Fanfiction by Alanna

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By Alanna, alanna@cybernothing.org
http://www.cybernothing.org/~alanna/index.html

"Exodus"

"Let me Take me All over again..."
--Liz & Lisa

     The screams. Oh God the screams. Make them stop, make them stop, make it go away. I can hear them screaming. I can hear the laughter. Home. My home. My only home. I must protect. They have welcomed me. Oh God make the screaming stop. I watch them die. I can stop them. It is kneeling behind me. It is waiting for me. Oh God the flames and the stench. I can save them. I know I have to save them. I have to try. I'm so scared, so scared, so scared.

     A step. Another. I'm running and I don't know why. Doc, where are you? Doc, why do I feel so feverish? Why do I feel like my skin is too small for me? I need to run, I need to run far away from here, run far away and hide under a rock, crawl under my rock and not let me see this. Doc, where are you? Why are you letting this happen? Why can't you keep it safe? Why can't you fix this too?

     The monster waits. It's waiting for me. It's waiting for me to take it. It's waiting to swallow me whole and make me part of it. I need to. I need to stop this. I need to save them.

     Flash. Laugh. Cross swinging back and forth before my eyes. I ... I know it? I've seen it? My body ... I'm nothing but a passenger in my body, just like my body becomes a passenger in the monster. A voice. Instructions. The controls fit my hands. I know what to do and I don't know why. Fingertips on cool plastic. Look, look, they're coming for me. I stand between them and my home. I'm home. I'm finally home. Oh God I'm finally home and they're burning it to the ground. I'm burning, I'm burning up, I can feel myself dissolving, I can feel myself becoming part of it. Part of the burning. Part of the struggle. The struggle, it refuses to end, I knock the other monster down and it rises to mock me. Mock me, I dare you. You will not destroy my home.

     Someone is laughing. I can hear someone laughing but there's no one here but me. And them. They're laughing at me. You will not have him. He is my friend, you can't hurt him. I won't let you. Doc, where are you? Doc, why aren't you fixing this? Why do I have to do it? Why do I know how to do it? A button. A display. Fingertips and palm against metal and plastic. It's coming rushing into me from someplace I've never been. Oh God the laughter Oh God the screams. Oh God he's dying.

     Oh God I'm dying Oh God take me with you Oh God don't leave me here alone again. Flash. Laugh. Burning Oh God it's burning I'm burning home is burning it's all burning down and it's taking me with it and I can't ever find me again and my heart is singing to me. I want to save this. I want to destroy this I want to destroy them I want to save them I want to save it all. I understand. I understand. I understand God I understand God I want to run God I want this to stop God make it go away and not happen. God. God. God. take me God take me away and take it all back I don't want it anymore I don't want it I don't want this I don't want I don't I this is not me

     Flash. Laugh. Cross swinging. my eyes go white, blessed white and the screams pierce my skin like spears and I am dissolving into nothing

     I am nothing

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