“Well they are two of a kind, then. Rich, independent, mixing in the same social circles…forget her Vincent, she is with the likes of those she should be with, maybe in time the bond will give you peace if you stand back and revalue the relationship, perhaps it will even settle upon someone worthy of your love and compassionate nature.”
“If only it were that easy.” Vincent faltered.
“I can appreciate where you are coming from on that one bro.” Devin told him softly, “Loving someone that is unattainable or doesn’t want you is not an easy thing to accept. It hurts, god does it hurt.” Wide-eyed Father stared at his son, “You are in love with someone?” Devin nodded, but would not elaborate, and Father suddenly felt infinitely sad for him. He remembered the love he held for Margaret and the sadness behind that relationship, it never entirely went away. Even now his heart was aching for the things he had lost and the time that had been wasted. “I’m so sorry.” Father told Devin truthfully, “There is nothing worse.”
“No.” Vincent agreed, “There isn’t.”
“Oh Lord, what are we like?” Father tried to make light of the situation, “I will never stop loving Margaret, and you two…well you know what it is to have broken hearts…and none of us can stop falling in love…its just one of those things…but it doesn’t always have a happy ending. Devin, can you not do something about your situation?”
“She’s married.” Devin’s face twitched as a hundred and one emotions sailed with the words and Father felt doubly sad asking weakly, “Happily?”
“Yes.”
“I’m sorry, son.” Again Devin nodded but said nothing, and his eyes, Father noticed, were bright with unshed tears.
“So I guess I know how you’re feeling Vincent.” Devin told his brother bravely a few moments later, “We can’t all have those that we want, and we do have to learn to get over it, in the words of the song, there’s a time to love and a time for letting go, but its never easy.”
“If it were that would be half of the problem.” Vincent stated flatly, “But with this connection…I feel sometimes that I am going insane. Neither of you can know what it is like, to have the heart of another beating steadily alongside your own, to know when they are happy or sad, exhilarated or frightened. I feel compelled to act in whatever capacity I can for Catherine, and if its fear then I could not ignore her even if I wanted to do and I don’t.”
“No of course not, that goes without saying, Vincent. But until you understand why you have this connection with her, you must try to ignore all the other emotions you receive from her, because if you don’t it will make you ill. All I can advise is that you be there for her in times of need, but what I would really like to advise is that you should stay well away because she does not deserve you.” Father told his son truthfully.
“Father’s right, Vincent. Don’t go out of your way to visit with her. She’s one mixed up chick right now anyway, blows hot and cold so fast its hard to keep pace with her, but if you should know that she is in trouble that’s different, you should try to help, maybe that’s all it is, perhaps she is destined for great things and you are her guardian angel. John was born before Jesus to prepare the way for him so perhaps this is something similar on a lesser scale. You never know, with Chandler’s path crossing Burch’s and with him being a developer perhaps destiny has mapped out something grand for mankind at their hands, and something you do, some part that you play ensures that it happens.”
“You’ve been reading too much science fiction.” Vincent chided his brother, but Devin remained calm certain that he was right.
“Well whatever you have the bond with her for, only time will tell, Vincent. In the meantime, I’m here for both of you, whenever you need to talk.” Father looked directly at Devin when he said it making it plain what he meant there. “So what are you both doing today? I think this subject is well and truly covered don’t you?” Neither replied and Father went on, “Well if either of you feel up to it, there are a few things I could use help with today. I’ll be in my chamber if you decide you have some time to spare.” He got up from the chair and squeezed both their shoulders as he passed them, “Remember any time you need to talk, I’m here.”
“Thank you Father.” Both the boys replied, knowing that each might do that, especially Devin who had carried his burden for long enough…then again there was always his brother…and as soon as Father had gone out of earshot Devin said, “You got a minute Vin?”
“Of course, what’s on your mind?”
“I just need to talk, get something off my chest. The old man is right but I can’t confide in him just yet, I know he’s a doctor but he was my father first and there are still some embarrassing things that I couldn’t bring up, but after all that has happened lately with Catherine, maybe you can listen and not judge.”
Vincent nodded, inclining his head toward his brother his blue eyes soft with compassion and waited for his brother to start talking.
“Her name is Kei-Anne unusual huh? It was derived from her father who is Keith and her mother who is Anne. Vincent, I’ve never been in love like this before and I don’t know what to do about it. It’s tearing me in two. Thinking about her, wanting her. That’s the worst of it, the wanting…and she’s so beautiful… man is she beautiful.” Devin paused and Vincent could see by the faraway look in his eyes that Devin was with his Kei-Anne, wherever that might be. He soon found out.
