Once upon a time there was a child ready to be born.
 
The child asked God, "They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow, but 
how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?" 
God replied, "Among the many angels, I chose one for you. Your Angel will be 
waiting for you and will take care of you." 

The child further inquired, "But tell me, here in heaven I don't have to do anything but sing and smile to be happy." 
God said, "Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you every day. And you will feel your angel's love and be very happy." 

Again the child asked, "And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me if I don't know the language?" 
God said, "Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak." 

"And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?" God said, "Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray." 

"I've heard that on Earth there are bad men. Who will protect me?" God said, "Your angel will defend you even if it means risking it's life." 

"But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore." God said, "Your angel will always talk to you about me and will teach you the way to come back to me, even though I will always be next to you." 

At that there was much peace in heaven, but voices from Earth could be heard and the child hurriedly asked, "God, if I am to leave now, 
please tell me my angel's name." "Her name is not important. You will simply call her "MOM".





          A MOTHER'S PRAYER





Help Me give my children the best... not of trappings or toys, but of myself, cherishing them on good days and bad, theirs and mine. 

Teach Me to accept them for who they are, not for what they do; to listen to what they say, if only so they will listen to me; to encourage their goals, not mine; and please, let me laugh with them and be silly. 

Let Me give them a home where respect is the cornerstone, integrity the foundation, and there is enough happiness to raise the roof. 

May I give them the courage to be true to themselves; the independence to take care of themselves and the faith to believe in a power much greater than their own. 

See That I discipline my children without demeaning them, demand good manners without forgetting my own and let them know they have 
limitless love, no matter what they do. 

Let Me feed them properly, clothe them adequately and have enough to give them small allowances... not for the work they do but the pleasure they bring... and let me be moderate in all these things, so the joy of getting will help them discover the joy of giving. 

See That their responsibilities are real but not burdensome, that my expectations are high but not overwhelming and that my thanks and praise are thoughtful and given when they're due. 

Help Me teach them that excellence is work's real reward, and not the glory it brings. But when it comes.. and it will.. let me revel in each honor, however small, without once pretending that it's mine; my children are glories enough. 

Above all, let me ground these children so well that I can dare to let them go. 
And may they be so blessed.





Before I was a Mom


I made and ate hot meals.
I had unstained clothing.
I had quiet conversations on the phone.


Before I was a Mom

 
I slept as late as I wanted and never worried about how late I got into bed.
I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.


Before I was Mom

 
I cleaned my house each day.
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to lullabies.


Before I was a Mom


I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.


Before I was a Mom

 
I had never been puked on, pooped on, spit on,
chewed on, peed on or pinched by tiny fingers


Before I was a Mom


I had complete control of my mind, my thoughts, 
my body, and my mind. I slept all night.


Before I was a Mom


I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a babysleep.


Before I was a Mom


I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down. 
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt. 
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.


Before I was a Mom

I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. 
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. 
I didn't know the bond between a Mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important.


Before I was a Mom
 I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay 
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderfulment, or the satisfaction of being a Mom. 
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom







Oatmeal Kisses


The baby is teething-the children are fighting. My husband just called and said to eat dinner without him. Okay, one of these days you'll shout: "Why don't you grow up and act your age!" and they will, or "You guys get outside and find yourselves something to do...and don't slam the door!"... and they won't.   

You'll straighten up their rooms neat and tidy ... bumper stickers discarded ... spreads tucked and smooth ...toys displayed on the shelves ...hangars in the closet ... animals caged, and you'll say outloud: "Now I want it to stay that way!" and it will ... 

You'll prepare a perfect dinner with a salad that hasn't been picked to death and a cake with no finger traces in it and you'll say, "Now there's a meal for a company." and you'll eat it alone. 

You'll say, "I want complete privacy on the phone. No dancing around, no pantomimes, no demolition crews. Silence! Do you hear?" 
... and you'll have it. 

No more plastic tablecloths stained with 
spaghetti, no more anxious nights under a vaporizer tent, no more dandelion bouquets, no more iron-on patches, knotted shoestrings, or 
tight moots.

