Vincent shuddered. And it had nothing to do with the depth of the snow all around them.
For split seconds he wondered who was the strongest here. For Catherine’s hands merely touching him reduced him to a quivering jellied mass of longing, yet during those six weeks apart hadn’t he decided that they should indeed go forward?
Even more so since his talk with Father just an hour earlier.
In fact since that talk with his father the last little brick had slipped into place, and the final fear had fled away, almost as if it had never been.
The fact that he could love Catherine as she desired him to love her. Father was right. He needn’t fear the dark one. For the dark one loved Catherine too. No harm would come to her, for wasn’t it as Father said, that it was the dark one that had always protected Catherine?
So why should now be any different?
It took a while for the fact to sink in, but as Catherine stood watching him as he fought the final barrier, he knew suddenly that the fight was no longer needed.
This was what they both wanted. This was what they both needed, and the six weeks apart had fuelled that need.
Pushing the final fear resolutely aside Vincent lifted his gaze to Catherine. The pleading in her eyes filling him with love.
He smiled at her unable to help himself. Why she was almost seducing him! But as much as he knew that they would go forward this night it was neither the time nor the place.
“Catherine.” Vincent’s voice tinged with humour stopped Catherine in her tracks. Her hands fell away from his chest and she stood staring up at him, mesmerised by the teasing lines upon his face.
She smiled somewhat shakily, a little embarrassed now by her earlier wanton display.
“It’s not that I don’t want you Catherine.” He told her huskily.
Catherine gasped. She hadn’t expected him to admit to his needs!
“Neither is it because I don’t love you, because I do, but this is neither the time nor the place.” He chuckled, “If nothing else the snow would freeze my butt off.”
Catherine’s mouth dropped open with stunned surprise. This was not something she would have expected to come from Vincent. His way with words were usually so dignified. She continued to stare open mouthed up at him, hearing a soft rumble start in his chest and erupt from his mouth seconds later in laughter, “What’s this, a lawyer struck for words?” He drew her against him holding her firm, and whispered seductively into her ear, “Your place or mine?”
It was Catherine’s turn to feel her bodily parts malfunction. Suddenly her arms felt like lead weights, while her legs lost the capacity to hold her body upright. She slumped against him, feeling his arms hold her tighter still, the lean hardness of him solid and reliable. Still she could find no words to answer him with.
Vincent continued to chuckle, he had never seen her like this, if mere words could reduce her to such weakness what would…? He shuddered as thoughts of the night ahead filled his mind, and he turned her with one fluid movement of his arm about her waist, “Come my love, I know this wonderful little place.”
Catherine, struck dumb and immobile could not for the life of her put one foot in front of the other, and whimpered loudly when Vincent swept her up into his arms, drinking in the scent of her as she buried her face into his neck. Her closeness was driving him insane; he wanted her so much.
“Do say something.” He fought to say as desire clung to every nerve ending.
Catherine smiled, “I’m shell-shocked.” She replied, causing another chuckle to come from Vincent. He strode purposefully on into the drainage culvert. And Catherine heard the clang of the metal door sliding open, and she shivered as she felt Vincent stepping through the entrance, listened while the door slid back, and then reluctantly withdrew her arms from around his neck as he settled her down to her feet.
His eyes when he looked at her made her speechless all over again.
This was a Vincent she had only ever caught glimpses of before. The way he was looking at her caused her limbs to disintegrate and her desire for him screamed out through every nerve ending.
The confidence he displayed alarmed her as he stood drinking in her beauty with open admiration and desire. His whispered words when they came stunned her afresh, “I take it you do still want me to make love to you my Catherine?” he slid one clawed finger down her cheek very tenderly.
Luscious desire travelled through Catherine’s body to burst through flared nostrils in a rush of liquid heat that blazed through her eyes into his. She licked her dry lips with the tip of her tongue, the sight drawing Vincent as he had never been drawn before. Bowing his head he brought his lips within inches of her own, his hot breath fanning her cheeks. Catherine closed her eyes anticipating his next move, and her world swam into dizzying spirals as she felt the softness of his lips brush her own.
