Edgar: I'm here. Come on we're going to my secret lair in the jungle. Wait you do have her don't you?????

Man: Yah I do. She put up quite a fight though. I guess it comes from being Tifa's daughter.

DUTDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

Man: What the hell was that?

Me: Dramatic music.

Man: Oh.

Edgar: Come on let's go...

Me: Time for the flashback! Oh yah the man was Cid.

Cid: You blew my secret identity!

ME: Whatever.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Edgar: Ha, ha, ha! I've got this stupid island in my crushing gripe you two kiddies won't be here to enjoy it!!!! Ha, ha,!

ME: Suddenly the island blows up and there is no sight of Edgar or his henchmen. Only Lockebo and Tifa remain. They're running and not looking where they're going and soon they come to a cliff! Tifa falls off and Lockebo grabs her arm.

Tifa: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Lockebo: Don't worry my love I'll save you!

Tifa: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Suddenly Tifa falls off. Locke is crushed because of Tifa's death.

Tifa: Wait a minute! All I say in the movie is AHHHHHHHHHHH!

Me: Yep sorry I don't write much of the script Locke does. I mean"Lockebo".

Tifa: Well at least tell me my daughter's someone cool like Aeris or Celes.

Me: Sorry it's Yuffie.

Tifa: That's not fair I gotta be Lockebo's dead girlfriend and Yuffie's mom. Eww!

Me: Sorry.

Tifa: DAMN! Well go back to the story.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

ME: Edgar and Cid pull up in front of Edgar's Jungle Mansion in their new tiger tank.

Edgar: Let's give the Secret, secret, secret, secret, secret, secret, service something to make them choke!

Me: In The SSSSSSSS Headquarters they see the movie made by Edgar.

Edgar: Ha, ha, ha, ha! I'm gonna rule the world! And their's nothing you can do about it! The only thing I need is the numminigbuirth chip to make my ray gun work. See when that idiot Lockebo blew me up years ago he didn't blow me up. All he did was make me lose an arm. That's no biggee I got lot's of arms now!that nice little lady on the rat gun I mean rau gun I mean...the hell does the cue card say???? Oh ray gun. On the ray. I'll activate the ray gun and kill her if Lockebo doesn't give me the numminigburith chip!!!! Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Yuffie: Help!

President: What should we do men?

Fred: Let him kill Yuffie no one gives a damn about her.

Yuffie: Hey!

President: No you idiot we can't do that if he kills Yuffie he'll destroy the world.

Fred: So what? I'd put the world in jeporady if it meant that, that brat would get killed.

Prez: We can't put the world in such jeporady. If we could I'd kill Yuffie too. Go and get...Lockebo!

Me: At Lockebo's house in Los Angeles California...

Lockebo (singing in the shower really, really badly): I'm to sexy for my shirt to sexy for my shirt to sexy YEAH! I'm too sexy for this song to sexy for this song to sexy YEAH! I'm to sexy for this movie to sexy for this movie to sexy YEAH! I'm too sexy for the world I'm too sexy for the world too sexy YEAH!

Me: Suddenly there's a knock at the door.

Ding Dong

Me: I said a knock you idiot!

Fred: Sorry.

Knock, knock

Me: Thank you.

Lockebo: Fred! What the hell are you doin here??? I'm out of the service...

Fred: I know and we were all overjoyed when a klutz like you retired but...just watch the tape.

Me: He watches the tape.

Fred: Now do you know why we want you to help us???

Lockebo: Yah because Edgar is an incredibly crappy actor.

Fred: No you have to bring Edgar to justice and save Tifa's daughter.

Lockebo: Why should I help you?

Fred: Because Yuffie's Tifa's daughther?

Lockebo: She's not my daughter.

Fred: But she's Tifa's daughter, you know your true love...

Lockebo: So?

Fred: And you wanna save her because she reminds you of Tifa...

Lockebo: She doesn't remind me of Tifa.

Fred: Then because you feel guilty about Tifa slipping from your grasp and you don't wanna feel guilty about Yuffie's death...

Lockebo: I still love Tifa but I don't feel guilty about her...

Fred: Then because Edgar is your archenemy...

Lockebo: Live and let live.

Fred: Here's my last reason...because it's in the script.

Lockebo: That's a good reason. I'll do it.

Fred: I'm ecstatic. Be at Headqaurters tonight at 12 noon I mean midnight. Damn those cue cards are hard to read!

Me: At midnight Lockebo goes to the secret headquarters under Tifa's ba...opps wrong secret headquarters. Well I don't know where the secret headquarters are "Lockebo" wouldn't tell me even though I'm the narrator. Lockebo said,"It's a secret so that means you can't know.". But I'm sure they're in California.

Prez: Lockebo good to see you again. Did you here the bad news?

Lockebo: Yah Yuffie probably won't die.

Prez: No! But almost as bad. Fred is...dead.

Lockebo: Who cares?! Now give me some like really cool gizmos and gadgets.

Prez: We aren't inventors.

Lockebo: So? All ya gotta do is get some normal stuff and make up really cool things that they do.