Imagine, a lipstick with a point, no babysitter for New Year's Eve, washing clothes only once a week, no P.T.A. meetings, carpools, blaring radios, Christmas presents out of toothpicks and paste. No more "Wet Oatmeal Kisses." No more toothfairy giggles in the dark, or knees to heal. Only a voice crying..."Why don't you grow up?" ....and the silence echoing ....... "I did." 






BEFORE CHILDREN 

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful to have been born the USA, the most powerful free democracy in the world. 

AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful for Velcro tennis shoes. As well as saving valuable time, now I can hear the sound of my son taking off his shoes -- which gives me three extra seconds to activate the safety locks on the backseat windows right before he hurls them out of the car and onto the freeway. 

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for the recycling program which will preserve our natural resources and prevent the overloading of landfills. 

AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful for swim diapers because every time my son wanders into water in plain disposables, he ends up wearing a blimp the size of, say, New Jersey, on his bottom. 

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for fresh, organic vegetables. 

AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful for microwaveable macaroni and cheese -- without which my children would be surviving on about three bites of cereal and their own spit. 

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for the opportunity to obtain a college education and have a higher quality of life than my ancestors. 

AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful to finish a complete thought without being interrupted. 

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for holistic medicine and natural herbs. 

AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful for pediatric cough syrup guaranteed to "cause drowsiness" in young children. 

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for all of the teachers who had taught, encouraged and nurtured me throughout my formative years. 

AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful for all of the people at Weight Watcher who let me strip down to pantyhose and a strategically placed scarf before getting on the scale each week. 

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for the opportunity to vacation in exotic foreign countries so I could experience a different way of life in a new culture. 

AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful to have time to make it all the way down the driveway to get the mail. 

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for the Moosewood Vegetarian cookbook. 

AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful for the Butterball turkey hotline. 

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for a warm, cozy home to share with my loved ones. 

AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful for the lock on the bathroom door. 

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for material objects like custom furniture, a nice car and trendy clothes. 

AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful when the baby spits up and misses my good shoes. 

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for my wonderful family. 

AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful for my wonderful family.



THINGS ONLY A MOTHER CAN TEACH



1. My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION...
 "Just wait until your father gets home."



2. My Mother taught me about RECEIVING....   "You are going to get it when we get home!" 



3. My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE... "What were you thinking?  Answer me when I talk to you ... Don't talk back to me!"   



4. My Mother taught me LOGIC...   "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you are not going to the store with me."   



5. My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE... "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."   



6. My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD...   "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll 
never get a good  job."   



7. My Mother taught me ESP...   "Put your sweater on; don't you think I
know when you're cold?" 



8. My Mother taught me HUMOR...   "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to  me." 



9. My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT...   "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."



10. My Mother taught me about SEX....   "How do you think you got here?" 



11. My Mother taught me about GENETICS...   "You're just like your father." 



12. My Mother taught me about my ROOTS...   "Do you think you were born in a barn?" 



13. My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE...   "When you get to be my age, you will understand. 



14. And my all time favorite... JUSTICE... "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like  you.... Then you'll see what it'slike."





A BAKING RECIPT FOR MOTHERS





1.  Preheat the oven.  Check to be sure there are no rubber balls or plastic soldiers lurking on the shelves.

 



2.  Remove blocks and toy cars from table.  Grease pan.  Crack nuts.





3.  Measure 2 cups flour.  Remove Johnny's hands from the flour.  Wash flour off him.  Re-measure flour.

 



4. Crack more nuts to replace those that Johnny ate.  Put flour, baking powder, and salt in sifter.  Get dust pan and brush up pieces of bowl that Johnny knocked on the floor.  Get another bowl.





5.  Answer the door-bell.  Return to kitchen.  Remove Johnny's hands from the bowl again.  Wash Johnny.  Answer the phone.   Return to Kitchen.

