Behind His Back

By R. L. Keller

 

 

“Dinnertime, Doc,” Will’s senior corpsman said, poking his head into Will’s small office aboard Seaview.  He looked up from the medical journal he’d stuck his nose into, he thought only half an hour or so ago, and discovered that nearly two hours had passed.  At his startled expression Frank grinned.  “Good article?”

 

Will sent him a bit of a grimace.  “Actually, an entirely too detailed discussion of the differences between genetically and nutritionally produced cholesterol, and the challenges of trying to manage both.”

 

“Let me guess – Dr. Garson in the Metallurgy lab at NIMR.”

 

Will nodded.  “Did his three-month blood work last week.  He’s on the most restrictive diet I’ve ever advised, both he and his wife swear that he’s not cheating, and even with meds his levels have only come down ten points.

 

“Family history,” was Frank’s evaluation.  “Fighting genetics is the pits.”

 

“No joke.  And extremely frustrating,” Will added with a sigh and a slight grin as he again glanced at the clock.  “Especially when I have to sit across the table from our XO, watch him shovel in everything he does, and his cholesterol levels are disgustingly healthy.”

 

Frank chuckled, but also nodded.  “Exercise levels notwithstanding, it’s not really fair.”  He glanced at the journal, still lying open on Will’s desk.  “Any new ideas?”

 

Will shrugged as he stood up.  “Same ol’, same ol’, for the most part.  As doctors there’s only so much that we can offer our patients.”

 

“You do what you can,” Frank agreed, but also nodded toward the door.  “Time to go work on your own issues – Cookie made scalloped potatoes.”

 

Will groaned.  Not that he didn’t love Seaview’s chef’s wonderful cooking.  “Please tell me that he balanced it with something healthy.”

 

Frank grinned.  “Baked halibut and green salad,” he confirmed.

 

“There’s hope for the rest of us.”  Will shared a grin with his corpsman and headed for the Officers’ Wardroom.

 

Even having to be headed that direction by his staff, Will beat the other three senior officers there.  He frowned ever so slightly at first glance at the heated chaffing dishes but, conscious of Cookie’s occasionally temperamental persona, carefully controlled his expression as he started dishing up his meal.  Leaning heavily toward fish and salad, he still grinned ever so slightly as he took a fair-sized helping of the cheesy potato casserole – he was not immune to the chef’s excellent cooking.

 

He hadn’t been sitting long before Seaview’s CO and XO walked in, nattering at each other about whether or not Lee was going to accompany Chip to his sister’s place north of San Francisco once this cruise was over.  Will got the impression, listening to the two, that Lee had every intention of going but was egging Chip along just to see how flustered he could get his old friend.  Apparently Chip finally caught on because he stopped loading his plate long enough to send Lee a glare that would have had most of the crew running for their lives.  Lee burst out laughing, Chip said something too low for Will to hear which only increased Lee’s laughter, and the two finally settled down opposite Will, each still sending the other little sideways glances.

 

Will’s comments to Frank came back as he saw how Chip had, as usual, loaded his plate with Cookie’s dinner selections.  Chip saw the look, and the grin Will couldn’t control, and sent a bit of his previous glare Will’s way.  Will figured that explaining what was causing his grin might not be the best thing to say, and was formulating a little white lie when Admiral Nelson walked in.  His question to Lee concerning Seaview’s current position sidetracked everyone back to the charting mission Seaview was in the middle of, relieving Will of the necessity of lying.

 

However, because he wasn’t really involved in the details of the cruise itself, Will’s mind wandered back to earlier thoughts.  And, as minds will do, brought up Lee’s little tale from the previous Saturday evening when he’d had dinner at the Jamison’s.  Will’s wife, Lu-Tsi, had asked Lee to bring a dish that she especially loved, a kind of Chinese sloppy joe mixture served over dry Chinese noodles.  Chip had shown up at Lee’s to drop off a report just as Lee was finishing cooking the mixture and had taken a bite, fussing that Lee had never fixed it for him – that it was delicious.  What Lee didn’t tell the blond, and what had Will grinning again to himself now was, the mixture wasn’t made with meat but the much healthier crumbled tofu.

 

At least he thought he’d only grinned to himself.  Will suddenly found himself the focus of the other three and his expression turned sheepish.  “Something you’d like to share?” Nelson asked.

 

“Actually, just thinking about something that the Skipper said at dinner the other night,” Will told the group, and then sent Lee a quick wink.  It took Lee a second, but he suddenly burst out laughing again, with a tiny sideways toss of his head towards Chip’s plate, leaving no doubt that Lee knew exactly what had caused Will’s grin.