Prez: Oh okay come on.

Lockebo: Where are we going?

Prez: To look for stuff dumbass.

Lockebo: Oh.

Me: So they go for a walk and collect some way cool sunglasses, a Shirt, Obsession (You know the Calvin Klein perfume?), a walkman, a briefcase, a pen, and a farrari.

Scienetist: Okay Lockebo now the sunglasses let you see through any clothing by pressing a button so you can check to see if someone has a concealed weapon or if you wanna check out really hot babes. It's like your own portable nude beach. The shirt is to repel bullets. Obsession is a deadly posion...

Lockebo: I know how it smells already.

Scientist: No it REALLY is a deadly posion that you can spray at the enemy. The walkman is a radio that we'll be able to contact you with. The briefcase shoots tranquilizers. The pen is a little laser and the farrari is just your really cool car. Now you'll be flying by plane to New York City.

Lockebo: Right I'm out of here.

Me: Lockebo goes to the airport where he see's Celes looking very cool in a green evening gown... Wait a minute your flight is at noon!

Lockebo: So?

Me: So no one wears an evening gown at noon!

Lockebo: I don't care she'll look sexy in it.

Celes: Locke...

Lockebo: That's Lockebo.

Celes: Fine. Lockebo I am not going to wear an evening gown at noon. If you want me to look sexy then I'll wear a nice green sundress. Okay?

Lockebo: FINE. GOD ALL YOU PEOPLE DO IS ARGUE. ISN'T IT CLEAR TO YOU YET THAT I'M ALWAYS RIGHT SO JUST AGREE WITH ME AND THEN WE WON'T ARGUE!

ME:...Idiot.

Locebo: That's Lockebo.

Me:...Looking very beautiufl in a green sundress. Lockebo drops his briefcase and Celes bends down to pick it up.

Celes: Oh Sam I am won't you try some Green Eggs and Ham?

Lockebo: Umm that's an interesting recipe how do you make the ham and eggs green?

Celes: Say the code you idiot!

Lockebo: What is it? Oh yah, Marvin K. mooney Will You Please Go Away.

Celes: I'm agent 1112 Celes Chere. You're Agent 666 Lockebo Cole. Right?

Lockebo: Yes I am. Who are we going to meet in New York?

Celes: Agent 1772 Sabin Figaro and agent 27462 Terra Branford.

Lockebo: Okay let's go on the plane.

Me: They go on the plane and fly to New York. They get off. They go to a bar. They find Sabin and Terra. God Locke this is pathetic writing! From now on I'm writing my parts.

Lockebo: That's Lockebo.

Me: I'm gonna scream if you say that again Locke.

Lockebo: That's Lockebo...

Me: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Sabin: Don't scream so loud for god's sake you'll wake the dead! Hello I am Daffy Duck. Have you seen Bugs Bunny?

Terra: Hello I am Roadrunner have you seen Wile .E. Coyote?

Celes: I am Tweety Bird. Have you seen Sylvester?

Lockebo: Aww cool! Daffy can I have you autograph? Sabin: Shut up you fool! Doesn't this idiot know the code!?

Lockebo: You aren't Daffy Duck! WAHHHHH I WANNA MEET DAFFY DUCK NOW!!!!!!!

Celes: Shut you big baby!

Locekbo: That's Lockebo.

Terra: Hi I'm Terra and this is Sabin also known as Muscles.!?

Sabin: Locke why the hell am I known as Muscles!?

Lockebo: It's Lockebo and...

Sabin: I don't give a damn! I'm calling you Locke and not some retarded name like Lockebo!

Lockebo: Please Sabin please call me Lockebo. I won't call you muscles.

Sabin: Fine. Little perverted maggot.

Lockebo: That's Lockebo.

Me: Meanwhile at Edgar Headquarters Edgar has captured the inventor of the chip Professesor Strago Magus. He has also captured Setzer because... because... because...damn I forget! Well just because he wanted to.

Edgar: Ha, ha, ha, ha! I've got the inventor of the chip. I ROCK! Make me a duplicate chip Strago and use parts from Setzer's airship to make it.

Me: Oh yah that's why he wanted Setzer.

Setzer: WHAT! Edgar if you dare touch my airship I'll, I'll well believe me I will!

Strago: Never. Besides I used Setzer's airship for parts last.

Setzer: WHAT! OH $#!+!

Me: Meanwhile Celes, Sabin, Terra, and Lockebo are walking through the dark streets of New York City.

Lockebo: Guys I gotta go to the bathroom REALLY bad.

Celes: Well there's a bathroom over there. Take all the weapons we don't want such a kind and nice person like you to get hurt in the bathroom. Boy am I lying through my teeth at this part.

Sabin: Nice and kind! HA! More like stupid and insane, and perverted and...

Me: I totally agree. Anyway while Lockebo is in the bathroom thugs from Edgar organization take Terra and Celes.

Reno: What! You mean we went from Turks for President Rufus to thugs for an idiot named Edgar. How'd we agree to this?

ME: You were drunk when you signed your contract.

Reno: So? How much are we gettin payed for this?

