| Dear Parent(s), | Date: ___________ |
I am too busy to write, but this checklist covers most of the topics of interest to both of us.
Please send:
| __ Money (Cash)! | Amount: ___________ | |||||
| __ Food (Cookies)! | Dozens: ___________ | |||||
| __ Clean clothes! |
Relationships:
| __ What? |
| __ I am in love with myself |
| __ I am in love |
| __ I am engaged |
| __ I got married last weekend |
My Roommate:
| __ Worships the ground I walk on |
| __ Gave me a black eye |
| __ Committed suicide and left a note saying I was the reason |
| __ Is afraid of the dark and wants to sleep with me in my bed ??? |
| __ Has fleas |
My Professors are:
| __ Sadistic water walkers |
| __ Mental institution escapees |
| __ Brain dead nerds |
| __ Super oxygen thieves |
Latest News:
| __ I wrecked the car |
| __ I can't use your credit card because I have exceeded the credit limit |
| __ You are going to have a grandchild |
| __ False alarm - you are NOT going to have a grandchild |
Food:
| __ Is great! |
| __ Even makes me appreciate your cooking |
| __ I have had pizzas for the last eleven meals |
Grades:
| __ I am making all A's |
| __ I am not being properly challenged |
| __ I will be home after this semester |
I study:
| __ Night and day |
| __ All the time |
| __ 80 hours a week |
| __ Only on Sunday afternoon |
| __ None of the above |
Daily Devotions:
| __ I read my Bible everyday |
| __ I can't read |
| __ Someone stole my Bible while I was at one of the local bars |
On my last visit home, I left:
| __ My glasses |
| __ My paper that was due yesterday |
| __ The clothes you washed for me |
| __ My (girlfriend's) birth control pills |
| __ The check to cover my delinquent tuition payment |
| __ Other _____________________________________________ |
Please send above items by Federal Express (Priority One) or UPS (Blue)
Laundry:
| __ My white underwear is now _________________ |
| __ I am saving money by not using detergent |
| __ Don't worry, I washed my clothes last semester |
| __ I hang my clothes out the window when it rains |
My room:
| __ Can pass your "white glove" test |
| __ Is only _____% full |
| __ Could not be located last Saturday night |
| __ Was rented by the ROTC for hazardous terrain training |
Parties:
| __ I don't inhale |
| __ I only go to meet people |
| __ Haven't been to one since this morning |
Hope you:
| __ Miss me |
| __ Can live without me |
| __ Are not overdoing the celebration of my absence |
Salutation:
| __ Your Daughter, |
| __ Your Son, |
| __ Yours, |