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How Well is Your Stalkee?
1. You'd sure like to pat him on the back but:
a. a phlegm glob might fly out.
b. he'd think you were horse-playing and wrestle you to the ground.
c. you'd hate to get a nasty shock from his brace.2. It's been said that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Maybe so, but how do you cook for a guy who:
a. lives on Cybertrim and Powerbars.
b. is missing 85% of his stomach due to numerous ulcer surgeries.
c. has a daily caloric intake of 423. No more. No less.3. The best part about following him is his distinctive tracks:
a. left by his new pair of Tevas. (I hate to overexplain, but not everyone is from the N.W. Tevas are those homely outdoorsy sandals worn and loved by men and women alike.)
b. caused by extreme pigeon-toe.
c. that his wheelchair makes when burning rubber to steer clear of you.4. You thought you caught him smiling at you:
a. but he was only doing that grinning thing that babies do when they're filling their pants.
b. unfortunately it was just one of his many tics acting up.
c. and he was. He smiles at everyone. Didn't you know that it only takes 13 muscles to grin and 60 to frown?5. He stumbles across 10 bucks on the ground and:
a. goes wild trying new over the counter pain killers. Are Aleve and Orudis really more effective than good old fashioned Tylenol?
b. leaves it be. Why some poor sap of the thrill?
c. immediately deposits it into his savings account. There's no telling when a medical emergency could strike.
scoring
1. a=3, b=5, c=1
2. a=5, b=1, c=3
3. a=5, b=3, c=1
4. a=1, b=3, c=5
5. a=3, b=5, c=1
5-11 sick as a dog
You're really in for it with this fella. I'll admit it's nice to be needed, but administering daily insulin shots and dressing wounds that refuse to heal can take a little getting used to. On the up side, he probably won't have the strength or the will to get away from you or even turn you down. They're not only an easy target, but they'll bring out that caring side of you everyone loves to see. Undivided attention is wonderful. Unfortunately, you'll be lucky to ever get them out of the house, let alone their fuzzy pajamas.
12-18 not up to snuff
You've got a good bet here. This guy's sickly enough, but is still in possesion of all his limbs (and hey, that's always a plus). He's a pleasant blend of contradictions. Simultaneously he's self-sufficient and pitifully inept. Feeding himself isn't a problem, but he'd never object to a helping hand. Mentally, he could be a little shaky, but he's stable enough to lend to some colorful conversation. He's got a life outside of the confines of his sick bed, but due to his attention starved nature he'll remain just dependent enough to keep you coming back for more.
19-25 fit as a fiddle
Hale and hearty, this lot. You shouldn't even be wasting your time on this quiz--as we speak, they're out conquering the world. They're always on the go and it's not easy to keep up. You just may have to take up step aerobics and overcome your fear of jet skis if you want to get close to them. It's easy to see how you could get swept away by a guy like this. Enthusiam is almost as contagious as whooping cough. But so rarely is there any more to these live-wires than meets the eye. They tend to be lacking any sort of inner substance. In no time flat you'll be longing for the solitary days spent sleeping til noon and eating cool whip straight out of the container.
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