From: Henquarters
To: NIMR Literary Staff
Subject: Puppets on the Loose
Re: Puppets
As you may have seen from the Site Pal on the main page of Seaview Stories
posted the beginning of October, Henquarters has been overrun by Professor
Multiple's puppets and they seem to be multiplying.
While pretty harmless without him, as he's gone the way of fairy dust, they are,
however, creating quite a nuisance here.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to write them out of my hair,
my computer, and more precisely, my cookie jar.
They're leaving crumbs all over the microchips, not to mention my just
shampooed
carpet.
From NIMR Literary Staff
To: Agent Catfish, Henquarters
Re: Puppets
How can they be multiplying, even if they were Professor Multiple's? Not only
are they puppets, to the best of our knowledge they're all male. Perhaps you
should seek medical advice.
From Agent Catfish, Henquarters
To: NIMR Literary Staff
Re: Puppets
You misunderstood me. First there were only two with their fingers in my cookie
jar, now there are three. And the Morton puppet is more of a cookie master than
the original version, aka human!
From: NIMR Writing Staff
To: Agent Catfish, Henquarters
Re: Puppets
Puppets are not alive so they shouldn't be able to eat, but since you're in the
IrwinAllenesque Universe, have mentioned it to Morton. He asks what kind of
cookies?
From: NIMR Writing Staff
To: Agent Catfish, Henquarters
Re: Puppets
Oatmeal Raisin, Peanut Butter, Chocolate Chip, Scottish Shortbread, Oreo's;
what difference does it make? They're eating me out of house and home, not to
mention corrupting my story files, using incorrect spelling, dangling
participles, and taking too many paragraph breaks!
Am I the editor of Seaview Stories or not?
From: NIMR Writing Staff
To: Agent Catfish, Henquarters
Re: Puppets
Well, you're the one who decided to post a great deal of the stories to your
site `as is'. You've admitted you don't do much editing any more. Are just
overworked or lazy? Write the blasted puppets out of Henquarters yourself!
From: Agent Catfish, Henquarters
To: NIMR Writing Staff
Re: Puppets
I have limited time, but still do issue the `Dreaded C-Version's to new
contributors, thank you very much, or to those who desire a second pair of
eyes.
So there.
From: Lt. Cmdr. Chip Morton, NIMR
To: Agent Catfish, Henquarters
Re: Puppets
Excuse me for interrupting, but were there any Oreo's left in your cookie jar?
Maybe you can send some over. `Double Stuff' is preferred. Address the package
to Lt. Cmdr. C. Morton, NIMR. Mark it `Personal' so Lee and Nelson can't snitch
any.
From: Cmdr. Lee Crane, NIMR
To: Agent Catfish, Henquarters
Re: Puppets
Belay that! Send them to Cmdr. Crane, Bottomless Pit Morton's SUPERIOR OFFICER.
Care of NIMR, ONI, SSRN Seaview, my girlfriends past and present, my Mom, or
anywhere I happen to be at the time. And that's an order.
From: Agent Catfish, Henquarters
To: Admiral Nelson, NIMR
Re: Puppets
Sir, the entire topic of my request has been overshadowed by Crane and Morton,
who don't realize the seriousness of the situation. And I don't have to take
orders from Crane or anyone else.
If I didn't know any better I'd think NIMR's been infiltrated by the blasted
puppets as well! Are you sure the Crane and Morton with you are the real
things?
Multiple's creations are able to teleport themselves from one spot to another
and have been driving me crazy when they happen to `pop in' on me from the
garden to the kitchen, to the shower (how embarrassing).`Beaming' might be an
established fact with the
taken such liberties.
From: Admiral Nelson, NIMR
To: Agent Catfish, Henquarters
Re: Puppets
Will have to start using teleportation myself. Seems a better way to get from
one place to another. Have you ever been in traffic on the
Anyway, Crane and Morton are just fine. A bit worn around the edges and the
stitching in their uniforms could be improved upon, but I'm satisfied they're
themselves. By the way, I'd like a `care package' myself. How about something a
little more sophisticated though, perhaps a Pepperidge Farm Sausalito or
Milano's?
From: Agent Catfish, Henquarters
To: ONI
Re: Puppet Invasion.
Am including the entire `thread' of my correspondence with
NIMR regarding the
alien Professor Multiple's puppets. I'm convinced it's a real threat.
Without
readable stories or cookies, we won't have a reason to butter our popcorn or
have something to dunk our milk in, and worse, how will we be able to use the
internet quickly?
From: Shady Oaks Sanitarium,
To: Admiral Nelson, NIMR
Re: Agent Catfish, Henquarters
FYI, the above named individual has been placed in our psychiatric wing. She is
not expected to recover from her delusion that the world has been taken over by
evil challenged and gluttonous puppets.
By they way, do you have any materials and a pattern for a sock puppet? She
says if she can't thwart them, she might as well join them. By the way, your
uniform looked a bit threadbare. Not the way to win friends and influence
people..
From: Literary Staff, NIMR
To: Yahoo Groups Seaview, SubPen, and Voyage authors everywhere
Re: Puppets
Help! Agent Catfish was right. We've been taken over by Multiple's puppets. We
weren't certain at first, but when the Admiral lost his hand and was sewing it
back on, well…anyway.
We need to write these alien puppets out of our lives so we can return our
missing men to us. Yes, we know it's tempting to leave it as it is; there'd be
more cookies for us without Morton, but hey, he's the XO and has quite a
following, especially from the `tight pant's club', but please, help us…help
us…
)))We interrupt this message for a special announcement from outer space…
"Oh too bad, too bad, too bad."(((