“Yes.” It was all she could say. It covered a multitude of asked and unasked questions.
His lips came back to their place stronger now. The taste of her mouth beneath his was electrifying. Vincent shuddered with longing, scooping her back up into his arms sensing her own weakness as longing swept through her limbs.
With his mouth still on hers, he stumbled several yards ahead only releasing her mouth when his mind told him that walking that way was hindering his pace. His strides lengthened and Catherine squirmed as another shudder coursed through her veins.
“Are you sure about this?” Vincent whispered, “We cannot retrace this step my love.” His strides slowed, they were reaching the place he intended to take her.
“I want you.” Catherine whispered, “I want you so much.”
It was all he needed to hear, he tightened his grip and increased his pace again, and with her face pressed close to his chest Catherine could hear the rapid beat of his heart. There would be no stopping him now, not that she wanted to do, but somewhere deep inside a tiny voice echoed, ‘no precautions.’
Try as she might she was not able to shake away that whispering voice and groaned with dismay when Vincent heard the tiny doubt via their connection.
He put her down in front of him, his breathing laboured from exertion and desire, “there is something wrong?” the disappointment in his voice could clearly be detected.
Catherine looked down at her feet, chiding herself for allowing him to know, “Its nothing.” She whispered not very convincingly.
Lifting her chin with one clawed finger, Vincent searched her eyes, “Tell me?”
Catherine shrugged, “It’s nothing Vincent. Can we go on?”
Shaking his head, Vincent looked at her long and hard, “Not until you tell me what’s on your mind.”
“I want you, isn’t that enough?” she tried to evade the question.
“As I remember my Catherine you have always wanted me. And now that desire is accepted and returned you are plagued with doubts. Why?”
“Not plagued Vincent.”
“Nonetheless there is still something bothering you?”
“Yes.”
“Then tell me.”
Catherine shook her head. This seemed so unreal. For three years she had known this man, and for most of that time had wanted him to love her in the way a man loves a woman, and now on the very brink of it happening she had had to think of something so insane as precautions! What did it matter anyway, hadn't she told herself often enough that she would love to have his child? So then why did she have to spoil it all by thinking of precautions? The answer of course was that as Vincent had not thought of it, and so obviously did not want a child that might favour himself, then it was something she had a right to mention, for his sake.
But how to say it? That was the issue. How do you suddenly say to the man that you have wanted for so long, ‘hey will you be using a condom’?
She wondered if Vincent would even know what one was, yet alone know how to use one. In spite of it all, Catherine couldn’t help the corners of her mouth twitching with humour, or her eyes lighting up with mischief.
Vincent responded to that humour. “Give?” He told her.
Pursing her lips together, Catherine’s eyes filled with laughter, “I can’t.” she told him honestly, “I just cant.” She laughed out loud at the mere thought of telling him.
“We are not taking another step further until you tell me what’s on your mind Catherine.” Vincent’s voice was stern now. He wanted to know. If it wasn’t so bad, why the reluctance to tell him?
Catherine sobered. She could see he was serious, but she felt somewhat embarrassed, it wasn’t a topic they had ever discussed.
Fighting for a way to tell him, Catherine decided on something entirely different.
“I do want you Vincent. Nothing has changed. But perhaps there are things we should discuss first. Can we go to your chamber?”
“We can speak here.”
Catherine shook her head. As much as she wanted to make love with him this night, she knew now it would be impossible. They had to go into it with their eyes wide open. Everything they had done thus far in their lives had been done with careful consideration. This one act could ruin everything they had built up between them if she should fall pregnant against Vincent’s wishes.
“No Vincent. I’m really happy that you have decided to allow this between us, but it would be wrong to make love without talking about the consequences first.”