“She’s in England, Manchester, she works at the airport, a travel rep, she picks up travellers from different countries and able to speak four languages Kei-Anne makes certain that they have all their belongings before leaving the airport, and that things like hire cars or trains are accessible for the next leg of their journey. That’s how we met and I fell in love with her the moment I set eyes on her. And she’s so caring, Vincent, so bright and intelligent, but she’s married and that’s happily married, and though she cares for me, the love between us is one way, my way, and she doesn’t know how deeply I feel for her. What can I do Vincent, I want to make love to her so much, but I wouldn’t want to make her unhappy by making her chose between her husband and me. Pretty sure he’d have her vote anyway she talks about him all the time Stephen this, Stephen that, I cringe every time I have to sit and listen to another one of her great Stephen stories. I hate the guy!”
“You’re suffering from misplaced love the same as I. Drawn to Kei-Anne just as I am drawn to Catherine by a traitorous heart. I do believe that time will be the only essence for both of us Devin, and Father’s advice to stay away from these women…out of sight out of mind so to speak.” Vincent ventured hopefully.
“Yeah and absence makes the heart grow fonder, do you think the same person made that contradiction Vincent, or was it established by one and replied to by another? Its been three months Vincent, three months one week, four days and eleven hours, since I last saw Kei-Anne and not a second of that has gone by when I haven’t seen her face every time I close my eyes, and I haven’t stopped wanting to make love to her. The need is driving me crazy, which was one of the reasons why I didn’t want to go and see Chandler for you. I knew that I would use her feeling as I do, succumb to her charms and in my minds eye imagine it was Kei-Anne. I feel as though I am climbing the wall with my need for Kei-Anne’s feminine body and it is a hunger that will not abate.”
“I don’t know how to advise you, Devin. Being away from her obviously has its rewards, and since she will not leave her husband…well it is hopeless for you to keep wishing. Its not doing you any good dreaming either since it can never be. Much the same as anything I’d hoped for with Catherine can never be we have both got to learn to move through around and beyond it, for our own peace of mind, Devin, and that’s all there is to it.”
“Thank god you didn’t say I could meet someone else. It’s never the same is it? And certainly its not the thing one wants to hear. There’s a certain bliss in having told someone everything about yourself, and that comes over as quite frightening the thought of having to do that all over again with someone new.”
“Yes, I understand you completely. That’s one of the reasons why I fell in love with Catherine, she knows me through and through and I had nothing to explain to her that she did not already know. She accepted me for what I am.”
“Except for the bond. You never told her about that.” Devin reminded him.
“No. It would not be easy to explain and I am afraid that Catherine would think me even more of a freak than I am already” Devin started to protest but Vincent silenced him with a wave of one hand, “Its true, I am a freak, one of nature’s finest, and Catherine might not like to know that I am aware of every emotion that she has or of her whereabouts at any given time. You imagine that, it could be frightening.”
“Or comforting.” Devin reminded him.
“If she loved me, comforting yes, but as that is an impossibility I believe it would terrify her. She already believes it is a gift that I have and has spoken of it as being disconcerting I’m sure that I am right in my assumption.”
“Oh Vincent, life can be a drag sometimes.” Devin sighed, “And advice is hard to accept even though both of us can see the folly of dismissing it. I must say though its good to share some of my heartache with you, I feel almost better already. A problem shared is certainly a problem halved. It can be so much more traumatic when kept to oneself. We suffer in silence like the martyrs we are.” Devin laughed derisively.
“That we do.” Vincent acknowledged painfully, “That we do.”
*** *** ***
A whirlwind romance Catherine was having a ball and Elliot Burch was her Prince Charming. He wined her, dined her and took her everywhere, showing her sights she had never seen before going to places only ever dreamed of. Her father found it difficult to track her down but was immensely happy that his daughter had found herself such an excellent man. Tom was forgotten as though he had never been and Charles began building castles in the air, imagining his daughter married and living happily ever after with one of the city’s most sought after men for it wasn’t difficult to notice the envious looks his daughter received from the unattached women that moved in the same social circles. Elliot Burch was going places and Catherine Chandler was going with him.
They’d dated regularly for four months when Elliot surprised Catherine during one romantic evening with a small velvet box, passing it across the table to her after they had finished the most delectable meal. “What is it?” Catherine’s eyes danced with anticipation.
“Open it.” Elliot told her with an almost shy smile, unusual for him for he was always so confident, “Then you’ll see.”
Gingerly Catherine lifted the lid and gasped! There on a bed of ebony lay the most beautiful cluster of diamonds she had ever seen. Elliot leaned forward and took up one of her hands, “Diamonds are forever. Catherine, honey, I love you. Will you marry me?”
