Reflecting on the problem Father sat at his table opposite Mary trying to decide what to do for the best, “ I have never seen him like this before Mary, it frightens me. Whatever can we do?”
“What is there to do Jacob? You said yourself it would come to this, though I never believed it myself. I would never have thought that Catherine of all people would have put such importance upon a sexual relationship with Vincent. Not Catherine, it is so unlike her.”
“He feels she is pressurising him into a situation he is unprepared to allow to develop between them. I can understand that, surely she can see it. There are obvious differences between them for God’s sake!”
“Yes, but Catherine sees only the man she loves.”
“And that makes it all right I suppose?”
“No, Jacob it doesn’t. But you know what it is to be so in love. You don’t notice the obvious, and you refuse to allow anyone to tell you what’s beneath your very nose.”
Father nodded, “Yes, she does rather see him through rose tinted glasses doesn’t she. And that she can visualise having a sexual encounter with him, only serves to remind me what a remarkable woman she is.”
“And how much she loves him. We have to help them Jacob, this silence is killing them both. Well it is Vincent, and I am certain it will be no less for Catherine.”
“I think then that you and I should visit her.”
“But I thought she was leaving the country?”
“That’s what she told Vincent, and myself, but I have received word from Peter that she is still at the apartment, and refuses to talk about her future to him or anyone else.”
“Then we must go to see her and go today.”

When Catherine answered the knocking at her door, she was surprised to find Father and Mary stood outside, and at once an icy hand clutched at her heart, “Vincent!” she cried, “Is he ill?”
“So you do still care. Yes he is well Catherine, may we come in, we thought we would visit you.” shocked to see how much weight she had lost and how unwell she looked.
Wordlessly, she stepped aside, beckoning them in, and bade them sit down, while she busied herself making tea for them both, without asking, delaying the inevitable.
When at last, there was nothing to do but sit and listen to what they had come to say, she sat down opposite them and waited.
“Catherine, I only want to know the answer to one question, for it baffles me greatly, and I cannot for the life of me understand why it has become so important to you, that you are prepared to throw away everything you had with my son, because of it.” Father found his words tumbled out without let-up. Catherine smiled at him, “Just ask the question Father.” For the first time in a long time her eyes lit up.
Taking a deep breath he ignored her teasing, “Why Catherine, tell me why is a sexual relationship with Vincent so important that you are prepared to throw away everything else you have shared because of it?” There he had said it.
“Is that what you all think?” Astounded Catherine whispered. “Does Vincent?”
“Are you telling me it isn’t?”
“Oh, don’t get me wrong Father. I adore Vincent. I love him to distraction, and yes I do want a sexual relationship with him, but its not one-sided Father. I know he wants this too and it is because of his self denial of this need that he refuses to allow me to live in your world, because he cannot bear to have me so close and not give in to that need.”
“And why do you want to live in our world?”
Gesturing around the room, she told him, “I have all this, it is nothing. My mother and my father are dead. I have no family but for you and all those who I have come to love in your world. They are my family now and I want to be a part of that family in every way. I don’t feel that this life is mine anymore. I need to belong somewhere Father. I need a family and I need a home.”
Father nodded, “Then this need is not something that Vincent alone has the right to allow or refuse. You know our ways Catherine. Before coming to live Below, you have to be accepted by the council and I see no reason for them not to accept you, but could you honestly say you would want to be there, knowing Vincent lives there too and knowing that this problem between you remains unresolved?”
“That I don’t know Father. I only know that I need him and that these past few weeks I have missed him so much that I am prepared to forsake anything just to have back what we had. If he cannot except such a definite change in our relationship, then it doesn’t matter anymore. I just need him Father. I just need to be with him.” Her lips trembled as the tears threatened to overflow and Mary got up to drape her arm affectionately around Catherine’s shoulder to hug her tightly. She more than anyone knew the way the heartstrings tugged at wanting a man so desperately while it was a hopeless cause.
“You must come back with us Catherine.” She told her, “ Vincent needs you. We came here because we are so frightfully worried about him. He can no longer live without you, than you can without him, and you must find healing within the hearts of one another. Come with us now Catherine, for as long as you wish it, you will have the home and the family for which you crave.”
Catherine nodded, weakened by her longing to hold Vincent again. Her life had ebbed away these past few weeks, and she knew for a certainty that anything he had to offer her, was far better than nothing at all, she simply could not live without him.

