[DAVY just told the guys about the fib he told his grandfather.]
MIKE:  "You didn't tell him that!?"
DAVY:  "What are we going to do?"
MICKY:  "What do you mean 'what we're going to do'?  It's your problem!!"
DAVY:  "If he finds out that I'm not a success he's going 
to take me back to England!  I'll have to leave the group!"
MICKY:  "That's what I said, 'what are we going to do?'"

[MICKY is examining a Rolls Royce, obviously not his.]
ROLLS OWNER:  "Young man?!"
MICKY:  "Sir, I've been just examining your car!  Do you drive it often?"
ROLLS OWNER:  "Don't drive it, just polish it!!"
MICKY:  "Oh, sir, a Rolls is like a champion athlete!!  You've got to keep it shape!!"
ROLLS OWNER:  "My car is in perfect condition!!"
MICKY:  "Oh, really!?!

[MIKE is looking for a way to dress up as a chef for Davy.  He just inquired about the HELP WANTED sign at an Italian restuarant.]
RESTAURANT OWNER:  "You make a good-a spaghetti, eh?"
MIKE:  "Oh, man, you wouldn't believe the kind of spaghetti I could make!!"
RESTAURANT OWNER:  "Good, good!!  Come on, come on!!

[DAVY is quizzing the others on how to act in their respective roles.]
DAVY:  "Micky, as my chauffeur how would you help a lady into the back seat of a car?"
MICKY:  "As quick as I can!"
DAVY:  "Mike, as my personal chef what will be your three main dishes?"
MIKE:  "Well, ah we'll start off with, with a vichyssoise and we'll move 
unto a, a, a ChateauBrigand, and then we go into a chocolate mouse!"
DAVY:  "You can't cook those dishes!"
MIKE:  "Yeah, I know. I can't say 'em either."
DAVY:  "Peter, as my devoted houseboy what will be your main functions?"
PETER:  "I am born to serve my master, and live only to perform his bidding!"
DAVY:  "Right!!  Now get me my comb!!"
PETER:  "Get it yourself!!!"

[DAVY and his GRANDFATHER are waiting for Micky to bring the Rolls Royce around to the front of the airport.]
GRANDFATHER:  "Well, you look very well, I must say!! 
You seem to be thriving out here in the colonies!!"
DAVY:  "Yes, I have been rather fortunate!!"
TEXAN "TOURIST":  "Hey, are you Davy Jones?"
DAVY:  "Yes!!  (to GRANDFATHER) My public."
TEXAN:  "Can I have your autograph?"
DAVY:  "Yes, you can!"
TEXAN:  "Mr. Jones, I just want to tell you that my family 
sleeps a little better every night knowin' that you're 
out there singin'.  You're a great person!"
DAVY:  "Thank you!"
TEXAN:  "It's wonderful to have you--"
DAVY:  "Thank you!!"
TEXAN:  "Peter's next!
DAVY:  "Okay!"

OLD LADY:  "Excuse me, I'm one of your biggest fans!  Sign this, whoever you are!"
DAVY:  "You look great!!"
OLD LADY:  "You don't look so bad yourself!"
DAVY:  "Fantastic!!"
OLD LADY:  "Watch your hands, sonny!"
DAVY:  "What a performance!!"
OLD LADY:  "Look, I don't want a review, just an autograph!!"
DAVY:  "You're too much!!"
OLD LADY:  "Ooh!!"
GRANDFATHER:  "But Davy, she's not a young lady!!"
OLD LADY:  "You're no chicken yourself, Charlie!!"

[A charming dinner at the Jones' beach house...]
GRANDFATHER:  "Oh, that looks very good!!"
CHEF MIKE (serving "dinner"):  "Oh, merci, señor!!  (to DAVY) *Listen, we made--*"
DAVY:  "Just serve it, my good man!!  I'm starved!!"
CHEF MIKE:  "*But--*"
DAVY:  "That would be all!!  Thank you very much!"

