"The Last Time"
         How could any of us go back to a normal life after what we went through? After what I learned



          ...about myself and Elly... 

                              ...and about the Universe!... 



          I don't understand it myself, but in my heart I feel as if the earth is finally at peace.

Things are as they should be now.  

          I remember looking around me and feeling ... hostility. Since awakening in Lahan 

I had always believed that people basically kind and generous, but I nev>
Transfer interrupted!
. At least until I met Elly...



          It was as if the entire earth was secretly wishing us humans away... 

                               ...and after Deus was destroyed, we were finally accepted. 



There was only one thing that still troubled me.. 



          ..so I decided to go see him one last time. The man I used to call my friend. 

 

         He still lived in the mountains with his daughter. She probably misses her mom a lot.

God, it must be lonely.

        So I'm going there for his daughter's sake then! I'm not just seeing him.... 

When I think about it... his daughter's just like him. I'm sure she'll grow up to be a genius... 

So maybe they can keep each other company after all.



        Then Elly spoke to me, breaking my chain of thought. 

 "What's wrong, Fei? I know you have something on your mind... can you tell me what's the matter?" 



       "Oh, nothing really. I just wondered how Midori's doing up there in the mountains alone." 



       "Stupid, she's not alone" she smiled at me, "she has her Dad.." 



       "But.. "



       "I know what you're getting at. She doesn't speak to her father much, does she? It's kind of odd." 



       "Right... Errmm." I paused, "I don't think it's because they don't get along. I mean, they seem so 

similar."



       "How so?" 



      "well.. I mean, they're both so smart.. and they both seem to have amazing senses of intuition. 

When we were fighting Deus..," I paused for a second. All the humor in Elly's face drained 

away - I knew she felt unconfortable. "...no, no. I suppose it's nothing  worth mentioning after all."

I felt foolish for even bringing it up.



      "No.. finish telling me what's on your mind," she told me sternly.



      "... Midori talked about how you felt in Deus, how you wanted to see me again..  even when you

 were taken over by that force"



      "well, I think it's fairly clear that I missed you.." 



      "yes, but don't you think it's odd that Citan's daughter, who (seemingly) barely knew anything 

about what was going on at the time, could just suddenly say something like that? Even Maria 

said something about Midori knowing that Achtzen wasn't really her father.. and.. " 



      "I get it Fei, she's got special powers." 



      "You're not taking this seriously!" 



      "So what." She said jestingly. Her face lit up again. "why don't you just get to sleep and go there 

tomorrow then! Sheesh.." She squinted her eyes at me, "besides, I know you want to see him too." 



     "Citan? ...Well, I suppose I do. Why is that a big issue?" 



     "It's just I think you never really forgave him for misleading you all those years.. and I also think 

that you think his family was just a part of his cover as the village doctor. That's why you're 

so worried about Midori. You probably want to finally resolve all these issues with him, since they've

 been occuping your thoughts for a while"



       I was shocked, I think my mouth was probably hanging open after Elly 'hit the nail on the head'. 



       "...I think you know me a little too well.."



      "well, we've only been together for what? A couple thousand years?" 



_________________________________________________





       The next day I got ready for a bit of a trip, and said goodbye to Elly. I knew she didn't want to 

come, after all, this was all 'my business'. 



_________________________________________________





       Finally, I was at the top of the mountain. I could hear a single wolf howling at the fading visage of the moon. 

In that early morning light everything seemed just as it was, all those years ago. Even the junk pile was there. Doc seems

to have started on a new project. It looked like a gear engine, but it couldn't be a slave generator.. 



       I knocked on the Kitchen-side door, and Midori answered.  



       I smiled as congenially as I could muster after dashing up a mountain; "Oh, hi Midori! Wow, you've really grown!"



       Her eyes widened in apparent surprise, but quickly composed herself and bowed politely as she opened the 

door wide. "Hello Fei. Come in, Please"



       she left the door open and ran to find her father. 



       "Mom, Dad, Fei's here!"



        ...Mom? Did I hear that? 



        Citan came through the back door in a hurry.



       "Fei! It's so good that you've come.."



       I looked at him from the corner of my eye. "Is Yui here?"



       "Of course."



       "I worried for a while..  Why wasn't she in Shevat then?"



       "My wife is not the docile housewife you think she is, Fei. She can take care of herself.

 Let us leave it at that, shall we?"



       "Where is she then?" 



       As if on cue, Yui walked in, half asleep. 



      "Oh.... hi, Fei" she yawned. "It's been sooo long since I saw you last.. You look so different..." 



       I turned away from Doc to see that Yui was already making breakfast. 



      "It's too bad I forgot to bring an egg!" I laughed once to myself. 



     "Oh, don't worry about it. I've got everything I need here.." 



     "Fei.." Citan said almost apologetically, "There's something on your mind.. let us talk about it outside

... please."



     "sure." 



     The dawn's light over the mountain tops... It was a gorgeous sight, but I was more or less oblivious

 to it. I sat on one of the rocks in the 'yard' and slumped over to look at the ground. 



     "Why? Why didn't you let any of us know what was going on? You let people suffer.. just accomplish your 

mission and to protect your 'true identity' as a 'Guardian Angel' --or whatever you called yourself! You could 

have changed the entire chain of events by yourself." 