For a moment Vincent shared some of Catherine’s earlier embarrassment. Acting upon it was easy; talking about it was not, and what consequences?
Mulling it over in his mind, Vincent did a quick calculation of what would be entailed in love making, before during and after. Slowly the answer dawned on him, and it was his turn to gasp and let his mouth drop open – children! Of course children.
“You’ve clicked?” Catherine asked gently her eyes dancing with humour.
Vincent nodded, lost for words.
“You do understand then why we must talk first?”
“I cannot…” Vincent shook his head, “give you my child Catherine. To bring someone like me into the world…” his words trailed away as a great misery engulfed him.
“I thought not.” Catherine spoke softly, “Please understand Vincent these doubts for that reason were only for your sake, and how it would make you feel. I for one would love to have your child.”
Open-mouthed Vincent stared at her. She couldn’t be serious!
Catherine was nodding, “I would Vincent. I love you, and to have a half dozen children like you around me, well that would make me very happy, but I know it would not be so for you.”
“No.” Vincent lowered his head, so that his mane of hair fell over his face, concealing the sorrow from his eyes.
Catherine had to strain her ears to hear him whisper, “You though crave a child. I feel that within you.”
“Yes. Though that need is somewhat lessened now.”
Vincent looked up trying to understand.
. “I still want your child Vincent, to carry a child of my own, but…” her voice trailed away. A great sorrow engulfing her, maybe she would never know that joy. His own child growing beneath her heart, Catherine gave a little whimper of regret cutting Vincent to the core. His eyes filled with tears “I’m sorry Catherine I could never allow it.” He whispered. Both slipped down to sit upon the floor of the tunnel and their fingers entwined seeking comfort from one another, “All is not lost Vincent.”
Catherine stated brightly, perhaps a little too brightly, but a brightness that filled him with hope nonetheless. “You remember I said there was something I had to tell you?”
Vincent nodded; unsure of what she was intending to say. The bond was a mixture of emotions now, excitement, anxiety hope and love, yes an underlying feeling of love. A fierce love too. Vincent’s blue eyes sparkled as he waited for her to continue.
“It’s funny isn’t it, how before I went away you and Father told me to bring the child from the case to live Below do you remember?”
He nodded. How could he not? The case was a tragic one, it had filled him with despair all the while she had been away working on it.
“Well, to cut a long story short…” Catherine drew in a deep breath, her voice filled with happiness when she expelled it along with the words, “I am now a mother.”
Vincent’s eyes widened with surprise.
“She’s adorable Vincent. I have never been affected by a case like Rachel’s in my life. And she had no one.” Her words came out in a rush now that she had begun. “She trusts me, and I, I…” her words trailed away as she begged him through the bond to understand, “I love her Vincent. So much so that I have fostered her and she’s coming to live with me Vincent.”
Catherine waited long moments, not knowing what to expect, and unable to bear the silence went on quickly, “so the desire for a child is lessened, I have Rachel now and she needs me.”
Vincent’s silence stretched endlessly, “Say something Vincent?”
He found his voice at last, “ I don’t know what to say. Where to begin. Catherine…!” His eyes were bright with mixed emotions, and Catherine saw therein, amazement, pride, joy a little anxiety but overall his eyes spoke of positive things.
“I always knew you had courage Catherine…but this!” he gasped, “To give your love to the child of another in such a way…Catherine its commendable.”
Catherine leaned forward and hugged him hard; “I couldn’t resist her Vincent. Her life was so tragic, and I desperately, desperately wanted to bring her here, I could think of no other way to make that possible. Do you think Father will let her stay?”
Regaining himself, Vincent replied, “Father has already said he would Catherine you know that, but the circumstances are different somewhat…”
“I know. As her legal guardian, I should be wherever Rachel is. I know that. The authorities made that more than plain. I can use the apartment as her official address, but Rachel needs to be with other children, other people eventually. Not yet of course, because her trust has been shattered, but when she learns to accept and not be afraid of others, a family will be good for her.” ‘As would a father’ she added under her breath.