Me: A whole 50 cents! Is't that exciting!?!

Reno: Oh boy! 45 cents more then President Rufus pays me!

Celes and Terra: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH help us Lockebo help us!

Sabin: Oh god I'm going to die help us Lockebo whoop, whoop. Oh you're to late I think I'm going to faint.

Lockebo: Do I sense a note of sarcasim in your voice?

Sabin: It's not a note it's an opera.

Lockebo: Come on we must go to the Kiwi Islands!

Me: They take a boat ride to the Kiwi Islands. When they arrive they meet up with the Amazons who have Terra in their clutches.

Amazon Woman: Ogg a frnfgruoi cjodfnmdffjherkdffglsddfrgks. (this is the translation of the amazons.) Look men!

Sabin: We come in peace.

Amazon Woman: NIF! He said I hate women! Get him! Tie him up and put him on the stake with the other woman.

Sabin: Hey what are ya doing! HELP!!!!!!!!

Amazons: Ogga bugga ogga bugga.

Terra: I think they said girl and boy sacrifices to king Lockebo.

Sabin: If I get out of this I'm going to kill Lockebo. I swear.

Me: i'll help you. Meanwhile at Edgar HQ...............

Edgar: Yippee I've got Lockebo's girlfriend! Now he's in my trap if the amazons don't get him first.

Strago: Here's the chip. Just use it for good.

Edgar: Ya sure I will.

Cid: So Edgar what's the plan?

Edgar: Wait just wait for LOCKEBO. When he comes I'll drill a hole so big in him that you'll be able to drive a bus thorugh it.

Celes: Can I help?

Edgar: Sure! The more the merrier! It says in the script that you and Lockebo get married at the end and you have 40 kids.

Celes: Ugh. I don't know which is worse Lockebo or the script.Lockebo.

Guy: COFFEE BREAK!

Celes: Thank god.

Lockebo: Hey where's everyone going?

ME: Lunch you idiot.

Lockebo: You've barely done anything!

Terra: We've been working for four days strait!

Lockebo: SEE!

ME: Let's put it to a vote. All for lunch say Aye.

Everyone but Lockebo: Aye!

Lockebo: Nay.

Me: That's 500 to 1 sorry Lockebo you lose.

Me: So we all walked to this to Dunkin Donuts and we got some donuts and stuff and sat down at a booth and ate lunch. We all talked about how stupid Locke...

Lockebo: That's Lockebo....

Me; WE DON'T CARE!!!!!!!!!! SO SHUT UP! We all talked about how stupid"LOCKEBO" is and how he doesn't know what he's doing and how we'll all probably win Academy Awards except Lockebo. Afterwards we continued from when we left off.

Sabin: Oh help me. I need saving.

ME: Suddenly that god on earth Lockebo....who wrote that line in? Save Sabin and Terra with something so bold and daring that it's not fit for publishing?Ha, ha, ha,! Hit a writers block huh??

Lockebo: Shut up.

Terra: So what do we do now writer man?

Lockebo: That's Lockebo and we're going to save Celes!

Me: After hours of walking they arrive at Edgar's HQ.

Lockebo: Now put on camaflouge and army makeup.

Sabin: Why??

Lockebo: BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO.

Rude: Mr. Lockebo you have to come with me. Edgar has ordered me to take you to him.

Lockebo: Okay.

Sabin: OH MY GOD WHAT AN IDIOT! WE OUT NUMBER HIM BY THREE TO ONE!

Lockebo: So? He looks like he could beat us all up.

Sabin: We saved the world for goodness sake! He's a bad guy! We could've beaten him if you hadn't let him tie us up! People we are in the presence of the stuipdest man on the face of the earth.

Me: So they end up tied up in Edgar's HQ because Locke...

Lockebo: That's Lockebo.

ME: Whatever. Because LOCKEBO is such an idiot. Edgar decides's he's going to kill Lockebo and then....

Sabin: ALRIGHT EDGAR!

ME: ...He's going to detonate the ray gun....hmm I just read the rest of this let's see Lockebo gets the girl Sabin gets his head blown off....Time for a little rewriting. Okay guys just read the new script.

Edgar: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha Lockebo you idiot I've got you now!

ME: Lockebo gets free from the ropes and their's a lot of fighting. It ends up everyone's free and the ray gun is just about to detonate itself with Yuffie still on it. Everyon else runs.

Yuffie: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Lockebo: Well I've saved the world, saved the girl, and killed Yuffie. All in all a fairly productive day. Come on Celes let's get married.

Celes: No Lockebo I've decided to marry Setzer and then we'll travel the world together.

Lockebo: Terra?

Edgar: Terra's mine Lockebo and if you come near her you're dead!

Lockebo: Man in my script I get the girl. What do I get?

Prez: Layed off we've decided to make Sabin the new President of the Secret Service.

Lockebo: I don't have anything.

ME: Well Lockebo you still have that stupidly retarded name.

Lockebo: Yah I do!

ME: And everyone but "Lockebo" lived happily ever after thanks to my brillant script editing.

THE END (Thank God)