 



6. Remove 1/2-inch salt from the greased pan.  Look for Johnny.   Grease another pan.  Answer phone.  Return to kitchen and find Johnny.





7.  Take up greased pan and remove layer of nut shells in it.  Head for Johnny who runs, knocking the bowl off the table.

 

8. Wash the kitchen floor, table, walls, and dishes.





9. Call the bakery and place an order.  Take two aspirins and lie down.  Don't forget to turn the oven off!

 



I'M JUST A MOTHER

 
A few months ago, when I was picking up the children at school, another mother I knew well rushed up to me. Emily was fuming with indignation. "Do you know what you and I are?" she demanded. Before I could answer and I didn't really have one handy she blurted out the reason for her question. It seemed she had just returned from renewing her driver's license at The County Clerk's office. Asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation, Emily had hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself. "What I mean is," explained the recorder, "do you have a job, or are you just a housewife?" "Of course I have a job," snapped Emily. "I'm a mother." "We don't list 'mother' as an occupation...'housewife' covers it,"said the recorder emphatically. 


I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high-sounding title like "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar." "And what is your occupation?" she probed. 


What made me say it, I do not know. The words simply popped out. "I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations." 


The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair, and looked up as though she had not heard right. I repeated the title slowly, emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pompous pronouncement was written in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire. 

"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?" 
Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I have a continuing program of research (what mother doesn't) in the laboratory and in the field (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for my Masters (the whole darned family) and already have four credits (all daughters). "Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities (any mother care to disagree?) and I 
often work 14 hours a day (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are in satisfaction rather than just money. 


There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door. As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants - ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model (6 months) in the child-development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt triumphant! I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another mother." 


Motherhood...what a glorious career. Especially when there's a title on the door. 





To My Grown-Up Son


My hands were busy through the day
I didn't have much time to play
The little games you asked me to
I didn't have much time for you. 

I'd wash your clothes, I'd sew and cook, But when you'd bring your picture book 
And ask me please to share your fun,
I'd say: "A little later, son."

I'd tuck you in all safe at night 
And hear your prayers, turn out the light, Then tiptoe softly to the door . . . 
I wish I'd stayed a minute more.
 
For life is short, the years rush past . . . A little boy grows up so fast. 
No longer is he at your side,
His precious secrets to confide.
The picture books are put away,
There are no longer games to play, 

No good-night kiss, no prayers to hear . . . That all belongs to yesteryear. 

My hands, once busy, now are still.
The days are long and hard to fill.
I wish I could go back and do
The little things you asked me to 



TO A MOTHER 
FROM A GROWN SON


The games I played, I still do,
the love of life, I learned from you... 
and its a fact, that boys do grow,
that boy you had is the man you know. 

A mothers love so sweet,so kind,,
A gift from heaven that is so devine. 
the past is gone its yesterdays wind
we cant have it back ever again 

The small child I was he is long gone
the values you taught him
Are what the man is based apon 

I guess what it is, that I'm tring to say,
Is thank you so much, For that yesterday 
Mom, everything I am, you built. 
Every good thing I have in my heart, 
you put there. 