Now she understood why the restaurant had been so empty, now she knew why Elliot had had musicians playing violins as they had eaten, and now she discerned why every vase upon every table had been full of long stemmed red roses. “Oh Elliot!” Catherine breathed dreamily, “Oh yes, yes, I’ll marry you!”
Elliot beamed and standing came around to where she sat then picking up her left hand he took the ring in the other and slid it onto the third finger. Catherine watched mesmerised as the ring slipped over her knuckle and came to rest in its rightful place. The diamonds sparkled a myriad of colours from the overhead lights and beyond she saw Elliot go down on one knee and ask her again.
“Should have done this first off.” He laughed and his eyes were bright with love for her, “So let me do this properly. Catherine Caroline Chandler will you marry me?”
“Oh yes, yes Elliot I will.” Catherine threw her arms around his neck kissing his cheek “I love you so much!”
“As I love you, sweet Catherine.” Drawing her to her feet they stood together and Elliot leaned in to kiss her tenderly and then as if on cue the musicians started to play again, a romantic number and Elliot led Catherine to the dance floor. There with bodies touching they clung to each other, feet moving slowly to the melody, lips on lips seldom breaking a kiss through the duration of the song. Only when it finished did Elliot signal for the check and their coats before leading Catherine to the exit and getting into the saloon that waited outside.
“Your place or mine?” Elliot asked before the chauffer started the engine.
Catherine stared at Elliot, “It’s late you should take me home.” She told him. Elliot laughed, “Honey…you didn’t hear me right. I said your place or mine?”
Again Catherine stared at him, “I know what you said, but like I said its late, I have work tomorrow, and I need to go home to get some sleep.” He’d always taken her home so what was the problem, and though she had often been to his place, never had she been there after midnight.
Elliot chuckled, “Cathy, we’re engaged, we’re going to be married. You don’t have to work anymore so don’t worry about your job. And I want you Cathy, I want you so much.” Now she understood!
Shaking her head she mouthed the refusal, then with tears in her eyes she told him, “No Elliot, just take me home please.”
“Honey, what’s wrong?” Elliot was enquiringly concerned.
“I thought you were different! I thought you loved me…me! Truly loved me!” Catherine’s voice rose and Elliot quickly clicked a switch that sent a soundproof glass panel closing them off from the chauffer and the bodyguard that sat alongside him. “Cathy, honey.” Elliot tried to pacify her, she was crying and he couldn’t understand what was wrong. “I love you, of course I love you. You’re beautiful, and I want you so much. God Cathy, I want you so much.” He added huskily.
“Then you’ll have to wait!” Catherine cried raggedly, how soon her world had turned upside down. It had been the same with Tom, slip a ring on your finger and they assume its bedtime.
“Wait? For what?” Elliot laughed somewhat nervously.
“Till we’re married. Elliot I’m a virgin.”
Elliot’s mouth dropped a mile, and he laughed, “You’re not?” He asked with disbelief.
“I am.”
“But you dated Tom for almost eighteen months!”
“So? We didn’t do anything did someone tell you we did? Did Tom tell you?” Catherine asked accusingly., “Well we didn’t!”.
“I’ve not spoken with Tom, and no, no one told me anything. But Cathy, what difference does it make, we’re going to be married?”
“It makes a difference to me! It proves to me that you love me and respect me enough to wait.” Catherine told him but Elliot argued, “And if I made love to you now and still married you wouldn’t that show that I am sincere?”
“Perhaps. But Elliot, I want to save myself for my wedding night, its what I’ve always wanted.” ‘Deep down’ Catherine reminded herself as she thought swiftly of Devin and Vincent and the mistake she almost made there. But then that had been peer pressure and she hadn’t been happy with it.
“Then we’ll be married tonight!” Elliot announced, “I know just the place.”
“No! I want a proper wedding, with my father to give me away, and all my friends watching. The way you speak its as if getting me into bed is the prime reason for marrying me.”
Elliot laughed, “Well it is one of the most important ones, honey…I love you, you love me, and I’ll not hurt you Cathy, I’ll be gentle, I promise.”
Catherine eyed him strangely, “You’ve been with someone before haven’t you?”
“What’s that to do with it? But if you must know, yes, but not recently, Cathy I swear I’ve not been unfaithful to you. And besides virginity went out with the ark. You my love are one of the remnant and a treasure beyond compare to think I will be your first and your last…” Elliot spoke dreamily.
“I’m sorry Elliot, but I won’t change my mind. Now will you please take me home?”