“I thought that she was only three years old.”
“She is.”
“Then what will you do with her while you are at work, if she trusts no one but you right now?”
“Hmm well you see there is more that you need to know.” Catherine laughed, causing Vincent’s lips to twitch as he stood up and pulled her to her feet, “I can see the attraction of going to my chamber now Catherine. These tunnels are chilly, and if this is going to take time to explain, perhaps the warmth of my chamber after all?”
Catherine nodded, slipping her arm around his waist, and they fell into step alongside one another, not speaking again until they had at last reached the central hub of the underground world and saw Father coming out of a chamber just ahead of them. He turned as he heard a sound behind him, “Catherine!” his face lit up, “Welcome back my dear.” He hurried to embrace her, placing a light kiss on her cheek. “Will you be staying for supper?”
“Actually Father I should like to stay for longer than that if I could?”
Father’s blue eyes twinkled merrily, “Of course you have the two weeks off promised to you. If you can honestly say you can put up with us for all that long you are welcome to spend the time with us Catherine. I know one person who would benefit greatly from such a long spell with you.” Father winked at Vincent, who had a feeling that Catherine was about to say something that would surprise them both.
He wasn’t mistaken, “actually Father it wasn’t two weeks I had in mind. How does two years sound to you?” Catherine could have laughed by the look on Father’s face. Truly it was a night for everyone being speechless for some reason or another. Even Vincent had gasped loudly.
Taking pity on them both, Catherine linked her arm through Father’s, her other tucked around Vincent’s waist, “Come let me fill you in.” she told them both continuing to step forward towards Vincent’s chamber.
Once inside, the two men waited again for her to continue, and briefly Catherine told Father the same news as she had told Vincent earlier about fostering Rachel. “The thing is,” Catherine went on, “Rachel is only three years old. She trusts no one but me, and there is no way I can leave her with a child-minder while I go out to work. It would be unthinkable to do that. And so I have signed papers that I will be there for her every single day until she starts primary school, and only then will I return to work.
The only way I could convince the authorities that this was possible was to tell them of my savings. That proved to them that I could quite easily afford to take two years leave and not be in dire straits during that time for either Rachel or myself. However I know that spending two years with nothing to do but care for a child will probably take more endurance than I have. I hoped therefore that you might allow me to live down here with you, and a week or so after she arrives to bring Rachel to this place. Perhaps we can live somewhere more isolated from the rest of you until Rachel feels inclined to trust other people, and only go to my apartment from time to time, and then mainly for the purpose of the authorities.” Catherine paused long enough for a response, but received none. Both men were still having difficulty taking it in. “Just say you’ll think about it?” Catherine laughed at the two of them. They hadn’t said a word.
Father sat down into the nearest chair, a smile lighting his face; “Did you have to take such drastic measures as these to live with my son?” Father couldn’t help asking with a chuckle.
Catherine blushed, “I didn’t..” she stammered, and Father waved her answer aside, “It’s all right Catherine I was just teasing you. Of course you and the child can stay, longer than two years if you want. The council must be informed, but I see no reason that they would turn you away. This is very commendable of you Catherine. To give up your career like this for a child.”
“When you see her Father you will understand why I did it. And really it isn’t much. Not when you consider how I would have felt had I not of done this. And how Rachel would have fared if I’d left her behind. I never expected to love her, but now that I do, I am stunned at how possessive that love for her is.”
Father nodded, he knew that kind of love, and yet he marvelled that Catherine could feel it too, when she had never even had a child of her own. There was no doubts in his mind how the council would view her request. Everyone loved Catherine and this would make them love her all the more.
Father drew Catherine into his arms, “Welcome my dear. We’ll sort out a chamber for you in the next couple of days. When will you be bringing the child?”
“I have to go back and collect her at the weekend. At first someone from the authorities will be coming to view my apartment. I’ll let Rachel settle there for several days and then I’ll bring her here.”
