Margot Casuccio, Hamilton, Ont.
My Mom, sisters and I had just had a lovely dinner out, but when we returned to our car, we discovered it wouldn't start. The battery was dead. We opened the hood, even though not one of us knew a thing about cars, and gazed at its incomprehensible innards. A gentleman driving by asked us if he could help.
"It won't start." my mom said. "We left the headlights on."
"Don't worry," he replied, "I have booster cables. What side is the battery on?"
We all turned back to the engine and tried desparately to locate the battery. Not wanting to admit defeat, Mom ventured: "It doesn't have a battery. It runs on gas."

Olga Hymers, Quesnel, B.C.
In our new home, we shared a water system with Bob, our next-door neighbour. Occasionally he needed access to the pumping machinery, which was located in our basement. Amid the hubbub of our move, he came over to work on the pump. Several more unscheduled visits coincided with chaos in our house: a return from a camping trip, the day after our children had had a party. It seemed a conspiracy for Bob to vist when the house was a mess, and I dreaded to hear the kids call "Mom, it's Bob from next door."
One day the kids all pitched in and we did our spring cleaning. I didn't realize how much I had complained about the pump situation until my husband arrived home from work, looked around and said: "Honey, it looks great in here. Do you want me to go next door and and get Bob?"

When a Royal Air Force airship was crossing the Atlantic in 1913, it suddenly sprang a leak. The resourceful crew members quickly chewed several packs of gum and used it to patch up their ship.

When dogs leap onto your bed, it's because they adore being with you.
When cats leap onto your bed, it's because they adore your bed.

Scott Dinel, astorville, Ont.
A neighbour who had gone "on-line" with the Internet asked my mother if she had found her way to the information highway yet. Mom, who was just learning this new technology, replied, "I'm still looking for the on-ramp, dear."

Kaye Garner, Brooks, Alta.
Three weeks after our daughter was born, my husband was transfered. We drove the 200 kilometers in our new car to Innisfail, Alta., and when we arrived, our landlord was waiting for us. After we concluded our arrangements and I was back standing by the car holding my baby, the landlord said, "She looks pretty new."
"Yes," I said, glancing at my sleeping daughter, "She's three weeks old."
Then he continued, "What kind of gas mileage does she get?"

Lisa Hubers, Sunderland, Ont.
The day before our annual family golf tournament, my sister-in-law asked if I'd be playing. "No, golf's just not my game. In fact, I hate it." I said.
"Oh, come on," she urged. "You just have to come. If you don't, I'll be the worst one out there!"

Among the trees, one can feel his distractions fade. The therapy of the outdoors heals the scars of life. When frustrations multiply and weariness comes, a walk amid the woodland aisles can recharge the spirit.

Victory is certain if we have the courage to believe and the strength to run our own race

Whenever you're trying hard, you're never failing. The only failure is failing to try.

Baseball: Sport in which men who have rested all winter need weeks of spring training for
              a summer of playing games.

In the only known instance of a book's title predicting its fate, the first printing of John Steinbeck's "The Wayward Bus" was destroyed when the truck transporting the books from the bindery crashed in flames. The truck had been hit by a bus that had been travelling down the wrong side of the road.

If you never budge, don't expect a push.

Memory is a complicated thing, a relative to truth but not it's twin.

After hearing a bullfighter expound on his art for more than an hour, a listener said, "He must be the only matador in history who was awarded the tongue."

Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.

Did you hear about the hi-tech ventriloquist? He can throw his voice mail.

An American tourist entered a store in Prince George, B.C., where he said to a clerk that he was disappointed he hadn't seen a Mountie, and he asked how he could get to see one. The owner of the store responded, "Try doing 70 kilometers/hr in a 30 kilometer zone".