 

Chip sent each a bit of a glare, beginning to realize that he was apparently the brunt of the two men’s private joke but having no idea why.  Nelson was catching on that the focus was his XO but Lee, with difficulty getting himself back under control, brought the conversation back to boat’s business and the meal was completed in that manner.

 

* * * *

 

The following day Will found himself lingering over lunch.  He’d gotten hung up in Sick Bay just as he was about to leave for the Wardroom when John, his other corpsman, accidentally sliced open a finger doing general maintenance on the X-ray machine.  There had been a good deal of teasing between the three men as Will stitched up the injury and he was still grinning as he entered the Wardroom.  As expected, he was the only one there.  What wasn’t expected was, Admiral Nelson coming in right behind him.  They kibitzed a bit about what had made each late for the meal – the Admiral had been in the middle of a water sample test that he wanted to complete – before Nelson pointed an eyebrow at Will.  The doctor was eying the meal selections with a quirky grin.  Cookie had made a hearty minestrone soup accompanied by freshly baked garlic bread sticks, and a jello with mixed fruit salad.

 

Instead of answering Nelson’s unspoken question, Will pointed his own eyebrow at the chef, who was keeping an unobtrusive watch from the Galley doorway.  “Cookie, I want to compliment you on your menus so far this cruise.  Far be it for me to criticize things like your wonderful lasagna, chicken-fried steak, and last night’s scalloped potatoes.  But I’ve been happy to note that you seem to be balancing those heavy calorie items with more healthy side dishes.”

 

Cookie shrugged.  “Just had Mr. Morton complaining that there wasn’t anything substantial and filling enough to keep him until dinner,” he grumbled.

 

“There isn’t enough food on this whole boat to keep our XO full,” Will sniped right back.  It cracked up both Cookie and Nelson, and the two older men filled their trays and sat down opposite each other to enjoy the meal.

 

At one point Will once more let his private thoughts get the better of his expression, and this time Nelson didn’t so easily let him off the hook.  Looking around to make sure that no one, not even Cookie, could hear him, he related what had happened between Chip and Lee the previous Saturday.  He judiciously waited until the Admiral was between bites to deliver the punch line, expecting an outburst of some sort.  They’d all heard Chip wax not poetically about some health food or another he’d been forced to try tasting like cardboard – or worse.

 

Will wasn’t disappointed.  Nelson burst out laughing so hard he ended up coughing.  It brought Cookie out of the Galley, concern on his face.  Will waved him off as Nelson got himself back under control.  “Its okay, Cookie,” Will told the chef around his own broad grin.  “Just one of the better jokes I’ve heard lately.”  The comment cracked Nelson up once more, but this time under better control.

 

Cookie sent them both a curious look.  “Jokes that good are hard to come by,” he offered carefully.

 

Will and Nelson shared a look.  “And best shared cautiously or they lose their impact,” Will told him.

 

“One day,” Nelson promised the chef, with a glance at Will.  “When it’s safe,” he added.  Cookie sent them both a nod and headed back to the Galley.  Nelson turned back to Will and sent him a long look.  “Not a bit of meat?”  His voice was incredulous.

 

“All tofu,” Will confirmed.  “It was delicious.”

 

“And Chip never caught on.”

 

“Apparently Lee hustled him out of the kitchen before Chip could get overly analytical.”  The pair shared another look before once more bursting into laughter.

 

* * * *

 

A series of minor incidents kept Will’s mind on work matters all afternoon.  With John slightly out of commission Frank went off duty after lunch so that he could man Sick Bay over Seaview’s night, usually John’s duty.  John stuck around to deal with some computer inputting – a bit more slowly than usual with his injured digit.  And for some perverse reason – Will blamed it on the sea gods deciding to spread a little ill humor around – several crewmen came in with an assortment of minor injuries.  Maxwell slipped off a small stool when Seaview hit some turbulence and sprained an ankle.  Casey got a minor electrical burn swapping out a circuit breaker.  And COB Sharkey showed up with a bloody nose after getting accidentally smacked in the face with a toolbox - Carlson was passing it down to him from the top of the torpedo rack where he was fixing a bracket and it slipped out of his grip.  All afternoon Will kept expecting Lee to poke his nose into Sick Bay – it was rare for him not to personally check on, when things were quiet, any crewmen who needed Sick Bay’s attention.  But the Chief told Will, once Will confirmed that the nose wasn’t actually broken, that Lee had been holed up in Nelson’s office the whole afternoon going over project proposals with the Admiral.