Elliot sighed, “I’ll be patient with you my love, because I can see your mind is made up tonight, but I won’t let this matter drop honey. A man has to know what sort of wife he’ll be getting…” Catherine froze. Just like Tom…he was becoming just like Tom…Catherine leaned forward to open the door, “Where are you going?” Elliot cried wrenching the door closed again, “Alright, I’ll take you home, if that’s what you want.” Brusquely he tapped on the glass panel and through an intercom issued the orders for Catherine’s address. Then leaning back against his seat he placed his arm around Catherine’s shoulders, “I’m sorry honey…sorry if I offended you…but you see it was such a shock…and I hadn’t imagined that you wouldn’t want to sleep with me tonight.”
“I’m sorry too. Thank you for understanding.” Catherine mumbled beginning to enjoy his closeness once again.
“Was that why you would never let me pet you?” Elliot asked as one hand strayed from her shoulder down toward her right breast. His fingers stretched to the limit he caressed the spot lightly assessing how far she would let him go now that they were engaged.
“In a way. Tom and I…” She began faltered and went on, “Well I used to let Tom take such liberties, but he always wanted more…it became a constant battle refusing him…and then when he asked me to marry him…I found out it was only because he expected an engagement ring gave him certain rights…and the right to take certain liberties…I didn’t want that happening again Elliot.”
“No, of course not.” Elliot husked. His long fingers had reached the area (he supposed) of the aurora now and he imagined the rosy tipped nipple beneath. “But if we were to start petting now that we are engaged, would you agree to that?” He whispered breathlessly.
“Perhaps.” Catherine had realised his intention, and she shifted so that her body was turned slightly outward away from his questing fingers. Frustrated, Elliot withdrew his arm.
“I love you Cathy. We’ll take it slow, okay, build up to the big day. Our wedding night will be night to surpass all wedding nights.” He chuckled softly, leaning over to nibble her earlobe. Catherine shuddered and watched mesmerised as one of his hands came round to her waist seemingly to draw her to him, but as she turned he slipped his hand up to cup her breast and blatantly used his thumb to caress the nipple that he knew to be there. Catherine sucked in a breath as the most delicious feeling warmed her body and she fought the impulse to push his hand away.
They kissed, Elliot much encouraged by the fact that she hadn’t pushed his hand away, and he used his other hand to touch her bare thigh where the slit at the side of her gown made it possible to do so. When again, Catherine allowed that he began to gingerly slide his hand further and further up her leg and his own body become swiftly aroused as he felt the heat of her body calling to him.
“Cathy honey,” he begged and Catherine knowing what was happening made the decision to allow petting and nothing more, besides it had been a long time since she’d been touched that way, and she had enjoyed Tom’s hands on her, she couldn’t deny that fact. Wantonly, Catherine opened her legs just slightly, but Elliot did not miss his chance. The moment her legs fell apart his hand slipped up to touch her between her thighs, his breath coming hard and fast as he kissed her lips. The silk gusset of her panties was wet and warm and Elliot slipped one finger inside, his first touch of her almost taking him over the edge. He shuddered and with his hand on her breast clutched her flesh holding himself back as he drew deep breaths between kisses. “Hold on honey.” He drew back reluctantly and tapping on the glass partition switched on the intercom and announced, “Stop the car somewhere private and go get yourselves a coffee.”
“Will do Mr Burch.”
Elliot drew back in his seat and flicked another control that sent a black panel covering the glass partition and the windows on either side. “Now we won’t be disturbed, honey.” Elliot told her as he heard the engine die and the front doors opening and then keys in the locks. “Now where was I?”
Catherine giggled, opened her legs again and taking his hand surprised him by saying “about here I think.”
“Mm Yes I remember now. Honey, I promise I won’t make love to you, if that’s what you want, but I could entertain you so much easier if I could remove these.” Elliot indicated by tugging at her panties.
“Okay.” Catherine lifted her bottom off the seat and fumbling in the darkened back seat of the saloon, Elliot tugged the slip of silk down her legs, the scent that came with them heightening his desire further.
“Now honey, can you lay full length on the back seat?” He felt her hesitate and was quick to add, “I promise, I wont penetrate you. I just want to taste you.”
Catherine complied twisting her body until she was laid full length on the back seat with her head propped by her purse and Elliot’s now discarded jacket. He removed his tie and positioning himself at the other end of the seat, he pushed her legs up and out so that he might bend down in between.
“Oh God Catherine, this is divine!” They were his last words for a long time as he partook of the delights she offered holding her legs still as she squirmed beneath his tender ministrations delighted when he felt her body building up and up toward orgasm.
