? Or a series of "somebody elses" instead of Mommy and Daddy?
It's something to think about.
I can hear some of you smoldering now. Well, so be it. This is my webpage and my view of things. So go ahead and leave. I'm going to continue for a few minutes here.
Here is another issue. Stop trying to be your child's best friend. You can never be that anyway. What kids do need is parents. It's like living in a shoebox versus living in a concrete bunker. One is "flexible" and the other is the Rock of Gibralter. When the storms and trials of teen years come, which one should your kids be living in? It's that simple. One blows away in the wind and the other is solid security. Dependable. Which are you? Give your kids some rules to live by. Say no. If you don't teach them that certain things are simply unacceptable, then chances are they will never learn that. That's how outcasts are created. They don't know that certain behaviours are expected, and certain ones are prohibited and offensive. But if you were not there from the beginning, you've missed the boat by the time pre-teen or teen years hit. So start with the babies.
Did you know that no matter what you say with your mouth the kids are watching what you do? Do you lie on the phone? Well, that's not a small thing. You just taught your child that lying is acceptable. So if they lie to you, blame yourself. Pay your taxes, don't cheat. You don't have to like it but it's the right thing to do. If you don't, it's teaching the kids it's okay to steal. And flout the law. They are absorbing your morals. Do you attend church with your child? Do you pray at home? Do your children see you praying? Do you say grace at meals? That's an excellent place to start. Teach them by kneeling at their bedside when they are toddlers, and show them it is the way to talk to God. Read the Bible to them. Long before they can read. If they see that God is an integral part of your daily life, it will be ingrained in them. They will turn to God when they get older. Give your children to God. Ask Him to keep them safe. Be serious. And trust Him. You will never be sorry you did.
So, I see you have stayed and read this whole thing. Good. I am so glad you did. I had to say these things because I am angry. Very angry. Those kids in Littleton were killed by some hideous teenagers filled with hatred. We have to stop that. We can't let kids grow up that way. We must do the hard work of parenting. No matter what it costs us. Don't worry about giving your kids pools, cars, games, clothes. Give them something money can't buy. You. It is the singlemost important thing you can give them. There is no substitute for being there day in and day out. Through the mundane things and the joyous important events in their lives. I know you love your kids too, or you wouldn't still be here reading. So, please think about the subjects I've brought up. Discuss them with your family and friends. Let's stop the violence. It could be one of our kids next. On one end of the gun or the other.
If you think this is useful, even if only to provoke thought, please pass it on. If not, just remember this...It is my opinion. I'm entitled to it just as you are to yours.
Either way, God bless you.
A Mom.
