Progress
of Another Pilgrim
May 31, 1998
The Seeker
As I sit here, a window
frames a view of tree tops against the sky, being vigorously exercised
by the wind. They declare the Glory of God by bowing and clapping
their hands. Likewise, I would yield before the Spirit, Who is surely
Exercising us. All thanks and praise to The Most High God!
He Speaks so through the website! I believe He speaks of intercession,
this time through jesusgh.htm and Moonlight Sonata.
Last week I asked if the music
had been changed, because it suddenly sounded with a clarity I had not
heard before. You responded that it had not been touched. Throughout
the week, He has had me give special attention to the site, being aware
and noting how it sounds at various times--not a scientific research study,
but a now-and-then, at-His-bidding, "try this" or "check that", with an
awareness of following His Direction and sensing His silent Observation.
What He has led me to realize
is that only if that page is opened early in my travels will the music
sound with a clarity that stirs deeply in my innermost being, quieting
the wild beasts of my human nature and locking in a single-eyed gaze upon
Him. If I view the website sequentially from start to finish, by
the time I arrive at that page, it sounds like a piano with the sustain
pedal held down so that all the notes blend together with a darkness befitting
Gethsemane, but none of the quieting and focusing effect. Until last
weekend, I did not know that was not the way it was Sent--not a clue, so
I assumed it was Intended.
This is symbolic to me of my
intuitive perception, which naturally "picks up" spiritual nuances, but
holds them all together in a cacophony of voices. Thus THE HOLY is
contaminated and, leaning to my own presumptive, assumptive, severely limited
understanding, now that I cannot not clearly hear, I am greatly confused
and often disquieted. Compounded by excitement of spirit (which I
have called overstimulation), I am caught up in vain interpretations and
imaginations, totally unaware of my true state until I "crash and burn".
It is by God's mercy that, until recently, this has been a private experience.
I believe He is focusing HIS Attention on this issue with me, and the "Harness
of the Lord" takes on a whole new (to me) dimension. mtsthelens.htm
remained steadily open on my desktop yesterday until the computer was shutdown,
drawing me repeatedly into a deep and settled place of spirit.
This pertains not only to spiritual
warfare within myself, but also that as we accompany Him at His returning.
I have asked Him to teach me TO pray, and also HOW TO pray. We have
shared prayer requests via e-mail in a way not possible before, and He
has directed my attention to the nature of the requests, the varied responses,
and, when clearly given, HIS RESPONSES.
* * *
F., at this point in writing,
I felt to look at the e-mail messages that had come in. As I began
to answer "your" question, there was a sudden heightened awareness--feels
like fear?--that made me seek His extraction of the answer to respond from
the heart in purity of spirit. I am in tears, shaking, undone.
Perhaps it helps me finish this...
I awake each morning to a view
of the picture entitled "For Us", the one of Christ praying that is comprised
of the words of the book of John (the Word made flesh!). He is in
communion with the Father. That is how He sees what the Father is
doing.
My awaking moments are usually
the clearest (and sometimes the only clarity all day), but not so this
morning. As I looked at the picture, it was like the blended version
of Moonlight Sonata--my being immersed in a cacophony of spirits, and I
unable to focus despite my
most diligent effort. It was through the website--
jesusgh.htm and "My God and
I"[mtsthelens.htm]--that focus finally came and I could begin to write
this...
* * *
I believe He is Calling us
to HOLINESS OF INTERCESSION. There has been an Intensity about last
weekend's burden for our nation's children and this weekend's closer-to-home
situation that has literally yanked me into a spiritual drama. Your
messages to H. Friday night
were the voice of Him Who comes, riding a white horse, Faithful and True,
the Word of God. His Call to us to join Him mobilized me. How
grateful I was for the Holy Spirit's modeling of prayer. But how
difficult I found it to form my own without asking Him to do what He already
accomplished at Calvary and without losing the focus on HIM ALONE!
To declare HIS Victory, to praise HIM, to thank Him, see what HE is doing--instead
of looking at the human element. To SEE from HIS PERSPECTIVE!
I could see His Banner before me, but, my God! how I yearned to accompany
Him in Holiness in the midst of a throng of holy warriors!
MY GOD, ALL PRAISE TO THEE
WHO ART HOLY LOVE! THOU DOST
INDEED COME WITH A MULTITUDE
OF THY SAINTS! THOU DOST DESIRE TO COME IN US! MAY WE TRULY
DESIRE TO COME TO AND WITH THEE! HALLELUJAH!
i bow.
B.