Blood was rushing to my head - or leaving it. It was just like then.. as he 

began to speak I felt my body go numb.. and his words echoed inside of my skull..



     "Fei. I made my choice, however 'awful' it seems to you. It is like I told you before. The majority of people 

on this planet believe in simple ideals, when the reality of things are much more complicated, and much 

less attractive. I believed at the time my actions were going to help save humanity from itself. - I hope you can

understand what I'm trying to tell you." 



      ".... but then, weren't you chasing a foolish ideal too?" 



      "Well.... I used to believe I could change the way the world worked, and make it better for the

 'have nots' -  yes, there is a place for pure Idealism,   I used to think.. first there was Ramsus... then.. 

the Holy Emperor Cain and myself had hoped to truly liberate humankind. It didn't turn out as we had hoped,

 of course.." ..he fell silent, and a shadow fell across his features. 



     "..to tell the truth, I envy you.." he sounded eerily like Krelian... "Being the Contact, I mean. I've been 

working all my life to gather all the knowledge I could. And I've only just scratched the surface of all 

that this universe has to teach us."



       "but it's not as if I know anything more than you do... actually, I know much less..." 





       " No, no, you know much more than I ever will. You've chosen to push most of it from your mind, that's all. 

We've been taught that Knowledge brings suffering. ... or at least too much at once does. I guess you can 

call it a sort of limiter.." he paused; " ...and you've actually seen the Wave Existence! I'm afraid I won't be 

able to experience anything close to it in a single lifetime." he looked at me. I could sense his stare and sat 

up to meet it. " I'm sorry, I'm talking too much again" he glanced at the sky and laughed somewhat nervously. 

"I must be boring you to death, but let me tell you just one more thing... 

"Fei.. you may think that I was with you all that time only to monitor you, but it really was a great honor to 

help you.. you are a man of great character. You're not just a actor in the drama of this planet, you're a human 

being. ... and I'm sorry for betraying your trust." 



      I was taken aback by his last comments. And not just by his kind words. 

He was absolutely right. It seems over a short period of time I had forgotten almost everything revealed to me 

by the "Existence".. the whole experience was like a dream; and like a dream, it was once vividly alive, and

now only half remembered.



       I must have sat there for a while. My senses were gradually returning to my worn body, and I then 

remembered why I had came here in the first place. 



       "Doc.. sometimes I worry about Yui and Midori.. how are they doing up here all alone? Maybe you all would 

like to return to Shevat?" 



       "What, are you afraid I'm not caring enough for them out here?" I suppose he knew my real reason for coming

here all along.. 



       "Well..." 



       "Really, Fei." He folded his arms and looked genuinely annoyed.

  - I couldn't remember ever seeing him like that! Maybe there's some humanity in the guy after all. 



        I didn't know what I expected when I brought up the subject, but I realized I offended him.

 "I'm sorry, I didn't..." 



       "Fei, your entire fate, even your union with Elly, appears to have been preordianed. If only all of humanity could 

have their love lives so neatly planned out for them, hmm?" the gleam in his eyes told me he wasn't being entirely 

serious. I merely frowned at his semi-sarcastic comment. 

       " ... but you have a point Fei, perhaps I should be a little more passionate about my personal life. Metaphysical 

knowledge isn't everything it's cracked up to be, is it? I believe in my heart that now I truly can be a real husband

 to my wife, and a father to Midori. -and maybe one day we'll go back to Shevat. But I doubt they'll let me bring my 'pile of 

junk', and I don't know if I can part with it!" he brushed away a mock tear, his ever-present smile returned, and he 

even laughed out loud. 

       His voice then became more solemn. "I know it's impossible to forget the past.. but.. If there's the smallest chance,

I'd like you to... to try to think of things as they were before. When we were 'good friends' in Lahan..." 



       " ...Well..."



       Then the kitchen door creaked open. 

       

       "Dad, Fei, breakfast's ready." Midori called us.



       He nodded at his daughter and glanced back at me. "Just forget my last question... I trust you'll be joining us?" 



       "Of course!" I got up from my seat.  "There's no way I'm going to miss Yui's cooking. Eveything Elly cooks

 tastes like Soylent!" I thought I was lightening the mood. Instead Doc frowned at me with distaste. 



       "That's not a kind thing to say about your compliment, Fei. And let's not talk about ... that before a meal." 

'that' was Soylent, of course. I knew he took the issue very seriously - after all, it represented the 'truth' 

about Solaris.. and illustrated Citan's point that reality isn't just what one sees on the outside.





        He spoke again. "You know, perhaps you should help out with meals once in a while." 



        Then I remembered the time Doc helped Yui make dinner. His version of 'soup' tasted more like gear oil than an 

edible substance!

         "errm.. now you're making me turn green!" 



         "...what?" he looked at me quizzically. 



         "Nevermind.  I'm starving!" for the first time that day, a genuine smile crossed my face. 







Maybe I can forgive him.



Maybe this isn't the last time after all.



______________________________________









***** I hope you liked this silly little fic. ^^; Of course, I had high hopes for it starting out, but it didn't quite turn into 

the soul-probing expose I thought it would be (I hope it was at least slightly soul-probing though! ^^). 

Also, I wanted to go more into Midori's story, but that didn't turn out.



 Hmm... If you can come up with a better Xeno fic, I'd LOVE to see it! -Please- mail me with comments or 

contributions!