I love you more than Madonna loves column inches.

I love you more than Bill Gates loves loopholes
in anti-trust law. 

I love you more than Jack Nicholson loves season tickets.

I love you more than Bill Clinton loves making the 
murders of key associates look like suicides.

I love you more than Jerry Springer loves trailer-park residents
with a good story and a pugilistic outlook.  

I love you more than Courtney Love loves a clean needle.

I love you more than Liddy Dole loves Pfizer Corp.

I love you more than Quentin Tarantino loves being in his
own films. 

I love you more than Barbara Hershey loves collagen.

I love you more than Bill Clinton loves an intern under his desk
and a burger on top of it.

I love you more than Freddy Krueger loves Ginsu sharpeners.

I love you more than Rosie O' Donnell loves being annoying.

I love you more than camp denizens love care packages.

I love you more than Bob Hope loves not being dead.