Vincent was in his chamber, absentmindedly sorting through some inconsequential things when he looked up to find Catherine stood in the entrance way to his chamber. His heart somersaulted, and a ghost of a smile lit up his eyes, as with a sob that caught in her throat she came to him, throwing her arms around him, and held him like she would never ever let him go. “I’m sorry.” She whimpered, “I love you, I love you, love you.” The tears coursed down her cheeks unchecked and Vincent ‘s arms came up and around her holding her close to his thudding heart. He found he could voice no words, almost afraid. Each last time he had seen her, their conversation had ended the same way, and he was afraid. Afraid that she was here to torment him some more, though, how good it was to hold her, but then her words cut through his thoughts as she was telling him, “I need you Vincent. I can’t live without you, please forgive me for forcing you into a situation you aren’t prepared to go into, I promise I won’t try again. I just need to be with you so much it hurts.”
As he felt the salty taste from his own eyes touch his lips, he knew he too was crying and he breathed deeply of her fragrance, letting the scent fill his soul. Closing his eyes to the joy that was Catherine, he rejoiced at having her here in his arms where she belonged at last. No words would form they stuck in his throat but he had an overwhelming desire to kiss her that frightened him, consumed him, until he could deny it no longer. Bringing his lips to hers, he kissed her tenderly at first, briefly, but then with a passion that stunned the two of them and left them both breathless.
Gazing up into his eyes, the question unsaid he smiled at her as the kiss ended, “I could no more stop myself from doing that Catherine than I could expect the moon to fall from the sky. Oh! Catherine what you do to me. I love you so much.”
“It was beautiful Vincent, but unexpected. I am not going to allow myself to believe it will become a permanent fixture in our relationship though.”
“Why ever not, it is delightful” And as if to prove his point, he captured her lips beneath his own once again, holding on to some semblance of reality as he did so, nonetheless.
“Vincent, don’t.” Catherine could not believe her own mouth were saying the words and as Vincent inclined his head to question her, she went on, “Not unless you are prepared to take it further Vincent. And as I know that you are not, then your kisses are doing little for my self-control however welcome they are.”
He smiled then, a deep smile that lit his eyes, “All right Catherine, I’ll behave, just to have you back is enough. Though I too have done some thinking in your absence.”
Raising an eyebrow at him, she heard him continue, “It is true I can no more give you now what you want, than I could six weeks ago, when we terminated our relationship in the tunnel beneath your apartment basement, but I am prepared now to think about it.” Catherine gasped, her heart filling with hope, which he felt via their now fully opened Bond. “Yes Catherine,” he told her, “Your hope flares alongside my own and maybe what you wish for will come to pass. And maybe it won’t but I know this; that I cannot live without you and I do want to make love to you. I can no longer deny that not even to myself yet Catherine the fear still consumes me and I cannot make a promise to fulfil this desire that we both have, while I feel he is in control.”
Catherine nodded, understanding him totally. The Bond carried all his fears along to her, and she told him, “If only to be with you, then it is enough. All I ask is that you allow me to live in your world. Father said the choice is not yours to make, it is up to the council, but really I could not live here, knowing you did not want it.” she waited for him to answer.
“It won’t be easy Catherine, on either of us.”
“No, it won’t. But I need a home and a family Vincent and I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be. You of course are a bonus.”
Exhaling a long breath, Vincent sighed, “Put like that, what can I say. If you are convinced this is where you want to be Catherine, then so be it. And I do want you here, as hard as it may be on the both of us.”
Catherine leaned weakly against him, as a warm glow spread through her entire body, and she snuggled into his embrace, as his arms crushed her against him, his next words a delight to her ears, “Welcome home Catherine.”

It wasn’t easy. Just as Vincent had warned her, though not for the same reasons, transition from life Above to life Below wasn’t the way Catherine had imagined. If she thought that being Below would afford her more of an opportunity to see Vincent, then she was wrong, for Vincent had, as much as a nine to five job Below, as the one she’d had Above. There was always work for him. If not teaching the children, then opening up new tunnels, that sometimes took him away from the home chambers for days on end, and Catherine found that her time spent in his world wasn’t nearly as fulfilling as she had believed it to be.
Saying as much to Jamie one day, she was surprised to hear Jamie answer, “That’s because you don’t really belong here.”
Mouth agape, Catherine could only stare at her. “Not belong? But why?”