[DAVY just found out his serving isn't traditional.]
PETER (whispering):  "We could only afford one serving!!  Yours is rubber!!"
DAVY (whispering):  "But I'm starved!!"
PETER:  (SHRUG)
DAVY (whispering):  "Is the fruit rubber?!?"
PETER (whispering)<: "No!!!"
DAVY:  (CRUNCH)
PETER (whispering):  "It's plastic!!"

[The dinner has been crashed by an irate, half-naked man.]
HALF NEKKID MESSENGER (to MICKY):  "Hey, goldilocks, give me back my suit!!"
GRANDFATHER:  "Who is this?!?"
DAVY:  "Oh, just some nut trying to start a nudist colony!!"
PETER:  "Someone knock, sir?"
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
DAVY (to PETER):  "Forget it!!"
PETER:  "Got to be polite!!"
ROLLS OWNER:  "I've come about my Rolls!!"
PETER:  "Uh, the bakery's next door!!"

[MESSENGER starts to get into DAVY's and his GRANDFATHER's face.]
HALF NEKKID MESSENGER:  "You going to sign for this wire?!? 
Somebody's got to sign for this wire!!!"
DAVY:  "Just a pushy electrician!!"
GRANDFATHER:  "I thought you said he was a nudist!?!"

[After all it was said and done, Davy has to go back to England.]
MIKE:  "You want to know something?  Davy did this whole thing for you!
I mean he wanted you to just be proud of him!!  He wanted you 
to think he was a success!!"
GRANDFATHER:  "Davy needs a family!!  He just can't go on frittering his life away!!"
MIKE:  "Oh, man, be honest!!  It's you!!  You're not thinking of Davy at all!
You want him back because you miss him ... you want him back because you need him!!!"
GRANDFATHER:  "No, that's not true!!  I've got a duty ... to guide him!!"
MIKE:  "Sure."

MICKY:  "Ah, he'll be okay."
MIKE:  "Sure he will."
PETER:  "He's better off without us!!"
MIKE(SOBBING):  "Oh, this is ridiculous!!  What time does the plane leave?"
MICKY(SOBBING):  "Less than an hour!!"
MIKE:  "Well, well ... he just may never make that plane!!!"

[GRANDFATHER arrived at the airport and is checking in the luggage.  Davy is heading towards the plane ahead of him.]
MICKY:  "Is this your luggage, sir?"
GRANDFATHER:  "Aye!!"
MICKY:  "Oh, you seem to be ten pounds underweight!!"
GRANDFATHER:  "Oh is underweight a problem?"
MICKY:  "Oh, my, yes, yes!!  Take a lot of starchy foods, potatoes, 
chocolate milk that sort of things."
GRANDFATHER:  "Well, you have forgotten this bag!!"
MICKY:  "Oh, you seem to be ten pounds overweight!!  Don't worry I'll fix that!!  
Yes, here we are!!  Take care of that right away for you!  Here you see!!"
GRANDFATHER:  "But I need all those things!!"
MICKY:  "Oh, dear me, of course how stupid of me!!  Take those garments here.
Take those on the plane, and don't let the stewardess see you, ha-ha!!"

DAVY:  "Where you've been?  I thought you'd miss the plane!!"
GRANDFATHER:  "You men, step over here, will you please!!  Oh, I won't miss the plane, 
but you will!!  Eh, you lads will set back the aircraft industry a generation!!"
MICKY:  "Our disguises didn't work, huh?"
GRANDFATHER:  "Davy, you've got three loyal friends here, 
I know I can leave you safely in their hands!"
DAVY:  "You're going to have a long and lonely trip back."
GRANDFATHER:  "Oh, not necessarily!! (to OLD WOMAN) That's my grandson and 
that's his staff.  He's quite a star, you know!!  Oh, he's doing very well, yes, he drives a Rolls!!"