 

However, Will had barely taken a step into the Wardroom at dinnertime before Lee, just starting to dish up his own meal, stopped and wanted an update.  Will sent him a grin, but was interrupted from answering as Chip walked in behind him.  Seaview’s XO took one glance at the serving dishes and immediately started talking.

 

“Now that’s a respectful meal,” he announced.  “Cookie tried to starve me at lunch with soup.  Soup, mind you, and not even a solid sandwich to go with it.  This is more like it.” 

 

Will finally took a look and found swiss steak in a thick tomato and mushroom sauce, baked potatoes with butter, sour cream and cheese on the side, corn, carrots, and fresh whole wheat rolls.  Will groaned and sent a glare Cookie’s way.  The chef merely shrugged and headed back into the Galley.  When Will once more looked at Lee, preparing to answer the interrupted question, he was met by a huge grin and eyes sparkling with mirth as Lee stepped back and let Chip have access to the serving dishes.  Will couldn’t help but grin back, and wondered if perhaps Nelson had said something to Lee during their meeting about what Will had said at lunch.

 

Will had the theory confirmed not much later.  Nelson came in just as Will was finished dishing up his own meal.  He tried to go heavy on the veggies but his own taste buds got the better of him and he ended up with a bigger slab of steak than he’d originally intended, as well as a potato with all the extras.  As Nelson sat down next to him, his plate also loaded, he glanced at Will’s.  Will could only shrug and return the grin.

 

Chip, between bites, was still muttering about Cookie’s, to his way of thinking at least, skimpy lunch.

 

“Chip, there was absolutely nothing wrong with Cookie’s lunch,” Will got in as Chip took the time to stuff in a forkful of potato.  “It was healthy, loaded with all those vegetables and enough pasta to make it filling.  You had bread to go with it, and lots of fruit in the salad.  What’s your problem?  I found it extremely refreshing after all the heavy meals Cookie leans toward most of the time.”

 

“No protein,” Chip muttered around the bite of meat he’d taken while Will was talking.

 

“And how many slices of ham did I watch you scarf down at breakfast?” Will sniped right back.  “You didn’t need any more protein.”  Chip merely scowled at him.  “You know,” Will continued, pointing his fork at the blond, “one of these days your metabolism is going to catch up and retaliate.  The calories you stuff in are going to blow you up like a balloon and your cholesterol level is going to skyrocket.  You’re going to have to learn to eat better.”

 

Chip sent him a glare.  “Until then, Doctor, I would prefer to enjoy my meals.”  He instantly brightened.  “Speaking of which,” he turned to Lee, “give me the shopping list for that neat thing you fixed Saturday.  I’ll make sure Sis has everything so you can fix it when we go up there next weekend.”  He got a puzzled look on his face as Will ducked his head, smothering a guffaw, Nelson choked for the same reason, and Lee just grinned broadly at him.

 

“I’ll pick up what I need when we get there,” Lee assured his friend, his eyes once more twinkling with humor as he swept his gaze across the table at the two older men, still struggling to get themselves back under control.

 

Chip was suddenly looking a bit unsure.  “I know you used a special meat.  You sure you can find it up there?”  The comment sent both Will and Nelson back to struggling with controlling their laughter.

 

Lee had his face under control but his eyes were sparkling even brighter.  “I’ve seen it in the store when we’ve gone shopping there.  No problem,” he assured Chip.

 

Chip sent another look across the table but his question went to Lee.  “What?” he demanded, with a glare at his friend.  It was somewhat mitigated by the fact that he also stuffed another bite of loaded potato in his mouth.

 

Lee shook his head.  “Nothing,” he told the blond innocently.  “I’ll be happy to make the Chinese BBQ for you.  I really think that Beth and her family will love it as well.”  Still chewing, Chip tossed his head towards the two across the table, finally getting themselves under control, but kept his glare on Lee.  Once more Lee shrugged.  “Haven’t a clue,” he lied through his teeth.  Nelson snorted, but both he and Will were able to keep from further laughter.

 

Chip finally surrendered.  He knew something was going on.  He also knew that there was no sense asking either Nelson or Will.  That left Lee, but when his friend was under this much control Chip rarely stood much chance of breaking him.  For the moment Chip let the whole thing drop and concentrated on making up for his limited lunch.

 

He was actually starting to calm down and make polite conversation by the time he’d finished that plate of food and headed back for seconds.  The instant his back was turned he heard snickers from Will and Lee, and a snort from Nelson.  He spun around but all three had their heads lowered to their own plates, although he could still detect grins on all three faces.

 

Just wait until I get Lee alone in the car on the way to Sis’s, Chip muttered silently as he turned back to the serving dishes.  Then we’ll see who has the last laugh.