Suicide
When suicide is the thought for the day,
I need to do more than sit and Pray.
I have to find a reason to live,
when thoughts pour from my mind as water 
though a sieve.
A purpose a reason to arise each day,
Is hard to focus on when you feel this way.
I confessed to family I wanted to die,
And together we all sat and cried.
I put no blame on family or friends,
This is My problem that I must attend.
To dig deep into my soul and find some good,
Is what I would do if I thought I could.
I feel unneeded and less than whole,
And I say this from my heart and soul.
To understand the emptiness I feel
Means ridding my mind of things I conceal.
Reaching out but not knowing what for,
When inside I feel rotten to the core.
Not caring if i live or die,
Is even harder when you want no-one to cry.
It is like in hurting myself I feel for others pain,
Even when I feel a desire to flow down the drain.
Why at almost forty years old do I feel like 
I am lost,
And am always Helping everyone no matter 
what the cost.
I will fight as I have done for so many years,
Maybe there will be a day I will no longer 
Feel the Tears.
I write this not for pity but to let you all know,
That within my Heart I know you care and would
never hurt you so.
Judy ©1999
Thank you all for your support and friendship
Judy
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