My family was not religious, so growing up I wasn't sure what to say when
the other kids would ask me what "denomination" my family was. We never went
to a church, so I had no idea. I assume that I asked my mom at around age 10
what denomination we were, and I believe she said we were Presbyterians. I
say "I think" and "I assume" because I don't remember such a conversation
but I know that for some reason I grew up thinking that we were
Presbyterians. Or, at least, that's the answer I gave whenever someone asked
me what denomination I was. It was better than saying "I don't have one" and
getting dragged into a subject that I knew nothing about. I viewed some of
my friends' religious rituals (cathechism, or whatever it is) as something
that I knew nothing about and didn't want to know about -- something that I
was glad to not have to go through. When other kids complained about having
to be dragged to church, I was glad that I had parents who didn't force a
religion upon their unwilling children.
In a post some weeks (or has it been months?) ago, I mentioned how, in 1991,
I had been walking around my town, feeling lonely, and passed a church and
thought, "Gee, if I went in there, I'd suddenly have a lot of friends." But
then I felt that I'd have to believe what they did, and I couldn't do that.
So,I kept walking. (Of course, it never occured to me to just go in and get
some info. It's not like I wasn't sympathetic to Christianity. But since I
had no prior experience of having gone in a church before, the idea was
unthinkable. I recently mentioned to a friend that I felt a little
intimidated at the idea of going to a church, who had been dragged to church
in his youth, though no longer a believer apparently, and my friend seemed
not to understand my feeling of intimidation.) The church that I walked past
in 1991, it turns out, was a Presbyterian church. I think now that perhaps
the fact that it was a Presbyterian church was why I even noticed it. I must
have seen the word "Presbyterian" on the sign and thought, "Hey, isn't that
what denomination I always said I was?"
There is an attractive-looking Lutheran (Missouri-Synod) church near where I
live now. I remember one time, a year or two ago, they had little white
crosses on the grass, as a temporary reminder of aborted fetuses (or, as
they saw it, murdered babies). It's right next to the field of an elementary
school, and it looks really pleasant from the outside. For about a week or
two, I thought about going into that church and seeing if I could pick up
some pamphlets or something to learn more about it. But like I said, I was
intimidated. But 2 days ago, I had some free time before work, so I decided
to go get some pamphlets there. I walked past the church once, being a
coward. Then after a bit I decided to turn around and see if I had nerve
enough to go inside on the return pass. After all, I'd never been inside a
church before by myself. I had no idea what it might be like inside, except
for what I have seen in movies and TV. In the back of my mind, I was
thinking that maybe I didn't need a church and that I would just be better
off continuing to read my Bible by myself or praying to God in the park.
(Yes, the park across the street has been the place where I'll occasionally
go and sit on a picnic table and look at the trees and just "be still" and
think to God. It's really too bad that the park is so UGLY, probably the
ugliest park I've ever seen, with the ground all kind of ripped up for some
reason with big patches where grass won't grow. One time, after praying for
myself and others, I noticed that ugly ground and prayed that God could give
the park some more grass! Yesterday I went there -- sitting at the picnic
table, trying to ignore the obscene graffiti on it -- where I finished
reading "Luke.")
So, I went in the Lutheran church, and was surprised that there was a big
corridor upon entering and nobody around, not even at the desk. There were
sounds of kids playing somewhere, since there is an elementary school at the
church. There were lots of pamphlets near the door and around the desk at
the end of the corridor. A lady walked by and went into a room that looked
like a bookstore. There was a map of the church there, and I was surprised
to see phrases like "Computer Room," "Music Room," "Library," "Gym." Nobody
said anything to me, so I left with some pamphlets and walked home with a
different attitude, thinking that I had been missing out by being afraid,
and that it seemed kinda fun there. I wondered why I hadn't gone in there
before!