Jamie shrugged, “There was no need for you to leave your world behind. Those of us Below came to escape a violent parent or society in general, all you needed was a family, and there are thousands like you that need just that, yet they do not feel the need to bury themselves away in order to find it, and neither did you.”
Was she right? Catherine reasoned on her words. In many respects a ring of truth rang from them, yet it altered nothing. Simply she was in love with Vincent, had to be where he was, but for that she could have made her own way in her own world, waiting for the right man to sweep her off her feet, marry her and build a home with her and their children. That’s what it was all about wasn’t it? Life?
Despondency reared its ugly head in her heart, and as she wandered aimlessly for the rest of the day along the tunnels, seeking she knew not what, she found herself outside of Mary’s chamber and decided to seek solace there.
“Come in child.” Mary bade her, and Catherine found herself relating to her the recent conversation with Jamie. “And how do you feel about that Catherine?” Mary’s kindly eyes surveyed her.
“I think perhaps she is right. There is nothing for me to do down here. I’m no longer a guest in your world. The council accepted me as a permanent resident, yet I don’t feel as if I belong.”
“And Vincent hasn’t made it any easier for you has he?”
“No. I see less of him now than before. Oh we see one another at meal times when he isn’t working below, but we don’t seem to spend the time together that we once did.”
“Perhaps that’s because there is no privacy here, and being with him in his chamber is too private for the two of you to cope with, considering the underlying problem.”
Catherine sighed, “Yes, I suppose that’s it.”
“Look Cathy tell me to mind my own business, but what it is you truly want from Vincent, or from your life in general. That is if you know the answer to that question.”
Catherine nodded, “Yes I know the answer Mary. Nothing has changed, despite what I told Vincent, and via our Bond he knows the truth in that, that’s why he is afraid to spend time with me, afraid I will corner him again into a situation he is unprepared to face. The answer Mary, it’s simple, or it is to me. I want to marry him, have his children, have a purpose in life, but I cannot get him to believe in it.”
Mary nodded, “How well I know those feelings Catherine. Though it is far, far different for you two, because you two accept that there is love between you, and desire, but me, well it is a one sided affair. Nonetheless, it makes the situation no less complicated.”
“Then how do you cope Mary. Being near someone you love and not having them return that love. It is much the same with Vincent and I. He just does not want to advance, while me, well I want nothing more and this unfulfilled life brings me pain.”
“More so because you know how it feels to love. I know that too. Though it was a long time ago, and I try not to think about it. But you, well you are young, and yet not so young that you don’t feel the years rushing past you, leaving little time to start the family you yearn for. Vincent on the other hand, does not know what it is to have had this kind of love, and be forced to live without it. Oh yes he has dreams, but his dreams cannot prepare him for the reality. Whereas you, well you know what it is you and he are missing and that drives you Cathy, yet it is a force which if not handled right can drive you in the wrong direction.”
“I would do anything Mary, anything to feel only that I belonged here. You know I really believed that this could be my home, but it doesn’t feel so. I really wanted a family, but most of you though dear are strangers to me. Can you understand that. I mean no offence.”
“Yes, I can understand that. And really Cathy, its not bricks and mortar or in this case rock tunnels and chambers that make a place a home. Being within the safety of four stone walls, doesn’t necessarily make you feel as though you belong, does it?”
“No, yet it is what I believed I had searched for. All my life, or at least since my mother died, thus shattering the security I once knew, I feel that I have searched for somewhere to belong, to have a home to call my own. I truly believed that being here I would find it, but it eludes me. Still it eludes me.” She sighed despairingly, “Perhaps it always will.”
Mary sighed deeply, the despair in Catherine’s voice so evident, it made her feel immensely sad, “I think you are looking in the wrong direction Catherine. Its not solid walls that will give you the security for which you yearn wherever you may look, it’s not that at all.”
“Then what is it Mary, can you answer me that?”
“Yes, this feeling of not belonging Catherine stems from your need to be as one with Vincent, with any man really as long as you love him, for Catherine, its the wings of love that fly you home.”
Catherine thought over her words. ‘The wings of love’ how beautiful the words sounded to her ears, and they brought tears to her eyes. Laying her head back against the high back of the armchair she sighed, as tears squeezed out from her closed lids, and Mary was beside her in an instant, “What is it Catherine, what grieves you so?”
Opening her eyes, Mary was stunned by the depth of despair within them, and all Catherine could utter was, “I love him so much Mary. How can I make him see that we belong together?”