He chuckled when she went over the edge, and kissed her petal lips as they quivered beneath his touch, drawing away only long enough to give her respite before using his hands upon her to bring her back and over the edge once again. Hearing her pant his name was a source of delight to Elliot and finally because he had to, or break his promise he moved away from between her thighs and settling himself into the foot well reached out both hands to clasp her breasts. Beneath the silk of her gown two hard nipples protruded and Elliot rubbed his cheek against them before tugging down the bodice of her gown and popping one hardened nipple into the warmth of his mouth. Catherine squirmed crying his name as he lapped at the tiny bud his other hand working its twin between thumb and forefinger and he revelled in the satisfaction that probably not even Tom had loved her so.
“Elliot please, oh please do something…” Catherine cried near frenzy, and snatching his hand from her breast she pushed it back down between her thighs her intention plain.
Elliot chuckled, “And if I were to leave you now?” he whispered laughing out loud when Catherine screamed, “Don’t please don’t, oh God Elliot…just touch me, yes there, oooh yes there.”
Finally, finally Catherine’s body arched into his hand and with her back above the seat she lowered herself down again slowly, depleted and satisfied.
Drawing her back into a sitting position Elliot sat alongside her placing one hand around her shoulders and drawing her head against his chest, “That was wonderful Catherine…”
Catherine heard the unspoken word, “Except?”
He laughed, “Well I too have needs.” He told her softly, “But don’t worry if you can’t do the honours, it’ll go away in its own time.”
“No,” Catherine told him, “Turnabout is fair play. I’m sorry I should have realised.” She reached out a hand touched his leg and slid it upward where the heat of his arousal directed her hand, but to her surprise Elliot stopped her before she could grasp a hold of him. “Honestly honey, it’s alright. It’s late and you have to be up in the morning.”
“But Elliot I want to.” Catherine told him, “And its not like I don’t know what to do.”
“Well if you’re sure?” Elliot leaned back in the seat and with his feet to the floor arched so that he could remove his trousers, “There honey, you’ll find that easier.” He told her taking her hand and laying it on his erection. Catherine’s fingers tightened around the steely shaft and began the slow rhythm tic motion of moving her hand up and down assessing her strokes against Elliot’s breathing, quickening when his breaths came shallow and fast. “Keep going honey,” Elliot panted and with his free hand fumbled in the dark for some paper napkins he knew to be there, “Here,” he thrust some into her lap, “You’ll need these in a moment.”
“No I won’t.” Catherine surprised him and stunned he almost lost his erection when he felt her take him into her mouth keeping pace over her hands, but the shock was momentary and seconds later he was over the edge. “Cathy, Cathy!” He panted as she tormented his withering manhood with the tip of her tongue, “God what are you doing to me!”
Quickly, Catherine drew away, “Only what you did to me.”
“I know, but…but…Christ Cathy, no woman has ever done that to me…not all the way…never…oh Cathy, it was glorious…I love you so much.”
“And I love you. So you’ll promise we’ll wait till we’re married for the culmination of our loving?” She asked him and he could hear the smile in her voice.
“Oh yes, Cathy, with you doing stuff like that to me, I’d wait forever.”
“Likewise.” She told him with a grin, “Now kiss me.”
Their lips touched and Elliot tasted himself on her, it was bitter and repugnant and he wondered how she could ever have done such a thing, but revelled in the fact that she must love him an awful lot to have been able to do it, but then hadn’t he done the same to her and enjoyed it? Maybe she enjoyed it also. Maybe to her it didn’t taste so bad.
“You’re an amazing woman Cathy Chandler. I can’t wait to make love to you.”
“I thought you said…” Catherine laughed.
“I know what I just said, but a guy can dream can’t he? Even forever has to come sometime.”
Straightening their clothing, Catherine laughed and then clinging together they continued to kiss until the chauffer and the bodyguard deemed enough time had passed and returned to the car. Sleepily Elliot gave the orders, “Continue to Miss Chandler’s apartment.”
“Yes Sir.”
Moments later they arrived, and Elliot touching his clothing in the darkened car to check he was presentable, caught something with his shoe as he stepped from the car and picking it up realised what it was as he whispered into Catherine’s ear, “You’re panties, madam.”
Catherine laughed, “Keep them.” She could hardly start pulling them on with the bodyguard at the door, “They’ll remind you of tonight.” She added as Elliot stuffed them into his breast pocket so the bodyguard couldn’t see.
“I’ll need no reminders of tonight…ever.” He told Catherine as he took her hand and checking she had everything with her, walked her up to the door of her apartment building.
There, beneath the lights of a thousand stars they kissed and clung to one another tightly finding it hard to draw apart if only for a second, “Thank you Cathy.” Elliot told her gruffly, “I’ll call you.”