Well, I looked over some of the info and noticed that there was some stuff
about Communion and rituals that I don't really know much about. They had a
"Worship Service" and then a "Worship Service w/Communion," and only people
who had been baptised and some other things could participate. They also
said that people who wanted to become members had to take some various
classes that they offered. I went to the Lutheran website to find out some
more info about what Lutherans believe. Here is a page I found listing their
beliefs about various social issues. The entry for the death penalty, for
example, shows that they believe that government has a God-given right to
take human lives, although they acknowledge that "Individuals within the
LCMS may, for various valid reasons, object to the usefulness and fairness
of the death penalty as it is being used...." As someone who does not, has
not, and will never drink alchoholic beverages, I was interested to note in
one of the pamphlets that they offered the choice of drinking a
non-alcoholic wine "for those who are under a physician's care or are
allergic to alcohol." (No mention of not wanting to consume alcohol for
moral reasons.) On the denomination's website, their complete statement on
the subject is "The Bible nowhere condemns the proper and responsible use
(consumption) of alcoholic beverages, and neither does The Lutheran
Church--Missouri Synod. Scripture does warn strongly and repeatedly against
the abuse, misuse and excessive use of alcoholic beverages, and the Missouri
Synod has also repeatedly warned against such dangers."
On the subject of abortion, they believe it is immoral except in cases where
it is necessary to save the woman's life. Judging by this page, Lutherans
have been active in the pro-life movement. A 1992 LCMS Resoultion states
that members should "seek out all opportunities for extending the fullest
protection of law for all human life from the time of conception until
natural death." Personally, I am not passionate about the subject of
abortion, but I don't believe in overturning Roe V. Wade.
On the plus side, I noted with approval the page where they say that the
answer is "Maybe" as to whether animals will be in heaven.
I know what someone might say to all this: "Hey, you make it sound like
these things are more important to you than finding God. Is gay rights
[which I'm in favor of] more important than salvation through Jesus?" [to
which I answer, no, I agree, salvation is more important] or "I don't agree
with some positions my denomination takes, but I stick with that
denomination because I believe in it overall." (Which I can understand. On
NPR some weeks back, I recall hearing an interview with a Catholic priest,
or something like that -- I have no idea what the difference is between a
priest, pastor, Father, or Reverend, by the way... Cei-U was right to call
me ignorant -- who had been working with gay people and apparently wasn't
being hard-line enough with him for the Catholic church and they told him to
stop, and so he did so. Even though he believed the church was wrong on that
matter, he believed strongly overall in the Catholic church.
Well, my answer is that right now my only reason for even looking into going
to a church is that I think it might help my relationship with God. (That,
and everything I've read said that one of the 3 or 4 things one must do upon
accepting Christ is find a church and attend it regularly.) Can I really be
a Christian without having a church? I think so. But I want to see what it's
about anyway.
I think that if I disagree with the official positions of the denomination,
I'm not gonna be happy. It's not gonna feel like me. It'll feel like... like
going to be with the shallow middle-class phonies that I thought were the
only ones who went to church anyway. (Insert image here of hypocritical
parent dragging their kid to church.) I think that it should feel a little
bit like me, shouldn't it? And when I thought about that, I couldn't imagine
myself being a "Lutheran," just like I could never imagine myself as a
"Catholic," or a "Baptist," or whatever. Those don't sound like me. What
sounds like me?
And then I remembered that I had said all my life, if anyone asked, that I
was a Presbyterian. Sure, I had no idea what being a Presbyterian
means...and only know a little more after viewing a webpage for the
Presbyterian (US). I looked to see what they thought about drinking alcohol.
They explained that their denomination is "a union of several predecessor
denominations" with "different histories on the issue of alcohol use." One
of those denominations was "a temperance church--advocating total
abstinence." In 1986, the Presbyterian (US) General Assembly said that
"Abstention [from drinking] in all situations should be supported and
encouraged. Moderate drinking in low-risk situations should not be opposed."
The first statement is one that I very much agree with.
On the subject of abortion, I was amazed to learn that the Presbyterian
church does not believe abortion should be illegal. In 1970 the church
stated that "the artificial or induced termination of pregnancy is a matter
of the careful ethical decision of the patient, . . . and therefore should
not be restricted by law." In 1992, the church recognized that there was
diverse opinion about the matter among its members, and felt that abortion
should be the option of last resort, but that "No law or administrative
decision should provide for a complete ban on abortion. No law or
administrative decision should (1) limit access to abortions; (2) limit
information and counseling concerning abortions; or (3) limit or prohibit
public funding for necessary abortions for the socially and economically
disadvantaged." Wow! Reading that page about the church's position on
abortion, I was amazed to see that I agreed completely with it. And yet, for
the past 10 years, I've been under the impression that Christians are
supposed to be "pro-lifers." In fact, it seemed like a basic assumption...if
one were a "true Christian," one must be right-wing and "pro-life." In fact,
that was one of the main reasons that Christianity wasn't attractive to me.