Father nodded, stood up and patted her shoulder; “It’s a fine thing you have done Catherine.” For the first time noticing Vincent’s silence, he looked from one to the other of them suddenly a thought dashing through his mind, “How do you feel about this Vincent?”
“I haven’t had time to think about it.” Vincent answered and even to Father his voice sounded strained.
“You have discussed this?” Father looked from one to the other, “Catherine you did tell Vincent of your plans before speaking to me?”
“Not completely.” Catherine answered.
Father felt immediately uncomfortable. Having just said Catherine could live with them, he realised what having her there would do for his son, and if Vincent was not prepared for that…
Sensing his unrest Vincent intervened, “Don’t worry Father. Catherine might not have told me of her plan to reside with us, but I think I could get used to the idea.” His eyes twinkled and Father let out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding.
“Well as long as you are sure?” Father asked Vincent anxiously.
Vincent drew his arm around Father’s shoulders, leading him towards the exit, “I’m sure Father, but if you’d excuse us, there is something Catherine and I need to discuss.” Father nodded, only half understanding the situation.
“We’ll speak with the others after breakfast tomorrow. I’ll say goodnight for now.” As an afterthought he turned to Catherine, “Will you be staying tonight Catherine?”
“If she does Father I shall escort her to the guest chamber.” Vincent told him, trying not to sound too eager to have his father leave them.
Father nodded, “Then I’ll see you both tomorrow. Goodnight.” He left them then, and Vincent exhaled a sigh of relief.
“His company isn’t that bad.” Catherine giggled as Vincent turned back to her.
“There was a time when you thought otherwise.” He reminded her.
“That was a long time ago. I love him now.” Catherine replied sincerely. “He’s become a father to me.”
“I know. I think he has great affection for you too.” Vincent’s voice trailed away to a mere whisper as he added, “As have I.” For long moments they gazed at one another, the ever- present feelings put aside for the past hour rushing forth to remind them of their existence.
“Catherine… with you living here, Father’s speculation was right. It could be uncomfortable for me…unless?”
“Unless?”
“We’ve come full circle Catherine. Your having a child of your own was only part of the problem. The risk of your having my child is the main problem.” He husked.
Catherine felt her limbs weaken all over again, and she reached back to slide into a chair for support.
“If you are going to live here, and be in my exclusive company, and feeling as we do for each other Catherine, it is only going to be a question of time before we…make love Catherine.” He whispered the last, almost unable to say it.
“I know. But Vincent…” Catherine licked her lips again, why did they keep going dry? She shook her head this was getting ridiculous. She pulled herself together, “Vincent you don’t want children of your own do you?”
“No.”
“Then we must do something to prevent that.” She blushed scarlet as those earlier thoughts filled her mind.
This time Vincent understood fully and blushed too.
“I know you are well aware of how things go Vincent from your study of Father’s medical books. There is something I could take that prevents conception, alas I have tried that type of contraception before and it does not agree with me." In full swing now, she went on before the whole thing got the better of her. “Some of the stronger doses made me sick, others give me headaches, still another gave me leg cramps, and another caused water retention to such a degree that I began to look as if I wore rubber rings all over my body.” Despite himself Vincent chuckled, “That must have been some sight?” his eyes twinkled.
“It was awful. And then even if any of them didn’t affect me so badly, I would still have to be on them for three months before they were considered safe.” Her voice trailed away, having said all she could say.
“So that leads us to what?” Vincent had his arms folded. Catherine felt it was some kind of defence attitude.
“Not to what Vincent, but to whom…you.”
“Me!”
It was Catherine’s turn for humour, “Yes I’m afraid so my love.”
“You think I need a trip to the vets?” Vincent spoke dryly and despite his words both of them burst into laughter.
“Not so drastic Vincent.” Catherine chuckled.
“What then?”
“There are things that you could use…er…wear.” Her lips twitched with humour.