“Thank you too, Elliot. Pleasant dreams.” Catherine laughed as Elliot groaned and then with a final kiss she left him hungering after her as she mounted the steps leading into her apartment building. Whatever Catherine Chandler had done to him this night, he didn’t know…but it felt so good that he hoped he would never recover.
*** *** ***
Up and down up and down Vincent paced the carpet of his chamber worn threadbare from the countless times he had walked the same path worried or anxious about some thing or another, and as with his father before him Devin cried, “Enough already! What is it with you tonight, Vincent? You’re making me dizzy.”
“Catherine’s upset.” Vincent told his brother without stopping his pacing.
“Upset, what do you mean upset, and hey why are you listening anyway, didn’t you say you were going to quench that bond of yours with a ton of icy water?”
Vincent grinned yes he had said that, but sometimes Catherine’s emotions came over so strong that he couldn’t ignore them, like tonight something had happened whereby her emotions were riding higher than a kite and Vincent had felt every single one of them and could only speculate as to their meaning. Now though she was overwhelmingly sad and ashamed, yes that’s what it was, Catherine was ashamed.
“I have to go to her.” Vincent announced pulling his cloak from the back of one chair where he had settled it the last time he’d been up top.
“Sit down, Vincent, you don’t need to do anything of the sort. Let Catherine be, or you’ll only end up hurting yourself, you know that.” Devin reasoned but Vincent shook his head adamantly, “I have to go, she needs someone.”
“Then let her call her boyfriend.” Devin stated dryly.
“No, I think he’s part of the problem.”
Devin sighed, “Well if you must, but don’t be gone all night, you know how much Father worries when you’re gone. We all do.”
Vincent nodded and swept from the chamber a second later leaving Devin to despair about having a connection like that and not for the first time.
Up top, Vincent hurried to Catherine’s apartment building, she was crying steadily now, in between fits of self loathing and was back to crying when Vincent finally tapped on her balcony doors some twelve minutes later. He felt when she hesitated, and felt it when she made the decision to open the door, and he felt it when her joy coursed through him at the sight of his face. “Vincent!” She ran to him throwing herself in his arms, “Oh Vincent!”
“Catherine…” To have her there so close was everything to him, he breathed her in, absorbed her deep into his heart, “I’ve missed you so.”
“As I have you, I’m so sorry I haven’t been to visit…” she began lamely but her words were caught on a sob as she realised she hadn’t visited because of Elliot, and the thought of Elliot made tears rush behind her eyes again.
“What is it, what’s wrong?” Vincent held her at arms length scrutinising her face with all seeing vision. Catherine hid beneath a curtain of hair, “Nothing”, she told him, “Its nothing…just something I’ve done…don’t worry…I’ll get over it.”
“Catherine, I know you. It’s more than that. I’d like to help if you’ll let me?” He told her tenderly drawing her back against him.
With her cheek against his chest Catherine sighed, “You’re so good to me Vincent and I treat you appallingly, why do you put up with it?”
Vincent wanted to say it was because he loved her, but he refrained from saying so this time as something compelled him not to remind her of that. Instead he told her, “Because we are friends and friends forgive one another anything.”
“Dear sweet, Vincent.” Catherine reached up and cupped his cheek with the palm of one hand, “I do appreciate you even if I don’t always show that I do.”
“I know Catherine, now come sit down and tell me what’s bothering you so.”
Catherine laughed a little shakily, “You’re gift must have been working overtime tonight. How does it work Vincent, how do you always seem to know when I need someone like you?”
Vincent hesitated, unsure of how to reply or if indeed he should, he decided the latter, “Just tell me what’s bothering you.” He told her, “Everything else is unimportant.” And when Catherine hesitated, Vincent prompted, “You said you had done something? What was it, huh? Surely you can tell me?” He pleaded and was rewarded with a small twitch of mirth on her lips before even that vanished to be replaced once again with one of dismay.
“In a sense of daja vu, Vincent, Elliot asked me to marry him tonight.” Vincent smiled understanding the pun at once. He had been there the night that Tom had asked her to marry him too.
“And?”
“And I said yes. Oh Vincent, I love him…I love him so much…” Vincent winced and clutching the table leg beneath the cloth where she couldn’t see he fought for control. “Then what’s the problem?” He asked gruffly.