Shaking her head, Mary told her as carefully as she could, “I don’t know the answer to that one Catherine. Vincent is a very complex and private person, he may never change, and I am afraid that Jacob has caused a lot of the problem, by instilling the fear of God into Vincent against a physical relationship with you, or any woman.”
Catherine nodded, “Does he still feel this way?”
“No, I don’t believe so. He knows how much you love Vincent and that you would never intentionally hurt him. Yet because Vincent has convinced everyone that he fights against an inner self, a bestial self, then Jacob is afraid for you, for the damage that Vincent could cause to you, and so still he works against what the two of you need.”
“I wish there was some way. Do you think the same way as Jamie that I don’t belong here? Should I return to my apartment? I still have the lease on it another year.”
“Personally, no, I think you should try to stick it out, something has got to give Catherine. You are not the only one who I have had this conversation with.”
Her eyes opened wide she whispered, “Vincent?”
Mary nodded, “Yes, believe me child, Vincent is finding it all very difficult too.”
“Having me here you mean?”
“Yes and no, he is impressed by your ability to stay despite the odds, remember child you do have an inner connection and he can when he chooses see into your heart. The last time he were with me I told him that he was wrong to keep believing he was made up of two beings. I told him, he as well as every living creature in this universe had a mother and a father and within those parents we feel either like one or the other or both at times t doesn’t necessarily mean that we are two different entities. I believe it gave him something to ponder on Catherine, though how my words can cut through a life time of Jacob’s I will never know.”
“They would have real impact Mary if they are what he wanted to hear, how do you think he accepted them?”
“Politely. You know Vincent. But you mustn’t put too much importance on how he takes them my dear, only know that he has been seeking answers also, and have hope in that.”
“Will you tell him I have been to see you, should he come again?”
“Only if you should wish it.”
“Yes. I want him to know how I am feeling. More often than not he shuts down on the Bond, even though you say he searches through it from time to time.”
“I could be your mediator Catherine but it would never solve the problem. You need to seek him out and talk to him, not cornering him with ultimatums, just talk to him. I can tell you Catherine he too is very unhappy, though he has not said as much.”
“Do you know where he is now?”
“The last time I saw him, he was heading off for a shower and a lie down in his chamber. I suppose that’s where you will find him.”
“Thank you Mary. Just talking about it has helped.”
“Then see what talking to Vincent about it could do for you. Go now child, and don’t be afraid to speak of everything your heart yearns for. This is Vincent after all, he more than most will understand.”

Her feet felt like lead as she made the journey towards Vincent’s chamber, her heart hammering in her chest. Almost two months she had lived there, at first it had been great, almost like a very long holiday, but she knew that Vincent avoided being with her too much, and that in time had grieved her. She needed him. She hadn’t come to live Below to spend time with Father, or Mouse or William. It was Vincent that she needed to be with.
Hesitating at his chamber entrance she looked timidly into the room. He was laid upon the bed, but not as she had expected, instead, he was laid upon his stomach reading a book, and did not look up when she entered. She knew, that he knew she was there, if her heart hammered any louder he would hear it let alone feel it along side his own. Suddenly the situation seemed so ridiculously funny that she laughed out loud, her tinkling laughter filling the room, making it impossible for him not to look up and grin back at her. Whatever was she thinking of, this was Vincent, the man she loved, she needn’t be afraid of him, they had conquered more problems than this. Crossing the room she sank herself onto the bed, alongside him, taking his hands in her own. He stopped grinning at her as her own laughter died on her lips, and she whispered, “What are we to do Vincent?”
Vincent looked at her for long agonising moments, “Catherine.” he spoke her name, as she closed her eyes, languishing in the pleasure his utterance brought her. Only he could get such a response from saying her name. “Catherine,” he spoke it again, “We cannot go on like this. Neither you or I are capable of withstanding the bitter sweetness of being here together, as we are, as we have been these past two months.”
Tears squeezed through her still closed lids, unable to open them for fear of what she would read in those eyes.
“Its been torture Catherine, sheer and utter torture, to have you so close, and yet to deny myself the right to have you closer still.” Slowly her eyes opened, and she literally drowned in the twin blue pools of his own loving eyes. He sighed, holding her hands tightly in his own. “If you believe that we can really achieve it...” His words faltered, “If you really need me as much as I need you...” Catherine held her breath as Vincent spoke the words she had so longed to hear; “I should like to be your lover.”