Now he got it. He might be naive but he wasn’t entirely stupid. However, he decided to play around a little, “Something to wear? What like a hat you mean?”
Catherine’s humour got the better of her and she burst into laughter. Even more so as his answer reminded her of something. Soon she was doubled over.
“It wasn’t that funny.” His arms still folded in front of him; Vincent looked coyly at her.
“Its not that…you reminded me of something that’s all.” Tears coursed down Catherine’s cheeks, and her sides ached from laughing.
“Care to share the joke?” Vincent asked somewhat dryly.
“Someone told me something once about contraception and you just reminded me of it.” Catherine calmed somewhat, and tried to withhold more laughter as she told him, “A man went to a drug store for some form of contraception…” her voice trailed away. What was she doing talking to Vincent of things like this?
He waited his lips twitching which encouraged her to continue. “The pharmacist told the man to try the cap.” Here Catherine doubled with laughter again thinking of Vincent’s reference to a hat. With laughter in her voice Catherine went on, “the guy took the cap, but came back the next day saying that wearing it had given his wife a headache, as it was too tight. And that he failed to see how wearing it would prevent conception anyway.”
Vincent’s chest heaved with suppressed laughter. His eyes bright he waited for her to continue, sensing more was to come.
“So the pharmacist asked him to try the male pill, saying it was designed to make him…” Catherine blushed scarlet, again the awfulness of telling this to Vincent astounded her.
“To make him what?” Vincent asked, trying not to let her hear his laughter.
“Limp.” Another gush of laughter erupted from Catherine, and she drew herself to her full height, took a deep breath and with her lips twitching with mirth she went on. “The chap came back the following day and said his foot was sore from walking on the pills placed inside his shoe, and he failed to see how that prevented conception either.”
Vincent lips twitched with amusement. Encouraged Catherine continued; “The pharmacist then told him about the coil. Explaining to him that it was similar to the spring inside a pen, and the chap took it home. He returned the next day, saying he couldn’t find a pen big enough to take it, and still he couldn’t understand that even if he had how it would prevent conception.
“Finally the pharmacist showed the man a condom, and demonstrated its use by placing it over his thumb. The man took a packet and did not return the following day. Nine months passed until one day the pharmacist was confronted by the same man pushing a pram into his drug store. The man was furious and told the pharmacist that out of all the contraception devices he’d been shown, the wearing of the condom over his thumb was the easiest and most comfortable, and so he had stuck with it. Nonetheless it had proven as useless a method as all the others had and his wife had become pregnant again.
“The pharmacist was very sorry and introduced the man to the rhythm method, and so far the guy has not returned. So I guess he’s still dancing.” Catherine collapsed into a heap of giggles slowing to a stop when Vincent did not join in with her. She stole a glance at him, and found his chest heaving but his face expressionless. Catherine realised he was toying with her at her expense, “So shall we dance Vincent?” she asked huskily, drawing herself up to stand alongside him and playfully caress his thigh. Vincent drew in a sharp breath, expelling it immediately grabbing her by the wrists to prevent her actions further. His eyes darkened with passion, and he drew her around into his arms, bending his head and took her lips almost savagely. A whimper of longing escaped her and Vincent let her go, his mouth creasing into laughter and unable to contain himself or play the part any longer, he burst into laughter too.
When finally both had recovered enough to talk, silence befell them, and Vincent was the first to ask, “So out of them all I take it I am to wear the one over the thumb but in the correct place?”
Catherine sucked in a breath, a shudder filling her and expelling it in a long deep sigh, “Yes, unless you can think of anything else.” She asked softly.
“I might have to do.” There was something only he and Father knew, which at that moment he could not share with her, “Don’t worry Catherine I will talk it over with Father, but until I do…” he spread his arms out to his side in defeat.
“I know.” Catherine agreed, with a sign of resignation and placing her forehead against his chest she continued, “we are back to square one.”