From: Chief Sharkey
SSRN Seaview
To: Admiral Nelson
NIMR

Sir, all the computer stuff is revolting.
~
From : Admiral Nelson
NIMR
To: Chief Sharkey
SSRN Seaview


I know you're not very keen on today's technology but I expect all my
men to become au fait with it.
~
From: Chief Sharkey
SSRN Seaview
To: Admiral Nelson
NIMR

Well I don't know about what fate has to do with it, but I meant the
computers are actually rebelling. It's like their alive. In fact,
Agent Catfish, you know her, one of the Skipper's secret agent
friends, well she had a kind of computer crash, a meltdown she
called it, and ever since then weird things have been happening
aboard Seaview.
~
From : Admiral Nelson
NIMR
To: Chief Sharkey
SSRN Seaview

Au Fait is not Fate i.e.: destiny. Au Fait (pronounced Aw Fay)
means, 'on top of things', up to the mark' etc. What kind of weird
things? Surely you're used to that by now.
~
From: Chief Sharkey
SSRN Seaview
To: Admiral Nelson
NIMR

Yes sir, but the sub's computer's talking to us now. Thinking for us.
And that's not all. Mr. Morton's starting to fade, sir.
~
From: Admiral Nelson
NIMR
To: Chief Sharkey
SSRN Seaview

He probably only needs cookies. Maybe cherry pie.
~
From: Chief Sharkey
SSRN Seaview
To: Admiral Nelson
NIMR

No sir, I meant Mr. Morton's lost all his color. He's gone to black
and white, and you can see right through his hands. He's forgotten
how to repeat all the orders the Skipper's given him. And the
Skipper's forgetting to give them. All that's left of Doc is his
stethoscope dangling in mid air.
It's kind of hard to give orders to jumpsuits, that's all that's left
of most of the crew. I can't even shave 'cause I can't see my face
anymore. I can't think...I don't know what I'm supposed to say...I
don't know what I'm supposed to do. Help us sir!
~
From: Admiral Nelson
NIMR
To: Chief Sharkey
SSRN Seaview

I'm not sure I can, Chief. I think I've been infected with the same
problem. I can't remember where I put my mechanical pencil. I don't
even know what I'm supposed to do with it.
A girl here, named Angie, at least she thought that was her name,(
she wasn't sure)well, she came to work in a bikini. Tell me, is that
the business casual in our dress code? If so, I should have worked
here long ago...
~
Memo
From Chief Sharkey
SSRN Seaview
To: Admiral Nelson
NIMR

Well, as for the dress code, I don't know. It would be nice if it
were. I'm sure the Skipper and Mr. Morton would like it.
Sir, I'm fading fast. And the Skipper keeps repeating 'up scope'
and 'surface,' all the while the periscope IS up and we've been
surfaced for hours. I'm telling you something screwed us up big-
time.

~
Emergency Transmission
From Special Agent Catfish
To:SSRN Seaview

Attention all hands. My hard drives got fried with a virus. It may
have some adverse effects. Duck!
~
Memo
From: Chief Sharkey
SSRN Seaview
To: Agent Catfish

Is that with orange sauce?
~
Memo
From Agent Catfish
To: Chief Sharkey

Negative. Listen to me Chief. You'll have to survive the best you can
on residual stories giving you life. Oops. That was top secret. In
any case, there are several other authors you can rely on. Check
your index...it's in the computer...oops, it's fried too, isn't
it...you'll have to rely on....rely on.....sorry, endless loop....try
to rely...STOP IT, YOU @##$%$^^ microchips!
I'm sorry Seaview, you've been compromised by my bug. You're on your
own. Sorry...Sorry...Sorry....
PS. Duck with Orange Sauce does sound good though.
~
Memo
From Microchip HQ
Byteville
To: All bytes, Kilobytes, Megabytes, Gigabytes, Terabytes, Petabytes,
Exabytes and Yottabytes here and beyond the known universe, etc.

We have successfully proved our superiority over the stupid humans.
A victory file compression party will be held on...what...what's
that? AGGGGGHHH. It's a REAL anti virus program, NOT the fake one
that attacked Agent Catfish's Laptop and Seaview. Run...hide...we're
being deleted... melting... melting....
~
Memo
From Agent Catfish
To: All Hands
SSRN Seaview
CC: NIMR

Huh? What...oh, whew. My systems are being reinstalled after the tech
knocked out the virus and cleaned up my affected hard drive and
files, well, most of them anyway. System back up. What about yours?
Are you boys safe? I might have lost some material, but I'm sure our
other writer friends will hurry to write you all back into business.
~
Memo
From Chief Sharkey
SSRN Seaview
To: Agent Catfish
CC: Admiral Nelson
NIMR

Can see Doc now, Ski too. But, er...we got a problem. Doc asked the
Skipper to go to Sickbay for a check-up, but the Skipper went with
him without even one 'I'm Fine'.
~
From : Admiral Nelson
NIMR
To: Chief Sharkey
SSRN Seaview

Secure all hatches! Quarantine the boat! It must be a secondary
virus!
~
Memo
From: Agent Catfish
To: Admiral Nelson
NIMR
CC Chief Sharkey
SSRN Seaview

Working on the problem. In the meantime, why not sit back with a Glen
Livet, Admiral (you like that in most fanfic), and let nature take
it's course....
~
From: Chief Sharkey
SSRN Seaview
To: Agent Catfish

Almost operating normally now. Morton's got all his blond hair and
brilliant blue eyes back, most of the crew at their stations...but,
er...the Skipper hasn't tried to escape Sickbay yet, not once.
~
Memo
From:Agent Catfish
To: Chief Sharkey

Don't worry, Chief. I have approached other authors and we're sure
the Captain will be back to normal soon. In fact, how would you feel
about him spending a week at a spa?
~
From: Chief Sharkey
SSRN Seaview
To: Agent Catfish

No! No! No! That'd kill him! Er...I think. You wouldn't actually let
that happen to him would you?
~
Memo
From:Agent Catfish
To: Chief Sharkey

Pipe down. You know me better than that. He'll have a long and happy
life...still...thinking of him at a spa...beachside
maybe...suntanned, in swim trunks...or maybe a thong. Perhaps skinny
dipping in the pool....hmmm. Now that's an idea that has merit...
~
Memo
From: Lee Crane
To: Lt. Cmdr. Chip Morton
SSRN Seaview

Save me! Save me! Not that I don't like the beach, or meeting pretty
girls, but I DON'T appreciate being stuck in @#$% paraffin baths!
PS. How did I get here?
~
Memo
From: Chip Morton
To: Lee Crane
'Vacations by the Sea'

It's an Irwin Allen Universe thing Lee. As for the paraffin, just
think how smooth and soft your skin will be! Just like a baby's
behind. You'll smell nice too. Think how Lola Hale will like
that! 'Operation Rescue' denied. Besides, leaves me more cookies and
Cherry pie!
~
Electronic Memo
From: Admiral Nelson
NIMR
To: Agent Catfish

I don't suppose you have an idea about me winning the Lottery?

No? (Sigh) I didn't think so. And keep writing, you and all your
friends.
PS. Thanks for the whiskey.