A boy needs his mommy for that, and a man respects her for it. 
I love you 





A Little Parable For Mothers 
The young mother set her foot on the path of life. "Is the way long?" she asked, and her Guide said, "Yes, and the way is hard. And you will be old before you reach the end of it. But, the end will be better than the beginning." And the young mother was happy, and she would not believe that anything could be better than these years. So, she played with her children, and 
gathered flowers for them along the way, and bathed with them in the clear streams, and the sun shone on them, and life was good. And the young mother cried, "Nothing will ever be lovelier than this." 
Then night came, and the storm came, and the path was dark and the children 
shook with fear and cold. The mother drew them close and covered them with 
her mantel and the children said, "Oh, Mother, we are not afraid, for you 
are near, and no harm can come." And the mother said, "This is better than 
the brightness of day, for I have taught my children courage." 
And morning came and there was a hill ahead and the children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary, but at all times she said to the children, "A little patience and we are there." So, the children climbed and when they had reached the top, they said, "We could not have done it without you, Mother." And the mother, when she lay down that night, looked up at the stars and said, "This is a better day than the last, for my children have learned fortitude in the face of hardness. Yesterday, I gave them courage; today, I have given them strength." 
And the next day came with strange clouds which darkened the earth - clouds 
of war, hate and evil - and the children groped and stumbled, and the mother 
said, "Look up. Life your eyes to the Light." And the children looked up and saw above the clouds of Everlasting Glory, and it guided them and brought them beyond the darkness. And that night, the mother said, "This is the best day of all, for I have shown my children God." 
And the days went on and the weeks, and the months, and the years, and the 
mother grew old, and she was little and bent. But her children were tall and 
strong and walked with courage. When the way was hard, they helped their Mother, and when the way was rough, they lifted her, for she was as light as 
a feather. 
And, at last, they came to a hill, and beyond the hill they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide open. And the mother said, "I have reached the end of my journey. And, now, I know that the end is better than the beginning: For my children can now walk alone, and their children after them." 
And the children said, "You will always walk with us, Mother, even when you 
have gone through the gates." 
And, they stood and watched her as she went on alone and the gates closed 
after her. And, they said, "We cannot see her, but she is with us still. A mother like ours is more than a memory; she is a Living Presence." 
           



My son came home from school one day, with a silly grin on his face, He thought he was smarter than me, his Mom, and could put me in my place. 

HE SAID: 
Guess what I learned in Civics Two, that's taught by Mr. Wright, It's about the laws of the land today, its called THE CHILDREN'S BILL OF RIGHTS. 


IT SAID:


I don't have to clean my room


I don't have to cut my hair


Nobody can tell me what to eat


My freedom of speech is guaranteed


Its my choice of what I read, or watch on TV. 


I have freedom of religion, and regardless of what you say, I don't have to ask your God for help --- I DON'T HAVE TO PRAY.


I can wear an earring in my ear, and, if I want, can pierce my nose.


It's my choice if I so desire, to tattoo Satan's numbers across my toes.


If you try to spank me, I will charge you with the crime, and I can back up all my charges,
with the marks on my behind.


HE SAID:


Don't ever touch me, this body is only for my use, not for your hugs and kisses and stuff, 
that's just another form of child abuse. 


HE CONTINUED WITH: 


Don't fill my head with morals, like your mama did to you, that's what's called mind control,
And it's illegal too!


Mom, I have these children's rights, you can't do a thing to me, I can call Children's Services,
better known as C. S. D.
********
MY TURN!!!!


My very first impression was, to toss this boy out the door. But here was a chance to teach him a lesson, for once and ever more. I took my time and mulled it over, I couldn't let this go. This kid of mine didn't realize, that he was messing with a pro!


AND AWAY WE GO.............


The next day we went shopping,and in spite of every plea, I didn't buy him 501s or shirts designed by Nike.


I had called and talked to C. S. D., they said they didn't care, if I bought him K-Mart shoes,
or a pair of Nike Airs.


And then, I canceled his appointment to test his driving skills, I'd probably be dead by now,
if only looks could kill!


I SAID:


There's no time to stop and eat, or pick up stuff to munch. I think you should follow C. S. D.'s advice, And make yourself a sack lunch. So, what if you are too hungry, to wait 'til dinner time?
Well, we're having liver and onions, Cause it's a favorite dish of mine.


He ASKED:


Can we stop to get a movie, so I can watch it on the VCR? 


Absolutely not! I sold the TV in your room and bought new tires for my car. I also rented out your room, you really don't need a bed. C.S.D. says all that's required of me is to put a roof over your head.


I only have to buy your clothes, and the food that you must eat. The money you used to get for an allowance, will buy me something neat. No more eating after we shop, no more joking along the way.


I too have a BILL OF RIGHTS,
that goes into effect today!
What's the matter, are you crying?
Are you down on your knees? 
Why are you asking God for help?......... WHY NOT CALL THE C.S.D.?

 
The moral of the story is that no one is smarter than Mom.