Closing her eyes once again to the onslaught of emotions that raced through her entire body, Catherine felt grateful for the firmness of the mattress beneath her. Had she of been standing when he told her, she would have fallen to her knees under the crushing weight of desire that ran through her. Only she could stare at him, words lost to her, and funnily enough when she could at last speak found only one word would come out, and it made him laugh, “When?”
She laughed too, the sound of their joined expression relieved the moment, as he slithered himself off the bed to pull her up alongside him, and fasten his lips to her own in one swift movement that left her stunned.
His eyes burned into her own, leaving her in no doubt of the answer, nonetheless, she heard his reply as he chuckled between kisses, “Is now too soon?”
Grinding her thighs against his, gave him the answer he needed, and he groaned, closing his eyes to the wave after wave of desire that flooded his entire being, and Catherine could hardly contain herself as his hands now given the confirmation to stray were everywhere.
“Wait”, she told him, as his kisses burned fiery trials down her throat to bury his face between her breasts that ached for his mouths sweet caress, “Wait.” She begged him, the word dragged from her as if her voice and her body were separated by another room.
Vincent stopped to search her eyes, “What now.” He growled, “If you stop me, we can never retrace this step Catherine. I don’t think I could bear it any more.”
“I don’t want you to stop Vincent, I love you, and I want this so much, but there is something else that I want more.”
Momentarily stunned and amused nonetheless, he took a step backwards, still holding onto her hands, “What could you want that could possibly be better than this Catherine?”
The pain of his desire evident, Catherine licked her suddenly very dry lips, did she have the right to ask him, it had never mattered with any of her past lovers, why did it matter so much now?
“Marriage.” She heard herself say, “I want to marry you.”
He laughed then, and Catherine felt relieved by the laughter, “You don’t do anything by halves do you Catherine? Anyway I thought it was up to the man to ask that question?”
“It is. But would you ever ask it, would you ever believe it was right for us?”
“Once perhaps not, but now I believe anything is possible. Compared to making love to you Catherine, marriage, the all important thing, becomes the most easiest of all to do.”
“You are still afraid of making love to me?”
“A little, but I’m learning not to be.”
Catherine laughed, “Oh Vincent I love you.”
“I should hope so too. I’m not the type to sleep with anybody.” His jovial banter amused her, he was teasing her, keeping her waiting, he knew it, she knew it, and it was fun. “Yes Catherine.” He finally resigned himself to the inevitable, “I will marry you, but only if you promise me, I don’t have to wait until after we are married to take up from where you have made me leave off.” Laughing Catherine hugged him tightly, and kissed him, when suddenly a bolt as if of lighting hit her, a feeling of belonging that she had never known in her entire life, and Vincent tilted his head to survey her closely, “What is it my love?”
Shaking her head, the tears of joy ran down her face, “I’ve found it Vincent, I’ve found it! Your love has given me everything for which I yearned and more besides. Can you not feel it in me?”
Stilling himself to listen to the wondrous beat of her heart alongside his own, Vincent recognised the very thing that had never before been present within her, and as he came to accept it, a great sense of actually belonging somewhere washed over him. Vincent nodded, “Yes,” he whispered. For Mary had told him the same thing, and though he had always lived in his underground world, he had never truly felt as though he belonged there either. And now he felt this wondrous, joyous feeling of finding a secure haven at last, yet knowing for a certainty that it was not the solid rock of the underground world that had become his stronghold, but instead the soft and loving arms of the woman he loved.
Sighing with pleasure Catherine could not help speaking her feelings aloud, “Mary was right Vincent, it is true love that makes all the difference, that and the acceptance that we can make it together.”
“Yes, it was after my talk with Mary, that everything began to slip into its rightful place. Though I was still pondering her words when you entered my chamber. It wasn’t until you laughed that I knew where I wanted to be within our relationship. Your laughter took away the edge of fear Catherine that had still been present within me since I spoke with Mary.”
“Oh Vincent, I have been so miserable, even being here close to you, I’ve not felt as though I belonged here.”
“I know. Yet you persisted, and I was proud of that persistence, and I am sure we can find you something to do now to occupy your time. Children perhaps?” Catherine’s eyes opened wide. He was offering her the world did he know it? A smile that lit her eyes, gave him the only answer he needed and as he captured her lips beneath his own once again, Catherine submitted herself totally to his overpowering love, knowing without a doubt that she belonged somewhere, truly belonged and she felt safe and secure, at last.