Catherine swallowed with difficulty, “It was after…on the way home…he expected that I should sleep with him because we are engaged, just as Tom expected the same thing…”
Vincent felt his anger rise, his fists clenched and unclenched around the tables legs and he prayed that she hadn’t…
“But I couldn’t Vincent…not until I’m wed, its something I have always dreamed of…waiting till my wedding night…” She looked up then passing him a shy look, remembering what she had done to him. “I’m so sorry Vincent, for what I did…to you…” But something she had said made him sit up and take note, “Was that why…” he began and she nodded, “Yes, that was why I agreed to marry you…not just because they were your values but also because they were mine also, deep down that was…I guess I did have mixed feelings back then…I knew what I truly wanted, but my friends…well they ridiculed me so much about being a virgin…I just wanted to be able to wipe the smile off their faces by telling them that I wasn’t any longer…but deep down Vincent…it wasn’t really what I wanted. Mom waited till her wedding night for Dad, I just wanted to do the same.”
“I didn’t realise, I’m sorry…”
“You didn’t give me the time to explain, Vincent. I would have married you, you know…if I hadn’t of met Elliot, and a part of me will always love you.”
Vincent was stunned she had never spoken of having love for him before that didn’t sound as though it was anything but platonic. Gruffly he brought the matter back to hand, “So why are you so upset?”
Catherine bowed her head, “I’m ashamed Vincent. I did something I’ve never done before and now Elliot will always expect it, and I can’t do it again…it was abhorrent! Tom used to want me to do it…but I wouldn’t…and I’m such a fool Vincent…such a fool.” She wept into her hands her face held against them leaving Vincent with only one option. He rose from his seat and going around to hers pulled her up into his arms gathering her against him caressing her back with long gloved fingers until he felt her calm again.
Catherine felt awful…she couldn’t tell Vincent what she did…and more especially why she had done it…and since she had been home the hundred times or so she had scrubbed her mouth with toothpaste and brush still hadn’t completely removed Elliot’s essence from her mouth neither could she completely remove from her mind that all the while she had been swallowing Elliot’s seed she had been thinking…’there Devin…there Vincent…see what you missed? See what I could have been doing to you?’ Neither could she understand why she had been thinking those things, because neither of them owed her a thing. If anything it had been the other way around, she had treated them both appallingly and made herself cheap and dirty into the bargain.
“What did you do, can you tell me?” Vincent prompted gently as her emotions spiralled recklessly within him.
“I can’t.” Catherine replied, “I’m too ashamed.”
“Did you sleep with him?” Vincent was sure she hadn’t because of the conversation of earlier but he had to ask anyway.
“No, but we…we were intimate.” Vincent sucked in a breath, he had no right to ask, but felt compelled to do so, “How intimate?” Drawing back Catherine gazed into his eyes, reading sincerity there and not plain nosiness to know what she had done he truly wanted to know in order to understand, and to understand in order to help her through her pain.
“We touched each other…” Catherine began a little awkwardly and then turning her gaze from his whispered lowly, “and tasted one another.” Within here, Vincent felt her shame deep and hot pass through him, and knew they had reached the crux of the matter. Here lay her problem for here lay her shame.
Vincent wasn’t a prude and he was well aware through the reading material that had passed his way, usually thanks to a well meaning brother just what Catherine was saying, but he was surprised that she had managed to do it all the same, and then realising by her shame that that was the problem, she had managed it and now she hated herself for it.
“The thing is…Elliot will expect it of me from now on…oh Vincent what am I to do, I never want to do that again!” Vincent held her tightly, never wanting to let her go, he would never have let her do that to him. Had she of attempted to he would have pushed her away. What kind of man was Elliot Burch that he had accepted a lady to do such a thing, and what did it say about Catherine to Elliot, that she could?
“Then you have to tell him Catherine, tell him what you’re telling me, that you find it abhorrent.”
“But I can’t. What if he insists on making love to me instead? What if he makes me do that before we are married?”
Vincent shook his head, “He shouldn’t force you Catherine do you think he would?”
“No…but…Vincent…you don’t understand…” Again Vincent felt her shame but he waited patiently, they had come this far, surely she could continue if he didn’t prompt her further?
Catherine drew in a deep breath, “You should have been a counsellor Vincent, or a doctor you are a great listener.” She told him then added, “You see if I allow Elliot to satisfy me, then its only fair that I should do likewise for him and if I don’t do…’that’ then surely I have to do the other?” Her words came out in a rush and she sighed when she had finished pleased to have got them all out without stalling.
“If he loves you he will not insist upon anything. And if he has to touch you then he is only setting himself up for expectation of something in return. Catherine you have to insist that you have no sexual relations of any kind until after you are married, it is the only thing you can do.” Vincent told her with his heart breaking it wasn’t easy to give her over to another man when he loved her so much.
“You’re right…” Catherine told him but she didn’t sound convinced, and sighed deeply, “If only Elliot was like you, or better still if only you were Elliot.” Vincent recoiled but said nothing unsure what Catherine had implied, but when she continued with, “just think how wonderful that would be Vincent, if you were Elliot…” he stopped her by telling her angrily, “I have no wish to be Elliot Burch!” Except for the fact that he has you, he uttered under his breath.
