I want to take some courses and write a book, but until then, here is my humble attempt to write some of my memories, bear with me please and please receive this story with your heart and hold it with respect.

It has been a life changing event for me and if, in any small way, my sharing this true life story can brighten your journey, give you hope, support you in your personal struggles, or hopefully just reassure you, that no matter what you are going through, you are loved & you are never alone.

My husband was diagnosed with cancer in June 1999, the same month that my step-father passed away from lung cancer.

Ross put up an honorable fight against the disease. The last ten days of his life were spent in a hospital bed that was set up in our dining room. A small table was situated between his bed and the couch (pull-out-bed), where I slept, so I was not far from him.

Ross was coherent and communicative throughout his experience; he shared his experience very clearly and with intelligence.

About 3 days before he died, he made the comment "honey, when it comes to the end of our life, all that matters is our love of God and others, the love we give and receive is all that we leave and take". He said a bit later on......"no I don't want the water, I want coca cola".....I of course thought he was talking to me but the thing was, I wasn't offering him water so I didn't pay much attention to what he was saying as it seemed uneventful.

The atmosphere in our home was holy, honestly, it was sacred. I don't know how to describe the feeling of awareness that I was experiencing during this time ...it totally surrounded our home and us, it was like being in a bubble, protected from everything of non-importance.....it was sweet, peaceful, gentle, comforting, light, and divine. Another thing I was very aware of was that time seemed to be unimportant. I realized that most people live life as if it's on "fast speed" and for those 10 days....time was set to "no rush speed"...which is much more relaxed, slower and simple, the worldly pressures were unimportant and had no effect upon us.

There is so much more to this story, but I want to take you to the very last day of his life.

In that holy experience and under sacred protection, around 3am the atmosphere suddenly took on a different mood ...for the one and only time fear joined the journey.... it got scary, dark and I knew I needed assistance. You see.....Everyday during those 10 days, for whatever reason, Ross would want to have our intimate talks around 3am in the mornings, but on August 10th, it took a different tone, and I called a dear friend to come and assist me.

After we anointed Ross and each of us and said a prayer, things settled down, all darkness and fear left and Ross went into a dialogue with someone invisible....remember....I explained that he was vocal, verbal and communicative, so his conversations were clear and understandable, but this conversation started a bit different.

He said....."No, I don't want the water.......I ASKED FOR MY LIFE BACK......and now you're offering me water? ......I want coca cola"......then he went into dialogue....body language, expressions made it very evident.

I knew intuitively that I wasn't supposed to over hear the remainder of Ross' part of the conversation.....so I moved myself over to the living room patio door and stared outside,.... the morning had been breaking, it was a very hot summer that year.

I know this is going to sound "off the wall" however, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Jesus Christ (Yeshua Messiah) was conversing with Ross. How do I know that, you might ask? Well, it states in the Bible that there is only one who can give "waters of life" which is found at John 4:13

13 Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

So I knew this conversation was a very important one. I waited patiently. I couldn't help but feel, that Jesus would look over in my direction and send me thoughts of loving kindness, I felt loved.

After about 45 minutes, Ross had settled into a quiet, reflective manner. I went to him, took his hand, stroked his forehead and whispered to him that I was beside him. His eyes were closed, he was at peace.

The hospital bed was situated in such a way that he was facing the stairwell. He opened his eyes....in the most strong, clear, yet HUMBLE, respectful manner....he said...."please, give me the water.".....and when he said that.....his eyes opened fully...wide....and oh my....I have NEVER seen the MOST BEAUTIFUL BLUE that his eyes had shone....he had blue eyes...but somehow....this blue is incredible, words can't describe.....and as he was looking up the stairwell....he was taking in a long deep breath.... as his smile was increasing....I have never...ever....seen pure ecstasy as I saw on his face....it was divine...it was holy...it was powerful....I wish you could see the memory through me!!!

As he drew in his breath, his smile kept increasing and JOY radiated from him and as he let his breath out......he was gone.....I stroked his head....as I did...his body shimmied. August 10, 2001 at 7:40am....my husband let out his last breath and he was gone....he died with a huge, peaceful smile on his face.

A time of quiet reflecting and reverence began for those of us closest to Ross. As the daily mail was dropped into the house through the mail slot, I heard and felt a large POP and in a flash.... I was in "high speed" time again and the holy, sacred protective presence bubble was dissipated and exhaustion, shock and grief set in.

I believe there was more dignity in that man during those last ten days of his life. He let go of all of his walls and during that time of our relationship ....LOVE on various levels was exchanged between us. I'm a blessed woman!

Please forgive me if this comes across as "preaching", really this is not my intention, please just "take what you like and leave the rest", don't be offended or threatened by my opinions, please.

Now, here's my take on it.....We weren't "religious" folks but we definitely believed in God our Creator and his Only Begotten Son, Jesus Christ (Yeshua).

I honestly have no physical proof, but out of that whole experience, base upon what I saw, felt, heard & sensed, I believe that Jesus had come to visit and speak with Ross at least those 2 occasions that the subject of "water" had come up.

I believe that Jesus gives us the opportunity to ask questions, to have deep conversation with him, even to debate with him. Also, that there is never any "pressure or condemnation" put upon us when we are being given an opportunity for receiving Jesus as our Lord & Savior based upon the sacrifice of his perfect, sinless life that He gave as our ransome to pay for our huge debt of sin, that each person commits.

Don't be afraid to give of yourself completely, for your loved ones.....walk through the fear and beyond the ego and just BE....just love for the sake of loving.....love given or received....is all that matters....even if it's not returned to you in the manner that you give it.....regardless.....you are not responsible for accounting for others....their choices are theirs to account for.....allow everyone the dignity to walk their own walk.

Some times we have to let go of those who we love....whether they leave us in death or just plain move away and out of our lives....find the place where forgiveness gives you freedom and them too (this is a hard one, I know, I am still learning this lesson).

Ultimately, I hope and believe in this promise given to us, Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Life isn't all sunshine, all happy, all goodness, all needs being met, all easy.....life is life....the positive, the negative.....the light, the dark.....the joy, the pain......the love, the hate.....the loyalty, the betrayal.....there seems to be a balance of everything, or a harmony, and when I embrace EVERYTHING in the loving neutrality of it, I am able to find peace. My purpose is trust in God and I know I fail at that often. God please forgive me. Thank you Heavenly Father for making it possible for me to have hope & faith not based upon me, but based upon the merit of Jesus Christ and his faithfulness & love for you God and for all of creation.

Ephesians 2: 1-10 As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, 2 in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. 3 All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh[a] and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. 4 But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, 5 made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. 6 And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, 7 in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. 8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. 10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

In all of my humanity.....I'm learning that God loves me and His desire is for deep meaning relationships with all his children.

God bless you, the reader....I hope, by sharing this....you find comfort and know that God never leaves or forsakes us, as you trudge the road to happy destiny.

Genesis 28:15 " I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.”

LOVE NEVER DIES - ONLY LOVE IS REAL.

We all have our stories, and this is a small part of my actual life story.

I share this as a way to express experience, hope and strength. I don't need or want pity or praise.

I am a blessed woman!

~ Debra

This song by Sade - "By Your Side" found here https://youtu.be/mKCWHUudnmY?si=6QbENOsHx-Dr1Z64 - got me through some of the deepest moments of grief.

This song by ElizaBeth Hill - "I Will Always Be Your Friend" found here http://www.reverbnation.com/play_now/song_19824089

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