And yet, now I read that the Presbyterian church (US) (not sure how other
Presbyterians are....such as Presbyterians of America) is pro-choice, and
has been pro-choice since 1970, the year of my birth!
I am not strongly opposed to capital punishment, but I'm not exactly in
favor of it either. I'd always noted that when enlightened, futuristic
societies were portrayed in fiction, they were likely to have done away with
the death penalty. (Superman's planet Krypton, for example, used the Phantom
Zone instead of murdering criminals.) It's like we know which way we ought
to be, if this were a utopia, but that we are too weak to practice the
enlightened way that we somehow know is right. The Presbyterian page on the
death penalty shows that the church has opposed it since 1959, and has
worked to prevent future use of the death penalty through state and federal
laws. On the matter of gun control, the church has supported it for 30
years, and in 1998 stated that Presbyterians should "work toward removing
handguns and assault weapons from our homes and our communities." Wow,
sanity!! I wonder how other denominations feel about the subject of gun
control, particularly in light of the sickening gun violence against
believers this year?
Finally, there is the matter of gay rights. I feared the church was going to
let me down on this one. Well, they didn't. Although they don't allow
same-sex marriages in the church, and that "self-affirming, practicing
homosexual persons may not be ordained as ministers of the Word and
Sacrament, elders, or deacons," I was nonetheless pleased to see that the
church seemed to respect gay people more than what I'm used to hearing from
Christians.
Regarding the church's preventing practicing gays from being ministers, the
page says, "there have been regular attempts to 'soften' or remove this
wording ...These attempts have been met with requests to continue discussion
and dialogue, rather than forcing a confrontation." A page here shows that
there was honest debate about the matter in the church, not the
close-mindedness that I imagined there would be.
The church also states that "there is no legal, social, or moral
justification for denying homosexual persons access to the basic
requirements of human social existence" and called "for the elimination of
laws governing the private sexual behavior between consenting adults [and
the passage] of laws forbidding discrimination based on sexual orientation
in employment, housing, and public accommodations."
Further, the church stated "Persons who manifest homosexual behavior must be
treated with the profound respect and pastoral tenderness due all people of
God. There can be no place within the Christian faith for the response to
homosexual persons of mingled contempt, hatred, and fear that is called
homophobia. Homosexual persons are encompassed by the searching love of
Christ. The church must turn from its fear and hatred to move toward the
homosexual community in love and to welcome homosexual inquirers to its
congregations. It should free them to be candid about their identity and
convictions, and it should also share honestly and humbly with them in
seeking the vision of God's intention for the sexual dimensions of their
lives." Amen!!
It's kinda funny that I should really feel so right about the things I read
on that Presbyterian U.S. webpage. Because, like I said, I couldn't imagine
myself being any Christian denomination -- except for Presbyterian because
I'd grown up having said I was one. It feels right. There is apparently a
Presbyterian U.S. church a mile or two from where I live. I plan on checking
it out next week -- at least, getting some pamphlets and see what it's like.
I feel that this time around, I won't be so intimidated, and I trust and
hope that I'll be able to walk right into the place and not chicken out...
because the denomination feels right to me, and since I found that my
intimidation was reduced after having gone into the Lutheran church.
I'm not really sure on what the worshipping is like there, though. Reading
the Lutheran materials, it almost sounded like the Catholic church to me
(what little I know about it, which is next to nothing other than I've heard
there's a lot of ritual involved) what with the Communion thing and the
"confessing" thing (whatever that's about). The Lutheran site I linked at
the top had a page about the immorality of masturbation....Is that the kind
of thing someone would have to confess to a church official?? Yeesh!! (Or,
as my sister put it, "Doesn't God give somebody a zone of privacy, like when
they use the bathroom?")
Ah well, it will be interesting to see how this all turns out. I don't know
what denomination I am really. A year ago, I wouldn't have thought I'd be a
Christian today, and it feels natural to me now, so who can say. (Or as Miss
Angie sings, "You don't know which way the wind blows, so how can you plan
tomorrow?")