Surprised Catherine told him, “But Elliot has everything. There’s not a man in this city that wouldn’t want to be Elliot Burch and you more than most would benefit if it could be so.”
Vincent stepped away from her, his eyes steely glints of fire, “Catherine…” He warned with a low growl that she had never heard him utter before and her eyes opened wide at the sound.
“What? What have I said? I’m sorry I didn’t mean to offend you.” Catherine stated simply, then added, “Surely you would wish to look different, to have all that you possess and a normal face to boot, Vincent you would be beautiful and then you would have everything.”
Not realising that she was upsetting him further Catherine was stunned when Vincent marched to the balcony doors wrenched them open and disappeared into the night, “Vincent?” She called after him, “Come back!” But Vincent had gone, humiliated by her words, he was riding the elevator down to street level by the time she searched the terrace, only to find it empty.
*** *** ***
At home in his penthouse Elliot loosened his tie for the second time that evening and drew himself a brandy and swallowed it in one clean gulp. “God I needed that.” He told himself as he drew off his jacket and slinging it over the back of one chair flopped himself down into another before noticing a piece of silk hanging out of the breast pocket.
“Ah Catherine.” He spoke aloud, “hidden depths my love…and then some.” He chuckled then idly picking up the remote control of his television set he flicked it off stand by and ran through the channels till he found something worth watching.
Strangely it was a documentary about sexual matters and a debate was going on about oral sex and how far a person should or should not go with it. There was a panel of people that voted and Elliot was surprised to find that the majority a mixture of both men and women opted that full oral sex given by a woman to a man was disgusting and dirty unless…it happened within marriage or with a long time partner after both had been in full agreement that it was what they wanted.
“You can catch something from unprotected oral sex the same way as you can catch something from unprotected penetration.” A doctor was telling his audience. Elliot thought about that a moment, if Catherine was telling the truth and she was a virgin, he had nothing to worry about, and in all fairness both should have a HIV test before they married just to protect the other. But Catherine, either by her innocence or her stupidity had given him full oral sex without seemingly bothering that she might be catching something from the other women he had been with, though true he had never had unprotected sex, but had often gone down on a woman as he had with Catherine that evening, and so could pass on diseases that way.
The audience were arguing among themselves now, and one voice could be heard above the others, ‘any woman that does that sort of thing is a whore!’ They shouted, “no lady would do it!”
Taken aback, Elliot turned the sound up, and though this person’s views were shouted down the seed of doubt had already been set in Elliot’s mind. It was true no lady would do a thing like that, and especially during a first intimate encounter.
Elliot kept his eyes on the speaker at the back hoping she would be able to talk again, and though he listened to the debate he was jubilant when the woman stood up and shouted, “Think about it! You see a beautiful woman at a party, she is a socialite everyone admires her and her pretty lips are made up to perfection, she speaks polite things, tell me that your opinion of her wouldn’t change when you found out she’d been sucking some guy’s dick!”
Elliot’s mouth dropped open, ‘that woman’s right.’ He spoke aloud, ‘no lady would ever stoop so low’ he chuckled at the pun and went on, ‘she should be above doing such a thing or at least not until she is coaxed into it by a regular partner or her husband.’ With one hand Elliot brushed his chin thoughtfully, ‘maybe Catherine had done that sort of thing before. And if she had, virgin or not she could be carrying something, and if she did, well then he would have caught it this evening when he had oral sex with her.’ It did not cross his mind that he had done the same sort of things with other women that had come and gone from his life, only that Catherine who should have been beyond reproach had done it to him. Quietly Elliot began to fume.
Across the city Catherine switched off the same programme. It had made her feel worse than ever, that and the way Vincent had left had been all she had needed this evening. She had already felt deep shame by her actions and Vincent’s sudden departure and the programme had just about been the last straw. Gathering a cushion to her face, Catherine wished she could smother herself with it as she sobbed her heart out for the person that she had become.
No such programme was on in the tunnels, they didn’t get television down there, but Vincent felt bereft. Telling himself that Catherine spoke without thinking, that she didn’t really mean that he would look better with a normal human face, he paced his threadbare carpet as the rest of the tunnel residents were sleeping. What was he going to do? Truth told him that Catherine was so far removed from him that he could never hope for her to be his, but the bond that he shared with her reminded him otherwise. He cursed the connection not for the first time as her emotions washed over him, her deep, deep pain and like a moth to the flame he was powerless to resist and unsure that he should or could he donned his cloak for the second time that night and headed for Catherine’s apartment.
To be continued in chapter six
